fg400a Reviews

C.I.Ape (2021)

Best ever

[10/10 · 4 April 2023]

I'm a big fan of Sofia Alongi and Skip Shwing, so when it came to my attention that they would be sharing screen time in an ape-driven movie I was ecstatic. First I did the impossible to get my hands on the script, cause I NEVER watch a movie without reading the script first. I'm a huge movie nerd. Well, it turns out the script was nothing short of genius, so I immediately bought my tickets to be in the front row of the renowned Chinese Theater in Hollywood for the movie premiere.

Was I expecting too much of the film? Did I really wanted /needed to push my Alongi-Schwing fandom so far? Well, let me tell you something: It was all worth it. The top notch CGI and the acting elevated my spirit and opened all of my chakras. That's how good this movie is. I spent the whole movie wondering if the ape was actually a real ape or plain CGI. You know what? I'm still not sure. I think they CGIed the talking parts cause apes can't actually talk. That's what the guy at the theater told me when I kept shouting "It's a talking apeeeee!!!!" out of my lungs.

So that's that, best movie EVER.

Honor Society (2022)

This one looses so many points in the last 20 minutes

[3/10 · 24 October 2022]

The movie starts with the following line (or similar): "I'm a feminist and women are oppressed by men". Well, that pretty much sums the tone for the rest of the movie. The following items too:

• Men are all evil except gays, gays are super nice always.

• Being an oppressed woman gives you the right to be a manipulative and disgusting young lady (that's how she excuses herself for being such by the end of the movie).

• Forced LGBTQ+ segment by the end of he movie will make you cringe.

On the bright side the cast is pretty solid in its majority and this could have been a 6/10 if not for the last 20 minutes.

Captain Nova (2021)

Bad and illogical but kids seem to like it

[4/10 · 12 April 2022]

I know this is a kid's film but man, so many plot holes and illogical scenes. Producers had no idea at all about time travel paradoxes, etc. Or maybe they just dumbed it down for kids (they went too far if that's the case).

This film is bad as it can be but my kids enjoyed it, so that's that.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)

Much better than the first one

[7/10 · 25 December 2021]

The first installment was really, really bad. Bad editing, bad story, and totally chaotic.

This sequel has a much more coherent script and the acting / editing is much better. Tom Hardy is an excellent actor and I really liked the humor on this one.

The only con I found is that somehow the visual FX seem to be much worse on this one?

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020)

Blades of Glory 2

[6/10 · 29 June 2020]

So Will Ferrell just made Blades of Glory 2. He aimed at something tacky, such as male ice skating can be, added a couple trying to make it, added an evil couple and a rough childhood. Basically, it's the same story. Is this a bad thing? No, it's not, the movie is quite entertaining although you shouldn't expect too much LOL moments.

Vivarium (2019)

Really?

[8/10 · 27 May 2020]

People giving this movie a bad review because it made no sense or things were not explained? Really? You really didn't understood the movie? It's not even a metaphor, it's all pretty clear. I guess people ARE getting dumber and dumber every day.

Who the Fuck Is That Guy? The Fabulous Journey of Michael Alago (2017)

I don't know when the music starts

[2/10 · 2 November 2018]

So I wanted to see a music doc but the first 20 mins or so were about the guy's sexuality. Not interested, thanks. Oh and the visuals are just terrible, it looks cheap as hell. I wouldn't care about this if the doc was any good, but unfortunately it's not.

Passengers (I) (2016)

Chick flick disguised as Sci-fi

[2/10 · 15 March 2017]

I hate myself for watching this movie 90 minutes straight expecting it to get any good. I mean, for the first 30 minutes or so it seems to go somewhere so I was (kind of) engaged. Then it gets boring and really, really corny. This is not sci fi, don't be fooled. This is a modern version of Titanic, nothing more, nothing less. Well, actually much, much cornier.

So, after watching 90 minutes of this crap I decided to fast forward to the last 5 minutes just to see how it ended, and oh boy, it was just as expected. Corny chick flick with a predictable ending disguised as Sci-fi.

You've been warned.

Shuffle (2011)

Terrible movie

[1/10 · 15 March 2016]

Shuffle just gets some ideas from other movies (Memento, Butterfly effect, and a couple more) and makes an interesting movie for the first 20 minutes or so. Then it goes out of control, gets dark and slow, and you know an uplifting end is coming...sometime. But it just drags on and on until you reach - not an uplifting- but terribly corny ending. And I mean it, the end was just missing bunnies and sweets falling from the sky to make it the corniest ending in film history.

Aside from that, you have to watch an entire hour of a film solely based in a "dreamy" visual effect out of the Big Giant's Looks (anyone with a slight knowledge of After Effects or any film editing software knows what I mean). There's also a "revealing" scene which is supposed to happen in slow motion or halted time...and the background is a bad photograph of a poorly lit street. Anyway, you can see the lights as in a bad night photograph, with hard light streaks and not as it would look on film.

I don't know, but this movie didn't make it for me, neither it's script or visual style.

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)

Meh and more meh

[3/10 · 19 February 2016]

For the first 40 minutes or so I felt I was watching someone playing a video game...and I wasn't allowed to play. Because that's it. The only thing that happens for almost 40 minutes is car chase, fight, car chase, explosion, fight, car chase.

Second act: Car chase, explosion, car chase + Cirque Du Soleil. The only reason I gave this movie 5 stars is because the stunts were amazing, and it must have been VERY hard to film.

Oh I can't forget about this. It seems a 15 years told the director that it would be "super-very-cool-and-full-of-awesome" if there was a masked guy playing a flame- throwing electric guitar during the whole chase (thus, the whole movie).

I don't know, I'm in for a good action flick, but this one had no script.

In Time (2011)

A huge disappointment .

[5/10 · 5 February 2012]

I was totally disappointed by this movie. I had very high expectations, same director of one of my favorite movies (Gattaca) with an awesome and philosophical main idea for a script.

But this didn't work...at all. The script was terrible, the acting was terrible and the plot holes were terrible. It even seemed they tried to save this using some of Gattaca's main ideas and film looks (the yellowish color on some scenes, the water scene, the 50's/future mix, the persecution of someone who is supposed to be inferior by someone he knows directly/indirectly). Not only this did not work but it emphasized the comparisons with Gattaca, making this movie look what like it is....a huge disappointment.

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Mental (2009)

Oh My

[1/10 · 27 July 2009]

OK, i don't know how to start this. Each and every aspect of the show is just terrible, the storytelling, the editing, the direction, the characters and of course, the actors.Oh, and it seems like every show now must have a gay character. I don't have a problem with that, the problem appears when the character has to say 25 times per episode that she is gay, come on! It's so forced it tears any script apart.

Then we have the main knowing-all character, who is so cute, unorthodox and intelligent as unreal as it can get. We have thousands of this characters in other shows, being a much better version The Mentalist character...we didn't need a new one.

We also have this cheap look along the episodes, I don't know why, it looks like a soap opera shot with cheap cameras and edited by a cheap editor. Yes, I mean cheap.

I would recommend staying away from this show, and if this gets a second season I will probably cry. Well, not really, but I would pretend.

The Mad Adventures of Rabbi Jacob (1973)

So many memories

[8/10 · 27 November 2006]

My grandfather, as well as my father were both of them fans of french cinema. I grew up watching this film in our Beta video (oh yes, way before VHS existed and DVD wasn't even thought of) and now, 20 years later I see it again in an anniversary edition. I can say I remember almost every gag from the film... every scene. I just watched it on DVD with my father again and was a blast from the past for both of us, he had seen it with my granddad 35 years ago in the cinema and with me and my brothers several times on video. I am saving this film to watch with my kids too in the future, they'll grow up with it too.

Such a great time...and so many memories

Catwoman (2004)

CGI everything!

[1/10 · 19 February 2006]

OK, this movie was really really bad. And I mean REALLY bad. Not only the director sucked, but also did the editors and the actors!!Oh, did I mentioned the CGI crap? Not yet?? OK, I have seen animals in movies that are over 20 years old do some incredible stuff, I mean Hollywood has been using special animal trainers for movies involving animals since...I don't know...lets say the 20's, but for this movie it seems like the producers said:

-"Hey! why should we use animals in this movie if we can CGI them!" -"Yeah! Cool idea! Why don't we CGI buildings and actors too!!!" -"Mmmmm...do you think we should do that?" -"Yes I do!! And I have a better idea yet! Why don't we use CRAPPY, UNREALLISTIC CGI for almost 80% of the movie!!!? -"Wow man, you have just convinced me! If we join this with a really crappy, amateur director and some terrible acting we are gonna have a block buster! Lets tell Mrs Berry to move her hips and and use a really tight suit!"

OK, I have to tell you the truth, I wasn't there, but I guess thats what they talked about during the pre-production of this film...or sort of...if I could give this 0/10 I would, believe me.

Monster-in-Law (2005)

Jennifer Lopez cant act!

[5/10 · 29 October 2005]

Jennifer Lopez cant act!Jennifer Lopez cant act!Jennifer Lopez cant act!... at least she cant act on comedy films, she is horrible in this one. I cant tell on previous films because I don't remember, all her films (as this one) are forgettable. The only reason I watched this film is because I know a real life similar case, and that is what made me give this film a 5/10 and not a 3/10, it was fun after all...did I mentioned J Lo's acting was horrible?? The film is saved by Ruby's character, but at the end the film abuses of her "funny lines" and becomes repetitive, Fonda's acting is descent too, with some nice/funny moments.

Overall: cheap humor, veeeery cheap drama/romantic moments, some horrible acting, some horrible script lines......you know the rest.

Battlefield Earth (2000)

Worst film ever

[1/10 · 6 August 2005]

OK, I watched this movie for 26 minutes before turning off the TV, why it took me so long? Probably my eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing. Its not just completely overacted by Travolta (not my favorite actor, I must admit) but it also had the participation of Forest Whitaker, an actor I respect. In addition to the cheap acting, script, and special FXs, the director of this movie really sucked and the edition was very very poor, almost amateur. Its incredible how people loose reference points when they are blinded by "religion"...Travolta and Whitaker should think it twice before acting in another "Scientology" movie, I don't know how their careers didn't ended after filming this piece of crap.

1/10, just because I am not allowed to give this movie 0/10.