Tarzan the Ape Man

In 1992 Miles O'Keefe told Joe Bob Briggs on TMC's "Joe Bob Briggs' Drive-In Theatre" that the audition process for the title role in John Derek's "Tarzan the Ape Man" consisted of being dressed up in a wig and a loincloth with other Tarzan wannabes and taken to a park in LA where they were told to swing around in the trees and make noise. "...and people were throwing things at us and it was--a mess! And on the basis of that that I got the part." Originally Lee Canalito got the title role, and footage was shot of him as Tarzan, but ultimately Miles O'Keefe was brought in. The orangutan who played Cheetah got taken on the publicity tour and Miles was not taken, presumably so he would not upstage Bo Derek.

After a memorable turn in Blake Edward's "10" Bo Derek settled into a brief career of movies directed by her husband John Derek as a chance to showcase his wife's boobs. "Tarzan the Ape Man" was the first of these, with Bo getting top billing as Jane, Richard Harris as Jane's father getting second, Cheetah the orangutan getting third and Miles as the title character getting fourth. Not much happens in the movie, there's mostly a lot of walking through the jungle until Bo announces "I THINK I'LL TAKE A BATH NOW". She continuously holds her index finger up to her lips for reasons not really comprehendable. Her husband's direction, according to Miles, was "Honey, get your breasts up." Richard Harris yells every line he has, Miles O'Keefe says it was because he was bored. Tarzan finally shows up halfway through, but he has no dialogue. All action scenes are done in slow motion so it ruins the effect and makes them way too long.

Despite 38 full breast exposures "Tarzan the Ape Man" is truly one of those movies that is so bad it's bad. Even people who love bad movies don't like this movie. There is no rating in this review because there is no way on IMDb to give a movie zero stars.