eddy-49 Reviews

Meet the Fockers (2004)

A pitiful sequel

[3/10 · 28 February 2005]

Sickeningly contrived tripe. If ever there was a ham-fisted attempt to cash in on the popularity of a movie, then this was it. Only half-wits would write some of the praising words that are on here. If you are by chance a half-wit then you would probably think this film is a riot.

The first film was brilliant in many ways, and maybe this raised the level of expectation, but even if it did this pathetic nonsense was too much to bear. Corny and naff.

Some of the jokes were just too stupid to laugh at. Now I need to fill out the obligatory 10 lines, pah.

It was horse manure.

My Little Eye (2002)

Utterly terrible is being to kind.

[1/10 · 6 February 2005]

This movie had none of the ingredients necessary to make a successful horror/thriller, it was weak from beginning to end, and was incapable of thrilling or shocking, when you take into account this is the point of such a movie you can see what the problem is. It's a film that lacks any humour whatsoever, and doesn't compensate with enough of the dark chills that you would expect from such a storyline. The complete implausibility of the story/plot ensures that you never forget you are watching a bunch of half-baked actors plying their trade. Their attempts bringing to life to a leaden script failed, it stunk and it sunk. Whatever you do avoid this one like the plague, if you do not heed my words, fine, I will only say "I told you so".

Inhabited (2003 Video)

Possibly the least scary movie since jaws 4

[1/10 · 25 May 2004]

*Spoilers herein*

Where do I begin with just how silly this movie was? 'Mole sized people, living under the garden attacking residents of a big house'!!! When I first sat down to watch this movie I was unaware that the protagonists where not poltergeists etc but 10 inch high goblins that looked mighty easy to kick hard and far. I carried on watching it because I like to see movies through to the end even awful ones. this movie was terrible. My girlfriend, who went to sleep inside the first ten minutes, apart from finding it a good aid to sleep thought it was hilarious that I had bothered to watch it all.

Tiny goblins even in large numbers (the thought is silly I know) are about as scary and menacing as flat cola. They only managed to trip one guy up 'fatally' and kill a cat before they were blown up, The End. I did mention it sucked right?

Mystic River (2003)

this film has a bloated sense of self importance...

[1/10 · 23 May 2004]

Much like the main character played by Penn. I am so irritated recently by Penn and his desire to play characters with depth, to demonstrate he's a good actor who won't take parts for money or something. Get over yourself already!!!

This film had me excited, the high praise made me think it was a masterpiece.

I was disappointed. Oh it tries too hard to be meaningful. Really is it a murder mystery with self righteous overtones.

Actually as a murder mystery it was quite entertaining but really it was building towards a profound ending. That on reflection wasn't very profound at all.

I'm pretty certain that a film doesn't have to be entertaining as far as Penn is concerned. Yet no matter how meaningful a film tries to be the medium is not suited to this purpose. Read a book methinks. A film is the wrong viechle, so why bother to make it in the first place? One suspects it is probably so everyone can pat themselves on the back and feel superior. I thought it was a slightly patronising and long lecture of a movie.

I don't want to be preached to when I watch a movie and that's how I felt this film ultimately came across

Jaws: The Revenge (1987)

Utter claptrap... and that's being generous

[1/10 · 23 May 2004]

Please...I have heard some nonsense in my time, but the defence of such a monstrous production is well...indefensible. Spouting claptrap about Shakespeare doesn't dignify what is a ridiculous and feeble offering of a motion picture.

This movie was so bad it virtually spoofed itself. Hey I know, why not on top of the shark following them all to the Bahamas doesn't it learn to walk too, and then it could follow them if they decided to move inland.

Michael Caine is a very good actor who has a habit of appearing in bad movies. In this one was impressive as he managed to keep a straight face throughout.

So bad it's beyond redemption of any kind and richly deserves it's place at #33 in the bottom rated IMDb movies. It's amazing it did that well.

I'm glad the director has taken the time to submit his review though.

Teen Wolf (1985)

Hellooo... this film sucked.

[1/10 · 23 May 2004]

I love seeing comical and glaring inaccuracies of fellow reviewers 'One of the most popular movies of the 1980's. Michael J. Fox in his glory days. A great feel good film."

"Back to the future" of the same year release made in the US, which was maybe the one the previous reviewer was getting confused with made $210,609,611. "Teen wolf" an unmitigated pile of bear droppings made $33.086,611, enough said.

As for being one of the most popular movies of the 1980's…Ha. So please don't rent this movie thinking you're in for a treat. The US box office takings for 1985 speak for themselves.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Overrated and dumb!!!

[1/10 · 3 May 2004]

(Spoilers herein) Ok I don't get the fuss, it just wasn't that good, maybe my expectations were high, or maybe it was so ridiculous a film. I hate being told why something is good; it's a bit like the emperors cloths, if it's amazing it's amazing and if it's not it's not and it's not. Please no lectures as to why this was a good film. Like with James Bond films, it's really for kids who can believe one guy/woman can overcome hoards of spies and villains alone. What are we being asked to believe here? The whole thing with lady assassins is silly, the fact they didn't kill her when it's their job is silly, the fight with 200 swordsmen is long and silly, and in fact the whole thing is silly, immensely silly stuff and not entertaining enough, some parts positively plod along... SOOOOOOO WHAT? It's overrated!!!