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Skinamarink (2022)
A bit of a drag, but still good movie
You're a little kid and you wake up from a dream in the middle of the night. You try to fall back asleep, but for whatever reason you can't, so you just lie in bed looking around your room. Everything looks different at night; familiar objects seem to morph into unknown entities, and you swear you can even see things move. Then suddenly you get a crazy idea. "What if there's someone--or something else--in the room?" Now you really can't sleep because you expect a monster to slowly appear from the shadows.
This is the overall vibe of "Skinamarink." Kyle Edward Ball's feature-film debut eschews typical horror movie tropes and storylines, and instead focuses more on creating a nightmarish atmosphere. It's what I like to call "ambient horror;" it's not about structure, but the total sensory experience. Which is why it's best to see this movie on your laptop with the lights out and your headphones on.
Having said that, there are some parts where focusing more on atmospherics and less on plot hurts the film. The pacing is slow, some of the shots are repetitive (did we really need that many shots establishing that, yes, the toys somehow managed to get stuck on the wall?), and because the camera focuses more on corners of the room rather than the two children themselves, it's hard to know what's going on sometimes.
But I still enjoyed it overall, despite the flaws. I'm interested to see what Ball has in store next.
We're All Going to the World's Fair (2021)
To quote the late Roger Ebert, I hated hated hated hated this movie
Jane Schoenbrun's 2021 debut horror-drama "We're All Going to the World's Fair" is a double nothingburger topped with extra boredom. It blue-balls the audience into thinking that something is about to happen, but it never does (including a literal Chekhov's Gun that goes nowhere). The film is supposed to be, based on what other reviewers say, a commentary on isolation and the Internet, but it does a terrible job exploring both topics. To make matters worse, the pacing is slower than a snail race; Schoenbrun must have realized they didn't have enough material for a full-length film, so they asked Anna Cobb to do everything slowly to pad the time.
The only good thing I'll say about it is Cobb is good as the main character, Casey. This is actually her feature film debut, so hopefully we can see her in better films in the future.
Also, the movie does have an interesting premise: a lonely teen girl documents her downward spiral after doing a supposedly cursed internet challenge. Internet culture is rife with potential good horror movie ideas--an idea I have is an influencer who becomes a cult leader--but so far I haven't seen one that's actually good. These are basically shallow commentaries on what people will do to achieve internet fame, and "We're All Going to the World's Fair" is no exception.
If you catch yourself spending more time looking at your phone instead of watching this film, don't feel guilty. You're not missing much.
Pearl (2022)
A Chilliing Thriller and Touching Tribute to Classic Hollywood
Conceived during pre-production on Ti West's previous film "X," "Pearl" tells the origin story of the former film's memorable geriatric sex-starved killer. Pearl (played once again by Mia Goth) is a farm-girl stuck on her German immigrant parents' farm while her husband Howard fights in WWI. She dreams of being a Ziegfeld Follies-type chorus girl, and goes to the movies whenever she's in town to pick up medicine for her paralyzed father. When she meets the movie theater's projectionist and hears from her sister-in-law about an upcoming audition, Pearl is determined to leave the farm for good...by any means necessary.
Having only seen Goth in "X" (which is so far my favorite movie of 2022), I was blown away by her performance in this film. Her portrayal of Pearl is a lot like the film itself: a bit of a slow burn at first, but when it starts cooking, you're in for a wild ride! The last shot of the film in particular will definitely haunt my dreams for the next few nights.
Fans of "X" will notice how the two movies pay homage to different periods in cinema history: "X" is a tribute to '70s low-budget indie slasher films, while "Pearl" is a tribute to classic Hollywood, even with the opening credits. The third film of the series, "Maxxxine," will pay homage to another era of cinematic history, although I'm not sure which era as of yet.
Final score: 4 out of 5.
American Horror Stories: Lake (2022)
Not bad
This season of American Horror Stories has been a mixed bag. Some episodes were great, while others totally sucked. (Seriously, what the hell happened with "Milkmaids?" Was the writer, Our Lady J, on such a tight deadline that she wrote down the first thing that popped into her head with no editing?) It's only fitting that this season ends with "Lake," a story that started off strong, but was just okay by the end.
Finn and her brother Jake are on a boat with some friends when they decide to dive underwater to find a lost town. Suddenly something grabs Jake's leg and pulls him down while Finn watches in horror. Four months later, Finn comes home to her parents after a stay in a psych ward and the family tries to move on...until the mother, Erin, starts having strange visions. Now Erin and Finn must find out what happened to Jake, which means returning to the lake.
Overall it's a good episode, but like I said, the end isn't as strong as the beginning. It doesn't ruin the episode, though. Just feels like it could use more umph.
Ostrov Sokrovishch (1988)
You've seen the meme, now see the movie!
You've him all around the Internet: big nose, bigger grin, puffed up chest, strutting into a pub like he owns the place, accompanied by two cohorts. "Chad" Dr. Livesey has become not just a meme, but an icon. A real man's man. An aspiration. A vibe.
This of course has gotten people interested in the origin of this meme--a 1980s Russian animated movie adaptation of Robert Lewis Stevenson's classic novel "Treasure Island." Originally released in two parts and aired on Russian TV, the film is surprisingly an amusing and entertaining romp that one would not expect to come out of 1980s Soviet Russia.
An English-language version--renamed "Return to Treasure Island"--was released in the US on video in the early '90s, and is currently available on Tubi, but it pales in comparison to the original Russian version. For starters, as a few YouTube videos point out, Dr. Livesey's voice in the US cut isn't as jolly and cheerful as the original. Second, and most important of all, the US version cuts out all the live-action musical interludes performed by a band named Grotesque (the only Grotesque band I could find through Google was a Swedish death metal band), where they dress as pirates and sing about the dangers of drinking, smoking, greed, and not getting any exercise in between scenes. Instead, in the US version we get horrible songs, with the worst offender being "Ben Gunn's Story," which sounds like what would happen if Rogers Waters suddenly forgot how to carry a tune.
You can rent the original Russian version is available on Soviet Movies Online for just $4, although you have to watch it within 24 hours or else you'll have to pay extra. But trust me, it's $4 well spent!
Locke & Key: Wedding Crashers (2022)
What the hell are y'all talking about? It was a good episode
Why does this episode have so many negative reviews? Do you all automatically give negative reviews to anything involving women, LGBTQ+ people, and Black people? Not everything is part of the so-called "woke agenda," believe it or not.
Anyway, good episode overall. Beautiful wedding, and it turns out Emilia Jones can sing. Plus, it'll be interesting to see how Ty's story pans out. If there is one critique to give, it's that there's not a lot of action in this episode, except near the end and it's a short action scene.
But overall, it's a good episode. Don't listen to the Jordan Peterson wannabes here on IMDB.
The Encounter (2010)
Emotionally manipulative garbage
POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT?
I'm a huge God Awful Movies fan, and I like to watch the movies they'll be reviewing before each episode. Most of them are hilariously bad, and I get a good chuckle out of them. The Encounter, though, is different. It's a emotionally manipulative piece of garbage that pries on vulnerability to get them to accept religious dogma. Why any Christian with half a brain would think this is a positive movie is beyond me.
The movie is set in a diner in the middle of nowhere where five people just happen to end up during a bad storm. Turns out the guy running the diner is none other than Jesus himself (albeit looking a lot like Steve Carrell), and he begins to basically tell everyone what's wrong with them, tells them all about their secrets, and basically tries to coax them into believing in him.
Basically an abusive boyfriend.
As someone who was emotionally and spiritually abused by religion (and no, don't tell me my abusers weren't "real Christians"), this film brought up so many bad memories that I couldn't finish it. Honestly, do you Christians really think this movie is how to show us God's love? By portraying Jesus as a creepy cult leader? Sorry, I'm not buying it!