jquail02 Reviews

Black Gold (1947)

This Is a Horrible Movie

[3/10 · 8 April 2015]

Even allowing for modern tastes and attitudes changing, this is an awful movie. Anthony Quinn cannot save it and no one else in the movie is even halfway decent. Katherine DeMille as his wife seems to be shooting for "stoic" and landing on "comatose". As was said of an equally terrible film on MST3K, "Someone with attention deficit disorder edited this movie." Things just kind of happen for no apparent reason and scenes fade out like the director got bored (and if he did, fair enough.) Plots are sort of vaguely started, then peter out.

And of course, the only thing this has to do with the actual 1924 Kentucky Derby winner, Black Gold, is the horse has the same name and was owned by an Indian (in reality, a Cherokee named Al Hoots. He was dead before Black Gold won the Derby and that's about all he has in common with "Charley Eagle.") The movie can't even be bothered to get the Derby roses the right color (unless the film stock is SO degraded those were red at some point.) Even the softened-up version of the horse's story told in Marguerite Henry's "Black Gold" is more accurate than this disaster area. This is an excellent example of a case where just because you have some spare money and actors on contract does not mean you have to make a movie.

Let It Ride (1989)

This Is My Favorite Comedy (And I Wish I Were Walking Around That Lucky)

[10/10 · 7 August 2013]

This is one movie everyone in my family can watch multiple times and still find funny and quote at random and everyone is able to respond with the right line. Every actor is absolutely brilliant, no matter how small the part (standouts in the supporting cast are Jennifer Tilly and Robbie Coltrane, whom you would never believe is English.) Hialeah is beautiful. And true to the advertising, Trotter (Richard Dreyfuss) drinks, smokes, gambles, and thinks about committing adultery, and you WILL love him. Horseplayers like myself will also recognize a lot of the track atmosphere, and appreciate that the movie may be poking fun, but it's affectionate fun.

Major bonus: you can use the opening scene to start fights at Chinese restaurants.

This will feel like an especially good day at the track, down to the authentic voice of Trevor Denman calling the races.

Wildfire: The Arabian Heart (2010)

Everyone Associated With This Movie Should Be Ashamed Of Themselves

[1/10 · 7 August 2013]

The only positive thing to say about this film is that it makes Coleman Francis's "The Skydivers" look good by comparison. I strongly suspect it was made by community-college film students or by people who desperately needed union cards. The plot is like an outline of every horse movie ever cross-pollinated by a family drama (or rather a failed attempt at one; as we know nothing about the characters when the 'dramatic revelations' are revealed, we don't care), the footage looks like it was shot with a camcorder, if by some miracle the sound recorders and editors are in the union they should be kicked out, the credits look like they were made by someone playing with Power Point fade-ins...the movie alleges to be about a girl finding her true love (with whom she has as much chemistry as she does with the John Deere utility vehicle) while training to ride a horse in a big race. The teen actors can't act, the horse is basically there to stand around (SPOILER: he drops dead of "age", despite being in what for an Arabian is early middle age at best, most failure to research, before this big race can come off) and be patient, the movie has more free-range children than a 1950s Japanese monster movie (the heroine's little brother has more genuine emotion and chemistry saying goodbye to his friend, who we've never seen before and will never see again, than she does with anything). At least one line is blatantly cribbed from Star Wars for no reason any sane person could determine. The woefully fake "electric fence" shock is an apparent attempt to reference Jurassic Park but would work better if the director and editor had some idea how to use cutaway shots. Frankly I wouldn't be at all surprised if they filmed at ValleyFair Amusement Park by buying tickets and smuggling their cameras in their backpacks. The vet character is only ever filmed with his face obscured-clearly the smartest person connected with this film. I give this one star because zero isn't an option, though I suppose I ought to give it two for finally showing me there are movies out there worse than "Red Zone Cuba" (because hey, at least that had John Carradine singing the theme song.) Thank God I got this in a DVD bundle for $3 with a halfway-decent movie at Wal-Mart. I sincerely hope no one connected with this production ever saw a dime from it. They owe anyone who ever sat through it instead. I've sat through the worst Mystery Science Theater had to offer (yes, even the unedited, un-snarked versions of some, like "The Head That Wouldn't Die".) By comparison, they're all art.

The horse was pretty.