jamie-683-426600 Reviews

Birdemic 3: Sea Eagle (2022)

Awful worst film ever.

[1/10 · 14 June 2024]

"Birdemic 3" is a catastrophic failure in filmmaking. The plot is incoherent, and the dialogue is awkwardly delivered. Special effects are laughably bad, with CGI birds that look outdated. Acting ranges from cringeworthy to creepy, with moments that are uncomfortable to watch. The film also pushes forced, out-of-place climate-related messages. Direction and editing are inept, resulting in poor pacing and disjointed scenes. Overall, "Birdemic 3" is excruciatingly bad, testing the viewer's patience at every turn. Save yourself the pain and avoid this movie at all costs.

Only sit through this film if you want to laugh with your friends adjust how awful this is.. I mean you have to have some fun and I suppose you could sit down one afternoon and just simply take the mick out of this film because honestly it's not even a film just an embarrassment I just don't understand what possessed a director to even consider making something like this.

Spiders (2013)

Interesting but not in a good way...

[4/10 · 14 June 2024]

Sure, here's the review in my own words:

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This movie is absurd. For instance, they send a staff member to check the train lines without even turning off the power-no safety protocols at all, which is completely unrealistic.

The spiders are bizarrely immune to heavy firepower like tanks, machine guns, bazookas, and AK-47s, yet somehow a forklift or even a stick can kill them.

It's also unbelievable that in a democratic country, soldiers would kill people to cover up the story of giant spiders, thinking it wouldn't spread online. In reality, news of the spiders would be all over social media within minutes, making any cover-up attempts laughable.

The CGI is unconvincing; when bullets hit the spiders, it looks ridiculous. It's both funny and frustrating that the helicopters and soldiers seem to have infinite ammunition, firing endlessly without ever running out.

While some of the acting is decent, a few poor performances drag the whole film down.

Contract to Kill (2016)

Awful

[1/10 · 18 May 2024]

"Contract to Kill" starring Steven Seagal not only disappoints but also exemplifies the worst trends in his recent filmography. This 2016 action film casts Seagal as a government operative in a poorly executed mission against terrorism. The plot is muddled, relying on clichéd dialogue and a narrative that feels both rushed and aimless. In an evident display of laziness, Seagal uses a body double for nearly every action scene, detracting further from the authenticity and excitement that action films strive for. His character implausibly wields guns that aren't even loaded, opting to inexplicably kill everyone for no discernible reason, and even the fight scenes are absurdly executed, with Seagal sitting down during many of them. The sex scenes are equally ridiculous, adding nothing but awkwardness to the plot. Poorly choreographed and edited action sequences fail to engage, and the low production values with subpar effects and sound only worsen the experience. Among a portfolio of substandard films, "Contract to Kill" is remarkably dismal, marking a low point even by recent standards in Seagal's career.

Zombie Undead (2010)

rash

[1/10 · 4 April 2024]

In the vast sea of zombie flicks, there are gems that shine bright, showcasing creativity, suspense, and genuine horror. And then there are films like "Zombi Undead," a murky and forgettable addition to the genre that does little more than shuffle aimlessly through tired tropes and clichés.

From the very first frame, "Zombi Undead" fails to ignite any semblance of intrigue or excitement. The plot, if it can even be called that, is a convoluted mess of half-baked ideas and poorly executed scenes stitched together incoherently. It feels like the filmmakers threw every zombie-related concept into a blender without bothering to craft a coherent narrative.

The characters, or caricatures rather, are as lifeless as the zombies they're supposed to be fleeing from. With dialogue that ranges from cringe-inducing to downright laughable, it's hard to root for or even care about any of them. The lack of character development leaves the audience indifferent to their fates, which is a cardinal sin in any horror film.

One of the most egregious sins committed by "Zombi Undead" is its utter disregard for basic principles of filmmaking. Scenes are poorly lit, camera angles are haphazardly chosen, and the editing is so choppy it's disorienting. It's as if the filmmakers were actively trying to make their audience feel nauseous, both mentally and physically.

And let's not even get started on the special effects. Or lack thereof. The zombies look like they stumbled out of a thrift store Halloween bargain bin, with makeup so cheap and unconvincing that it's more likely to elicit giggles than screams. Even the blood and gore, staples of any good zombie film, are rendered with all the finesse of a child finger-painting.

In conclusion, "Zombi Undead" is a film best avoided by even the most ardent zombie aficionados. Its lack of originality, poor execution, and overall incompetence make it a painful experience from start to finish. Save yourself the agony and spend your time on something more deserving of your attention.

War of the Worlds: The Attack (2023)

So much hope.

[4/10 · 13 May 2023]

I really enjoyed this well parts of it. I felt that some of the acting was a little off and the story was kinda strange in the grand scheme of things. If the UK army couldn't beat it, why didn't the rest of the EU, United States, Nato join? We know they can destroyed so why just have like 10 or so helicopters? There just wasn't enough thought put into things. Also the UK has a king not a Queen not a great start. The intercom wasn't realistic with civilian radios typically unable to broadcast on military frequencies. The CGI was good, it was believable and I thought it was executed well. The acting was poor from the younger cast and generally poor all round.

The movie could have been so much better if it had taken it's time, had more realistic outcomes and decent acting. The ending was awful, everything was just fine no fighting no nothing. Silly. Just ruined the whole thing.

Watch on a slow Sunday when your bored and there's nothing else on. Watch on prime don't buy it.

Terror Peak (2003 TV Movie)

Awful

[1/10 · 27 February 2023]

I found this film so that even the most basic premise of a plot. Didn't see this is so called village at all and all of the acting was either over the top totally dramatic or completely unbelievable. Believe it or not when people cry they tend to have tears coming out of their eyes but no not in this film it just looks like a baby pandering to Mummy I really didn't enjoy this film. The acting was extremely poor the plot was extremely thin and honestly not much really made any sense. I get this is an old film but the effects are pretty poor as well. This isn't something that I think the whole family was enjoy to be honest with you what something else.

The Farmer and the Belle: Saving Santaland (2020)

Watching paint dry would be more interesting.

[1/10 · 31 December 2021]

I really did not enjoy this movie. I found that tend to be really and I generally couldn't understand how how Belle could have been any sort of model. I didn't enjoy all of the religious stuff either. The movie was just really boring and no point did I ever find myself sitting on the edge of my seat all rooting for any of the characters. I watched this with my partner but I couldn't wait for it to finish. Sorry but this is a straight 1 out 10 from me. Honestly go watch paint dry or grass grow so much more interesting watching people try to act.