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Halloween (2007)
8/10
Flawed, but a worthy successor to the original.
1 September 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Caution-Major Spoilers.

Well Rob Zombie was in an unenviable position. Staying true to his vision, while also doing justice to one of the all time classic Horror films. I'm pleased to say he succeeded. Halloween 2007 is a very worthy successor to John Carpenter's original and miles ahead of most of it's sequels. Now that isn't to say it's perfect, because it's not. Yes, it has it's flaws. It's a step down in quality from The Devil's Rejects and nowhere as fun as House of 1,000 Corpses. But if you go into with an open mind, you will be rewarded.

The first hour is a revisionist expansion on the first 15 or so minutes of the original. In this film we get the home life of Michael Myers, his back story, and it is not pleasant. His older sister is a slut, his stepfather (a sinisterly sleazy Bill Forsythe) is an abusive, foul mouthed drunk. His loving Mom (Sherri Moon Zombie) is nice enough, but can only find work as a stripper, and baby sister is living in a crib where a finger slashing pop top is one of her playthings. Here we have a collision between the white trash world of Zombie's earlier features and Carpenter's original. Young Michael (Daeg Faerch) likes to kill his pet rats and other animals, step dad lays on some nasty verbal abuse, and his academic life is troubled by a bully who viciously makes fun of his stripping Mom. The school calls in a shrink, Dr. Sam Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) and he will soon have his hands full. Michael takes his first steps towards human victims when he nearly beats the bully to death (and trust me, this punk was deserving). On Halloween night, his Mom has to work and Older Sister is to take him trick or treating. But Sis would rather have sex with her boyfriend, while Step Dad gets drunk and passes out. He never wakes up as Michael slits his throat (and again, this was someone who deserved what they got), but the next victims are undeserving. Boyfriend is brained by a baseball bat and Big Sis is slashed. Michael then cradles his baby sister, wishes her Happy Halloween and takes her to the porch away from the carnage. Mom comes home to the scene and in no short order, Micheal is off to the loony bin to be treated by Dr. Loomis.

At first it seems like progress is being made. Michael and Loomis talk a lot, Mom comes to visit every week and a nice orderly (Danny Trejo) reaches out in friendship. But young Micheal refuses to admit to anything, still thinks things are fine back home and prefers to hide behind paper masks he has crafted. But coming home is out of the question. Then one day he snaps and kills a nurse. The day after wards he falls silent, never to speak again, Loomis fails to reach him in any way and Mom kills herself. 15 years later, Michael is now a silent hulk of a man who makes his escape from the asylum and heads back home to find baby sister, who was adopted by the Strode family. He is now no longer human, but the Boogeyman. The second half of the film is basically the actual remake part, with even a few nods to Halloween 2 tossed in for good measure (The Michael/Laurie family relationship and "Mister Sandman" playing on the soundtrack).

It helps if you are familiar with the first film and how it unfolds. Because the original film's main events are squeezed into the second half of the new version, we don't have too much time for characterization. If you are intimately familiar with the first film and it's characters, then you will be okay. If not, you may feel a little cheated and the characters might come off as less then fully developed to you. But it's an exciting ride to be sure. Old fans will love seeing how Zombie reinterprets the main set pieces of the first film, old and new fans will love the action and Michael's rampage. Anyone worried about Tyler Mayne as the new Michael need not worry, he's the best since Nick Castle in the original. If you don't have a shiver going up and down your spine when he first puts on the iconic mask and the equally iconic Halloween theme tune plays, then you have no soul.

Zombie does well in most of his re-staging of the original's big moments. Michael has come home to reunite with his Sister, not to kill her. But the happy family reunion is tossed out the window of course. The redux of the Lynda kill is good and the re-staging of the climactic balcony scene in inspired. Also nice is the glimpse into Laurie's family life, barely glimpsed in the first version. Unfortunately, the inevitable "Was that the Boogeyman?-I'm afraid it was" dialog does not have the same impact as in the first film and it might have been better to have left it out rather than give into the fans who were expecting this. Also the end is a big disappointment. It's far too abrupt and leaves you saying "That's it?" It's somewhat saved by a House of 1,000 Corpses style end credit sequence that flashes us back to Michael's childhood, but a better ending would have been nice.

The new Halloween does stumble a bit at times, but Zombie pulled it off. I was entertained for two hours, and left feeling that something finally got remade with a modicum of respect, little warts and all. I feel Halloween 2007 is a film that will get better with repeated viewings and I for one can't wait to see it again.
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1/10
Whatever happened to the sex symbol of the 1980s?
26 August 2004
Bo Derek might have had a career had she not let her late husband, John, take over as her director. It's a real shame, no really, with the right direction and the right part (see "10"), Bo was okay. She wouldn't win any awards even at her best, but she is no worse than many an actress who has made it big in the past 15 years or so based on looks alone. But therein lay the problem, John was determined to ride the wave that Bo created with her appearance in 10, that of Bo being the "perfect 10," "the hottest woman in America," "the sex symbol of the 1980s." Problem is, in John's hands, this wave crashed with a resounding thud in only a few year's time. Maybe he knew her limitations as an actress, perhaps that is why he fashioned movies for her that concentrated on her body, not her acting skills. But it got old real quick. It didn't help matters any that the films of John and Bo Derek are (let's be honest) really, really bad. And bad sums up their take on Edgar Rice Burrough's literary icon, the Lord of the Jungle, Tarzan of the Apes.

You know what's worst? This film is boring! Make me laugh, make me cry, just don't bore me. Not even Bo's stunning looks and figure can rouse any interest, and that is what the film is of course built around. Richard Harris (God bless his soul, he and Bo were previously in Orca btw) hams it up and makes his scenes at least a little interesting and Miles O'Keefe makes a physically impressive Tarzan. Maybe he got the last laugh, after being hit with a ton of venom from the critics over this film, Miles went on to a solid career as a B movie icon, in films that were not great art, but a million times more fun than this one. But other than that, it's Bo's body,and you can only see it so many times before you long for something else to go with it. Tarzan the Ape Man has nothing else. John Derek was a truly dynamic actor, he was not a director. He should have stayed with his strength. This film unfolds at a mind numbingly slow pace and nothing really happens in the action scenes. Burrough's Tarzan was all about excitement and wish fulfillment (who wouldn't want to be as agile, strong and good looking as Lord Greystoke?) and fun! You get none of that here. Watch it, and you will have wasted 107 minutes of your life. On second thought, you may come away with a valuable lesson, how not to handle someone's movie career.

Bo Derek is all right in my book though. She stood by John until his dying day, has a true love of animals and nature and even looks back with a giggle at her time in the spotlight. She has also proven that she is not the dumb blonde many want her to make her out to be. If she could survive Tarzan and Bolero, she can survive anything. So come back Bo, all is forgiven.

And as an aside, is the Steve Strong who plays the bad guy the same Steve Strong who a brief pro wrestling career?
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Between the Lions (1999–2011)
What has happened to PBS?
25 August 2004
PBS was once a bastion for children's TV, a refuge, free from 30 minute action figure commercials disguised as cartoons. No more. Mr. Rogers is dead, Sesame Street needed to be canned a long time back, Dragon Tales rehashes the same stories over and over again, please don't get me started on Sagwa, George Shrinks and the Bearenstein Bears. How has Arthur lasted as long it has, better yet, how has it maintained quality? Between the Lions has got to be the most obnoxious example of PBS Children's TV's fall from grace. No, I take that back, Boobah now has that dubious distinction. But Between the Lion is not off the hook by any means. This show is like chewing tin foil, or scraping fingernails on a blackboard. Sheer pain. It's a crime that this show can go on and on, but Levar Burton can't get funding for his series Reading Rainbow. Trust me, if it had a plethora of obnoxious, semi muppet characters that could be merchandised, PBS would give the man a blank check.

And why is a noted sex therapist appearing on a children's show anyway?

And to the reviewer who feels that Mr. 345 is in no way entitled to his opinion, I'm sorry sir, he is, and I agree with it. And about home schooling, there's an episode of South park you "really' need to see.

Oh for the good old days when PBS children's programming actually meant something.
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