Phoeniloculus Reviews

The Chant (2022 Video Game)

Ignore the low rating on the page

[9/10 · 11 November 2022]

The Chant is awesome. The gameplay mechanics are unique, in the fact of having to use spiritual weapons instead of guns or some sort of bladed weapon. The setting, storyline, and atmosphere are all really good. The graphics are very good.

The storyline, enemies, and attention to detail is great. I know I sound repetitive, but it manages to be unique. At first, I thought they were going to use a lot of tropes for the occult setting, but there weren't any. At least none that I could find. Once again, the gameplay compliments it really well.

The only minor complaint I have is that it's quite short. However, with the pace of the game and storyline, I can understand why it wasn't stretched out longer. That gives it good replay value in my opinion.

I recommend this if you like a blend of cosmic horror, action, and interesting lore.

Walk Away (2020)

Better than expected

[6/10 · 1 June 2020]

I was browsing through Amazon video when I stumbled across Walk Away. I didn't have high expectations, in fact they were rather low. I was surprised of how well the film turned out. The acting wasn't the best nor was it terrible. The performances overall were mediocre, but had good moments. Especially during the climax. Dialogue didn't feel forced, a couple of moments felt odd, but were executed well. The cinematography and editing were good, but was slightly annoyed by the lens glare effects; although I'm not sure if it was unintentional or not. The blood effects at some moments looked a little unnatural and a bit pink, but the rest of it was pretty fine.

The writing is what surprised me the most. I was expecting it to be some cookie cutter, by the book horror. It wasn't. At first glance it may seem cliche, but it's a unique story line. I'm glad it was very psychological. Psychological horror can be hard to pull off, yet Walk Away did it well. It's much better than the lazy slasher rip-off garbage that screams, "I killed the kids next door after set the neighborhood drug addict on fire". In other words, it wasn't predictable and I'm happy to see that.

The soundtrack was definitely good and really well composed for the film. The audio editing was very good as well.

It may not be the best, but I recommend watching Walk Away if you're able to. I'd actually watch it again.

Come on in, We're Dead (2017)

Come on In, It's Garbage

[1/10 · 12 May 2020]

Where do I even begin to explain this train wreck, monstrosity? I had to force myself to watch roughly 30 minutes (maybe longer, I didn't keep track of time) of this before turning it off. I sometimes enjoy watching bad films (horror mainly), due to there at least being some sort of charm to them. This had zero charm and zero effort. The narrating and talking was barely audible over the the obnoxious, blaring music.

Instead of going to the location of where the event took place, the editing (if there was any) showed a picture from Google Earth. Yep, you read that correctly. Google Earth. They were too lazy to edit out the google name in the screenshot, which was lazy in itself.

Now for the cream of the crap, the shooting scene. It's safe to assume that's where the effort of the production took place. It also felt out of place, due it supposedly being a documentary. I normally don't mind violence in films, in fact most films I watch are violent. However, the over the top violence in this was not necessary and out of place.

Save yourself the time from this cesspool of confusion and watch something other than this.

Violet Evergarden (2018)

Better than expected

[10/10 · 22 November 2019]

So, I finally got around to watching this series after contemplating if it would catch my interest. Violet Evergarden not only did that, but exceeded my expectations.

The writing, voice acting, animation, and character development are all amazing. The characters are portrayed in a very realistic and wonderful manner.

What I found to immerse myself further into the show was the soundtrack. The music score is phenomenal and fits the whole tone. Check it out. You won't regret it.

Fallout 76 (2018 Video Game)

Potential Wasted

[3/10 · 23 March 2019]

This game really had potential at first glance and when playing the beta demo. I was stoked for Fallout 76, but it didn't deliver any promises.

I can understand that Bethesda's aim was to have the game mainly ran by players, but I didn't realize there'd be no NPC's. There's not much of storylines to play off of. The in-game lore is different compared to the other games. It may feel like a Fallout game at first, but is a crapfest of a sandbox game.

One of the selling points that was not fulfilled (and can't be) is the whole game being based around, "People coming together to rebuild America." It's a total anarchy. There's no form of overheads or "leaders", just look behind your back 24/7. Plus, the world seems lackluster.

That all leads into of the PVP system turning out poorly. Someone shoots at you, you shoot back, and a firefight occurs. Someone kills you, you decided to not fight back, they have a bounty on them. Sounds fine, right?

Whoever that said adversary is, can respawn close by. So, it can be an on-going cycle. Pacifist mode sounds like a nice way to avoid fighting other players, but they can still kill you. You just can't kill them in pacifist mode.

Did I forget to mention that players can acquire silo codes, put them together, and launch nukes? "Great way to rebuild America", my ass. It's a frequent thing as well.

There's not much of storylines when doing quests, since it's only told on holotapes, and doesn't tell a whole lot.

That's the best way it can be described, aside from it's ridiculous glitches and bugs. If you want to play a good mmo, The Elder Scrolls Online is surprisingly really good. They made an awesome Elder Scrolls mmo, but made it fail with Fallout.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017)

The Killing of Useful Time

[3/10 · 26 November 2018]

I wanted to like this film, but the whole thing felt like I was watching monotone socially inept characters.

Not only did the characters lack expression or emotion, but the dialogue... The dialogue was bad. The conversations didn't seem to even be like actual conversations. Just characters rambling long, repetitive sentences back and forth.

There were several instances, but a good example of bad dialogue was when Martin, Kim, and Bob were having a conversation. The most random things brought up was Martin saying, "I don't have much body hair." Then Kim randomly saying, "I got my period." I couldn't help to think, "Who cares and what does all of that have to do with the conversation?"

An example of these bags of meat being hardly emotional was when Steven shot Martin in the leg. Martin still talked as if barely anything happened. A functioning human being would be in pain and struggling, regardless of their pain tolerance.

To top it all off, it was never revealed of how Martin caused the children to become sick. It was never revealed if Steven was actually the cause of Martin's father dying during surgery (though evidently him drinking before operation was their "confirmation").

I understand that the story was supposed to be based off of an old myth, but it was a crapfest. The writing and presentation is not "style". The whole thing was lifeless. It's an overrated rotten carcass.

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)

Here comes the killer, guys...

[5/10 · 22 November 2018]

I can't really say I hate this film, but it honestly wasn't good. It's more of a polished crapfest with mediocre moments.

What's odd is I found myself thinking of jokes while watching the whole thing; along with criticizing some of the editing. The majority of The Town That Dreaded Crippling Deppression was full of several predictable moments and cliches.

We're supposed to believe that it takes place in 2014, yet there's 70's style of cars and clothing, along with phones that look like they're from the mid 2000's. The killer talking was what made me laugh at the beginning. If I'm correct, wasn't the killer from the original silent the whole time?

Some characters were bland while a few were okay. It wasn't the worst acting, but could've been much better. Also (again with the time setting) are drive-ins still a thing?

Now the so called "twist" at the ending was so stupid and impossible, especially what is shown at the beginning. The dude was stabbed several times like a hooker in an alleyway and is one of the two killers? That was another dumb twist. It's two people...

I only watched it once and plan on keeping it that way. Like I said, it's not the worst. I'd say give it a watch if you're really bored... I mean really (enter explicit word) bored.

Bloodborne (2015 Video Game)

A Pure Masterpiece from From Software

[9/10 · 17 September 2018]

I have finally come around to reviewing this game. It's almost difficult to put into words of how phenomenal Bloodborne is. The character creation and customization is amazing with how you can define your hunter. The start of the storyline submerges the player into wonder and curiosity, due to mystery of Yharnam and its inhabitants. However, from the start of the game the hunter is given clues to why the city and lands are filled with miasma and misanthropy. Even the in-game items have descriptions that help to tell the storyline.

When playing my first time through Bloodborne I immediately felt immersed into the story and gameplay. While fighting off blood drunken infected people, otherworldly beasts, and even cosmic creatures; I felt not only the rush of action, but horror as well.

The gameplay and mechanics are incredibly smooth, including the character controls. As far as the story goes, it's up to the hunter to unravel the mystery to why Yharnam is infested with ghastly and grotesque creatures.

It's amazing as well of how they embedded the side quests into the story. One of these "side quests" includes rescuing certain people BEFORE the climax. Doing so requires the hunter to tell these people which safe haven to go to. The catch is, there's only one safe haven (though you have two options of dialogue, one of which tells the person where to go).

For H.P. Lovecraft fans, you will absolutely love the fact that majority of the lore in the storyline is HEAVILY Lovecraftian. Mainly because a lot of descriptions on items read, "The Greater Ones" and one of the last bosses is one of these said creatures.

The only two complaints I have about Bloodborne (which are small) are: The summoning system for cooperative play is odd and sometimes takes a while. The other is, you can't drop or trade items with other players. Nevertheless, it doesn't bother me too much. I highly recommend this game, especially if you're craving for a challenge!

666: Teen Warlock (2016 TV Movie)

Another one of David's fetish films

[1/10 · 2 June 2017]

So the main story line given only goes through the first half hour of the film. The rest has nothing to do with the "warlock". Though the whole thing does focus on the fetish for shirtless guys.

The first half is the story that was given. The rest is about three trash bag hoes arguing over who will get the roll in a B-film. Not to mention this is only the second DeCoteau film I've watched, and I've noticed that each film is mainly filmed at the same location.

The acting, writing, effects, and directing is complete trash.

The title in itself doesn't tie that much into the film. I get the Teen Warlock part of it, but I feel the "666" in the title is like someone trying to be an edgy emo kid.

Praise be to fetish films.

Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper (2014)

Fetish films do exist! Haha!

[1/10 · 2 June 2017]

It's pretty much pointless to try to explain the plot, since there barely is one.

A bunch of shirtless dudes with BB guns (They tried to say they were rifles, but they were obviously BB guns) going on jogs and flexing in front of mirrors. Plus, the shower scene and the overall presentation was that of someone who has a fetish for shirtless guys.

D.B. Cooper was played by trashed down version of Agent Smith from The Matrix. I will spoil the ending. Cooper and Bigfoot don't fight until the end of the movie. Most of the film is shirtless guys running, flexing, caressing their bodies, and being caressed by Bigfoot.

The directing, writing, editing, and acting. Everything about the film was complete crap and lazily put together. It's just an excuse for the director to make a fetish film.

If you're into fetish films, then go ahead and watch it. For those into failed abortions like this, you can start jacking off 25 minutes into the film.

Oh, I think I died a long time ago and these films are part of my eternal punishment. Ha!

Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas (2014)

The Torture is Finally Over (After forcing myself to watch this)

[1/10 · 1 June 2017]

Where do I even begin to explain of how awful of a film this is?

The whole thing. I forced myself to watch the whole thing. Usually when I watch a terrible film I turn it off within the first 10 minutes. Nope, I forced myself.

For 1: The acting is just terrible. It's God awful (pun intended if you can even find yourself to remotely laugh after watching it, because I can't) 2: It's a brainwashing mechanism that is designed to try to get people to think that commercialism is okay and that Christian (the second main character) being mad off about the original reasons in the first place is supposedly "wrong". 3: They're considering this a "family fun Christian film", yet Kirk bashed on another denomination and thinks that Jesus is white. Even though I'm not Pagan, they didn't have to be jerks about another person's beliefs. 4: The whole thing attempts to justify their "reasons" of saying how great commercialism is and that it's apparently part of the Christmas tradition.

(Warning) This movie is a polished piece of crap. "From the acting, the writing, and of how a glorified job that the director did of making this film. Saving Christmas you say? More like "Let's Convince This Guy That He's Wrong In Pointing Out The Flaws In Our Modern Practices" That seems more like a fitting title.

Oh don't forget to be a greedy, spoiled rotting placenta that will bow down to the commercialism". Yeah, That's pretty much the message of the film.

O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

15 years later and still one of the best films

[10/10 · 16 February 2015]

I'm rather young and haven't seen as much films as other film buffs out there, but I can't help but to think that this is one of the best films I've seen. I first watched this back in 2010 or 2011 and O Brother Where Art Thou still doesn't get old to me. For starters, they couldn't have chosen a better cast. It's hard to believe how amazing George Clooney's acting was. On top of that the storyline is phenomenal. How they were able to take an old story "The Odyssey", (one of my favorite Homer stories) and weave it into a Southern tale is seriously amazing. It's very believable.

The soundtrack is one of the best music scores I've heard. I'm very hard to impress with folk or country music, mainly because I'm not exactly into the genre, but I can say that I was very impressed with the soundtrack and thought it couldn't be any better or worse.

If you've never watched this film and are only reading reviews before thinking about watching it, stop reading now and watch the film already. You will not regret it. In fact, you'll thank most of us for writing about how great the film is.

Rent (2005)

No. Just no.

[1/10 · 16 February 2015]

I started watching this film thinking I was going to be seeing an interesting musical about people who were not selfish pricks that bring problems on themselves. Instead, that's what I got. I only lasted 30 minutes and then stopped watching it because it was that bad. Horrible acting. The timing of the music and singing was horrid. Even the lip syncing for the singing was off at times. Not to mention the story sucks. The people expect the landlord to not be mad about them being late a year behind rent. I don't blame the dude for being angry.

If you want to watch a good musical, watch Repo The Genetic Opera, The Meaning Of Life, Sweeney Todd, or anything besides RENT.