billoneil2 Reviews

Lee Martin's the Midnight Hour (2008– )

Gets to you

[10/10 · 5 April 2016]

The scripts are brilliant, I must say. Every one I have seen so far has a factor that makes you want to stop and think about what on Earth you just saw, but you also can't dare to stop watching because of how interesting the entire plot line is.

Most episodes are filled with plenty of sleaze and graphic violence,so fans of exploitation won't be disappointed.The murders are stylish and sometimes gory, and Martin has populated the series with several strikingly beautiful women. This is a fun show if you are not offended by adult themes.

The only thing missing is more time for development of some of the smaller characters. (It's a half hour show.) But there's always a good explanation given for the killers motives. Overall a surprisingly good achievement.

Ring of Terror (1961)

5 Things I Like About "Ring of Terror"

[4/10 · 22 May 2015]

Although it is not a very good movie, there are a few things I actually like about this film.

First is the scene with the rattle snake. Believe it or not, this actually scared me the first time I saw it (I was about 40). I hate snakes anyway and a rattler finding its way into a parked car seemed very plausible and unnerving to me. Yikes.

Second is the music which immediately precedes the snake scene. As the Buick convertible pulls up to a Magnolia tree and parks, the students are playing the car radio. I don't know what the name of the song is or the artist, but I absolutely love it—late night mood music. The same recording turned up briefly in "Hideous Sun Demon."

Third is the music heard during the outdoor fraternity party the night the assignments are given out. Several tunes are heard, but this one is clearly the "B" side of the record used for the snake scene. It's by the same group and has the same sexy, late night jazziness about it. It's great.

Fourth is the ending with the ring. Perhaps, like the rest of the movie, it was crudely done. But nevertheless, when the student goes into the mortuary and is sweating it out removing the ring, I felt very tense, just waiting for something awful to happen. It worked for me.

Lastly is the fact that there are some fairly hot guys in the cast, which always brightens things up a bit. I won't name them, you can see for yourself.

Not a great film, but still a few things to like about it.

Violent Midnight (1963)

Yes, We Have NO Axed Murders

[4/10 · 21 May 2015]

Sinister Cinema carries this title and like IMDb, they insist it contains "axe murders galore." In fact, there is not one single axe murder in the entire film. The first murder is by shotgun and the rest are by kitchen knife and filmed in such a tame and un-graphic way as to make it sometimes unclear whether the murder actually took place.

This is an extremely low budget and amateur attempt at a murder mystery. Probably due to budgetary limitations (and the film maker's inexperience) it is shot so thin one can easily see the difficulties the editor had putting it together.

While I can forgive the lack of funds it is harder to excuse the script. You will know who the guilty party is almost immediately. Throughout the film, clues are presented in such an obvious and over-stated manner as to leave no doubt in your mind. Consequently, there is no "big surprise" when the killer's identity is revealed.

Another problem is the premise itself. The movie is clearly aimed at skirt-chasing heterosexual males who presumably accept a virtually all-female cast constantly trying to seduce the male lead. The first 14 minutes of the film are a tedious exercise in redundancy and implausibility, as our hero is flirted with by no less than six wannabe vamps.

All these things aside, there are some pleasures to be had here. Lee Phillips, while completely wasted in such a poorly written role, nevertheless is talented enough to make his scenes plausible. A young James Farentino also shows promise in an early part as a thug. Although made in 1963, there is an abundance of late 1950s mood and style on display, which would completely evaporate by the following year when the producers made "Horror of Party Beach."

A roughly-hewn, crude movie likely to disappoint you if you're searching for a forgotten-gem type film.

Monstrosity (1963)

I Like It Because...

[10/10 · 19 May 2015]

I grew up in the pre-Star Wars days and therefore do not demand that every movie be a 50-million dollar, effects laden, all-star extravaganza. If you want that junk, visit the jerks at LucasFilm, Pixar or Disney. Yech! If you also grew up in the pre-1977 era, you will remember that "little movies" were the norm and only rarely did a big, "important" film come along.

You will also remember something called NEIGHBORHOOD THEATERS and DRIVE-IN THEATERS! Unlike today's airplane-hanger movie mausoleums, neighborhood theaters had a box office ticket taker right on the street so that pedestrian traffic could look at posters & stills in the windows and ask the ticket-taker about times and prices. Then you just walked into the attractively furnished lobby, bought popcorn & chocolate and climbed the burgundy-carpeted stairs to the balcony. Et voila!

If you had a heavy date and felt like making out, but didn't have any privacy at home, you simply saw the late show at the drive-in. Here you could relax in your big flashy car with speaker propped in window, food & drinks on glovebox door and hot-shot heater on the trans-hump. Thrillers were especially effective at the drive-in because sitting in a parked car in a dark lot is enough to make anyone a little paranoid about their safety.

So it is in this time and context "Atomic Brain" was made. And it succeeds. It is creepy, atmospheric and at times gross. Perfect for late-night viewing, the entire film has a dream-like quality that makes it easy to believe the impossible is possible.

Sexy actor Bradford Dillman lends his sexy voice to the film's opening narration. If this fascinating, well-delivered soliloquy doesn't get your attention and quickly draw you into the proceedings, you have no imagination whatsoever. Dillman's voice is as sardonic as the script and he seems to relish the cynical editorials he makes on the characters and their motives.

There are many memorable moments in the film, made so by their irony, truth or shock value. One of most subtle comes when Mrs. March subjects her three new-hires to a THOROUGH "medical examination." One of the girls is so offended by this, she immediately gives notice. Unfortunately, she is bound by contract and Mrs. March won't let her break it.

This film is great as the second half of a double-feature with another underrated B film, "The Brain That Wouldn't Die." Get a DVD projector and park your tail-fin convertible in the backyard some night to see how these films played back in the early 1960s. I did and you should, too.

The Devil's Hand (1961)

Goodbye 1961, We're Going to Miss You!

[10/10 · 18 May 2015]

I first saw this film on WXYZ TV's "Scream Theater" in Detroit during the late 1970s. Back then, a movie made in 1961 was one of the more "recent" films showing on TV.

I always loved this film. I love the fantastic opening theme by Baker Knight and the Knight-mares. I also like the immaculate B&W cinematography (you have to see a fine grain 35mm print to appreciate it). The mood throughout is excellent--with very few dollars at their disposal, the producers succeed in creating a stylish twilight world where evil magic is quite real. The finely sculpted voodoo dolls are very creepy and the incidental music adds to the film's eeriness.

The actors are all good, although I always felt Robert Alda wasn't attractive enough for the role of "Rick." When I was in high school and this was showing up on late night TV, I felt he "just missed" being handsome. Sleazy-sexy Ray Danton would have been my choice—Ray was HOT.

I remember when 1981 rolled around and "Devil's Hand" was scheduled to air one Friday night. TV Guide listed its release date as 1961 and I was shocked to think this movie was now 20 years old! Up until then, movies made in the early sixties were fairly recent history—everyone remembered them.

Today, nobody remembers them. Marijuana-worshiping 21st century audiences sneer because the actors wore attractive clothes (not jeans & tank tops), had their hair done (no floppy Marcia Brady 'dos) and had their faces on before being photographed...what a concept!

"The Devil's Hand" is more than a creepy, late-night thriller. It's a handsome time capsule which proves America was a LOT more attractive before the drug-fueled "cultural revolution."

Goodbye 1961, we're going to miss you!

The Bubble (1966)

Tedious movie but great fun in 3D

[8/10 · 14 May 2015]

My beloved grandmother took me to see this movie at the theater. She was well into her 70s at the time and pretty fed up with movies but she (and I) had fun with this one.

The movie is very slow paced and tedious. One early line from the male lead got a big laugh in the theater: When his wife is in labor (in a plane I think) and about to give birth, he desperately asks her, "can't you hold it in?" What I really remember is the 3D. Even Grandma was amazed, excited and laughing like a kid (along with everyone else in the theater) at the way things really came out of the screen at you. At one point, a tray of beer glasses floats off the bar and into the audience, very slowly. It gets closer and closer until it looks like you could touch it if you stood up and reached over. Many people in the theater did just that (myself included).

What fun. Great memories of a very happy afternoon. Thanks, Grandma :-)

Black Belly of the Tarantula (1971)

Tedious, confusing and unsatisfying

[5/10 · 14 May 2015]

Although made during the height of the giallo's popularity in the early 1970s, this film is probably going to disappoint anyone who started out with "Blood and Black Lace," "Bird with the Crystal Plumage" or "Torso." First, the good news: There is style and mood, particularly in the scenes where a gloved killer is preparing his hypodermic needle for the kill. The theme music at these points is excellent.

Now, the bad news: The kills themselves are a bit underwhelming despite a fascinating concept (being paralyzed and murdered while conscious but immobile). The plot is so convoluted that after five or six viewings I still don't know why the killer was killing or how he was discovered. Is it because of an excessively convoluted script or because most of the film is so dull one's attention wanders and they miss key clues? You be the judge.

Finally, a bone to pick with the producers: This film is rife with the mentality that women are the most fantastic, magnificent creations in the universe (not true). It's typically Italian BS. So if an unending boy meets girl plot bores you or if you are annoyed by a ceaseless parade of homely broads being presented as goddesses, this film is not for you.

5 stars for the scenes preceding the kills only.

The Ice House (1969)

Get a date and watch this at the drive-in

[9/10 · 12 May 2015]

This is one of those movies that 21st century audiences simply don't understand. If you weren't around in the days before political correctness, you probably won't either. But if you were, you probably "get" movies like the original "Porky's," made when the drive-in was king and you could get your date in the mood with a sexy flick.

"The Ice House" is a perfect example. It has it all: Handsome, virile beefcake male leads (the Story brothers) with whom the male audiences can identify; hot cars; clubbing at a live sex show; a murder/suspense plot; and plenty of skin & sin to keep you alert.

The tongue-in-cheek plot opens with handsome stud Rick Story banging his latest conquest while scantily clad ice-house customer Venus de Marco waits impatiently for service. Though freshly drained from his romp he hits on her too, something her three beefy boyfriends don't appreciate. A fight ensues and Rick wins...until Venus offers him a toast, then smashes him over the head with a beer bottle.

Rick awakens in the arms of his cop twin, David Story. Rick is good and mad at Venus and decides to kick her butt. He tracks her down to the Magic Mushroom, where she dances virtually nude. From there he follows her home, seducing her in the shower. They are going to make it a regular thing, until she toasts him once again--triggering recall of his previous rage, he kills her without realizing what he's doing.

Rick freaks out and has a devil of a time hiding the body. An ex-cop himself, he knows how to clear the crime scene. But his plans go awry and he's forced to hide the body at his ice house until he can dispose of it. Meanwhile, a female customer sees the corpse and faints, forcing Rick to take her in and assure her it was just a prank. She buys it but needs a drink. When he pours one for her, she toasts him, triggering his homicidal knee-jerk reaction and he kills her, too! Rick's brother now knows something is up. A chase ensues and David finds the women's bodies. Rick tries to explain but David still wants to take him into custody for his own and everyone else's good. A final twist at the end tops things off nicely.

Not recommended for 21st century whiners who curl up in the fetal position over anything that doesn't have a heavy-handed, politically correct pro-feminist message. Highly recommended for sexually active young men who like to have fun without a lot of post-modern propaganda thrown in.

PS: Watch for William Bonner's turn as one of Venus' boyfriends. Bonner (real name Pierre Maurice Prenatt) was an Air Force vet who made his debut in Ed Wood's "Orgy of the Dead" and turned up in other films like "The Hard Road." He was expert at playing sleazy hoods but in real life was a very nice man. He was seriously injured while making his last film in 1975 and confined to a wheelchair for the next 39 years, until his death on 21 October 2014. RIP, my friend.

The Blood Spattered Bride (1972)

Elegantly produced and atmospheric Euro-thriller

[10/10 · 4 October 2013]

I remember when this film was first released in the U.S. I did not see it but heard about it quite a bit and so the title was very familiar to me when I ran across it recently on DVD. I watched it and liked it much better than I thought I would.

The main reason for this was that, unlike the trailer, the movie itself centers not on the bride but on the male lead, played by handsome Spanish actor Simón Andreu.

After suffering through such films as "Naked You Die," in which annoying female characters with annoying mannerisms take up most of the screen time, "Blood Spattered Bride" was a relief. It has an historical and social significance as well, since males now well over 40 (for whom the film was made) see it through very different eyes than those born after 1980.

You already know the plot--here's what the other reviewer's won't tell you: "Blood Spattered Bride" dramatizes many real-life rifts between men and women. Men want sex...women don't. Men like to be happy...women don't. Men are realists...women are romanticists. In "Blood Spattered Bride," the two worlds conflict and the fems decide the men have got to go. If you have ever worked in an American business office in the post-1980 world (run by women as they are), this should sound very familiar to you.

However, whereas women are the victors in the 21st century, "Blood Spattered Bride" gives us a refreshing look back at the good old days, when men were in charge--and so, justice is dispatched at the films wonderful climax.

The only change I would make is to have it set in a tiny village of the 19th century. This way, the wealthy husband's act of retribution could theoretically go without punishment by society. As it is, the final shot is of a newspaper headline letting us know he's in big trouble.

A great little film. See it, if you haven't already.

Two and a Half Men (2003–2015)

Worst Theme Song Ever!

[1/10 · 18 January 2013]

There are so many things to criticize about this show...but the one special abomination it shares with virtually no one else is a stupendously amateurish theme song.

One can only imagine the nepotism that must have been involved in the selection of composers for it. The average musician would never be given access to the show's production team...would never get past the secretary and his demos would go into the trash unopened.

For that matter, anyone who did get access would be shot down and told that only the highly educated, seasoned and intrinsically gifted can compose for television...which begs the question, how did we wind up with "Men-men-men-men-manly-men, woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo?"

Like everyone else in America, Hollywood clearly doesn't consider performance in its hiring decisions, just the "BFF-factor." As for the show itself, if you've seen one you've seen them all: Chick magnet Charlie always wins, nerdy Allan always loses. Remember those predictable Tom & Jerry cartoons? Same thing here. Rent a DVD of the old "The Saint" series instead.