kevin_s_scrivner Reviews

Mystery Incorporated: Welcome to Coolsville (2022) Season 1, Episode 1

Not for kids!

[29 April 2022]

As a lifelong Scooby Doo fan I appreciate the pilot episode's callbacks to the franchise's characters, lore, and many incarnations. The casting and acting are acceptable, and the special effects are decent. The dark tone is what causes my concern for potential younger viewers. This series gives the Mystery, Inc., gang the full "Riverdale" or "Chilling Adventures of Sabrina" treatment -- transforming an innocent, light-hearted show for children into a grim occult quest filled with adult themes such as serial murder, demonology, and drug use. That might be OK for grown-up patrons but a problem for parents unaware of what they're letting their kids in for. Watch with care.

The Bat Woman (1968)

Had trouble sitting through it

[22 March 2022]

The sad thing is that "Batwoman" has all the ingredients for an entertaining luchador romp -- an alluring protagonist, a series of murders to solve, an exotic location, decent underwater scenes -- but wastes them with glacial pacing and a lack of exciting fight action. The supposedly athletic and clever heroine spends more time socializing than clue-hunting, then becomes all girly and helpless at the climax when she should be kicking butt. The film could be improved immensely by chopping it down to 45 minutes. That would at least progress the plot at a reasonable speed. Unfortunately it is decades too late to bring in one of the heroines from "Wrestling Women vs the Aztec Mummy" to whomp up on some villainous goons. Yvonne Craig's status as Batgirl is safe.

War of the God Monsters (1985)

Could Have Skipped the Monsters

[18 September 2021]

For once the human story is more interesting than the giant monsters, which were all cribbed from an entirely different film. A paleontologist, grieving the loss of his wife and the mockery of his peers, struggles to raise his young daughter while seeking evidence for his controversial theories on a remote island. A pretty Lois Lane type impersonates the housekeeper he sent for in order to get the lowdown on the scientist's research but finds herself growing fond of the little girl. This takes up the first half of the movie and is sweet in a cheesy Hallmark special kind of way.

Things fall apart when the monsters the paleontologist has been warning anyone who listen about finally show up. Seven or eight of them rise from the sea to punish mankind for global warming, or something. But they never interact with each other or with the three main characters. The scientist's remote, rural hideaway is suddenly transformed into a heavily populated urban coast filled with industrial infrastructure and skyscrapers for the critters to destroy -- when they aren't shrugging off endless squadrons of improbably retro-futuristic aircraft. It just doesn't work despite the character reaction shots spliced in among scenes of destruction. I won't criticize special effects in a Korean giant monster movie but better acting on the part of the protagonists would have helped make the blending more convincing.

Los autómatas de la muerte (1962)

Perilous pacing

[18 August 2021]

What could have been a passable low-budget superhero adventure is marred by interminable pacing. A nightclub romance subplot (and accompanying musical numbers) brings the action to a screeching halt three or four times. The songs aren't bad but would be more appropriate in a Bing Crosby or Abbott and Costello style comedy.

On the other hand, there is an intimidating villain with a master plan and a cool lair, a giggling dwarf sidekick, a shambling squad of 8-foot lab creations that look as if they needed to bake in the oven a few more minutes, and some decent fight scenes. It just takes too long to get to them. The hero needs more screen time, the ingenue less.

Superargo and the Faceless Giants (1968)

Enjoyable for what it is

[31 July 2021]

Critics are being a bit hard on our boy Superargo. No, it isn't Christopher Reeve Superman but its special effects and fight scenes are perfectly acceptable for a late 1960s action movie -- as competent as TV heroes Batman (1966) or Wonder Woman (1977). The robot henchmen are better outfitted than Doctor Who Cybermen of the same era, and the actor portraying the titular hero fills out his costume convincingly. The plot isn't groundbreaking; mad scientists have been throwing robots at superheroes since the 1930s. But it is good, clean fun. A bit of James Bond, a bit of lucha libre, a bit of the eastern mysticism common to radio superheroes of the 1940s. It works.

Midnight Shadow (1939)

Historical note

[1/10 · 7 June 2021]

Unfortunately "Midnight Shadow" is dull and unfunny. But the historical situation it depicts is accurate. Between 1869 and 1920 more than 50 all-black communities were established in Oklahoma, a number of which still exist. Residents were free from racial harassment and built successful businesses that enabled them to live comfortable middle class lifestyles. There wasn't a town named Oxley. But John T. Oxley was an influential (white) Oklahoma oilman in the 1930s whose career lasted well into the '70s.

Solomon and Sheba (1959)

All biblical epics are not created equal

[31 March 2013]

I marked "spoilers" but other reviewers have already mentioned the highlights.

"Solomon and Sheba" was made in 1959, the same year as "Ben Hur." Yul Brynner (with hair!!!) plays a Solomon so wise and serious he never smiles, not even when he's kissing the Queen of Sheba, portrayed by Italian sexpot Gina Lollobrigida. The screenplay bears no relation to Scripture, grabbing biblical names and running with them. In this tale, Sheba (her given name is never provided) is an agent of the Egyptian pharaoh, visiting Solomon in order to find a way to trip him up so her sponsor can gain the upper hand in the ongoing rivalry between the two kingdoms. She determines that a successful seduction will cause the Israelite king to break the Covenant, destroying his popular support and splintering the Twelve Tribes into vulnerable factions. Meanwhile, Solomon's jealous and militaristic older brother (George Sanders) would welcome any excuse to grab the throne he feels he was cheated of.

Solomon, being the wisest man on earth and all, knows Sheba is up to no good. He can't resist falling for her undeniable charms anyway, even though he's got a harem stuffed with scantily clad beauties. Over the protests of Nathan the prophet and the tribal leaders, he agrees to allow Sheba to hold a festival in honor of her people's fertility god (the one she's been praying to for success throughout her seduction campaign). Solomon's struggle with temptation is the most realistic part of the movie. He broods alone in his room as the drums of the orgy begin outside, stalks moodily through the harem filled with lovely women eager for his attention, brushes off the admonitions of his devout, youthful ward (who confesses her own chaste love for him), and finally stumbles, dazed, to where the visiting Shebans are prancing around underdressed.

Although there are several vigorous battle scenes between Egyptian chariots and Israeli cavalry and a final confrontation between Solomon and his scheming brother, the pagan fertility festival is the true climax (pun intended) of the movie. The king stands mesmerized as Sheba gyrates before him in a non-outfit that would do credit to one of Conan the Barbarian's girlfriends (according to the Internet Movie Database, Lollobrigida was nude from the waist up in the European version). Finally, they join the other crazed couples in running off into the bush to find a place to make whoopee. Just as they consummate their lust in a convenient cave, an angry Jehovah sends lightning bolts that zap the fertility idol into charcoal and smash the upper levels of his own ziggurat-like temple. The rubble-strewn Holy of Holies stands exposed for the rest of the movie, lit dramatically by a new divinely created skylight.

Fortunately, my son was busy in the garage repairing my daughter's bicycle while all this was going on on screen. I'd been worried about the scene, which I'd previewed and found pretty racy even for today, especially in a supposedly religious movie. It must have been downright shocking in 1959, and apparently did negatively affect the financial success of the film.

Does Solomon repent? Does Sheba repent? Do they really love each other? Do the Israelites manage to unite in time to beat the Egyptians? Hey, it's a Fifties biblical epic. But after that orgy (which makes the Golden Calf scene in "The Ten Commandments" seem positively dull by comparison), not much else really matters, not even the plots of George Sanders. On a positive note, God is active and involved throughout the story, even during the bittersweet ending. But none of it ever really happened.

According to Wikipedia, the kingdom of Sheba was located either in modern Yemen (Arabian peninsula) or Ethiopia (immediately across the Persian Gulf). It may have encompassed both areas, as the nation's borders shifted around over time. Archaeological evidence is scarce but Ethiopian tradition claims the Queen of Sheba as one of their own.

El mártir del Calvario (1952)

Faithful and Unapologetic

[31 March 2013]

The Martyr of Calvary is a refreshing contrast to many Hollywood versions of the life of Christ. It is faithful to the gospels and doesn't wimp out on depicting Jesus' miracles or his resurrection. The pacing and acting are good. Even though I don't speak much Spanish, I could follow the story, pick out which disciple was which, and figure out what was being said on screen. Enrique Rambal makes a decent Jesus, although his Fifties flat top hairstyle can be a bit distracting at first. I picked up this one at my local library not knowing what to expect, especially from a foreign language film, and was pleasantly surprised.

Buck Rogers (1939)

Entertaining but weaker than the "Flash Gordon" franchise

[5/10 · 23 August 2007]

I can't help comparing this 1939 serial to "Flash Gordon" (1936) and "Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe" (1940). Although some of the special effects (the ray guns and fleets of spaceships) are superior, "Buck Rogers" is less fun. It's not the fault of Buster Crabbe, who invests Rogers with the same heroic energy he gave to Gordon. And Jackie Moran shines as sidekick Buddy Wade (in the newspaper strip he was Buddy Deering, Wilma's younger brother). But the other actors fall short. So does the story and pacing.

Anthony Wade's Killer Kane is a colorless villain, lacking the panache of Charles Middleton's gleefully evil Ming the Merciless. He badly needs a slinky, sinister Ardala Valmar to spice things up. Constance Moore is a competent Wilma Deering but there's no chemistry between her and Crabbe. Moore lacks the passion Jean Rogers exhibited as Dale Arden in the "Flash" series or the breezy camaraderie Erin Gray displayed as Wilma Deering in the 1980s "Buck Rogers" television show. C. Montague Shaw is OK as Doctor Huer but doesn't have nearly as much to do as Frank Shannon's Doctor Zarkov (again, from the "Flash" serials).

After an exciting start, the serial falls down in the latter six episodes. It is typical of the genre to have a late episode replay scenes from earlier in the series to pad things out. But "Buck Rogers" does this twice. Serial plots also tend to have a lot of captures, escapes, and re-captures. "Flash Gordon" broke the monotony by having these occur in a variety of ways in a variety of locations. "Buck Rogers" has only two destinations: Earth and Saturn. Both planets apparently share the same rocky desert terrain. Doctor Huer has only one technological gimmick to help Buck. The heroes get stranded by crashed spaceships seemingly every other episode. And Kane's goons never tumble to the fact that it's Rogers driving that rocket cruiser reported missing from their hangar.

Given it's charismatic hero and quality special effects, "Buck Rogers" could have equaled or surpassed "Flash Gordon" if it had had stronger writing or more energetic secondary characters. Unfortunately, it has neither.

Mr. & Mrs. North (1952–1954)

Charming but too short

[21 March 2007]

As a fan of old time radio, I've observed that early television was often simply radio drama with pictures slapped on. "Mr. & Mrs. North" follows that pattern. Richard Denning and Barbara Britton are charming in the lead roles and the mysteries themselves aren't bad. My major beef is the pacing of the show. It spends an inordinate amount of time on opening and closing credits, builds an intriguing mystery, and then because of the 30-minute length (reduced by the need to include commercials) hurriedly wraps things up in the last 30-60 seconds without a satisfying denouement. Somehow, many radio mysteries of the same length managed to be more complete. A solution might have been two-part episodes, but that innovation apparently was uncommon at the time "Mr. & Mrs. North" was made. Still, it's a pleasant and wholesome diversion, superior to many other early TV shows available on dollar DVD.

Pom Poko (1994)

A very mixed bag

[15 March 2007]

I'm still not sure what I think of "Pom Poko." Like many Japanese offerings, it's a mixed bag from an American parent's perspective. On the one hand, it's got cute characters, a series of pro-social messages, no cursing or graphic violence, and lots of humor. On the other hand, the raccoons' efforts to scare the humans are genuinely scary, both humans and animals die, raccoon deaths by car or gun are portrayed realistically, and male raccoons can shape-shift their, ahem, private parts to dimensions that would make Plastic Man jealous. Despite the kid-appeal of the DVD cover, this isn't a film for children, although it could have been. Parents, be aware.

Air Buddies (2006 Video)

Mediocre Child's Fare

[4/10 · 15 March 2007]

My 7-year-old daughter loved it, as Disney execs crassly calculated that she would. That's the problem with "Air Buddies." It's a strictly by-the-numbers children's film filled with carefully calculated cuteness, a couple politically correct morals, and enough potty humor to avoid the dreaded G rating. As a parent, or even as a 10-year-old, you've seen it all before, and done better before. Think "101 Dalmatians Meets Home Alone" and you get the general idea. I'm of the opinion that a good children's story is a good story, period. "Air Buddies," which is about as original as recycled paper, fails to meet that standard. It isn't the worst video your child could watch, but there are megatons of better ones.

Robinson Crusoe of Clipper Island (1936)

Exotic family fun

[7/10 · 28 May 2006]

"Robinson Crusoe of Clipper Island" isn't the best movie serial ever made -- it shamelessly pads its 14 episodes with flashbacks and repeats one rescue in its entirety. But it is energetic, kid-friendly fun that features likable protagonists and exotic locales. Mala (aka Ray Wise) makes a believable hero (for once, a '30s good guy does the sensible thing and calls in the cops) and gets sterling support from both his human and animal companions. The action sprawls from San Fransciso, to the high seas, to the skies (aboard a dirigible airship), to tropical islands where the natives are as likely as not to offer visitors to the local volcano. Well worth the effort.

Los canallas (1968)

No hablo espanol? No problemo

[3 March 2006]

I have a feeling this movie might not be as much fun if I did speak Spanish. From what I can tell, the plot is a by-the-numbers crime melodrama. But Regina Torne needs no translation. She burns up the screen as the clever, seductive gang leader Kadena. Mil Mascaras, "the man of a million masks," is suitably macho and heroic as he attempts to thwart Kadena's schemes. He gets to clobber some thugs every five minutes or so. My children watched and enjoyed the film in the same spirit as they watch and enjoy superhero cartoons.

The film isn't rated but is equivalent to PG. Kadena tortures her captives, and one of her goons dies messily. There is also a weird occult ritual that involves pouring a red liquid (presumably blood) on an effigy of Mil Mascaras. The film is more bloody but less sensual than a James Bond movie of the same era. That's appropriate, I suppose, since the Bond films were what "Los Cananallas" was trying to emulate.

El castillo de las momias de Guanajuato (1973)

Mexican wrestlers vs. zombies!

[3 March 2006]

My 9-year-old fell in love with Mexican wrestlers a few minutes into this film. Superzan, Tinieblas, and Blue Angel fit very much into the superhero mold with their colorful costumes and brawny fisticuffs (both in and out of the ring). The comic book villain and plot give this energetic movie a Saturday morning cartoon feel. There are several moments of genuine humor even if you don't speak Spanish. The zombies would frighten only very small children and never actually harm anyone.

On the down side, the resurrection of the zombies is a genuinely creepy scene involving the slaughter of chickens. There are also disturbing depictions of torture and a rather sultry night club act. It's almost as if a children's matinée and an adult horror movie had been mashed together. The film is unrated but equivalent to PG. I'd say that parental guidance is warranted but that the film is enjoyable nonetheless. Make sure you set your expectations on "low budget."

Reptilicus (1961)

Buy the movie poster, skip the movie

[1/10 · 18 February 2006]

I love movies with dinosaurs and giant monsters and can find something to like in most films, however dated or low-budget. "The Amazing Colossal Man" has a sympathetic hero and a monster origin good enough for Stan Lee to borrow for "The Incredible Hulk." "The Giant Claw" overcomes its silly creature effects with good acting and witty dialog. "The X From Outer Space" features a monster goofy and energetic enough to be lovable. But even by my forgiving standards, "Reptilicus" is execrable. Compared to this Danish debacle, "The Amazing Colossal Man" stands proudly alongside "Citizen Kane."

The irony is that the movie gets off to a good start, introducing likable characters, generating suspense, adding humor. All this potential evaporates, however, as soon as we encounter the two main characters: Carl Ottosen, portraying (if that's not too strong a word for what he does) a hero you love to hate, and the title monster itself. While the other actors give believable, if stilted, performances, Ottosen shouts or snarls nearly every line. I suppose this is to indicate what a tough guy he is, but it makes his war veteran character the ugliest of Ugly Americans. The only events that could have redeemed this situation would have been to have Ottosen's character eaten by the monster or to have pitted him against Abbott and Costello. Sadly, neither of these well-deserved fates befalls him.

Reptilicus can best be described as the hand puppet from Hades. The film never shows the entire creature at once. Either we catch a glimpse of its snaky tail sliding behind a miniature building, or we see its head and neck writhing above a toy skyline, its tiny forelegs dangling uselessly. It isn't that Reptilicus is a bad hand puppet. Many a B-movie has remained enjoyable despite its cardboard monsters. The problem is that the creature never interacts with the Copenhagen it is supposedly terrorizing. The film utterly fails to create the illusion that the writhing puppet and the fleeing Danes occupy the same real estate.

The movie shows stock footage of capsized vessels, but we never get to see the monster actually attack a ship. We see terrified citizens scrambling across a suspension bridge but regrettably the exciting movie poster image of the beast attacking such a structure never occurs, even in miniature. The Danish soldiers fire their weaponry manfully but since there is no action-reaction between what they do and what the monster does, we're not surprised when their shots have no effect. Worst of all are the monster's attacks. When the monster supposedly devours a frightened farmer, we're treated to yet another stock shot of the puppet opening and shutting its jaws with a Monty Python style animated figure superimposed over its mouth. The least they could have done is had the puppet shake a floppy doll, or something. When Reptilicus supposedly dissolves its opponents with acid spittle, we see animated green squiggles superimposed near its mouth. Then we see a scene of soldiers over-wiped with the same glowing green shade. But we don't get to see the results, no melted tanks or fallen bodies. It took a couple instances of this before I figured out what was intended.

All in all, "Reptilicus" is the dullest, least engaging giant monster flick I've seen since "Monster From Green Hell." Save your time and money and buy the movie poster instead. Or rent "Destroy All Monsters," in which the serpentine Manda encircles and crushes a suspension bridge. Manda's cameo is more fun than the whole of "Reptilicus."

Kibakichi: Bakko-yokaiden (2004)

Unexpected, still not sure whether it was a pleasure

[4 October 2005]

I'm not sure what my wife expected when she rented "Kibakichi," but it surely wasn't this odd mix of kung fu, spaghetti western and horror. The film was suspenseful and kept our interest throughout. We weren't distracted by dubbing or special effects. Japanese monsters aren't necessarily supposed to be realistic, and we're used to Asian films where the words don't always match the speaker's mouth movements.

The biggest problem I had with the film is the lack of sympathetic characters, including the titular hero. I simply couldn't find anyone to root for. The scriptwriters plainly want the viewer to feel sorry for the Yokai, Japanese mythological monsters. They display commendable family values and have formed a warm, supportive community among themselves. Humans in the film are depicted as cunning, ruthless murderers. Which might have been convincing but for gruesome scenes showing what happens to the monsters' human guests, who are innocent passers-by for all we know. It just doesn't wash.

My wife picked this one out because she was tired of Godzilla flicks and didn't want another Japanese monster movie. Boy, was she fooled!

Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris (1998)

Disturbing. Not for the kids.

[3 September 2005]

While the enthusiastic comments of other reviewers are true, this is one Gamera movie you shouldn't let your children watch. While Gamera 2 had two unseemly scenes that could be fast-forwarded through, Gamera 3 is filled with gruesome images that are unavoidable if you're going to finish the film at all. And to my American eyes, the relationship between Iris and its schoolgirl companion took on disturbing sexual undertones.

The extras on the DVD I watched included opening-night speeches by the cast and crew. The film's director said, "We sort of forgot about our kids when we made this movie, but we hope you'll bring your family to see it anyway." My advice is don't bring your children. If you wouldn't take them to an R-rated American horror film, you shouldn't let them see Gamera 3. Pull out one of the cheesy 1960s videos instead.

The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking (1988)

Strictly for the kiddies

[6 May 2004]

I remember enjoying the Pipi Longstocking books in elementary school, and my 4-year-old loves this movie. As an adult, however, I find it painful to watch. It isn't that the movie is bad, at least not in the same sense that schlocky sci fi and horror movies are bad. The children do acceptable acting jobs, although the adult actors are lackluster. The sets, costumes, and special effects are adequate. The music is bouncy. There are lots of fun Pipi stunts and much childhood wish fulfillment. All good, clean fun. Somehow, though, the film is less than the sum of its parts.

I think it must be the plotting and pacing. The super-competent Pipi so outmatches her opponents -- a villainous real estate agent and an uncompassionate human services worker -- that you never feel any suspense or concern for her safety. In fact, Pipi comes across as such a smart-mouthed brat that I began to sympathize with her playmates' whiny father. The story itself meanders from incident to unrelated incident until the movie positively drags.

So, this is a movie that it is safe to let your kids watch unsupervised. That's a good thing, because you won't want to sit through it yourself, at least not more than once.