Heat6Jones Reviews

Jupiter Ascending (2015)

Jupiter Descending

[1/10 · 6 February 2015]

This is hands down the worst movie I've ever seen. Bad acting, horrible character designs, gaudy costumes, obtuse and overall pointless story. Even the sound mixing was poor and several scenes you'll be at a loss as to what anyone is saying.

From the start the movie makes little to no sense. Russian family mugged, baby born in the sea, alien abducting, false impersonation for egg donating... WHAT? The film fails at everything. They make a very poor attempt at trying to create a love story between the royal and the peasant which fails horrendously.

Overacting plagues this film. The worst offender is this soft spoken guy who killed his mother. The whole film he is whining. He's a horrible character and the role is given to a horrible actor.

I hate this film. I saw it for free and honestly wish I saw the Spongebob movie instead. I knew this film would suck since every movie The Wachowski's have made since the first Matrix has sucked. They are hacks who got lucky thanks to the brilliance of Keanu Reeves and a decent script with the Matrix. Then the video games and Animatrix followed which were all nice. The reality is the other two Matrix movies are god awful and so is everything else they've done since.

Love and Honor (2006)

Touching Samurai Story

[10/10 · 26 June 2008]

Yoji Yamada's appropriately dubbed 'Love and Honor' is a samurai's story of just that; Takuya Kimura is Mimura, a samurai who is used to test food for poisoning by eating it in order to prevent the lord of his clan from being poisoned. Mimura becomes blind after being fed an off-season food that can become poisonous if not prepared properly. Unable to provide for himself, Mimura becomes suicidal. His loving wife Kayo declares her support for him, offering to follow him into death. Mimura is convinced to continue on living, but with Mimura unable to provide for he and his family, his wife is left to find a way to support them. In this classic tale of love and honor, follow a blind man's struggles to find peace of mind as he tries to follow his samurai code.

Suzaku (1997)

The worst movie ever made.

[1/10 · 9 April 2008]

Moe no suzaku tells the story (i use the term loosely here, as this movie is more of just a camera watching bored people) of a small town and the people who live there. The people are never properly identified, so you do not know their relationships to each other. At the beginning two of the main characters are kids and the movie will later go into the future without any grace, it abruptly is years later and children characters are older while others appear the exact same age. But then tragedy strikes and as a viewer you are still bored, but you don't keep falling asleep every 5 minutes. The last half of the film is interesting only if you stayed awake long enough to figure out what was going on during the first half of the film.

Warning; This next part might be considered spoiler, but since the movie doesn't have a plot, it's not really a spoiler.

Apparently Michiru and Eisuke are not brother and sister. I am guessing that they are cousins. Eisuke is in love with Michiru's mom (his aunt) and Michiru is in love with Eisuke (her cousin). It seems the director is trying to show how abandoned small towns with few people living there can result in incest. Well, in the end, Michiru and her mom move away, so there is no actual incest in this movie.

I compliment the humor of the film. A film about incest and a family being the last in a small town ends with there being no incest and the family leaving the small town. Utterly pointless.

If you liked Moe no suzaku, check out Umoregi.

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

Best Movie EVER!!!!!!!!! possible spoilers, not really though!

[10/10 · 22 March 2005]

Why didn't it win the Oscar??????? This movie was some movie, it brought me to tears when Liu Kang defeated Shao Kahn, through this movie I reminisced about the video game, from MK1 to MK Deception.

I feel if people would give it a chance they actually appreciate this movie in the quality of as they did the first one, I truly believe this one surpassed the previous entry in the series. This shall conclude my summary.

FLAWLESS SUMMARY

I highly recommend Street Fighter the movie as well, in which Jean Claude Van Damme was snubbed an Oscar!!!!!!!!!, as with his other 200 tremendous karate/ bad guy/ fighter/ stereotyping movies!!!!!!!!

And watch Universal Soldier, yet another Oscar Nominee.

Sincerely HEAT6JONES, greater than Ebert & Roepert!!!!!!!!!!