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chigwalla
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Combat Report (2015)
Don't waste your time
Just more grist for the mill. Completely forgettable, nothing unique, memorable, nor notable here. All of the characters are archetypes and the actors sound like they're doing a cold read sitting at a table. The writing is equally weak, with plot hole big enough to drive a truck through.
In the age of binge watching, I offer this: don't invest enough time time into this that you feel you need to see it through. You will be terribly disappointed.
The Wall (2017)
A Failed Attempt
As others have mentioned, this fails on a pretty basic level. I can't feel sympathy for our hero(s) when their behaviour is nothing short of comedy.
You don't exit a hide by just standing up...especially if your fire team partner is staying put. If you're the impetuous type, prone to outbursts like that, you won't get far enough to ever be deployed. Putting that archetype into this role was mistake, and this movie went downhill from there.
About the only time optics will fog up in that environment is around first light when the air temp warms up fast but the scope is still cool from overnight. Even then, you spit on the glass, clean it off, and it won't fog.
Even if it does, the humidity's so low it burns off right away. If it fogs on the inside, the seals are gone and it's junk.
I get that the plot needed the M24 to be out of reach, but to get it there by taking in to recce the site and leave the M4 back at the hide ?
That's basic, basic soldiering stuff that ANY tech advisor should have caught.
I made it about 25 minutes in before I shut it off. I really didn't care about what happened to the characters, nor how the story was going to develop. Don't get me wrong, this genre is right up my alley....but this film was a terrible example. I gave it the second star for how some of the camera shots were set up.
Oculus (2013)
Give it a miss.
Full disclosure: I was on the couch taking a sick day when this came on & it was broken up with commercials. I don't normally watch network TV specifically because of the ads...but that's another rant altogether.
I really wanted to like this but, truth be told, I'll watch anything that Karen Gillan is in.
The time shifting was the only real difference I saw between the essential elements of this and The Shining and it was an effective difference, though not enough to give this flick any kind of longevity.
Given the way the story built, by about 3/4 of the way through I was thinking "get on with it already". The denouement was predictable and was painfully delayed. Someone needs to re-watch Hitchcock to learn what suspense is all about. Or maybe they're pandering to a Saw/Ringu audience that no longer knows what suspense is really about.
Just more grist for the mill.
All Is Lost (2013)
Don't waste your time.
When the protagonist's own ineptitude puts him in harm's way, we normally get slapstick comedy as a result. A drama like this requires that you feel sympathy for the character if it's to have any impact. It appears as though someone set out to write a sailing misadventure without any knowledge of the subject matter whatsoever.
There were plenty of continuity gaffes, like when the portlight in the cabin side was open during the first knockdown, but it miraculously didn't allow any water in. That kind of thing is what it is and I see it as little more than a technical fault.
This film's fundamental flaw is much, much deeper. Even the wildest science fiction story has to remain consistent and true to its own universe. There is simply no way the character portrayed in this film has the skills or the equipment to get himself into the position he's in. To be successful, any drama requires that we empathize with the characters but the fact that the character is an anomaly within the world created for him is enough to eviscerate any connection we feel to him.
I won't catalog the technical faults since it appears to have been well covered by others. There are a few more I could add, but what's already been said is more than enough to paint the picture: this character is the Christopher McCandless of sailing.
To try and instill suspense and drama by having your character make inexplicable and implausible decisions creates neither suspense nor drama...only tedium. Had the author spent some time with sailors, done some sailing, or even just read the journals of those who have, there are many elements of this story that wouldn't have made it past the first draft.
This is yet another poor quality product from the puppy mill that is Hollywood.
Helix (2014)
Mediocre
While the writing had its moments, the scripts were predictable for the most part. By about Episode 5, I found myself watching mainly because I had already seen that many episodes that I might as well give it the benefit of the doubt.
Without exception, the cast was unable to make me believe that they believed what they were saying was spontaneous and emotive.
Don't get me wrong, it's not 'bad'....if you enjoy a lot of the fare coming out of the entertainment mill these days you'll probably enjoy it. If you don't watch a lot of TV because you have a hard time finding programming that's well written and assembled by artists, don't waste your time. If I didn't know better, I'd say the writers gave up and just wanted to get it done after about episode 8. The season finale was silly, inconsistent and tedious to watch.
It's hilarious (well, more like ludicrous) that they expect anyone to still be interested when season 2 airs in almost two years (winter 2015).
This show is one of the shining examples of that well-worn Ernie Kovacs saying: "TV is a medium: it's neither rare nor well done"
USS Seaviper (2012)
A richly deserved 1 star...
...only because one can't rate less than that. I'm OK with one star though because some of the old radio equipment and sub set were neat to see - I'm guessing someone in the crew works at a museum ?
I have absolutely NO idea how one could spend $3 mil to make this, especially since it certainly wasn't spent on the 'talent'. Sometimes it can be fun to pick out the continuity gaffes, especially after having a film a few times. It can also be forgiven in an otherwise-good movie. In this case though, it's flogging a dead horse. There are too many to list, but that's the least of the concerns. The sound is terrible, given the budget it's shameless how many effects they re-used, the cast are reading their lines rather than owning them, and what on earth is with that accent: Brit ? Oz ?.
Not only has the director never seen a genre film, I don't think he's ever seen ANY dramatic film. With such an inexperienced cast, the director needs to be the metronome to keep the story moving, changing tempo for dramatic effect without leaving the audience bored and restless. I'll best there was a lot of coughing in the theatre when this pig was on the screen and, at the end of the day, he's the boss who's to blame.
About the only thing that makes sense here is that it was made by a bunch of film school buddies burning up a grant. In a previous review, I think I cited Cole Younger and the Black Train as the worst movie I'd seen (despite Micheal Madsen). I now revise that opinion. Holy cow, this one's a stinker - it's not even worth the bandwidth it takes to steal it.
Doomsday Castle (2013)
Truly Awful
I realize one can't expect much from this genre of television, but this is taking "inexpensively produced" to a whole new level. These people are trying to build large structures and haven't even the most rudimentary carpentry skills. As a result, their "dramatic mishaps" are predictable and completely preventable. Because of that, the entire program feels heavily scripted.
But that's not why their mostly-male viewers tune in, is it ?
All the guns and ammo in the world won't help you when your 'castle' collapses under its own weight. And...a catapult ? Seriously ?
I understand the troglodytic fantasy of being self sufficient loners in the "end times" (lol) but history has shown us that, after a disaster, it's communities that band together that fare the best (Katrina, Thailand tsunami, etc). At least these clowns and their ilk will remove themselves from the population and leave the rest of us to get on with the business of reconstruction.
When I first watched this, I honestly thought it was intended as satire....but it seems that these clowns believe their own delusions.
Idiocracy (2006)
A pinnacle of cinematic excellence.
The funniest thing about this movie is that 73,000+ took the time to rate it. Even at only $10 a head, that's more than went to see it. Watch the first ten minutes, then spend the next 70 doing something productive like seeing how many fish hooks you can stick in your eyelids.
If you thought this film was funny or clever, I should probably tell you that the fish hook thing was just a joke: don't really do it.
Read the book instead (which, ironically, is exactly the message of the film). It's called "Marching Morons". Another reviewer called this movie plagiarism but I disagree: it doesn't tell the original story, only the superficial parts(ass & fart jokes). At least Mike Judge knows his audience.
Cole Younger & The Black Train (2012)
This movie has some merit...
...as a drinking game.
Seriously: some buddies and I were talking about the worst movies ever made and it just sort of grew from there. Dead simple: every time there's a blatantly obvious mistake in the filming or plot, pause it and everyone drinks. If there's disagreement, only the one who pointed it out drinks. We've played it twice now...and only made it about halfway through the movie.
Other than that, it's not worth the bandwidth....seriously. My grandma taught to say something nice or not say anything at all, so...it left me 'speechless'. It also left me glad to have this bit of roadkill coyote fading into the rearview behind me. Meep, meep.