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The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
The Dark Knight Rises is okay, but Batman Begins is still the best one.
I love Batman, he's the best superhero. Why? Because he don't need superpowers to save the day! Just deus-ex machina! The Dark Knight Rises, the conclusion to Christopher Nolan's Bat-trilogy, promises to end the legend, kill the Batman, and leave Gotham at the mercy of super-baldy Bane. Of course anyone with a basic grasp of fiction will understand that just ain't gonna happen. My favourite Nolan Batman film was 2005's Batman Begins. The Dark Knight was good, the best bit being Heath Ledger's Joker, but Batman Begins had to rectify a franchise that had become a laughing stock ever since 1997's Batman & Robin. Which it did fantastically.
So then, does The Dark Knight 'rise' to the occasion. See what I did there? Yeah, and I thought my jokes were bad. Oh well, you know what else sucks – puns about snow and ice. Yeah, we get it Mr Freeze is just that. Jesus.
Anyway
I was impressed at the misdirection with the villains, but as many people have said, it ruined the character of Bane. However, I still think it was an impressive plot development for Talia to be the mastermind, carrying on her father's legacy, and brining the film down to a very personal climax for Batman. Maybe it was left too late in the way of things, nonetheless you don't see it coming and by that point in the film's 170 minute running time, you needed something to kick you in the teeth.
Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale both expressed a dislike for the Robin character in their film trilogy, but with Batman being Batman and having a 70+ year history, out of respect, you should acknowledge that which came before. I was pleased with the development of their take on Robin, but found it a bit cringe worthy when they signposted it at the end "Hey you should use your real name
. ROBIN!" Anne Hathaway's Catwoman worked well, better than Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns. In TDKR, she is a better romantic foil for Bruce Wayne / Batman because they represent the opposite ends of the social spectrum. Without even being called Catwoman throughout the film, she is in my mind the best portrayal of the character.
Alfred was great at doing what he does best – being Batman's Batman.
Bane was very effective as a villain, but falls short on some things mostly due to Nolan's 'gritty and realistic' take on the Bat-Universe. Okay so as you may or may not know, Bane's primary character trait is Venom, an enhancing super steroid that turns him from a psychopathic body builder into a psychopathic WWE wrestler. This is acceptable in the comic books, even the animated TV series, and EVEN in Joel Schumacher's Batman & Robin. Joel Schumacher directed Falling Down
FALLING DOWN, and he gives us Batman & Robin
with the bike races, and the neon, and ice puns, and the George Cloooooneeeeeeeeyewpeifeqigbegf ?!!?! Anyway, so in the transplanting Bane into the 'it could actually happen' aesthetic of Nolan's Gotham, his main characteristic is, how do I say it, removed? But you know, you are still adapting a comic book character you need to keep it in somehow. His mask then is left on. Okay. Why? Why does he where that mask? I think there's a passing reference to 'pumping constant anaesthetic into his face to stop him from feeling immense pain' but it's so under-handed at justifying it. So you get a man wearing a scary mask and I've just realised that's what Batman does. Hmm
.
The Dark Knight Rises is damn good superhero fun, a fitting end to the Nolan trilogy, and no doubt will get people wondering what's next in store for his take on the caped-crusader. It better not bloody well be Robin: The Movie.
Cowboys & Aliens (2011)
The Opinion Hole: Cowboys and Aliens: The Film With No Soul
When I first heard of this film, I saw the teaser trailer. The premise was outstanding, for me my two favourite popular genres: science-fiction pulp and classic westerns would at last be joined forever in the glorifying summer blockbuster stable. To be honest, I had to ask myself 'Is this real, can it be as good as it promises?' Genre collisions are a very rare and mystifying aspect of filmmaking, take a few good examples: Alien (horror and science-fiction), Aliens (science-fiction, horror, action), Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (animation, live-action and film noir) and a more relevant example: Serenity, the Firefly feature length spin off which is questionably to best living proof of a 'Western in Space' done right.
In Joss Whedon's brilliant swansong to his criminally under-rated TV series, we follow a ragtag group of thrown-togethers as they run and gun their way through the worst Mos Eisley towns this side of the Outer Rim. You watched that film and not only could you be amazed at the technology, the spaceships, the pristine, and the staple sci-fi government conspiracy parts, but the characters dressed, acted, and were as lovable as John Wayne, Clint Eastwood and Han Solo (yes, Solo a space cowboy if there ever was one.) This brings me neatly to the crutch of the review: Cowboys and Aliens, from Iron Man director John Favreau. The film stars Daniel Craig, Olivia Wilde and Harrison Ford – who still brings back memories of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.*[1] In the beginning, Jake Lonergan (Craig) has amnesia. He wakes up, who he is? We don't know. He has a strange, steam punk-esque device strapped to his wrist. Three crooks try to rob him, he quickly subdues them. And here is the first overlying problem of the film. It is never established exactly how Lonergan is able to fight them off so effortlessly, leaving us with a person who simply seems not have to worry, nor care about overcoming anything, if he is able to combat three armed drifters after being unconscious. 007 is cool and detached, this character is a Terminator. A machine. He heads to the nearest town.
Moving along, Lonergan ends up in jail because he is recognised by the sheriff in Absolution as wanted outlaw. The titular aliens attack the town during the night, where many people are abducted, including Percy the son of ruthless cattleman Colonel Woodrow Dolarhyde (Ford). If Lonergan is a Terminator, Dolarhyde is Yosemite Sam – gruff, cantankerous, and unlikeable. These characters are so underwhelming and lacking in unique development that it cements the film as having all the elements of TV movie with the added sheen of 'star power'. I suppose you could defend the movie, arguing 'Well, it has the conceit of a B-Movie, the premise I the same; surely you can say it's alright that the characters are flat and boring.' Consider 1996's Independence Day which, for a better word, is the 'ultimate B-Movie'. It is a self-contradicting title; surely B-Movies aren't summer blockbuster material? But then why did ID4 make nearly six times the money that Cowboys and Aliens did? Possibly because it used the cinematic format to increase the scope and scale and show audiences what an alien invasion could look like and make it exciting. It also had some likable characterisation in Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum's family lives. Something Cowboys and Aliens failed to do.
After a lovely Western journey cross country, with formulaic moments of rest and character development (Like the church scene in Saving Private Ryan except on rapid-fire back-story mode), the Lonergan/Dolarhyde party arrive at their destination. The alien's base of operations is a goldmine. Yes. The aliens have travelled all this way, to mine our gold. Why? To power their machines. Okay, so you have a function, what is the reason? Why do they need to power their machines, what machines are they and why does gold power them. It's cheat, presenting a problem to overcome; it's like building a brick wall for a character to climb over. The wall is just there, it doesn't need explaining but if they don't get to the other side then, well, the climax won't be satisfying! And they have been abducting humans to carry out experiments on them, which is fair enough. Better than the gold subplot. Still reeks of bad B-Movie plotting.
The film ends with Ella (Wilde) actually dying to save the kidnapped humans, after Lonergan regains his memory of his 'true love', perhaps Ella served her purpose and she had to take her rightful place at being dead. Lonergan really is a Terminator, incapable of love or commitment to women. He ends the movie, riding off into the sunset. Dolarhyde redeems himself and becomes the character I wish Ford played from the beginning.
A film like Cowboys and Alien looks nice, it has many recognisable faces, the special effects are so-so and it should be defendable by the 'mindless' summer blockbuster theory. However, this film which looks amazing has, underneath, nothing. No memorable moments, any standout set pieces. It's all been done better and done before. This film has no soul. And it's really hard to say that about a movie. I will say it tried; it tried to appeal to everyone, to be post-modern and to be the next big franchise. But it failed because it was too formulaic and didn't try anything new.
*** [1] Note: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, is a terrible film, because it attempts to disprove the last three films' religious pathos as mumbo jumbo, forcing onto the audience the overruling concept of pan dimensional 'aliens' as being responsible for everything in history that has supernatural elements – which goes against everything the Indiana Jones films stood for.
Tron: Legacy (2010)
Spoilers!The Opinion Hole: TRON Legacy
SPOILERS!
A brief thought on the cinema experience, specifically the trailers. There were two trailers that liked to the ram the word 3D down the audiences' throats, be it Yogi Bear and Gnomeo and Juliet. In such a manner that resembles a child who is desperate to catch up with the bigger players by announcing it had the latest 'in thing', 3D.
Onto the film itself, a few minutes in as soon as I saw a poster to Disney's 1970s flop The Black Hole I knew we would be in for a treat. Such an in-joke that almost says "Yep, we made that but this is better and we learnt out lesson!".
The main character Sam Flynn was bland as you can get. A mere function of the plot perhaps, we need someone to take us into the world of Tron. In the time that grew up he took a page out of Batman's book by standing rooftops, jumping off them and coming across as a vigilante hacker. Reminded me more like Robin though.
The main plot therein is Jeff Bridges' Kevin Flynn talking to himself as his clone Clu, but it's okay because this is Science- Fiction! Split-personality is tame compared to a world within computers.
I was glad to see Bruce Boxleitner return as Alan Bradley though he seems to have also taken a page out of Christopher Nolan's Batman franchise. He plays into the anti-Rutger Hauer character in Batman Begins, while still sporting the same look. I even thought it was Rutger Hauer.
The musical score by Daft Punk is the greatest goddamn score I have ever heard. It fits, it is (dare I say this) organic to the film's visual aesthetic and, when the plot slows down and starts to hit a few speed bumps the music keeps your mind from wandering.
Michael Sheen's character was
well he made me think of David Bowie circa Labyrinth doing an impression of Jim Carrey's Riddler from Batman Forever. I was grateful for his comic relief since Sam Flynn was about as interesting as sitting through someone else's wedding. Someone you don't like.
Since I have seen the original a few times I more or less knew what to expect plot wise, it gave me great pleasure explaining the premise to my companion for that evening since her taste in cinema meant she was completely new to such pizazz. Whereas Michael Bay's Transformers films had the action set to stun, The world of The Grid was nicely colour coded to aid in our understanding of who is good (blue) and who is bad (red). Needless to say she like it.
It might just be in our small part of the world where we saw the film, but there has been no kind of merchandise to this film that I can see. No action figures or toy vehicles. Unbelievable if this is the case when such a film features incredibly active concepts. I am surprised toy companies haven't jumped at the chance to make a hell of a lot of cash from the film. Does the original Star Wars toy controversy ring any bells?
Speaking of Star Wars I liked the Millennium Falcon / Tie Fighter battle at the end of A New Hope reference, intentional or not. Along the lines of the female lead Quorra shouting "Here they come" to which Flynn senior tells junior to "man the turret" I was waiting for a "don't get cocky kid" pun that never came.
I liked Clue doing a Christopher Lee as Saruman in that he assembles an army and gives a speech to them. I was disappointed that they didn't make a reference to the Master Control Program (the antagonist from the original film) or his User in the original film played by David Warner. That said I thought the references to the lore was very good and the film didn't get bogged down in establishing that which it came from. Nevertheless the film went full blown sequel setting at the end so I would imagine a follow-up is likely to follow.
So then TRON Legacy. I loved it, it looked incredible, sounded incredible and the acting was nothing to be concerned about, apart from a dull lead. On the subject of 3D and this film, I read an article that likened it to The Wizard of Oz film of this current 3D generation. It said that like in the 1939 MGM musical which was famous for its transition from black and white into full-blown Technicolor which did a hell of a lot for colour in film. Tron Legacy did the same for 3D, more than Avatar did by actually doing the same effect. The film starts off in 2D, our world as it were and as soon as Flynn junior is put into the world of Tron or the Grid the film leaps into rather impressive 3D. Certainly made me appreciate the medium a lot more. The characters all have their own desires and it adds to the dimension of the film, no one really seems to be merely a plot function so that the story can advance. Flynn junior was just to dull to be a convincing leading protagonist. I can't wait for the follow-up, because there is a whole word to explore inside computers and in Legacy they only scratched the surface.
Red Dwarf: Back to Earth (Part One) (2009)
Red Dwarf: Back to Earth. A review in smeg.
SPOILERS
Very disappointing. Very, very disappointing. To the point of infuriating. Where do I begin?
Firstly, I am a huge fan of the Red Dwarf franchise, with all the series on DVD from series one to series eight. When I heard news of it returning to British television after a hiatus of ten years I was thrilled. No other show would benefit from the advances in computer technology than the pioneering combination of science-fiction situation comedy. As was shown with the revival of Doctor Who in 2005, the cult programs of old were ready to return to public consciousness with fancy CGI whizz and digital whatnot. Alas, Back to Earth failed in every department, like the one where it teased fans with fantastic locations and creatures the likes that the series had never been able to create before and then never used them.
Take another popular comedy series with the BBC stamp on it: The League of Gentlemen. It is a common belief that as a programme based on sketches carries on it gets less and less unique, every week we expect a different interpretation of the same joke, see: Little Britain, Monty Python's Flying Circus, and Catherine Tate. When the third series of the League and Gentleman came and went, the team had left the sketch format dead and buried and after the brief flirtation with the sitcom format seen in series three, the series left television forever. In 2005 the feature film was released. The basic plot is that all the characters within the world of Royston Vasey become aware of their existence as fiction, of the real world and thus of their creators (all playing themselves as themselves, but not quite as themselves, understand?). The whole fourth wall plot complimented the League perfectly. The sketches had gone through all the motions and so had the characters so to make them self aware was the next logical step. The self-refrentialism was perfect because the series and the characters had nowhere else to go so they could take out all the stops. This is where Red Dwarf is different. It had somewhere to go, and characters to develop. The space setting meant literally infinite possibilities, story lines, jokes and situations could occur for a good five or even eight more series. Instead the Dwarf mythology is stopped dead in its track and the fans are subjected to ninety minutes of unutterable sights (the Dwarfers visit the set of Coronation Street! Coronation Street! Not to mention the visual of the crew driving a Starbug-esquire car down contemporary Britain. A joke that reduces the show's humour from television to YouTube quality). The uncomfortable climax where the all realities crash into one another as the crew
re-write scripts that haven't been written yet to change their course in time to another point where they hadn't *BLEURGH*. The Blade Runner references are used without reason the characters are so out of place in the realm of another film. Yes, the original series parodied pop-culture with varying success, but to set the action IN another film's set would be like having the fifth Indiana Jones film set on the Death Star. Can you imagine it, Han Solo meets himself as Indy and they find George Lucas writing more scripts for *BLEURGH*. You get my point? I imagined this special would redefine the word EPIC. Red Dwarf in the 21st century! The smart humour! The distinct memorable characters! The exciting science-fiction setting! With today's super fast computer technology able to produce amazing worlds and sweeping cosmic vistas? Sign me up! It was working up to be quite possibly the most important television event in 2009. And what do we get? A lazy middle-finger to one of the most established and devoted fan bases in recent history.
Wayne's World (1992)
Wayne's World!, Wayne's World!, It's party time!, excellent!...
This is Mike Myers best ever film next to W'sW2 and the 3 AP films. The characters are brilliantly written not to mention some of the best humour I've have ever seen in a motion picture.
Favourite bit: When Wayne and Garth are in the TV studio and they are advertising various products just after Wayne says that their show will not have any sponsors.
Best Song: The extended version of the Wayne's World theme
Conclusion: A brilliant movie. Rent or Buy it now. It's even on SKY so WATCH IT!
10/10
ClayFighter 63 1/3 (1997)
Bluuuuurgh...
Without a shadow of a doubt this has to be the singulary worst video game (if you can call it even that) mankind has had to suffer since the death of jesus christ. jesus christ what a bad game, if you can ignore the awful music, voice-overs, graphics, gameplay, characters and the game itself it happens to be pretty decent... TO A BLOODY MICROBE! I, myself, completed it in less than,get this; five minutes. An awful exscuse for a game.
negative 10 out of 10
0%
Infintitly forever not good
If you liked this try superman 64 aswell }:-)