screenhound22 Reviews

Silk Stalkings (1991–1999)

A USA Network guilty pleasure that actually had quality

[5 September 2004]

Spoilers ahead--probably.

I'm in a rather unique position. I'm a fan of both vintage Silk (Chris and Rita--played by Rob Estes and Mitzi Kapture) and New Silk (Tom and Cassy played by Chris Potter and Janet Gunn). The writing quality was--respectable, I guess and the on screen chemistry between the characters of Chris and Rita was superb. So there was some intelligence mixed in with the eye candy. Then both stars quit in 1995. The ending of vintage Silk was extraordinarily depressing, particularly because they couldn't decide which ending to use. They had the dream sequence kiss that was such a tremendous relief and fun to watch and then the stark news that Chris had died (I think in surgery). The closing shot of the ep was of Rita looking through the hospital window, absolutely spiritually destroyed. Their replacements (Holly & Mike?) were absolutely horrible. They were beautiful physical specimens, of course, but neither of them could act very well--(though, by the by, I did see Tyler Layton guest-star on Charmed that one time and she succeeded rather well, so maybe she improved her technique in the ensuing 2-3 years after she left this show). Tom and Cassy were nowhere near as engaging as the original pair and the writing dropped off seriously at the end, but it was still an enjoyable hour of television. I didn't realize that Peckinpah was the creative force behind vintage Silk. Die-hard Chris and Rita fans claim the loss of his influence killed the show. Trust me, it didn't. And I've also watched Peckinpah drive other successful series into the ground (like Sliders). Still, now that USA has gone respectable, don't expect to see them marketing anything like this or Pac Blue or anything resembling Sunday Night Heat ever again. That isn't a bad thing, but it's a fact that should be accepted.

Try Seventeen (2002)

The person who wrote the box synopsis should have written the script--Absolutely unwatchable.

[1/10 · 18 July 2004]

There could be some SPOILERS AHEAD but I doubt it. I have no idea how the screenplay for this one made it past the shredder. It's horrible. Completely unwatchable. I hung in there for 45 minutes (about half the running time) and just couldn't stand it anymore. I was an Elijah Wood fan in the '90s (see "The War") and I learned to enjoy Mandy Moore's shifts from bubbly to serious this year (see "Chasing Liberty" which is surprisingly entertaining). I've seen bits of "Run Lola Run." So with three leads I liked this should have been fine. It wasn't. Nobody turned in a good performance. Wood's Jones was flat. For an aspiring writer he had next to no imagination (his violent fantasies looked like they were ripped off from "A Christmas Story" and his lustful ones were--huh, a cross between boring and alarming). Potente is absolutely unlikable from the first second and I'd only know that she was supposed to be "THE girl" by reading the box. Speaking of the synopsis--whoever they employed for that job made the film sound funny, quirky, romantic, and quite enjoyable. Whoever that person was, he or she should have been employed to rewrite this script. By the halfway point, I didn't care about ANY of the characters anymore. Moore's Lisa is an aspiring actress who's bubbly and a little conniving (for no apparent reason at all) but her ludicrous period play (which is supposed to be funny in presentation) is on a par with the rest of the script. There is supposedly a happy, romantic comedy ending to this turkey--given the character material they had to work with, I just can't envision it. Save your money. Warn your friends. DON'T watch this movie.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

A truly superb film--ironically pieces missing and ending depressing

[10/10 · 15 July 2004]

Okay be warned SPOILERS WITHIN

This is truly an awesome film and it definitely deserved its Oscar. All the performances were great, the direction and cinematography were superb. But there were one or two quibbles.

Just a general plot comment for openers. In the film (though probably not the book), a big part of the reason that Aragon had to approach the cursed army was the attack of the pirates that only he and the elves knew about as the Rohan forces were preparing to leave for Minas Tirith. So he proved his credentials and recruited that army of the undead. Then, they all surprised and eliminated the pirates--OFF-CAMERA. How, precisely did they do this and where did they intercept them? We aren't told. They appear as almost dei ex machina to eliminate the rest of the siege force. I'd have been interested in the pirate battle (but then the film probably would have been a full four hours).

In my opinion, the third film also had a couple (probably unavoidable) failings.

1. Unlike the first two films, the third didn't portray the weight and difficulty of bearing the ring enough to demonstrate the Herculean labor that Frodo was undertaking. Quite honestly, for most of the film, I was more impressed with "Samwise the Brave."

2. This one is also probably mostly my fault. Arwen loves Aragon and he loves her. That's given. Apparently, she gave up her immortality to safeguard him during the war as much as possible. I have to respect that. Possibly because of the screenplay choices (but isn't the romance between Arwen and Aragon a mere footnote in the text of the books) we aren't really reminded of the elf princess and her personal courage and love quite enough to do her character justice. In the films, particularly this one, Eowyn strikes me as a much better match for Aragon at least during the war--the warrior king and queen uniting Rohan and Gondor and safeguarding peace. Of course, the two kingdoms are joined another way that's equally valid but the relationship between Faromir and Eowyn isn't developed AT ALL on film. Did they speak to each other before they got engaged? They must have, but how did they bond?

3. The ending--at least as far as Frodo is concerned. I have to admit that he has the hardest row to hoe in the entire saga and he puts himself through no end of torture and danger to save the Shire. And his reward for all this is--an inability to enjoy peace (rather like combat fatigue syndrome) so he has to leave with the elves. By the way, why didn't Legalos have to depart on that transport. I guess this was also a self-sacrificing move to give Sam peace, but why couldn't Sam have enjoyed his family life with his best friend and former employer as a neighbor?

Once again, an excellent film that should definitely be watched. Those were just some questions I had coming away from the film.

Snow White: The Fairest of Them All (2001 TV Movie)

So awful it's funny

[1/10 · 7 May 2004]

SPOILERS within--be warned.

Okay, y'know how you sometimes hear from people "This movie is horrible. It's so bad it's funny!"? I never really understood what that meant until I saw this telefilm. This was broadcast in 2001 but it was filmed in 2000 (I think) because it was supposed to be Kreuk's very first starring role. There are some familiar bit players as dwarfs and wannabe dwarfs, but the only serious player in the whole company is Miranda Richardson. Suffice it to say, everyone took a break but managed to collect a paycheck. The script is absolutely horrible, the key to what's wrong with everything else. Nobody gives a quality performance and none of the characters are even likable. Richardson can't save the project on her own and this is Kreuk giving her most bland, raw delivery--and that's saying something.

I have no clue where they got the idea to make Snow White's father an ordinary man who was made into a prince by a jinn (a rather demonic Western genie who looked like he'd have been more at home on an episode of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys) or why they made the wicked Queen a hag sister of the jinn who spent her days turning unsuspecting dwarfs into lawn figurines, but really just wanted to be beautiful and adored. However, it was very jarring, silly, and unconvincing. Also, the character of Snow White rails at being labeled beautiful but is trapped and suffocated by what amounts to an enchanted shawl while doing chores in the forest because it catches her eye and she comments "How beautiful!"

There is only one scene in this mess which is absolutely priceless. Richardson's wicked Queen, having disposed of Snow White through the suffocating shawl--or whatever it's supposed to be, retreats to her room of wall-to-wall magic mirrors and with the source-mirror in her hand asks a variation on her famous question

"Mirror, mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?"

She's asked the wall question twice (that we've been shown) and been given two answers. The mirrors illustrate each answer so that if things work out the way she wants them to, she'll be surrounded by sentient reflections of herself gesturing, smiling adoringly, and saying "You are" over and over again--quite the booster for her fragile ego. When Snow White outshone her, she was instead surrounded by magic reflections of Snow White repeating "I am."

What's funny about this scene is, after a hard day's work of evil magic to get rid of her rival, the Queen reclines and asks the mirror in her hand (the source-mirror) the famous question, and a living reflection of Snow White pops out of the mirror--says "I am" and gives the Queen a quick kiss on the mouth before disappearing back into the mirror. The Queen shrieks in horror, rage, and agony--the emotions I felt as I sat through this telefilm.

Born Yesterday (1993)

Better than the original

[22 April 2004]

I'll expect a hailstorm of replies because of this. However--I've seen both film versions AND the play. Here's how they rank:

#1 The Play

#2 1993 version (and relatively close in caliber to the play)

Last--The 1950 version.

I love classics, some of them. But having seen the 1950 version, I can't understand what all the fuss was about.

Griffith and Johnson both give respectable performances in this film and Paul Verall is not a prototypical Don Johnson role by any stretch of the imagination. SPOILERS ahead--maybe.

This is a good update and the supporting cast, including Edward Hermann fill their roles pretty well. It is well-shot and a good '90s view of Washington for a first-timer. The script is okay (and the defenders of the 1950 version will claim--rightly so, that it had good base material to begin with--the play).

I would never be so foolhardy as to claim that this version is Oscar-worthy or could ever hope to be Oscar-worthy. But get this--by all rights, the 1950 version doesn't fit in that category either in spite of its cast. The original Billie is pure froth and maybe she's supposed to be but that's not so spectacular or such an over-the-top spoof that it deserved an Oscar (Leslie Anne Warren's blonde mistress in Victor/Victoria comes to mind here). Also, some Oscar-winning roles and Oscar-nominated films (the Olivier Hamlet and the Olivier/Garson Pride and Prejudice; revered cinema from the '30s and '40s respectively) are total trash. The 1950 version of Born Yesterday doesn't fall into that category. I suppose it's just a cautionary tale. At any rate--see this movie. It's enjoyable and funny. Scenes to watch for include--Paul's coaching at the first dinner party and the Amendments song.

Hearts in Atlantis (2001)

An excellent, frustrating film

[9/10 · 30 March 2004]

Okay, first off--I have not read the book. Judging from the posts of those who have, I tend to agree with the sentiment that, even if it is readable as written, it's certainly not filmable as written.

That said, this is a great film in spite of its flaws. Beware, SPOILERS AHEAD.

Hopkins gives an excellent performance as Ted Braughtigan (his usual standard). And the two principal child actors Yelchin (young Bobby) and Boorem (Sarah) give good performances and work well on screen together. Interesting sidenote--they had costarred in Along Came a Spider before this film (and I think they shared one scene). Anyway, these performances are among the best points of the film. Morse does a good job giving the retrospective perspective as the mature Bobby. The family version of this coming of age story worked well. The implication that the Low Men were spooks using psychics for in the Cold War was carried off well, even if it was a substitution to simplify the story for mainstream consumption. Only two things really bothered me about the film.

1. Hope Davis' performance. I ASSUME that in spite of the mother's egocentrism, she is supposed to be a somewhat sympathetic character, a young widow trying to provide for her son and herself and--maybe--find love along with the respect of being a real estate agent. None of this came through. She was the vacuum that was selfish and unbending--two scenes were certainly NOT enough to rehabilitate her character after the entire film. I felt guilty about not feeling sympathy for her after she was brutalized in that hotel room, but I just couldn't bring myself to feel any sympathy for her. That was the film's enduring problem. On a side note, she seems to have a knack for making generally likable characters thoroughly unsympathetic on film (About Schmidt is another example).

2. The ending. The words of its message seem to be undermined by the entire journey we've taken and the snapshot that we've gotten of Bobby's life as a patriarch. This whole thing was a coming-of-age film and the message they appear to be working for is that Bobby has moved on with his life and he's happy with it. He "wouldn't have missed a minute of it, not for the world." He's given the photograph to Sarah's daughter, someone who needs her more than he himself does. But he begins the film alone in spite of his family, deconstructing his childhood dreams through his gift for photography (a loss of faith). He returns, hoping to meet Sarah at Sully's funeral only to learn that she is also dead. This hits him a lot harder than Sully's death. Again, he keeps that four-decade-old picture in a prominent place in his studio and takes it with him to reminisce. He hasn't moved on. When I first saw the film, that was my impression. On viewing it a few years later, I can better understand and buy the message that they were trying to convey but it's still tough to swallow completely.

Now, one more thing. One of the people who has read the book has discussed dissatisfaction with the portrayal of Bobby's attack on the bully. Apparently, in the book it was an ambush and here, this person saw it as a combination of desperation and luck. It isn't like that. He faces his fear. He counterattacks against the bully and then uses the guy's own bat against him. To me that shows more bravery than designed payback by ambush. Just my opinion.

The Count of Monte Cristo (2002)

Entertaining, not great

[27 March 2004]

I'm sure that there are SPOILERS inside.

Okay, this is an entertaining film, but nobody gives a powerhouse performance in it. Calviezal (I hope I'm spelling his name right) does alright as Edmond/the Count and Pearce is great at acting superior as the betrayer. It's a waste of Harris' talent for one of his last movies, but he does a credible job. The most entertaining character is Jacopo but that actor (Luis Guzman?) has played roles like that for at least a decade and a half. He's very good at it, but they all sort of blend together. I think those who think this film is better than the book are kidding themselves. This film might be easier to engage in than the book, but that's because it's a simplified version.

I found the conclusion satisfying and the swordplay was shot in an interesting way. However, I was a little disappointed that after all that build-up, the aristocrat turned out to be a pretender instead of a master with the blade. Maybe his skills had ebbed from fighting weaklings forced to defend their sisters' honor. Ah well--an entertaining film with a cast that's fun to watch. A solid film--by no means the worst of the Dumas adaptations (for a look at a spectacular villain and good action scenes wasted on a horrible film, that's "The Musketeer.").

Dr. T & the Women (2000)

Star-studded cast, poor writing, HORRIBLE ENDING

[18 March 2004]

Okay, based on the title of this review--be warned, SPOILERS AHEAD.

This cast is heavily loaded with stars of all persuasions which means a lot of gorgeous women who can really act and Gere as the anchor of the film and lovable center of town. Lots of sexy fun and a few laughs, right? Wrong! The characters in this film except Gere's T and Hunt's Bree are cartoon caricatures. All of the gags stretch our suspension of disbelief to the breaking point. Farrah got to be the new Farrah as we've seen her on late-night talk shows and collect a hefty paycheck for it (I hope). Her breakdown is a weird scene and not funny. The "hospital" or sanitarium where T sticks her is so bizarre, and the head doctor's diagnosis is so ludicrous, that I wondered for a fleeting instant if Gere's character wasn't actually talking to one of the patients who had delusions of being a psychiatrist. And that was the highpoint of believability. Laura Dern plays a bossy drunk, and that's basically all her character is--a bossy drunk running everywhere at once trying to organize the planned wedding. Hunt and Gere give typical performances and this is just past Hunt's peak of popularity so the chemistry should work well and it does--for awhile. However, T's willingness to cheat on his wife and throw away his family out of what? boredom? and Bree's general outlook make them unsavory as a couple. Everything spirals out of control. All the women that the good Dr. works on (and we see more of them than necessary) are crazy about him, even his head nurse/receptionist, played by Shelley Long. One daughter is in the closet and going through with a sham marriage to an out-of-his-depth nerd who we only see quavering at the altar. The other has some fantasy about being a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader and the situations she gets herself into are utterly ridiculous. By the end, nothing is recognizable anymore. Some poor, rejected patient with lots of cash and a very fragile ego makes a huge fuss when the doctor refuses to see her and this starts a chain reaction that disrupts T's practice. His faithful nurse/assistant misinterprets his musings about Bree and begins to work up the courage to begin an affair with him, only to discover that she's mistaken. His wife is so warped by her treatment that she introduces him to her therapy group as "[her] brother." The final indignity is the long-promised wedding in which all of these threads are jumbled together to form the unruliest knot of plots seen in probably a decade. The bride-to-be comes out of the closet and runs off with her maid of honor. The assistant quits to--what? Open a bakery? Mrs. T serves her husband with divorce papers. And a tornado brews from nowhere to strike the outdoor wedding and reception to scatter all the guests. In response, Dr. T gets into his beautiful convertible with the top down and drives through the storm on the newly christened Jayne Mansfield highway (which he earlier helped name) and drives straight into the tornado. Instead of killing him, the tornado sucks up his car in central Texas and plops it down hundreds of miles away in a native American village across the Mexican border--(somewhere near New Mexico if he'd landed in the US). The car is undamaged, he is confused and a little disheveled but unhurt. After he lands, the tornado (great-nephew of the twister that landed Dorothy in Oz) dissipates. Dr. T delivers an Indian boy and is thrilled. Needless to say, I trudged out of the theater in disgust.

First Wave (1998–2001)

Great start--bad ploy, crushed Coke can

[19 February 2004]

This was another quality series, at least as it began. I enjoyed Spence and got hooked on the show in the first few episodes. I thoroughly enjoyed the first two seasons. The closing shot of the second season would have been a respectable, if aggravating way to end the show.

Spoilers Ahead

Especially considering that the closing shots meant that all Cade's efforts had been in vain and the Second Wave was about to begin. Once the invasion actually occurred (or at least its introduction with Mabus, etc) the show lost its focus. Cade had failed in his original mission but all hope was not lost. The addition of Lords was a stupid ratings ploy that obviously didn't work (rather like the guest appearance by WWF's Sable as one of Joshua's exes). I always figured I missed the very end of the series and wondered how things eventually turned out. Come to find out, that final vision of Wasteland Earth and the crushed Coke can WAS the last ep of the series (very annoying). It was time to end the show, but perhaps they could have gone out with a bang and a conclusion instead of a whimper.

Earth: Final Conflict (1997–2002)

The plague of the great opening

[19 February 2004]

Be Warned--SPOILERS within

Okay--most of those who liked the show concede that the first season was, by far, the best. The plot was more cohesive and the direction seemed clearer. The acting was better. Unfortunately, Kliner wanted more of a personal vehicle. He left the show. This could have crippled it, and almost did, but they were able to construct an okay Liam Kincaid plot from just about nowhere and that held the show together--at least until Lisa Howard left. Then they seemed to be stumbling around in the dark. Taelons, Jaridians, Chimerae, it was a huge mess that the writers couldn't or wouldn't navigate (and the little aside with the Doctor's daughter Joyce becoming a Being of Power was just...annoying). The introduction of the true Attivi was a desperate stretch to keep the series alive. Mercifully, it failed. Reintroducing Boone was lame and long overdue. I was far more pleased with the series' conclusion than I could have thought possible. Sandoval died an ultimately pointless death at the hands of one of the most boring sidekicks of all time (Renee)--Liam made a triumphant return and destroyed the Attivus population (only now he was considered a hybrid--if they could ever make up their minds about that character's nature, the series would have been helped immensely). Liam, Renee and the leftover Taelon going off into space was a fitting end. I will always regret the underuse of Lisa Howard, but there's nothing to be done about that now.

Brimstone (1998–1999)

A great show buried by the network.

[16 February 2004]

How ironic. A great show that hardly anyone ever saw praised in a Comment that probably no one will ever read because the poster was silly enough to put Spoilers in his very first comment and get blacklisted. Ah well

*SPOILER WARNING*

Much has been made of the self-defeating premise--setting an impossible goal (a minimum of five full seasons) and building it into the basics of the show. Namely "113 of the worst souls" escaped and Zeke Stone was commissioned for reasons no one is willing to explain--to bring them back. There's the adage played like a cliche that becomes Zeke's strategy in his battle "The eyes are the windows to the soul. Destroy the eyes." Fine. The entire cast in this series turned in solid performances. Peter Horton made Zeke a strong supporting character and hero. John Glover turned in probably the performance of his CAREER as The Devil and dominated every episode. The supporting cast all worked well--the villains Zeke had to fight were each unique (dangerously unique, in fact. I don't know that they'd have been able to come up with more than a single season's worth of these characters). As a Lori Petty fan, I had no problem with what some of the show's fans see as its weak spot. Finally, Ash was a great recurring villainess--I don't know that I necessarily bought her as the ringleader of the prison break, but other than that, an excellent choice. One I absolutely didn't see coming.

Last--the obligatory rant about the moronic suits of FOX. I saw only a single episode of this show on its initial run, early maybe five episodes in and could never find it again, even though I looked. I don't know about the hyperbole that it could have been an X-Files. A phenomenon like X-Files or, the more pedestrian Quantum Leap is exceptionally rare. QL is an even rarer breed because it had solid ratings for four seasons in spite of NBC's willingness to kick it all over the schedule during the season. At the very least, this show deserve a shot at a full first run.

Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman (1993–1997)

Wonderful promise, but the show couldn't live up to it

[15 February 2004]

As a loyal fan of L&C, I have to say that I loved most things about the show. Teri Hatcher turned in my favorite portrayal of Lois Lane to date. Lane Smith's attitude as Perry White was usually enjoyable. Most importantly, Eddie Jones and K Callan set a new standard as Jonathan and Martha Kent. Originally billed as recurring characters, their efforts on screen were just too wonderful to be denied and became a staple of the show through its many ups and downs.

Dean Cain was solid as Clark--and the idea that Clark was a person with problems and goals and insecurities of his own and that Superman was the convenient guise he used to help people always appealed to me. I know that most of the die-hard fans are of the opposite opinion, but humanizing Kal-el and focusing on his relationships with his family, his friends, and the love of his life was one of Deb Joy Levine's truly masterful ideas. The ensemble cast of the first season with Michael Landes as Jimmy Olsen and Tracy Scoggins as Cat Grant worked superbly together onscreen. John Shea turned in a respectable performance with a good mix of glitz and sinister ambition for a '90s Lex Luthor. I loved almost all the episodes that first season and one of my abiding regrets is that the show's writing staff and cast changed for the second season. Nonetheless, the first two seasons were both solid (even if the alternating introduction of competing love interests became grating after awhile).

Much as I hate to admit it, the show didn't end too early. The wheels came off in the third season with the much-despised clone-amnesia arc and the disturbing introduction of the concept of New Krypton. By the close of the fourth season, a consistent villain was nowhere to be found and the idea of Lois's possible pregnancy, of a Superfamily, wasn't strong enough to help the show recover from a disastrous newlywed phase.