tedebear34 Reviews

Mary Shelley's Frankenhole (2010–2017)

good nonsensical adult fun

[17 August 2011]

I think this is screamingly funny. It's not for the faint of heart but almost nothing is these days anyway. At least if its offensive to some, it's smart and funny enough to get away with it. Ironically, I didn't find this as dark, brooding and disturbing as Moral Orel. Instead, I found a lightness to it. With clever quips and nonsensical non-sequitors, it's not so introspective. Where Moral Orel tries to hold a mirror up to our souls and show us the dark hypocrisy of life, this is pure adult fun. The characters are so over the top that you can't take them seriously and it really doesn't seem like you're supposed to. There isn't a lot of exposition so the whole concept is a little bewildering at first, but by the time you hit the later episodes, you'll have connected enough dots to enjoy it a bit more.

Can't wait for the new season which is apparently coming in 2012.

Megaman (2010)

I'm wondering how they got the okay from Capcom for this....

[1/10 · 7 March 2011]

When I saw this, I remembered thinking "Hmmm, I don't remember a Mega Man movie being released in 2010". And it became obvious pretty quickly why I hadn't heard of this. From the cinematography (calling it that is an insult to cinematographers everywhere) to the "Acting" to the vapid script and the very unspecial effects, this thing is a fiasco from the get go. There are two redeeming things about this movie: 1) it's free to view from the website (although I did have to pay for bandwidth. I want my 50 cents back) and 2) you'll never be hearing from any of these people ever again. Sometimes a movie is so bad that it's funny, but this is just so bad that it's BAD. I realize it's a low budget indie film, but so was Clerks. And where Clerks exhibited the unrefined talent of Kevin Smith, this mostly exhibits that some people shouldn't be allowed to buy video equipment. Maybe in time someone with make a Mega Man movie and when they do, it will qualify as the first one, because this thing hardly qualifies as a movie.

Birth (2004)

Where do I begin with this travesty?

[1/10 · 16 November 2004]

Okay, getting over the pedophilia creepiness of this whole thing:

Technically:

1) Boom mics ahoy! Every bloody scene had the boom mic dropping in for a visit. I thought I was looking at the dailies! Nothing destroys the aura of a movie like being constantly reminded that you are watching a movie. Take them out in post production if you have to but come on!

2) Bacall's growth spurt. Kidman and Bacall walk down the hallway after seeing the sister's baby. Enter boom mic, probably because of the vast difference in height between the two actresses (I know the listed height difference is two inches, but Bacall is 80 freaking years old! Ever here of osteoporosis?). So how to tackle this problem? Apparently by standing Miss Bacall on a box, because in the next shot, they are practically eye to eye! Dustin Hoffman must be rolling over in his career's grave!

The Plot:

1) If the kid learns everything about Anna from the letters, how could he possibly recognize the face of the woman who told her there was no Santa Claus but not know her name? Was there a picture of her in a love letter with writing on the back saying "This is the woman who told me there was no Santa Claus"? Was it a picture of the woman telling her? Look, I know you folks want to be all art house and such and say "Look at the deeper meaning" but come on! It has to be at least "plausible". That's all I'm asking for.

I want to believe. I think Kidman is smoking hot and the film was actually well-acted but give me a break!

2) Why would the kid who is enamored with Anna follow a strange lady to watch her bury a box in the first place? Give me something, here, people! Really, it seems like they made it blatantly obvious that the kid WAS her husband just to turn around and yank the rug out from underneath us and COMPLETELY invalidate the plot!

3) And finally the oldest most hackneyed plot device in the book, the old crazy-man/woman-runs-off-into-the-ocean bit. PLEASE! What is the fascination that nutbars have with the bloody ocean? Can't we get her to run into, I don't know, let's say a Wendy's? And while she's there, can she get me one of those great Mandarin Chicken Salads?

In conclusion, I would say I was glad I saw this on cheap day but I still spent way too much. The acting was great but Richard Burton could do a great read of the telephone book and I wouldn't pay $8.50 to see that either. Aardvark, Aaron 1(800) you-suck.....