rengl392 Reviews

Stuck on You! (1983)

Dreadful!

[1/10 · 28 February 2005]

This stinker of a film is based on the idea of a lesson on the history of romantic love, featuring lovers in cave-man times, during the napoleonic era and so on. If this is truly the history of man-woman romantic love, it's little wonder the divorce rate is so high! This is the only video that I have ever rented, only to return it without watching it in its entirety. The hour that I wasted trying to give it an honest try was painful! I was actually embarrassed to be watching so hideous a display of talentless scripting, acting and production. The voting system does not allow for negative ratings, but if I could give one, this movie would be it. To be avoided at all costs.

True Rating: 0

Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare (1987)

Worst Horror or Best Comedy?

[5/10 · 28 February 2005]

Let me see if I've got this straight: a muscle bound real life Nigel Tufnel (of Spinal Tap legendary) turns out to be an arch-angel come to fight a demonic paper mache marionette and its legion of sock-puppet horrors, all to a sound track of the tackiest 80's hair metal I've ever heard? Add terrible dialogue, wretched scripting, horrendous production, and you have what may well be the very worst movie ever made. I first saw it when I was sixteen, and laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I recommended it to another group of buds in grade 12, who were looking for a cheesy horror movie. Well, they got it. As far as real bona-fide movie making quality goes, this movie gets a solid zero. The worst thing ever made. Yet in terms of sheer entertainment value, this was quite probably the most hilarious 83 minutes ever recorded, worthy of a 10. Average rating: 5

The Return of the King (1980 TV Movie)

"Where there's a whip, there's a way!"

[5/10 · 28 February 2005]

Ten minutes less singing replaced with actual development of the story would have made this mediocre animated version of Tolkien's classic at least somewhat similar to the actual story. As it is, we get a lot of tired, dull hippy tunes and a story that moves slower than molases, and a neglect of a number of critical events from the book. Generally inferior to the Bakshi "Lord of the Rings" and definitely inferior to Peter Jackson's stunning special editions. ("Do you not know death when you see it?!") Still, mildly amusing, and there's always that groovy "Where there's a whip..." Calypso-disco may yet be the strongest weapon in Mordor's arsenal!