Morson Reviews

Doom (2005)

This truly sums up the movie in ways nothing I could say would..

[4/10 · 16 February 2006]

There's nothing I could say you haven't heard before. That it throws out the plot of the game, destroying the reputation of not only Doom but the game industry. That the marines aren't remotely in touch with reality. That it's a knock off of a hundred things, except it's source material. Nothing new there.. however, this.. this sums it up in ways that I could not in a million years:

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... On Doom ...

Would he have done it any differently, then? "I don't know if I would definitely make the movie very differently, because I think that Doom remembered me in a lot of the camera angles, what the creatures were doing and so on... I think the guy who made Doom definitely saw Alone in the Dark." - Uwe Boll, interview with Eurogamer.

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The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

75% Great, 25% Crack

[1/10 · 6 November 2003]

I just got done watching this movie at the IMAX. I actually liked Reloaded a lot, despite the fact it was loaded with plot holes and improbabilities.. it still managed to show us things we'd not seen before and a creative spark that inspired things like the Ghosts. The third movie starts out just fine, and introduces some more interesting sequences, and in fact, the real world seagments that were so awful in the original were actually the best parts this time around!

In fact, I was going to say the reviewers were wrong, and my low expectations were seriously raised by the movie. There's a hovercraft chase that is reminisciant of the Mallinium Falcon chase through the Death Star and tons of great robotic combat. There's also a pretty interesting, if mostly pointless, shootout in the Matrix early on.. about the only action scene you'll see inside.

Yep, it's all exceeding my expecations for, while having NONE of the elements that made the original Matrix great, a good action movie. One with some senseless points that I don't like, such as Neo's real world powers, but I figure "Hey, I can buy 'mutation' in X-Men, I can buy this if it stays this fun."

It doesn't. The last quarter of the movie, I am convinced, is the result of someone bringing the Wiskowskis some complimentary cocaine, and it serves as a giant anti-drug commercial.

Despite the fact there are so many plot holes in the 2nd half to mention in the word limit, it is THE WORST ending to any movie, ever. It seriously takes all the good work before it and makes you ashamed to even like anything in the movie. Hell, I can't even watch the earlier matrixes without these 20 minutes wrecking them for me now. Bad, bad, bad, BAD. If you don't want to hate the Matrix, leave the minute the 'machine city' comes into view.

--- SPOILERS AHEAD ---

In the last five minutes, thinking the ending was too dark, they amp up the crack by trying to back pedal it rapidly. Dead characters show up, with no explenation. They act as if they will "free minds that wish to be freed" and "end the war" - but by my calculations, EVERYONE IN THE MATRIX IS DEAD! Trinity is killed for no good reason, in one of the most pointless, horrible death scenes ever.. and it goes on forever! If you ever saw National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon, you'll be laughing as you expect her to cough up blood right before the "Kiss me one last time" line I knew was coming showed up.. I won't mention the incredibly dumb last fight of Neo vs Smith, the ripped off mummy effects of sentinals forming a face so it can talk to Neo (WTF couldn't it just float over and talk?), the fact that the original Smith did NOT get unplugged, but rather a clone.. the fact that going up kills sentinals attached to a ship hull (why the humans don't just fly in on planes is beyond me..).. it's awful. Beyond awful. Mind numbingly awful. Worst ending EVER.

In short, see it at the IMAX, enjoy the first half as a great sci-fi popcorn flick and when the city shows up (it looks like an ACTUAL CITY! And it's in the real world!) plug your ears, cover your eyes or run from the theatre.

Alias (2001–2006)

NOT La Femme Nikita

[3 September 2003]

This show is not LFN, though it wants to be at least for part of it. I know because the heroine doesn't want to kill anyone and is a spy, it's supposedly similar. But there's just a few key points:

A) Nikita was given a "Well, if you DON'T kill, we'll kill YOU" simple objective. She would have been terminated if she didn't make a kill by the first episode.

B) Notably, by the end of the series, she'd have killed off multiple third world countries without hestiating to save a greater number of people, as it's just part of the job.

In Alias, she's a goodie two shoes. Someone was saying they didn't understand why it was a "teen" show - and that's why. It's all light and happy and meant to very in your facedly show "Gee, young people can kick butt too! We are such a cool generation!" This is made worse by the music. (Notably LFN used a lot of "in" music, too, but very effectively IMO, esp. with a heavy slant on using Euro-music, which at least had a mood besides saying "We are YOUNG! WE ARE COOL!")

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is if this show wants to be an LFN knock-off, it's a drastically lighter, morally squeak-clean version that's all about "good feelings" and relationships. In otherwords, it's like a drink that's so watered down, you think it IS water.

Highlander: The Raven (1998–1999)

Very sad

[17 August 2003]

..OK, who's idea was it to take the WEAKEST character from the main series - maybe not in background history (and I don't care about her low morals) but, simply put, strength?

We're talking a series where people have to kill each other to survive with a bloody sword, and she got her ass kicked by just about every Immortal on the original show. Even Methos incapacitated her while trying to convince her not to fight him! That's like one step from beating her blind folded.

Annoying character that can't fight her way out of a wet paper bag, and gave up her only steady thing of thieving.. brilliant!

Highlander (1992–1998)

The only true sequal

[17 August 2003]

..would have to be the series. Most definitely eliminate the movies past the first one, as it's been said; they are really awful.

This series was great, espessialy if you like the premise of massive sword fights and stories that span quite a few eras of time, as well as the occasional dark overtones of things not working out as you would suspect they should; the heros are never really safe, with the excetpion of the main star.

OK, now the complaints, and there are many. While the background and concept are pretty facinating, as are some of the enemies at times, there's a number of details you should note before you wonder on the good stuff:

A) The first season, first episode excluded (Who can resist the guy infamous for Night Court's Bull doing a Kurgan impression?), is very black and white, and very overly action oriented. You have the annoying kid, a love interest that can't act, a main character that not only can't act (I disagree he's a better actor than Lambert, though IMO they're both 2nd rate!), but is effectively potrayed as such an uber-badass he should be known as the Rambolander. Nearing the end of the first season, however, things really start to take route and stay there until aproximately the 5th, when they definitely run out of ideas and things go straight downhill.

B) As mentinoed above, the main character can't act. The inital love interest can't act. I'm not talking "We're bad actors" but occasional "Oh my God, I'm cringing" bad. The support actors are usually of much higher caliber than the main actors however, and often supply really good, solid opponents-of-the-week (tm) - they often are the most interesting thing in an episode.

C) Notably, the "kid" can't act, either, but I don't blame him too much; his role is incredibly stupid. However, once an event happens at the end of the first season, he turns into an angry badass, and is suddenly a cool character; he's no longer even a real good guy anymore, but a grey-type, that's overall thought as good but with a serious bad attitude on the side. He leaves the series right about the downfall, at this point.

D) Last but not least, it seems every episode in the first season must introduce another cringe-inducing "Random person says something about living forever while the Immortal they're talking to knowingly looks on, the only one in on the joke" scene. The first season you feel like your watching something like Renegade, with swords. Trust me, it gets better.

E) A non-negative point I must end on is Methos. Probably the most interesting character, and cool actor, in the series. 5,000 years old but not at all acting like you'd expect (Somehow I'd pictured them either pulling a 'great wisdom' thing or a 'Yoda wannabe'), Methos honestly could have supported what would have been a superior spin-off, though he's not technically a highlander (well, by any stretch of the word.) The fact he was no do-gooder, usually only doing good to either help himself or just tagging along with friends, made him cool in and of itsself. Unfortunatly, they gave the spin-off (VERY short lived) to 'Raven.' Leading to my FINAL point..

F) Raven. She's the trying-too-hard-to-be-cute thief. She's completely retarded, and did not deserve a spin-off! Brief summery: She cheats in duals. She can't swordfight. She lost fights constantly in the series. She needs to be saved every five minutes. She always has a stupid idea that pans to be wrong. Did I mention she's also extremely annoying?