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Risky Business (1983)
A preponderance of bass, perhaps?
A deep hypnotic film that dives way beyond the depth of the plot. Kubrick but on a smaller scale, less ambitious but every bit as sharp. Essentially Joel is us, the audience, stuck in a sort of 1970's hangover fuzz, if you will. The scenery and people around him are the 70's, and Lana is the 1980's, but she is the 1980's that no one was expecting at that time. Paul Schrader nails it
The underlying sense of greed and hollow pretense reveals a sobering realization. The decadent nature of the 80's. If there was one movie I could recommend to tell the story of the 80's, this would be it.
The Northman (2022)
You couldn't find a more lifeless plot walking through a cemetery
This movie was horrendously bad. Boring & predictable
Perpetually expecting some semblance of a plot to emerge. Something to care about, there was nothing, no humor, no smiles, no sunlight, no humanity. Death, decay & destruction aplenty. No one does anything good for anyone, not even themselves, at all. It's dark, decapitatingly decadent, irritatingly flatulent, it left me feeling depressed. The worst possible story of revenge I've encountered on film. What was the point? Hey kid, you are the son of a nordic king (burp!) and your entire life's mission will be to kill the man who dares to (fart!) kill your father... cut to next scene... his dad dies... cut to the end... he kills the man who killed his father... The end.
Hollywood isn't even trying anymore.
Run DMC and Aerosmith: Walk This Way (1986)
Infatuation
We used to sit around watching MTV in the living room waiting for this video to come on. Once it had finished airing we would run to the bedroom and turn the radio on the boom box until it came on the radio. Then back to the living room and repeat
Joker (2019)
King Of Network Taxi Driver aka The Gen Z version of The Joker
This movie is a basic carbon copy of plots lifted from the movies Taxi Driver ,The King of Comedy and Network.
Act 1 features the introduction of Arthur who is playing a mentally deranged clown that is just walking the footsteps of Travis Bickle through Gotham City. You begin feeling sorry for Arthur as you quickly learn he is a poor lonely soul harboring mental problems. He has a sick mother who is the added key plot point to tie his Joker character to the Batman aka Bruce Wayne.
Act 2 Arthur slowly descends into madness while developing an interest in being a comedian combined with an obsession over a late night talk show host. Essentially The King of Comedy with a tongue in cheek twist. The talk show host is played by Robert DeNiro *wink,wink*
Act 3 is just a slow dragging transition from The King of Comedy and Taxi Driver motifs towards the final manic crescendo which echos an in your face near carbon copy lift of the Howard Beale rant and meltdown execution on live TV from the film Network. They even lifted the iconic scene from Network in which the camera pans out to several monitors inside a TV studio control room featuring random commercials, various news broadcasts and of course the man of the hour Arthur who has now emerged as the Joker
The end result ties it all together as an introduction to yet another comic book character villain. Most audiences under the age of 34 will completely vibe with this amalgamation of classic films. The current 18-34 age group tend to possess a blissful ignorance towards "old" movies and the general consensus among the youth of today is a total disdain for the nostalgia of anything before the year 2000. For someone who grew up in the 70's 80's and 90's this movie is nothing but a slap in the face and a gut punch to lovers of great cinema who are being inundated with banal, unoriginal film making combined with a flagrant unabashed piracy of storytelling
Real Genius (1985)
Summer of '85 - Popcorn and Tears For Fears
They don't make em like this anymore. I clearly remember the innocence of that time. I watched this movie as a 9 year old sitting next to my mom and my 5 year old sister as we listened to Everybody Rules the World by Tears For Fears and watched a house explode with popcorn as the end credits rolled up the big screen. We sat there the entire time, with zero chance of a hidden Easter egg scene at the end of the credits, just listening to a wonderful song as the lights were coming on and people were shuffling out of the theater. We had grins of giddy laughter because life was good, the summer was ending and there was just so much good happening in pop culture, so much so, I truly believe we were spoiled rotten. Just think of how many light hearted classic movies and how much good quality music we were being exposed to and then compare it to todays pop climate and landscape. Back to the Future, The Goonies, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Weird Science, Teen Wolf, Fletch, Silverado, etc. Combined with the fact that the radio was broadcasting such massive pop power fueled by young talent such as Michael Jackson, Madonna, Prince, Wham/George Michael and Whitney Houston just to name a few. They just don't make em like this anymore. The summer of '85, Nostalgia for a much better time
Gone Girl (2014)
Gone Girl starring Ben Affleck: Worst movie of the new millenium
It has been nearly 4 years since I painfully watched this nightmare of a film in a theater with a couple of friends who unlike me, sort of liked the raunchy and mysterious vibe Fincher created here. Really, I tend to think it was because they spent a good chunk of their hard earned, hard to come by moolah on a dismal cinematic experience. I have noticed lately, bad movies tend to give moviegoers a rather jaded feeling when they are faced with the reality of giving away that hard earned money for a mostly negative experience. The eventuality of it all happens when someone else they know, friends or acquaintances, find out they saw a new release and then ask them "how was it?" The painful answer that is given must mask the true reveal of being duped by Hollywood. Go ahead and lie about how you really feel about the flick, even if that means you will give someone else the thumbs up to go ahead waste 2 precious hours they will never get back in their life. Hey! if you don't like it too bad buddy, I did, or at least that's what I told you anyway. Technically, I didn't waste my money if I say I liked a movie, unlike you who is admitting you gave your money away. Unfortunately, misery does love company.
I have chosen to reflect on this film Gone Girl nearly 4 years later because I truly haven't ever felt like I did when I left the theater that night that I saw it. I recently stumbled onto a review of this movie on YouTube and my feelings have been excavated and I feel like coming here to express them for everyone and anyone who wants to read about them.
I can try to avoid re-iterating much of what I have read during some of the 1 star reviews already posted throughout this page so I will try and focus to what has stuck with me over the course of the last 4 years. I can clearly remember how angry and depressed I felt afterwards, lets just say I felt dejected by this movie. I could think of nothing positive or redeeming about it either back then or now. I mean what was the damn point of it all? Was Fincher trying to test the intelligence quotient of his audience by releasing a movie that had almost no point? Did he or the studio really think people were semi-retarded enough to go along with the mind-numbing stupidity that was occurring on the screen?
One question that has lingered around in my head is why did she kill have to NPH like that? Why did they have to sink to such a level of depravity by filming a man getting his throat slashed while climaxing? Afterwards, when she appears all covered in blood after so much time and money was wasted on her disappearance, why did no one really think to investigate her story? The line of questioning scene by the authorities while she was still drenched in blood was quite possibly the worst moments I've ever seen captured on film. I mean not in a B-movie MST3K kind of worst moment, but actually I feel like that scene is the closest I've ever come to feeling the pain of burning in hell. Of course the movie studio and filmmakers totally pull down their pants and moon the audience at the end by asking the viewers to accept that Ben Affleck's character is just going to accept it all and take it in stride. He will willingly go back with this disturbed, psychotic, schizoid woman. It's all OK that she killed her ex-boyfriend in cold blood but c'mon, love somehow conquers all, right? Even logic and simple basic reasoning according to those who were involved in peddling this garbage.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
Yawn of Justice, Yet another Hollywood Hack job
SPOILER ALERT !!! (Funny how there can still be such a thing when the movie is already spoiled to begin with)
This movie was marketed to patrons of all ages but only appeals to ages 12 or younger.
My top 8 reasons (in no discernible order) to avoid seeing this movie and save 2 1/2 hours of your life...Don't do it!
1. Amy Adams/ Lois Lane - Wow! what a terribly written part for this character...Clueless and painfully unaffected by everything going on around her... I speak for all true Superman fans when I say, Margot Kidder, eat your heart out baby!
2. The opening sequence - Bat boy Bruce Wayne sees his parents killed at gunpoint....AGAIN! Why must we always have to be spoon-fed the origin of this character in every damn movie. The psychotic flashbacks from his past will likely be thrown in later on in the movie and can allude to the dark knights brooding demeanor just fine, thank you.
3, Zack (rhymes with HACK!) Snyder/ The Director - The slow motion scenes used in this movie are such a desperate contrivance. His signature trademark only lends to extending the run time of the movie (ad-nauseum) and slows the pacing down (or lack thereof) to a complete stand still at times. There's slo mo used during the funeral scene...'NUFF SAID!
4. Confusion - Early scenes will attempt to confuse the viewer (successfully) in order to tie together several gaping plot holes (unsuccessfully). The problem here is you can see these outcomes coming a mile away. The viewer is left feeling patronized and a lack of a decent script becomes evident, as a result.
5. Jeremy Irons/ Alfred the butler - Holy cow man! This guy has been mailing it in for the better part of 2 decades (since Die Hard with a Vengeance). It seems the studio financiers felt the need to strengthen the budget here by slashing the Morgan Freeman and Michael Caine salaries allowing the 2 characters to morph into one, contemptible performance by a British actor with some real acting "chops"
6. Jesse Eisenberg/ Lex Luthor - Wins the award for all time best over-acting a comic book villain since Willem Dafoe played the Green Goblin. After this heinous acting performance by Eisenberg, I am beginning to think Heath Ledger raised the bar too high for this new generation of Hollywood soft, pretentious pretty boy actors.
7. THE MAIN PLOT OBLITERATED BY.... Their MOTHERS HAVE THE SAME FIRST NAME- 2 hours of very thin plot will be totally obliterated by Batman in a scene so horribly painful. The very premise from the start is Batman going after Superman. When the audience finally arrives at this crucial moment, The Batman is going to end The Superman and get what he so painfully wanted the whole time...AND what happens next? unfortunately it goes down like this, I kid you not! Superman says Martha!, his mothers name and Batman says WHAT! WHY did you say that name, Martha!, that's my moms name!, and then Superman says MARTHA! HEY! that's my moms name! and then they cry and hug each other and become best of friends the rest of the movie!
8. LAST BUT NOT LEAST - BEN AFFLECK/ BATMAN WOW WOW WOW ...Val Kilmer and George Clooney are breathing a collective sigh of relief after seeing this pile of steroid garbage take on the role of Batman. Yes after 2 long decades the monkey has been removed off of their backs...The worst possible Batman performance in history award can now be owned solely by Mr. Ben Affleck...Did anyone ever doubt him???
The Revenant (2015)
Boring and Pretentious...Banality and Mediocrity in abundance
I truly hoped to finally enjoy a decent outing at the movies. I haven't seen a decent flick at the cinema in over a year. 2015 was very painful for a fan of the silver screen with such duds as Black Mass, Crimson Peak and Sicario all previewed with that ol' Miramax feel, a brand of underground hits from the 1990's which featured great casts and crew. I also was duped into the Hollywood hype-train flicks like Ant Man, Jurassic World and The Martian... Lord knows I was finally going to get a decent flick here with Leo and Hardy, even though Inarritu's Birdman was pure garbage, IMO. Unfortunately, this ain't happening, not today. Without spoiling anything vital to the story. I will say that you will see an exact copy of the early scene in Saving Private Ryan at the beaches of Normandy, only this time it will feature cowboys (fur traders) vs Indians. You will see Leo saved from brutally cold weather in the belly of a Tauntaun like in The Empire Strikes Back, I'm sorry I meant Luke saved in the belly of a horse!? I will also say that you will see Tom Hardy do a completely outstanding job of emulating the Tom Berenger role in Platoon, however, in this flick he will be rolling around in the snow and the scar will be worn on his scalp, not on his face. Kudos to Hardy cause he really sounded like Sgt. Barnes. Hardy enjoying a smoke off a pipe really sealed the deal for me. I will also say that this script has the same revenge motif used several times before, primarily in Braveheart and Gladiator. The end result is a ton of wasted scenes featuring snowy mountains, snowy trees and snowy rivers, all of which seemed like they were stolen from, or at the very least, inspired by Godfrey Reggio. Needless to say, I could easily see Leo signing on to this Inarritu project after the Birdman hype because, Hey! if he could get Michael Keaton a best actor award... Bottom line, a bunch of pretentious garbage by Hollywood and their new favorite hack director.
Jurassic World (2015)
5 Reasons to Avoid Jurassic World...A Massive Fail
Here are 5 of the main reasons why this movie was a massive fail...there are others of course, but I won't bother getting into those. 1. The red head chick (the ambiguously homosexual aunt) - Her stupid reactions caused the death of many people, but we are supposed to still be rooting on her side. The scene when she rolls up her sleeves to look all cute for Chris Pratt is the exact moment the filmmakers and scriptwriters literally gave up on this garbage sequel. 2. The two teenage brothers (Teen Beat magazines next up and comers) They are presented as a couple of soft, Jonas brother types from the moment their mommy has to ship them off, un-chaperoned, to her lesbian sister. The cringe worthy scene takes place when they jump off the edge of a waterfall into the abyss, escaping the evil dino, and they reach the shore and have a weird bromance moment instead of being in complete shock at what sheer terror they have just seemingly escaped. 3. The new "Bad Guy" (AKA Vince D'Onofrio) This guy wants to weaponize velociraptors for the military! He comes up with the idea that the raptors will hunt and kill a giant dinosaur for us humans, yet no one calls him out on his obvious addiction to crack cocaine. Nice job Vince! the beautiful way you mailed this one in, i'm sure the USPS has a spot for you when you decide to give up your acting career. Hopefully immediately, if not sooner. 4. The new "Dr. Hammond" (AKA Irfan Khan) This eccentric billionaire is so jaded he decides he needs to go on a heroic mission and jumps behind the controls of a helicopter, even though he is the least qualified person to pilot it, and eventually kills himself and a several other idiots that went along for the ride. 5. The T-REX (or lack thereof) Yes folks, if you saw the movie, you probably asked yourself WHY? Why is it that if anyone there knew they still had a T-Rex in captivity on the island, why didn't anyone think of freeing the original villain from Jurassic park in order to battle the new I-REX villain until the very last 10 minutes of the movie. Sacrificing countless lives and millions of dollars in damage along the way. -Finally, to anyone who stood up and cheered when the movie ended, you are all sheep. Its time to wake up folks. -Bottom line: THIS MOVIE WAS A MASSIVE FAIL!
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014)
Sin Sh*tty: A Movie to Avoid
This sequel is simply a Bizzaro version of the original, and what I mean by that is that every scene from the first film was like a positive exposure of a black and white photograph, while every scene here is the exact negative exposure of that same black and white photo. Every memory I have of the original film has a direct correlation to something seen here in the sequel, with the exception of a real opening or closing scene. That important piece (Josh Hartnett's cameo) was clearly missing here because it was a clever way to needle a thread through the tales about to be told and leads to an ending scene which cleverly sums up what we saw throughout the film starting with that first scene. The fact that this movie just opens up with a very flimsy and rehashed amnesia scene similar to the tale of Marv from the first movie (minus the hot blonde girl) is a sign that we are in for something similar yet different this time? Please allow me to explain. Marv now finds himself with another case of amnesia...another short confusing tale begins, which is severely lacking the quick, witty dialogue, that allowed Rourke to steal the show in the original. We watch him retrace his steps and it all leads back to him murdering 4 very wimpy men who apparently have never been in a fight before. Considering there isn't anything seen here that wasn't already encountered in the original, this opening sequence only succeeds in extracting all of the charisma and mystique created for Marv throughout the original. Next, we are introduced to a new character, Johnny, played by Joe Gordon-Levitt. Initially, he seems to fit in this world, he's got some charm and cleverness about him and there is a slight hope of originality displayed in this story, involving a poker game with the senator character introduced in the first film, essentially giving off the same kind of good vs evil vibe here, just as in the original. We are left with Johnny facing the same fate as all other male characters in the original. Johnny boy takes a solid beating and is left for dead all bruised up and deformed, so... now he's ready to get his revenge and truly enter the grimy legend of Sin City right? NOPE, doesn't happen. What does happen? We are left hanging for about an hour or so before we see him again and there he is, re-introduced to us, all bruised up and again playing poker with the evil senator...The exact same situation from earlier except he's in for revenge this time, right?...NOPE! It won't happen. Basically the only thing that we get from the Johnny story is a contrived excuse to demonize the senator, and, as for Johnny, it turns out he was just some dumb but lucky fool who let his ego grow way too large for his brain to handle. Next, we are introduced to Josh Brolin's story, or what the filmmakers are trying to portray as a re-introduction to the character, Dwight, played in the original by Clive Owen, which was his best role in my opinion. This time around, Clive Owen, I mean, Josh Brolin, is reduced to a dull, lifeless, wanna-be, hero type, who is, essentially, a guy who has delusions of grandeur about his inner rage which, which unlike in the original movie, is never to be on display. Sadly, all of this just made me miss Clive Owen's Dwight that much more. The gorgeous Eva Green is introduced to us here as a dame to kill for, channeling the Carla Gugino bares it all scene from the original. She is completely nude for what seemed to be about ten minutes of screen time. Why? because there's not much else going on here. The filmmakers seemingly hit the jackpot by casting her, because she's the only actress willing to expose herself in the exploitative way the filmmakers most likely wanted the other actresses to do. At this point I will cut my review short because I believe the filmmakers cut the movie short and wanted to turn it into a lame soft-core porn flick, mainly because they knew they didn't have much to begin with. If only they would have spared us the re-introduction of the Michael Clarke Duncan (RIP) character played by Dennis "don't quit your day job as the voice of the Allstate commercials" Haysbert. If only they would have spared us the waitress role being reprised by a hideous looking and aptly named Lady Gaga, originally played by the sexy, yet angelic, Brittany Murphy. (RIP) If only they would have spared us the worst Bruce Willis cameo since Ocean's Twelve, playing a ghostly Obi Wan Kenobi figure for Jessica Alba to obsess over? If only they would have spared us watching the two shady detectives (Michael Madsen) story from the original played by two very fine actors Jeremy Piven and Chris Meloni who, in a cringe-worthy effort, essentially, just mail this one in for a paycheck. If only they would have spared us watching the beautiful Jessica Alba shake it for 90 minutes before giving her the main hero role for the final story, which only serves to help us realize she was perfect as she was in the first film, just twirling around the pole not really having much to do but look pretty. If only they would have spared us seeing Rosario Dawson's character, so hot and sexy the first time around, reduced to some dreary, mo-hawked, freaky looking prostitute character, who had no real reason to be in the sequel other than to tie the link between the Clive Owen/Josh Brolin character. In summation, the only lasting memory the filmmakers want you to have, is of Eva Green completely nude. To that, I say to the filmmakers of this abortion AKA a sequel, Robert "don't call me Tarantino" Rodriguez and Frank "don't call me Nosferatu" Miller...Mission accomplished!