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El club de los lectores criminales (2023)
Cliche Irony
This movie incessantly talks about old tired horror movie cliches and that's all it is. One giant Ben done 1,000 times cliches. The irony. It's ok and we'll made with good music. But it just is the same horror movie you've seen already. The jock the stoner the babe the brat etc. I didn't finish the film cause I've seen stufff like it already so lmk how it ends.
And now I'm forced to do the cliche typing at the end of my review because I need 600 words and have nothing else to write about this cookie cutter Spanish horror movie. It's competently made with a decent soundtrack and cinematography but absolutely no originality. It's a stupid clown killer with a clown mask. Dare I say how cliche.
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021)
Carnage and Venom Threw Up and This Movie Came Out
What a horrible mess of a movie this is. Is Hollywood really in this much trouble. Sorry to be so harsh but this is a disaster. The comedic elements fall flat, the street was written by a 3rd grade fan boy. It's all just cliche and trying so hard. I use to think Tom Hardy was a good actor. He's showing me how horrible he really is. And I love Woody to death and love good bad movies but this just fails miserably.
Rock Steady Row (2018)
Lots of Fun and Potential
Take The Warriors add some Turbo Kid flavor with a heaping dash of a PG Revenge of the Nerds. Yes this type of review has been done before and is cliche just like Rock Steady Row. But that doesn't mean it's not still yummy. I just wish they used young kids and made it elementary school and more over the top. Then it could have been considered a genuine cult classic. Lots to like and see and I look forward to seeing the director Trevor Stevens next project.
The Basketball Diaries (1995)
Leo Couldn't Play in the WNBA
This movie is a tad better than average but the highlights of him on the basketball court are a joke. Maybe if this was 1951 his game would have slated but not in 1995. Still fun for Mark Wahlberg, and Juliette Lewis. Worth watching but only once. Leo got zero game.
Rightways Down (2017)
Indy Cinema At It's Finest
This movie has some incredible shots, lines, action and ideas. And it was made with tons of love and no money. How does this kid Kyle Acosta shoot this 31/2 hour epic with only $4,000. This isn't perfect and has it's flaws. I wish the sound was better and the running time will turn most people away. But if you're a lover of uber low budget film making than this film will blow your mind.
Dr. Benderfax (1997)
PSYCH WARD BORE FEST
The biggest crime comitted by a B movie is being boring. I slept through this whole movie cause it was such a milk dud! I almost bought it for $10 on VHS on Amazon but saw it for free on youtube and I'm glad I did. Thank the movie gods I saved some cash as this will never get a re watch from me. I saw enough the boring ass first time.
Creeper (2012)
What's Good for the Gander is Good for the Goose
This movie is the UPS of 2015 horror films it delivers the goods. Great horror, suspense, originality, tons of hot nudeness, humorous moments, good script and great pacing. From beginning to end this creative 2015 gem is phe fricking nomenal! Exploitation at its finest!
A 21st century gender bender unlike any I've ever seen. These disturbed, depraved and bored wanna be Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian mean girls, decide to go all Paul Walker Joy Ride on a lonely wacko named Jerry. The "empowered" females turn the tables and decide to creep on the creeper. Watch the chicks degrade, humiliate, belittle and emasculate poor little old 6'4 350 lb. Jerry Tobin. All for cheap thrills and because they can. Just to show other obsessed horned up men woman can play that stalker, weirdo, power trip game too. Unfortunately for the females in this film men still play it better.
Jerry and this movie have more tricks up their sleeve than a sociopathic transgender Las Vegas magician. Duck tape does things I never knew it did. And I gained respect for these psycho chicks who don't want to run, they want to stay and play. Fight for fun and to the death. Last man or woman standing wins. These chicks are viscous and I LOVE them. Oh no im just as twisted as everyone else. Creeper is so entertaining and how Jerry recovers from that purple faced choke out I'll never know but I thank the movie Gods he did.
So many nice touches in this North Carolina sleezetacular. I'm a movieholic and I'm late for my meeting. I gotta go microwave me some Monica's Chili and watch this movie again.
Massage Parlor of Death (2015)
I Watched This One So You Don't Have To
I guarantee I spent more money buying this movie than the producers did making it. After I bought this copy they were in the black. There's an art to making bad movies. There are also rules. Rule 1. Don't give me a massive headache trying to watch it. Underwhelming boring and an absolutely pathetic soundtrack that made my ears bleed for real. Unlike this ketchup show. It's trying to be funny and pay homage to the bad 80's slasher glory days. But it belly flops on its face. I love camp but this movie makes me want to stay home and skip it for the summer. So frustrating. All the crappy kills are the exact same and she even breaks the third wall on one random occasion. Stop making movies if there this bad or I promise I'll start trying to stop buying them. No entertainment value here at all and payoff was a big huge Milk Dud after getting this one home. With a title like MPOD it's impossible not to execute properly but Richard Mogg blew it. All tease and no sleaze and just no good and no fun.
Mr D's No Thing Tales (2015)
You Might Go to Jail After Watching This
Me D's No Thing Tales
Mr D, short for Dead, introduces a series of extreme horror tales, that are less about story telling and more about shock and gore. A horror anthology not for the faint of heart. If you want 2015 sleaze then look no further. This movie is one of the grimiest, skeeziest and trashiest films I've seen this year. Plus this movie looks like it was made by the 8th grade AV club nerds. Like the turds that work at that rag TMZ. Maybe it was made by Max the blonde surfer dude or the new Australian Max. It took me half a bottle of Francis Ford Coppola Merlot to make it through the whole craptacular feature. The graphics are the worst of all time along with the special effects so at least Mr. D's consistent. The girl getting raped and beaten by a ghost is unforgettable. This is an hour and a half of tying up and torturing topless skanks. In all seriousness every woman in Mr. D's schlockfest are absolutely stunning. How the director Jack Foster pulled it off I will never know. This Cleveland steamer was shot with a measly $10,000 budget. I would kill a bitch to find out what Amazon Prime paid the distributor to showcase this gem. This one actress gets a headache in the third act and you will to if you make it that far. Good luck and may the horrible movie Gods bless you in your quest to find something worse.
Billy Club (2013)
As Boring As Watching Baseball With a Few Great Kills
Not horrible and not good. And nowhere near great or bad enough to be trashy campy treasure. Some nice use of 1990's nostalgic microfilm and a CD jukebox. Back before the internet murdered everything and made most things available in your home and at your fingertips instantly. A funny pizza delivery scene killing with the wrong suspect being arrested by cops and fleeing away in his Bryan Cranston tighty whiteys. Kudos to the ATV go-pro hallucination scene that came out of left field and was a home run. Most of the kills were professional and impressive.
To harsh to call the filmmakers "wannabes" or fugazi because their heart was in the right place. But if I watch one more formulaic clichéd flashback than I will bash myself in the head with a baseball bat full of rusty nails.
Nothing real original a Graduation Day (1981) / Some Guy Who Kills People (2011) ripoff played out with a baseball theme. And a crazy baseball horror movie called Catcher (1998) seemed to inspire a few scenes as well. Just passing my opinion to fellow movie lovers to skip this one like a rock and get your jolly ranchers elsewhere. Time available to watch our beloved films is so precious.
Nobody likes to trash somebody's art. These guys obviously love movies. Fanboys love them so much we all dream of making one or two. But at the end of the day some of us were just born to watch them.
Trevor Layne Movies & Candy