sleeping_gorilla Reviews

Let the Right One In (2008)

The best Vampire movie I've ever seen.

[8/10 · 15 June 2014]

I'm not a big fan of Vampire movies as they generally rely on angst instead of plot. How tortured the vampire is, how cursed they are living forever. I'm not talking about Twilight movies either.

This movies subtext is about the violence humans are capable of. Oskar is a small effeminate boy who is getting picked on at school. He fantasizes about killing his bullies. The times where he does strike out are jarring and disturbing. At first you are cheering for him, than you are bothered by how real the violence is.

Eli is the Vampire. She is repulsed by killing, but must do so to survive. She is unable to end her own life as it is simply too physically painful to go through with. Her condition comes at the terrible price of being an adult in a child's body. She wants a loving relationship, and no man at her level of emotional security will touch her. Oskar is just too young to give her what she needs.

The climax is one of the best endings in cinema.

The Frankenstein Theory (2013)

Not deserving of the hate

[7/10 · 5 April 2014]

The Frankenstein Theory is a sequel to the book and not any of the movie adaptations. Jonathan, an obsessed scholar who mirrors the original Antagonist Victor Frankenstein, leads an exposition into northern Canada in search of The Creature.

There have probably been a hundred Frankenstein movies, but this one is a love letter to the original story. If you've read the book (and you should, it's probably the best Science Fiction book ever written.) you will see that they've done their homework. That said there is some simple exposition in the beginning to explain what is at stake, and more about halfway through to raise the stakes.

Technically the movie is much more watchable than other found footage movies, I'm looking at you Paranormal Activity. There is very little shaky cam, and you aren't going to get sick halfway through. The acting is mostly fair with a stand out in Timothy V. Murphy as their guide Carl.

I liked how the story unfolded, good build up to the ending. By no means is this "art" but it's a good, entertaining effort.

Chasseurs de dragons (2004–2007)

An unknown Gem.

[8/10 · 30 March 2014]

Just recently found this 2004 cartoon and I'm loving it! France is slowly becoming a force to reckon with in animation and this show is beautiful. I immediately thought of Don Bluth's movies when I saw this. It's not common to see cartoons with this level of detail and fluid motion.

The English voice acting is great. Rick Jones as Quizdo really steals the show as the fast talking, deal making coward. Harry Standjofski as Lian-Chu serves as a fun counterpoint.

What really sold me was the characters. Qwizdo is a scrawny, insecure, guy who is just trying to survive in the world. Lian-Chu is the real Dragon Hunter who, while not stupid, is illiterate and shy.

Qwizdo does the talking for Lian-Chu, who would happily slay dragons for free. Qwizdo worries that that Lian-Chu is too competent and doesn't need him. Lian-Chu is brave and strong, but awkward. In just the first episode their roles in the partnership are reversed and Qwizdo is fighting the Dragon while Lian-Chu is trying to negotiate pay with angry villagers. In fact most of the time both characters are out of their comfort zone and having to to do things they are not good at to get out of a bad situation. How refreshing is that? It's too bad their are only 2 episodes. Though apparently there is a CGI movie released in several regions.

Red Mist (2008)

Skip this.

[3/10 · 4 October 2012]

Spoilers

Freak Dog is about a group of assholes who party on stolen pharmacy meds and murder a dangerous mentally deranged necrophilliac. Now in a coma, the man gets his revenge by possessing thief bodies and killing them slasher-style.

This movie is an example of how a talented cast and fun concept can be ruined by inept direction and a poor script. Not even the best actress could sell "this guy is killing people by possessing our bodies." to a cop. The problem is the characters keep trying to convince people of the ludicrous plot line, rather than actively try to stop the killer. Bad writing.

The characters do stupid, cruel things, and keep doing them. For instance, after Cat administers a miracle drug on Kenneth, he nearly dies. So of course the next day she goes back does it again! WTF?

Sadly, this is a talented group of actors, including Andrew Lee Potts and Sarah Carter. They do their best with the nasty unbelievable characters they are given. In his brief appearance Potts steals the show, he manages to be creepy and a little sympathetic. It's too bad all the little nuances of his performance don't echo through this movie. Carter always enhances those around her, (check out the otherwise terrible Falling Skies) and she is tragically misused.

Overall, this script needed a rewrite that allowed the actors freedom to do their job and act. How great would it have been to have each actor do their own impersonation of Freak Dog? Instead it's spends way too much time trying to explain it's pseudo-science. The only saving grace in the script is that at least the people who shouldn't believe the plot, don't.

Another distracting element, is that most of the cast is European, and it's clearly shot in Europe. Yet too much effort is made to make us think it's set in the US.

Fast Lane (2010)

How many car chases are in this movie?

[4/10 · 25 September 2012]

None! That's the biggest thing that hurts an otherwise watchable low budget effort.

The acting is passable, the lead in particular is pretty good by the last scenes. There are a lot of nice cars and attractive girls to look at, which I think redeems the movie a bit.

There's nothing new here as far as the plot goes. However there are some decent twists throughout that save it from being completely predictable.

Overall I'd say:

Watch it if you are curious.

Don't expect Fast and the Furious.

Princess Kaiulani (2009)

Not even a hemi-semi-demi-barbarian

[5/10 · 29 May 2012]

I thought the movie was very interesting with strong performances but poor editing. Events often seem to occur out of order and there is some scenes where she just sitting on the beach thinking. One very good directing choice was that rather than force feeding us historical information we found out the fate of Hawai'i as Kaiulani does. There really are many great cinematic moments here, but it comes off as a mish-mash.

I believe "Barbarian Princess" would have been a much better title, as that's how US papers referred to Ka'iulani, and she was anything but.

I can't speak on the movie's accuracy, but the events are fascinating and this movie makes me want to learn more about Ka'iulani and the Kingdom of Hawai'i.

This gets a higher rating from me due to it's unique subject and the performance of the lead actress.

Murdercycle (1999)

What B movies should be.

[3/10 · 16 April 2012]

This is a Grindhouse style movie. Of course this isn't a masterpiece, it's named "Murdercycle." They probably got the rights to the movie poster and wrote the script around it.

This movie is a one trick pony, it's not about the actors, which are terrible across the board. It's about how many cheesy stunts they can pull off with their costumed beast.

You expect a monster riding a motorcycle killing people? That's what you get. How rare is it to find a movie that delivers exactly what it advertises? Me and a friend dared each other to rent the dumbest looking movie we could find, and really we were laughing through the whole thing.

11 Minutes Ago (2007)

Flawless execution, accompanied by a great script.

[10/10 · 12 April 2012]

Follows the dramas and fling of a wedding, with the twist that one of the guests is from 50 years in the future.

This was filmed in 1 day! Absolutely amazing! I really have to applaud the cast and crew of this film for producing stepping up to such a challenge. Great work everyone!

Despite the technical accomplishment here, the storyline here is well thought out and executed perfectly. No where do you see any laziness in the shots. There are moments where the camera doesn't seem to be focusing on a character we should care about just to have that character reveal something important to the plot.

While the acting isn't top notch, the script more than makes up for it. The story would have been interesting if the actors were sitting around a table reciting it.

The Time Traveller himself, was very good, you really do feel his agony at only being able to see this woman for 11 minutes at a time. Imagine if in 20 minutes your dream woman / man was going to sleep with you, but you had to leave after 10 minutes, then wait 6 months before you could go live the next 10 minutes with her. Arg!

Would recommend this to any Science Fiction fan that leans more towards the Twilight Zone side of the spectrum.

Marcel's Quantum Kitchen (2011– )

Good idea but...

[2/10 · 10 April 2012]

I loved the idea of a science heavy cooking show appearing on the Sci-fi channel. The premise is that Marcel is this maverick cook who has started up a high end catering business with his 'friends'.

While Molechular Gastronomy is interesting, you learn very little about it here. I get that Marcel is a specialist in this method, and his clients are expecting an impressive science display. However the food he makes doesn't look that great, and his dishes are usually way too over designed.

As a rule Marcel is obsessive about things. He wants to serve food on hovering trays, cool! You have a week and the trays just aren't designed to hold much weight. Give up, get back to cooking. He wants to heat rocks to 500 degrees to serve a Hawai'ian themed dinner.

Um, don't certain rocks explode at high temporatures?

Marcel himself comes as a d!ck. His 'friends' admit in interviews that they are just cooks that are trying to get on TV, and they can't stand Marcel. Only 2 of them even stick around more than 4 episodes. I don't blame them. Marcel seems to know very little about the catering business. He yells at his hard working staff, and takes credit for everything but his own mistakes. He also insists on putting himself in the spotlight way too often.

Seriously, his clients are trying to hold a fashion show and he's out there between every course introducing his 'brilliant' food. Who cares, you're the cook! One of his staff worked on his own time to build a sculpture out of motorcycle parts for this event, and he doesn't even credit the guy.

What a jerk.

Stranger Than Fiction (2000)

When you turn something to many times you end up in the same place you started.

[4/10 · 18 March 2012]

This is a psychological-caper movie that is hard to pull off. The best example of this genre I can think of is The Usual Suspects. The worst example would be Wild Things.

The movie succeeds in the casting of Dina Meyer, she looks great, and even has an impressive musical performance in the beginning. Both the female leads are good, while the men are fine but interchangeable. Also the movie was pretty funny till the last 30 minutes.

It fails in not setting a consistent tone. Most of the story comes off as an over the top dark comedy told during a conversation between two men waiting for a plane. The last part of it turns very serious, by then it was obvious to me what was going on and I wanted the movie to be done with.

This movie is very similar to Wild Things. If you liked the frequent and extreme plot twists from that movie then I would recommend it. I found this much more entertaining.

The Man from Earth (2007)

10!

[10/10 · 14 February 2012]

I watched this last night, and it is easily in the top 20 movies I have ever seen.

This is a science fiction movie that involves a room full of educated friends debating the possibility of one of them being a 14,000 year immortal.

The movie is very small, involving one location. With a premise like this you would expect to be fed Highlander style flashbacks, but they spared us that trope, thank you! It's exactly as big as it needs to be.

The dialog and plot is tight, with very little padding. The relationship between the characters is established well. It's not that they believe John, it's that they love him as a person and trust him. If someone you loved dearly told you such an outlandish story with sincerity you would think they are crazy but you would hear them out.

I will admit that I'm giving it a very high rating. But this is a movie that deserves attention. Someone finally went and made the movie I've been wanting to see for years!

Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! (2008 Video)

Entertaining B-Movie

[6/10 · 12 February 2012]

Now THIS is how you make a movie without a budget! What stands out here is the writing. Every character is in danger and most of them have enough dimension that you care when they die. Time is taken to explain patient zero and the primary victims are people that he / she comes in contact with. A lot of the humor tackles genre tropes. While not the funniest movie I've ever seen, it made me laugh a few times and certainly wasn't painful.

Instead of trying to make this a city wide epidemic the movie is filmed in just a few locations, mostly inside and around the strip club. Instead of bad CGI rely on practical effects until the climax (thank you!) The acting ranges from average to good. Most of the dialog is given to the better cast members. The weaker acting comes from the minor characters, who are mostly the eye candy anyway.

This isn't meant to be a masterpiece, but it's proof that low budget movies don't have to be awful.

The Ward (2010)

Better than Sucker Punch

[5/10 · 7 January 2012]

I was pretty disappointed in 'Sucker Punch' last year, visually great but extremely vague.

The Ward offers a similar premise, and pulls it off much better with less glitz. I also must say that the actresses are a little older and you feel less like a Pedo watching it.

Amber Heard is gorgeous. Not the best actress, but smart enough to know this and takes roles that play to her strengths. It's hard to say she's ever been bad in anything because of this. Consider the more talented Natalie Portman's career.

There are some head scratching moments, and over the top parts that are laughable. I found it very funny that with each escape attempt Kristen would lead a different Wardmade to her doom!

However the movie gives us an ending that explains things well enough. It's a fun, if not totally original twist at the end.

If you have any interest in 'Sucker Punch' you will probably find 'The Ward' a better experience.

The Hitchhiker (2007)

Not bad.

[4/10 · 5 June 2011]

What impressed me most about The Hitchhiker is that the story unfolds in a logical way. Jack is pretty sick, and he becomes more and more desperate as the situation gets out of his control.

Jeff Denton does a good job as the killer. He's good looking and charming enough at first. So it's not hard to believe the women would trust him enough to drive him down the road a few miles, it's 4 against 1 after all. As things go south for him he plays the character as more desperate than over the top evil. A nice change for the genre.

The 4 women played by Sarah Lieving, Shaley Scott, Sarah Hall, and Jessica Bork, are likable enough that you sympathize with their ordeal. There is some pretty brutal violence these women go through that I didn't care for. At the same time I knew what I was getting into when I sat down to watch it. Fans of movies like Saw will find this tame.

So to sum up. Decent performances, decent script, not for kids. Though I probably wouldn't watch it again, it's not bad for a low budget movie.

Plague Town (2008)

Average, far better than a SyFy original

[4/10 · 23 March 2011]

Plague Town is a B-Movie in the vein of Wrong Turn, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. A dysfunctional family discovers a village of horrors in a remote Irish countryside.

The movie relies tired horror tropes, and is only occasionally scary.

***SPOILER*** Notably when the children first show up by the car, and the subsequent beating with the hub cap. ***END SPOILER***

Too many "scary" scenes are long shots of heavily prosthetic actors basically standing around throwing random things at a "terrified" character.

The principal acting isn't terrible, at times it's almost improve ("We have one!")Notable performance from Josslyn DeCrosta, though she and Erica Rhodes become pretty annoying as the second half of the movie goes south. Not to be a voyeur but with the "plot" of this movie and 3 attractive actresses it would have made sense for the girls to show a little skin.

The soundtrack is pretty good, though constantly there.

If you are a die hard horror fan, this movie will probably entertain you. I recorded this along with "Daisy Chain" as part of the Chillers St. Patrick's Day marathon. Daisy Chain is a much better film, but I'm sure that Plague Town will find an audience.

Brotherhood of Blood (2007)

Worth a watch.

[6/10 · 8 August 2010]

I find that the Chillers Cable Channel, where I viewed this movie, manages to find quality low budget movies. Unlike SyFy that just produces it's own cookie cutter crap rather than support real film makers Right off the bat you can tell this movie had almost 0$ budget. The film quality is just awful, most of the movie is in a stripped out building because they couldn't afford sets. Seriously they could have just blown half their money on a digital camera and it would have looked better.

Brotherhood of Blood supports a decent cast of B actors you'll recognize from The Lost World, Cleopatra 2525, and Mutant X. It's a small movie that relies on a thoughtful script, rather than stunts and effects that are beyond it's means.

I don't mean to be harsh. I enjoyed this movie, the character actors are well used. A good sign is that I found myself rewinding a few times because of the plot twists. It was interesting enough to want to follow the story.

Ultimately this movie comes off as a low budget Usual Suspects, even pays tribute to it with the last camera shot.

Witchville (2010 TV Movie)

Be Warned!

[1/10 · 23 May 2010]

"Prince Malachy returns home from the Crusades and finds the kingdom haunted by a dark force after his father's death."

The one talent of this director is he/she was able to make a low budget movie look like it had money behind it. It sports some decent choreographed sword fights, and good looking if repetitive special effects.

What this movie lacks, is any sort of story or characterization. The characters have hard to pronounce names and do nothing to drive the action along. Several seem to drop out of the movie with no explanation.

Myanna Buring is the one person who stands out in this mess. Unfortunately, like Kristanna Loken in T3, she was given almost nothing to work with.

SPOILER The fact that she sets the hero free to defeat the Red Queen makes her the one important character in the movie, WHY she does it is a mystery.

Yes I watched the movie, King Malachy is the Evil Queens son and Jozefa is his half sister. Jozefa finds this out, and it's enough for her to turn on her own mother and everything she has known in life up till this point? END SPOILER

In short, this movie is boring and soulless, and really not worth watching unless you desperately need to waste 90 minutes of your life.

Edit: I would like to add "What do you expect from a Syfy original movie?" Is not an excuse for producing such a low quality film.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005)

Die hard readers will love it, but parents be warned.

[8/10 · 13 December 2005]

I read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe several times when I was younger, and later read the entire 6 book series. The movie is a faithful adaptation and likely the best live action version so far. Fans of the books have nothing to complain about.

---Spoilers--- The problem with this movie is that it misses the demographic a bit. It is too childish for anyone over 13 to really appreciate, and too violent for children who would.

When I saw this in the theatre, the children were delighted by the Mr. Tumnus, then horrified to see him frozen alive. They liked the talking cheetahs, but then cried as they tore out the throats of their wolven adversaries. Needless to say the pivotal sacrifice of Aslan had kids screaming and crying.

So be warned, it is a good movie, I liked it. But while there is no blood, there are themes that are far too graphic for young children. This movie should justify a PG-13 rating for this content, though a 13 year old would probably think it was stupid.

Serenity (2005)

Quite good, but a bit hyped

[9/10 · 7 October 2005]

First off, I did enjoy this movie quite a bit and it's on my buy list. However it's not the second coming that people are making it out to be. Joss Whedon created Buffy The Vampire Slayer, it's spin off Angel, and wrote the screenplay for Alien 4. All decent and enjoyable shows or movies.

However Whedon tends to pile on too many characters in his shows. Buffy was great when it was just Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles, Angel, and Cordelia for a foil. Faith was a nice addition but soon everyone had a girlfriend or boyfriend who just had to be on screen with everyone else. By the last seasons there were literally dozens of characters that were competing for attention. Angel took this route too, starting with three strong characters and more than doubling that number by it's forth season.

Serenity starts off with so many characters that it's really difficult to keep track of, or care, about most of them. Kaylee the engineer, Wash, the "other" synical guy Jane are all likable but serve no real purpose in the plot of this film. They deliver a few lines and otherwise stand around. Inara is brought back in to help introduce a villain, but beyond that she does little. Basically that's 4 characters that aren't needed to get the plot.

This point can be illustrated in that at the end the crew isn't whole and all the jobs on the ship are covered with people to spare. I would recommend the excellent space-action Anime called Cowboy Bebop that pulls this kind story off with a much smaller cast.

Mal, Zoe, River and Simon, and to a lesser degree Mr. Universe and Shepard carry this story. It's unfortunate that they don't get quite enough dialog to flesh the characters out to their full potential. (Edit I didn't realize this movie was connected to the TV series Firefly till after I watched it.)

On a positive note. The performances were all strong even the excess characters are really likable. Whedon has a gift for dialog, and except for some inconsistencies in the Old World Sailor dialect, it's fun just to hear them all talk.

This may be the best Live Action Sci Fi Movie since Star Wars, really. Cowboy Bebop is better, but this is definitely a contender.

2016 edit:

Firely certainly wasn't perfect but it was a really fun show and after watching the series I understood more of the movie. We got a little more of the Lore from Dollhouse a few years later, but that was also sadly cancelled early.

I this era of reboots and remakes. I don't understand why they haven't looked back at the potential Firefly had. This is a franchise people actually want to see make a comeback. Instead we have Star Wars and Star Trek shoved down our throats for 40+ years.

Assault on Precinct 13 (2005)

Dumb but entertaining movie ruined by adding plot

[27 January 2005]

John Carpenter's original Assault on Precinct 13 plays off more like a horror movie than an action flick. On the last day of a ghetto precinct the top gang appears in the hundreds outside and write "Cholo" (To the Death).

While the movie was silly it worked as a suspense thriller. Namely because like Carpenter's own Halloween movie the bad guys don't talk. They are this looming dark presence in the movie.

The original is 90% action, either they are shooting to save their lives, or they are running to save their lives.

Why did they think they could do this movie without John Carpenter? The original was fun but a bit dated with poor film quality. I would have liked to see Carpenter remake this himself.

------------------------ In this "remake" the original idea is thrown out and the bad guys become dirty cops that show up in the dozens to keep them silent. Their motivation tries to play on our sympathy, and it fails. Characters die, but a few of them just vanish without a death scene.

About 10% of this movie is action, the remainder is loaded with dialog intended to be tense, but comes off as boring. I don't care about the downtrodden cop, or how badass the crime boss is, or how dysfunctional the Psychiatrist is. The conflict was supposed to be between the Besieged and the Besiegers, instead we get intense standoff followed by more intense standoff. I was counting how many times a person was out in the open and could have been shot.

Anyway stick with the original and hope he remasters it, this is terrible.

The Twins Effect (2003)

A pretty tight, entertaining martial arts film.

[17 October 2004]

I think a strength of this film is that it never takes itself too seriously. The subject matter is fairly dark, a love "square" revolving around a Vampire Hunter, his new assistant, his sister, and a vampire prince who is being hunted by his fellows so that a vampire lord may ascend and become a daywalker.

The love story between the Sister and the Prince is cute and touching at times. He falls for her instantly, and pursues her with vigilance and charm, not falling on the very clichéd vampire seduction. How does a girl resist a guy who risks his life just to see her during the day?

The movie does a good job foreshadowing the action. The hunters use an equalizer that quickly plays into the Hunter/Assistant relationship. The story shows us right away what the girls are capable of with a hilarious fight over a stuffed bear. Even Jackie Chan's bit part ends up being more than a cameo, as his characters reappears to help the heroes out.

The choreography was refreshing to me. I watched "Hero" recently, and while the story was excellent, the fights were laughable with people spinning around in the air like they just had a major stumble in zero gravity. In Vampire Effect the action ranges from, car chases, tug a war with a stuffed bear, a tight roof top chase with capoeria involved, an excellent all out brawl between the girls and the legions of vampires, and extensive use of grappling techniques which I rarely see in movies.

The use of caucasian actors for most of the vampires was clever, it fit into the plot as these type of beasts were supposed to be from out of town. They also looked tall, pale, and alien against the mostly Asian cast.

If you like good choreography, a bit of angst, and a nice dose of humor. I would recommend it. Don't expect Hero.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)

Pretty Good but Paltrow is miscast...

[8 October 2004]

I like old episodic adventures such as Zorro and the Lone Ranger. This is a nice homage in style and storytelling. This movie was well written and produced for it's black and white with splashes of color.

In short this is a movie worth spending money to watch in the theatre.

It's biggest drawback is it's cast. I can understand the choice of Jude Law, he has the classic movie look to him and is very charismatic, I enjoy his performances. Law is just a little to low key for this type of role, he's not Harrison Ford (More like Cary Grant) and you need that type to carry an action adventure. But honestly I don't see any actor doing better than Jude Law, so good work.

Angelina Jolie has a small part but she's perfect in it.

The worst culprit is Gwyneth Paltrow. While Jude Law quietly embodies the hero Paltrow always seems like she's an actor in a movie. She goes through the motions with little passion or charm. This is very apparent when she's around Law and Jolie where she really seems uncomfortable and out of place. This unfortunately makes the movie diffcult to like as Paltrow is given more lines than the rest of the characters. Rachel Wies or Charlize Theron would have been a much better choice for this well drawn strong female character.

I hope that they ditch Paltrow and make sequels.