DonutMassacre64 Reviews

Excerpt (2012)

Creepy Short with a Cute Lead

[9/10 · 26 June 2023]

College student Ally Dixon has been experiencing sleep problems and after a doctor's visit she is tasked with recording her breathing while she sleeps. With the sound recorder being defected, Ally takes the observation to the next level and films herself while she sleeps. The footage reveals that her sleep problems might have something to do with a ghostly visitor who watches her sleep.

Told in the found footage format, this horror short has an atmosphere of otherworldly dread whenever the ghost lady is onscreen while Ally is in the background asleep. The ghost is effectively creepy especially whenever she's hovering over Ally or pulling the sheets off of her. The footage spans several nights cut with footage of Ally during the day recounting the odd happenings during the nights. Ally is a likeable lead and is easy on the eyes as she is the damsel in her underwear, a staple of Azron Shai horror shorts.

Around 10 minutes long, Excerpt gives us an effective villain and a cute damsel, with spooky happenings escalating each night. The found footage is also effective, filling the night scenes with an otherworldly atmosphere.

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

One of the Best F13th Movies Ever

[8/10 · 11 May 2023]

As beloved as the Friday the 13th franchise is, (some of my fondest childhood memories was going to Blockbuster and discovering these movies in the Horror section) most of this franchise is very run of the mill and got worse over time. Part VI: Jason Lives however, remains one of the franchise's best.

Tommy Jarvis (now played by Thom Mathews) returns in the character's third and final official F13th film to date. Being one of the few recurring characters in this long franchise, he is instantly likeable even though it was his fault for accidentally bringing Jason back from the dead. The first undead Jason movie, Jason seems to be having a blast as he marches through Crystal Lake (which is now renamed Forest Green to get people to forget about the past murders) killing many side characters who all get their moments in before being slaughtered in over the top ways. Being undead, Jason now has super strength and is even more unstoppable than before. At one moment he is even surprised by his own strength.

Our new Final Girl Megan is also a breath of fresh air, as she is fun and promiscuous unlike some of our previous Final Girls and makes for a funny love interest to Tommy, who is both frightened and determined to stop Jason the whole movie.

Other memorable characters include Rick the deputy, who has some funny lines and acts as a side antagonist to Tommy, Sheriff Garris who is Megan's father and grows more likeable throughout the movie as the caring Sheriff/father despite being an obstacle between Tommy and Jason, Martin the alcoholic gravekeeper, and some paint ballers that provide some good comedic relief before being dispatched. Most of the characters were actually pretty good and entertaining despite obviously being bodycount fodder.

This movie does have a self-referential/self parody feel, but that is actually a highlight. At this point in the series the (mostly serious) slasher tone has gotten stale and it was refreshing for the series to start poking fun at itself. Writer/director Tom McLoughlin set out to make a movie that was fun and could be seen in black and white as there are also references to the classic Universal Monsters movies. You can tell he and the rest of the crew had fun making this movie and I never get bored on rewatches.

Jason Lives isn't the definitive Friday movie like Part IV: The Final Chapter, but its fun take on our favorite hockey masked killer definitely puts it up there with Part IV as the best the series has to offer.

Kill Her Goats (2023)

Bad Throwback of Scantily Clad Horror

[2/10 · 11 May 2023]

I'm a sucker for horror movies with scantily clad babes running around from a deranged villain. Movies like The Dead Pit or Sorority House Massacre 2, while pretty bad movies themselves, had a certain level of charm to them. Kill Her Goats has the scantily clad babes down, but not much else.

Audra has moved into the Tupp House and invites her two best friends over for a night of wine and horror movies, when they are soon stalked and hunted by a masked killer Goatface. This all sounds like a fun time, but it is a drag to sit through as most of the time nothing is really happening. The movie takes its time letting our female leads get undressed but it takes too long for the chaos to ensue. There's barely any story as we don't really know anything about Goatface until the end when they are defeated. They as in there's more than one killer. Then the movie decides to make Audra the killer as she finishes the rest of the characters (kinda, wasn't sure if two of them were killed or just knocked unconscious). This all seemed dull and the Goatface reveals were very brief and I quickly forgot about them because it all seemed unimportant even though it was supposed to be important.

There were some nice easter eggs such as the town being called West Craven and the callbacks to writer/director Steve Wolsh's earlier slasher Muck. Some of the bloodshed was also nice and I liked the dream sequence one of our characters finds herself in, but the whole middle section of the movie was just devoted to getting our female leads undressed while nothing happens until the movie begins to reach the final third. Speaking of Muck, that movie also sucks. It seems Wolsh only knows how to get playmates and only fans models into his movies and nothing else.

2/10 avoid this movie and waste your time with other sleazy horror movies.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Why Are They Still Making Leatherface Movies?

[4/10 · 22 February 2022]

Of the "Big Four" Slasher franchises, "Chainsaw" was the least interesting. This new installment is no different.

A group of Gen Z entrepreneurs head to the small town of Harlow, Texas to start up their new business venue, despite the disdain from from the locals that have lived there for years. An encounter with a dying old woman who ran the town's orphanage ends with her being taken away by authorities when she refuses to leave the place that no longer belongs to her. This ends with her dying in the back of the police vehicle, triggering the rage of old and hulky Leatherface, who she has been caring for since he got away with the original murders almost 50 years ago. Leatherface goes on a killing spree, killing anyone including the local characters, his main targets of course are the entrepreneurs.

The movie has the "Liberals vs. Conservatives" crap that has plagued media and the internet. The characters were either dull, annoying, or downright stupid. However, I did start to feel bad for the main characters once Leatherface starts doing his thing and they started showing some bits of character development, plus there actually were moments with good suspense.

The best part of the movie was the chainsaw massacre of partygoers trapped inside a bus. It's about time we actually saw a "chainsaw massacre" in one of these movies. Usually Leatherface picks people off one by one and usually with more than just chainsaws, but we actually get an entire sequence of him slaying multiple people with a chainsaw at once.

Other stuff I had gripes with was how little the connection was to the original, besides mentioning the events and the Sally Hardesty character coming back to face Leatherface one more time.

Leatherface was said to have gotten away in 1973 due to wearing a mask, but what about Drayton Sawyer or grandpa? Drayton worked at the gas station so people knew who he was. Sure he could've started hiding behind a new life, but his face would be all over wanted photos and evidence. But we get no word on him or grandpa, two important characters to the original.

The characters were dumb, including Sally who just stands there rather than shooting and finishing Leatherface once and for all. This also unfortunately leads to her character getting killed off.

Leatherface is also now Michael Myers/Jason levels of strength and invincibility, tanking bullets and ripping arms off with ease. He was just a big guy in the original, not some machine.

He also gets away again, setting up yet another sequel that's probably gonna get turned into another reboot instead. An endless cycle that needs to stop. Now was this as bad as some of the other sequels/reboots? No, I'd actually place this somewhere in the middle in terms of ranking the entire franchise. But was this good and interesting? Also no.

Please stop making these movies. If you're gonna do another Chainsaw movie, could you please just kill Leatherface off already? He always gets away and it's just annoying and uninteresting at this point.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

One of the All-Time Horror Greats

[9/10 · 8 October 2020]

What can I say that hasn't been said about this slasher classic? The concept, the special effects, the memorable scenes and kills, were all wonderfully crafted, but the acting can sometimes be a bit shoddy due to the inexperience of the main cast of teen characters. But that can be forgiven because of how well the movie and Wes Craven's direction works. The only true downer is the terrible ending, obviously done by the producer's demand in order to leave it open for a sequel. And by god those sequels came with mostly diminishing quality. But less said about those sequels as this movie can still stand on its own. A true horror classic that came at a time where the popular slasher sub-genre was starting to lose a bit of steam. This movie (like Craven's Scream over a decade later) would rejuvenate some life into slashers and no amount of bad sequels, reboots, or knock-offs can take away its legendary status as a horror heavyweight.

The Skeleton Key (2005)

Slow Southern Gothic heightened by its Twist Ending

[6/10 · 23 June 2020]

Kate Hudson stars as Caroline, an in-home hospice nurse for invalid Ben played by John Hurt and his ailing wife Violet played by Gena Rowlands. The swampy scenery surrounding the old plantation home lends the movie much of its atmosphere but the movie moves along at a really slow pace until the third act.

The acting is pretty stellar from Hurt and Rowlands, Ben the silent stroke victim who knows what is going on but lost the ability to say anything or walk and Violet the suspiciously creepy lady who may or may not be the culprit behind the whole Hoodoo highjinks. However, Hudson's Caroline seems too bland and unassuming for our lead. Most of the runtime sees her using the titular skeleton key to snoop about when things start getting spooky, caring for Ben, out on the town, or lounging about in her underwear. But once the twist begins to unfold (as the movie is pretty much almost over), things finally kick in gear towards an ending that will either surprise you or make you feel like you just got kicked in the gut.

A not too bad but also not too good supernatural thriller that will leave you bored for most of the runtime until the ending injects somewhat of life into the movie. If you're a fan of creepy houses, swampy Louisiana scenery, supernatural practices, twists, or Kate Hudson's bottom half, give this a go. Otherwise it's skippable.

Deep Blue Sea (1999)

My Favorite Shark Movie

[8/10 · 26 May 2020]

Yes, even over Jaws. Jaws is a masterpiece, but Deep Blue Sea just ticks all the boxes of a movie I can always put on and never be bored. DBS is an entertaining action-thriller with a solid cast, great animatronics (albeit with badly aged CGI, but not enough to ruin everything), and a plot that is dumb but simple enough to follow. It also doesn't try to be another Jaws rip-off like so many other shark movies mistakenly do and it's not a dumb parody played for laughs like something like Sharknado. It's a B-Movie at heart played straight like an "A-Movie" and I just love it.

An underwater research facility called Aquatica has been testing sharks to find a cure for Alzheimers. The head of the crew Susan (Saffron Burrows) has been illegally modifying their brain tissue to amplify the success rate of finding the right cure. Unfortunately for her and the rest of the graveyard shift, this means the sharks are now smarter and begin manipulating the humans to destroy the facility and releasing the sharks to the open sea. The unnatural intelligence these sharks now have will cause a drastic change in nature's food chain so now the humans must stop them and escape the crumbling facility. Other notable characters include shark wrangler Carter (Thomas Jane) who takes quite the beating throughout, smartass Scoggins (Michael Rapaport) who knows the facility in and out, comedic religious cook Preach (LL Cool J) who is a hoot everytime he's onscreen, and Franklin (Samuel L. Jackson) who is sent by the head suits to monitor the crew's final test after a test shark had escaped at the beginning of the movie.

The film has many memorable moments such as Preach beginning a tape recording in case he doesn't make it with the recipe for the perfect omelet, Susan randomly taking off her wetsuit and standing on it while in her underwear just to electrocute a shark, the entire sequence where the remaining crew are going up the steps as flames drop down and water rises up, and the most memorable moment where Franklin is suddenly eaten while giving a heroic speech to the bickering crew. What makes Franklin's death so memorable was that he's played by Samuel L. Jackson who is arguably the biggest star of this cast of famous faces. And for fans of Jaws there are easter eggs sprinkled throughout.

The film ends with Susan redeeming her character by sacrificing herself in order for Carter and Preach to finish off the final shark before it escapes to the open sea. This movie is no Jaws but it doesn't try to be and it's certainly more entertaining. Director Renny Harlin gives us another fun hit after films such as Die Hard 2 and Nightmare on Elm Street 4. He's the guy someone like Roland Emmerich wishes he could be.

8/10 one of my favorite movies and overall my favorite shark movie.

Supergator (2006 Video)

Supergator vs. Holly Weber

[2/10 · 18 May 2020]

....or at least that's what it should've been. Model Holly Weber plays the chick in the pink bikini who spends the first hour running from the gator until she gets killed off. Being one of the few characters that knew what was going on (and being the eye candy that probably was what grabbed the attention of male viewers on a boring Saturday night in the first place), killing her off halfway through was an instant buzzkill. What the movie was actually about though was a group of volcanologists getting in the way of the gator's rampage through Hawaii along with a scientist and a hunter who are in pursuit of it.

The acting is bad, effects are cheap (the gator and it's attacks are made with bad cgi and countless cutaways), and the plot is thin and uninteresting. But hey, it's a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie so it's not unusual. If they had scrapped the volcanologists in favor of the gator rampaging through co-eds, models, and other dumb characters like in the first half this could've been a decently fun "turn off your brain" creature feature you might sit through on a boring rainy Saturday night (or whatever night Sci-Fi premieres these types of movies). But instead we get something that only piques slight interest for about 15 minutes and then it's snooze control from then on out.

1/10 straight to the bin trash with Holly Weber's screentime giving it another star.

Sorority House Massacre II (1990)

One of the Sleaziest Slasher Movies Ever

[5/10 · 17 February 2020]

If you're gonna watch a bad horror movie, there's usually something that keeps you watching. This movie is one of those you watch to see half naked women chased by a maniac. And in that aspect it delivers. And that's about it. The kills are offscreen, the effects are cheap, and the acting is atrocious. There's also a subplot of a detective that's really just there for more nudity.

The movie centers around five college babes moving into a creepy sorority house where a man killed his family five years prior (except it doesn't follow the original and it uses footage from the unrelated Slumber Party Massacre to tell the backstory). The women get undressed and use a ouija board to contact the dead killer, obviously a bad idea. Soon they begin to get picked off one by one until it's revealed that the killer's spirit has possessed one of them and has been doing the killing. Oh and there's also the creepy neighbor guy roaming about who gets beat up by the final girl multiple times because he's a red herring. After defeating the killer, the final girl becomes his new host. That is until the detective subplot ties in and is shot down along with the neighbor (who actually survives).

Very predictable and bad in all regards, this is one you need to replace your brain with alcohol or something in order to appreciate it for what it unashamedly is. The women spend almost the entire movie in their underwear, but really the only one who was actually hot and wearing the most revealing outfit is the final girl Linda.

It's not often the final girl gets naked and she's really the only reason to watch this. The actress comes back in the sequel Hard to Die along with the possessed girl playing new characters in a new setting with the same plot. The neighbor Orville Ketchum also returns and is just one giant parody of unstoppable characters.

I would've given this movie a 2/10, but the final girl pumps it up to at least 5.

The Dead Pit (1989)

A Supernatural/Slasher/Zombie/Asylum/Underwear Movie

[5/10 · 30 August 2018]

......And it's a total bore.

They had all the ingredients of an entertaining cheesy 80s horror film. But for some reason the mixture came out very lacking.

The movie begins with a doctor at a mental ward killing his colleague after figuring out what he's been doing to patients. Jump twenty years later where we follow some hot bimbo that can't act and bears a similar resemblance to Nancy from Nightmare on Elm Street. She has amnesia and is brought in to the same hospital which triggers the revival of the mad doctor. The main chunk of the movie sees the doc going around killing staff (complete with awful Freddy-like one liners) while our heroine wanders about in her underwear. Towards the end, the movie becomes a zombie movie and it is revealed that our heroine Jane Doe is the evil doc's daughter and (I think) he ends up passing his evil to her.

The premise is interesting. I like that the first two thirds of the film is a supernatural slasher movie and then becomes a zombie movie in its third act. And Cheryl Lawson as final girl Jane Doe is the film's highlight, spending a good chunk of her screen time in a short tank top and tight underwear (why aren't more final girls this scantily clad?). The acting is bad and the film is a chore to sit through. A much more entertaining movie would've flesh out the slasher and what he could do, sleaze it up even more by focusing more on Jane's pants-less peril, removing the weird and overdone family connection, probably a better soundtrack, acting that doesn't make our heroine (who isn't supposed to be crazy, she had her memory "taken from her") look like a total nutcase, and more gore and zombie shenanigans.

A bold late 80s effort that tries to combine so many sub-genres, but fails to be that memorable. Well, except for Cheryl Lawson roaming about in a creepy mental institution.