This is the kind of movie I start to play in the background (other monitor) while I do other stuff. It's not even good enough for that. It's boring and predictable. It's not the crappiest thing I've ever seen on Netflix, but I'm regretting the last 34 minutes of my life.
Reviews
7 Reviews
Extinction
(2018)
I'm 34 minutes in. I'm only still watching because I'm writing this review.
9 August 2018
A Quiet Place
(2018)
It's good. Don't believe all the 10s and don't believe all the 3s.
10 July 2018
I hesitated to watch this movie after I drank the kool-aid for Hereditary. I couldn't believe how bad that movie was after seeing the trailers and hearing all the buzz about it.
This isn't that. It isn't the horror movie of the decade, but it's certainly enjoyable.
This isn't that. It isn't the horror movie of the decade, but it's certainly enjoyable.
Hereditary
(2018)
Huge letdown. Was this a comedy?
28 June 2018
Just under 2 hours in I checked my phone to see how long I'd been watching this absolutely not scary, occasionally laugh out loud, unintentional comedy to see if there was enough time left for the real horror to kick in.
Guess what: it never gets scary. Like, not at all. The "scary" parts were either mundane, predictable, or funny. There are 2 jump scares in the whole movie. The first one made me think we were about to start cooking with gas, but instead the movie fizzled. The audience was laughing out loud through the whole thing. This is the epitome of an overblown critic review. When the ridiculous ending wrapped and the credits started to roll, I sarcastically said "That was basically The Exorcist." I felt like I was being trolled the entire film. When I got home I pulled out my smartphone and googled "Hereditary comedy?"
Guess what: it never gets scary. Like, not at all. The "scary" parts were either mundane, predictable, or funny. There are 2 jump scares in the whole movie. The first one made me think we were about to start cooking with gas, but instead the movie fizzled. The audience was laughing out loud through the whole thing. This is the epitome of an overblown critic review. When the ridiculous ending wrapped and the credits started to roll, I sarcastically said "That was basically The Exorcist." I felt like I was being trolled the entire film. When I got home I pulled out my smartphone and googled "Hereditary comedy?"
Phantom
(I) (2013)
what? they're Russian?
3 May 2017
everyone talks like they're from Texas in this film. it's like watching a samurai movie where everyone sounds like they're lithuanian. weird.
i haven't finished the movie, so don't interpret this as a full review. it's just very weird, out of the gate, that this is supposed to be a bunch of russians on a submarine. i wasn't paying close attention when i started it, and it was 10 or 15 minutes in before i realized it was supposed to be russians, not Americans, in this movie. so weird.
i haven't finished the movie, so don't interpret this as a full review. it's just very weird, out of the gate, that this is supposed to be a bunch of russians on a submarine. i wasn't paying close attention when i started it, and it was 10 or 15 minutes in before i realized it was supposed to be russians, not Americans, in this movie. so weird.
The D Train
(2015)
jack: please do something more serious
9 April 2017
3 and under are reserved for movies in which the acting is garbage. the acting in this movie is good.
the movie is the problem.
jack black has chops, but they're wasted in this movie. mr. marsden also sells it. the acting isn't what's wrong with this movie. what's wrong is: what? why did we, the audience, just watch this? it was everywhere, all over the place, and had no landing. it just sort of was.
in a few weeks someone will be talking to me about the movie about that guy at the reunion where he got buttf*cked, and i'll say: "Idunno man. Idunno what you're talking about." Then he'll mention Jack Black, and I'll say, "Oh, I think there was a Netflix thing that sucked where he was a salesman of some kind, and that dude from the transgender show who is really popular was his boss." we'll both agree that that's the movie we both saw, then we'll go back to our desks.
the end.
that's where this ends.
the movie is the problem.
jack black has chops, but they're wasted in this movie. mr. marsden also sells it. the acting isn't what's wrong with this movie. what's wrong is: what? why did we, the audience, just watch this? it was everywhere, all over the place, and had no landing. it just sort of was.
in a few weeks someone will be talking to me about the movie about that guy at the reunion where he got buttf*cked, and i'll say: "Idunno man. Idunno what you're talking about." Then he'll mention Jack Black, and I'll say, "Oh, I think there was a Netflix thing that sucked where he was a salesman of some kind, and that dude from the transgender show who is really popular was his boss." we'll both agree that that's the movie we both saw, then we'll go back to our desks.
the end.
that's where this ends.
The Descent
(2005)
THE best horror movie. Ever.
14 March 2017
No, I'm not affiliated with the makers of this movie. I don't know them, I don't receive any money from them.
This is the best horror movie I've ever seen in my life. No joke. There's The Exorcist, The Shining, Blair Witch (which I didn't like), Halloween, Grave Encounters (a good low budget one), the Friday the 13th franchise...so many of them.
This movie scared the ever loving hell out of me. It is so good.
Just watch it (with the lights off).
This is the best horror movie I've ever seen in my life. No joke. There's The Exorcist, The Shining, Blair Witch (which I didn't like), Halloween, Grave Encounters (a good low budget one), the Friday the 13th franchise...so many of them.
This movie scared the ever loving hell out of me. It is so good.
Just watch it (with the lights off).
Steel Toes
(2006)
great until the last 20 minutes
6 March 2017
This was an 8/10 until the final 20 minutes. Then it got very, very stupid.
I suggest you watch it. It is worth watching, but ugh, the end blows hard. It progresses from an insightful, touching movie to...ugh.
Watch it. You'll see.
I suggest you watch it. It is worth watching, but ugh, the end blows hard. It progresses from an insightful, touching movie to...ugh.
Watch it. You'll see.
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