Surveyor99 Reviews

Road House (2024)

Forgettable and boring

[1/10 · 22 March 2024]

Some movies should not be remade. The original Roadhouse is on my list of favourite movies which I watch religiously at least twice a year. This remake falls short at every level. From the script which seems to be written by a five year old to the atrocious acting and forgettable dialogue. I am disappointed in Jack who I always thought of as a good actor but whose performance in this movie is C rated at best.

The movie seem to be rushed, the Dalton character is not convincing and it's not even close to the bad ass character Dalton from the original release portrayed by the bad ass actor Patrick Swayze, the foes are a bunch of laughable pansies and the antagonist is just a weirdo with daddy issues.

The love story between Dalton and the Doctor it just doesn't have the same pasionate vibe seen in the original release but instead it reflects the state of the new social media generation which has lost its touch when it comes to inter human face to face romantic interactions.

The fight scenes are so choreographed and they are not realistically depicting a street fight which is what you would normally see in a bar brawl but instead you feel that you are watching an octagon fight but in a Barr setting. The fight scenes in the original release were more realistic.

There may be an audience for this movie out there but it is definitely not my cup of tea.

Severance (2022– )

Not for everyone

[10/10 · 14 January 2024]

This brilliantly crafted series is not for everyone. People who are looking for senseless violence and non stop action are going to be disappointed. This is a psychological drama with a mystery vibe which makes you crave for more after each episode.

I did not go on a series binge in a while but Severance really kept me glued to my couch for the entire Season One.

The characters are solid and acting is briliant.

There are a few holes in the story like: Why wouldn't they change the master security card code once they discovered that the Chief of Security was killed? Or why didn't Lumen place cameras and spy devices in the homes of the Lumen subjects (which it would have uncovered Pete's presence in Marc's house).

These plot holes did not make the show any less entertaining so looking forward for Season Two.

Soft & Quiet (2022)

Not realistic

[2/10 · 4 May 2023]

I would like to start by saying how appalled I am at the attempt of some filmmakers at creating unrealistic movies that have one single purpose: To human racial and religious divide.

The movie is disgusting and just the idea that something like what was depicted in this joke of a movie could happen in real life is absurd.

If indeed something resembling this nonsense would happen it would be the work of a very limited group of disturbed people with serious mental issues who should not belong anywhere other than a locked up asylum.

So go ahead, watch the movie and get fuelled with hate against the white christians in this case (after all it is the newest trend these days) because that is all the message this movie has to send out there.

Harry & Meghan (2022)

I can't wait for their divorce drama

[1/10 · 4 January 2023]

I would like to start by saying that I was a bit biased before watching the first episode of this soap opera because personally I have a lot of disgust for anybody who would trash its family in public. There are a lot of dirty laundries in any family but you don't go out there and try to impress the World by washing them in public and by playing the victim. Not when you are a multimillionaire born with a silver spoon in your mouth and surrounded by a life of privilege. Any sane mind would find it hard to believe that an institution like the British Monarchy which these days is under constant scrutiny by the media would blatantly discriminate a woman of colour who was about to be the wife of a Royal Prince. Sorry but I don't buy it.

My take on this is that the thirst for fame and money ( when you don't have a real job) will drive one to the point of selling its soul for a bag of gold.

I hope I am wrong but I don't see this marriage lasting and I am sure Netflix and Oprah will be there to capitalize on their divorce if that happens.

Troll (2022)

Utter garbage

[1/10 · 5 December 2022]

I ran into this movie on Netflix and although the title was a clear indication that this would be a waste of my time I thought I should give it a chance due to its non Hollywood nature. Boy was I wrong. From the start I noticed the mediocrity in the scripting , subject and character build up.

The story is just offensive to a whole religious group of 2.8 billion people or 31% of the World's population. Although I am not religious I can tell that if this movie was targeting any other religious group than the Christians it would have been banned in many countries. But leaving that aside, the subject itself makes no sense and the script is like it has been written by a 10 year old. Acting is terrible , cgi is ok but that doesn't make this movie worth 5.8 stars on IMDB. But again, the rating is based on viewer's reviews which shows that mediocrity has a place in the movie database more and more these days. The art of quality movie making has reached its dawn.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Not sure why the bad reviews

[10/10 · 26 November 2022]

I am being bemused by the reviews of some pseudo critics who are bashing Tarantino calling this movie stupid etc. So I felt the urge to rebuke some of the negative criticism by saying this: A movie is supposed to entertain not to be clever or sophisticated. If I want something of that nature, I read a book.

After a long day's work and after doing my home chores all I want is to sit on the couch and get entertained. And boy did his movie deliver? It sure did and then some.

To understand Tarantino's comedy requires a certain breed of people who are are not necessarily clever nor sophisticated but witty and nonconformist.

I'm my opinion Kill Bill is a great action movie which covers everything a complete movie is supposed to deliver. It has comedy, smart dialogue, well built characters , a good story and great actors to deliver on all of the above.

But without the grand master to orchestrate all this Kill Bill would have been a flop. Instead Tarantino delivered a successful movie which I enjoy watching at least once a year when I want to have a good laugh, see a martial arts movie with chopped body parts but mostly to kill the daily boredom.

Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities (2022)

Horror fanatics giving low rating got it wrong

[10/10 · 3 November 2022]

For those who really enjoy the horror movies genre please do take the so call "horror fanatics" low ratings of this show with a grain of salt. This is not about cheap gore, slashers and scare jumps in haunted houses but more like scares linked to people phobias like : the fear of being buried alive or attacked by an army of rats. It also offers an original approach on demon summoning or alien possession themes which, although not new to the genre, are always welcome subjects in Guillermo's Cabinet of curiosities. His spin on some of these horror themes are not intended to offer cheap scares meant to satisfy the thirst for adrenaline rush of the "horror fanatics" but are directed to a more sophisticated audience which enjoys the "boring" build up moments leading to the final horror climax.

The problem with the horror genre just like any other I suppose is that no movie will ever satisfy an entire fan base.

This review was posted after watching the first four episodes which were satisfactory enough for an horror movies amateur viewer like myself, being conscious that, just like in any previous horror anthologies, there will be episodes that may not raise to the same quality levels of others.

Bad Luck Banging or Loony Porn (2021)

Not bad

[7/10 · 7 October 2022]

There are three categories of people rating this movie. Those who understand satire and symbolism , those who don't and those who are so enraged that their country is being trashed by an unrealistic depiction of the current society.

Guys, it's a movie which is supposed to be fictional and not realistic. Even movies based on real life events fall in the fictional category because no matter the context, a movie will never depict reality as it truly happened but through the lens of the story teller. So people have to chill and look at this movie from an artistic point of view and the message is sending out there (for those who get it of course).

And for those enraged about this director hating his country, maybe you should look at some of Hollywood's greatest directors who made many movies depicting the decadent part of the American society. Does that mean they all hate their country ?

Romania is truly a great country and regardless of the comment by an ignorant reviewer who said and I quote "there are other countries more developed than. Romania which are not part of EU" , I think those guys should actually go and visit Romania where they will quickly realized that the Country has earned its place in the EU.

To be honest I have never heard of this Romanian director until I saw this movie and IMO he has artistic talent. The fact that he was able to produce a movie like this shows that Romania is truly a democratic society where artists can express themselves without being censored.

This movie is not for everyone but it's definitely not a 1,2 or even a 3 star movie. I think it is at least a 7.

Moonfall (2022)

Typical Emmerich nonsense

[2/10 · 30 September 2022]

Ok, I get it that this is a movie meant to entertain but as usual , in a typical Emmerich style, it is all catastrophic with no real science to back it up.

The deja vu's are all there: The astronaut who is divorced and banned from his dream career just to come back as the world saviour, the nerd who knows more than any NASA scientist but not taken seriously, the mysterious force nobody has an explanation where is coming from; the old guy who comes out of nowhere with a lot of knowledge never shared before with anybody. Then the odd stuff like: Despite the fact that NASA did not send a mission to the moon for decades, they are able all of a sudden to send a US and European crew in two days and with a state of the art module and probe; the second odd thing is that despite the fact that the unknown force hits the astronauts in their heads through their helmets, something that would shut one down instantly, you can still hear the astronauts screaming for seconds after being hit; the other odd timing is that despite the utter chaos that ensued after the news being leaked out to the public, with people killing each other on the streets, the disgraced astronaut still has time to work on his vehicle without being disturbed; with all the world scientific community out there not even being asked to come up with ideas it all comes to two astronauts to save the planet .

Then probably the oddest thing of all: Why didn't the mysterious force go directly for the Earth instead of the moon? Or why not for any other planet in the solar system ?

Above all this the usual family drama with a dysfunctional kid with daddy issues and other nonsense

Utter garbage.

Death on the Nile (2022)

Some movies should not be remade

[3/10 · 22 May 2022]

The remake of Agatha Christie's Death on the Nile has left me with very bad taste. The Mardi Gras style music is such a bad choice for this movie and the actors are forgettable. Unlike the 1978 version where the actors are easily rememberable due to their close match to the book's characters (kudos to the casting director) in this remake I had a hard time keeping track of who's who.

The actors are trying so hard to fit into their characters' skin it's obvious. The CGI is just too much and the whole mystery atmosphere is absent. The pointless dialogue and the missing comedic aspect displayed by the 1978 cast are just a few of the many reasons that made this movie difficult to watch.

Midnight Mass (2021)

Storm of the century without the storm

[8/10 · 26 September 2021]

The story resembles so much the Stephen King's storm of the century. The small isolated island, the mysterious character that arrives on the island, the mysterious deaths and disappearances of some of the islanders, the total isolation from any mainland communication, the spinless mayor, the miracles and the human sacrifice, even the long dialogue and the details in the conversations gives you a sense that you are truly immersed into a Kingesque universe.

In the end I gave it an 8 star for the good acting and character buildup. The story is ok and although very slow at times it does build up that mystery that makes you want to know more.

For a short miniseries to watch over a rainy week-end it's not bad.

Comrade Detective (2017)

Brilliant series

[10/10 · 11 October 2019]

Having the "privilege" to live most of my youth years in Communist Romania, I must say the the producers did a great job to create the atmosphere of those times. The costumes, the cars, the buildings everything is just perfect. The cast is top class and the subject is just hilarious. I am still laughing at some of the subject lines but also bask in nostalgia. I feel like I have travelled into the past and I love it. I don't appreciate the bad reviews of some critics here. If you did not get it it's because you do not know the context, have not lived in those days, have no sense of humour and probably never read a book in your lives. This series is unique, not your Hollywood standard which makes the show so captivating and making you wanting more of it. I hope you continue to produce more seasons of this show. I am sure it will be a success.

Terminus (2015)

Please ignore the pseudo movie critics

[10/10 · 9 March 2019]

So many pseudo critics writing out of a basement who think they understand SCi Fi. This is not a cowboy and aliens movie nor another episode of Star Wars. This is an intelligently scripted piece of cinematography that actually shows some character development following a solid story. This movie is about the destructive nature of the human race who will stop a nothing to see this planet obliterated. As expected, the help will come from above in an alien form sent to save us from total annihilation. A well written, played and directed Adam and Eve story which will not disappoint despite the fact that this is a low budget movie. Please, ignore the bad reviews and give this movie a try.