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Equilibrium (2002)
3/10
Painful garbage
19 January 2006
OK, I never liked the Matrix. But Equilibrium I actually watched to the end. What a waste of chances... The idea is rather cool: By mandatory drugs, people are losing any kind of emotions. This is supposed to eradicate wars and other problems. But a lot of folks actually aren't taking their drugs and are therefore prosecuted.

Unfortunately, the prosecutors are as absolutely unbelievable as the whole setup. Vanity, aggression, triumph - aren't these emotions? They are clearly around, and no one seems to mind.

The depicted future is also rather weird - cars, guns etc. are rather what we know them to be now. The only technological development seems to concern, ahem doors. Out of all things. Just to give it a SF touch, I guess. The rest is just a lame excuse for utterly boring Martial arts scenes (one of them toward the end is actually a tiny little bit cool. If my patience hadn't been worn out so much by then, I might even have enjoyed it). They are endless, and hundreds of people die - no matter whether by the hands of those with emotions or those without.

The worst, however, is the terribly annoying music. When total absence of emotion is supposed to be around, we hear - CHOIR MUSIC. Can you believe it? The little interest in the Martial Arts stuff I had was completely wiped out by the pathetic sound track, and the potentially eerie scenes became a laugh.

Avoid this garbage - it is cheaply done with a lot of money, if you know what I mean.
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2/10
Christmas equals noise
9 November 2005
This was considerably worse than expected. The fact that it clearly targets an American audience, up to the point where some details become difficult to understand for people who grew up with different Christmas traditions (milk and cookies as a sign that Santa hasn't been around yet, for example - I had to look that one up), is OK, obviously - maybe not as appealing to others, but I can't blame the film for that.

Unfortunately, the movie fails to deliver in nearly all other fields as well. The animation is strangely lifeless. Especially kids and elves look more like robots than like kids - expensive technique doesn't automatically bring spirit into a film. An exception might be the Tom Hanks characters, but I think he just stands out because all the others are so bad. At no point was there any bond between viewer and protagonist, which is a big step towards a boring film. But there are more.

The plot itself is rather thin. Two of the kids on the train don't really believe in Christmas, so they need to learn - but why is everyone else on board? Why does the train have so many cars when only one is used, when there are millions of other kids who stopped believing? What's the meaning of a train in the film anyway? Unfortunately, I know the answer to that: It's in it as an excuse for unmotivated roller-coaster rides that have no meaning for the film at all.

There are a few moments when some nice messages are transported: friendship is important and Christmas is a cool time of the year. As soon as we get to these messages, though, we get loads of kitsch as well, which makes them hard to endure.

The main message of the film seems to be: Christmas is a time for noisy roller-coaster rides and bright lights and for showing off your animation skills. Oh, and it is the time when Santa comes and showers you with gifts the size of yourself. For me, Christmas is a lot more than that.
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4/10
Mostly boring
8 July 2005
This film is a collection of individual scenes, most of which are about as funny as a "Scary Movie". Unlike there however, in "Meet the Feebles" we can find a few pearls, although not all are original at all (even stealing from Dr. Seuss, of all sources...). The rest is purely boring or annoying. Loads of excrement, sex and blood. Yawn - provocation without coolness has never convinced me much. It could have been a lot better, with less simply dirty jokes, less utterly annoying squeaky voices, more of a consistent story and so on. The puppets are okay for a while, but only a few characters have enough depth to be interesting. Maybe it was a mistake to make a film without any main character. For a far better attempt at a similar concept (provocative film with puppets), check out "Team America."
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3/10
It wasn't with me.
29 May 2005
The force, I mean. Now it is commonly known that the force has left George Lucas a long time ago, but he still keeps shooting movies. The latest addition to the Star Wars saga is, in my eyes, the worst so far. It is a nearly random collection of battle scenes, sometimes even jumping back and forth from one to the other, which I found really annoying. But cut out an hour of battle out of this overly long film, and all you have left are pathetic dialogs, which wouldn't really make it that much better, either. Lousy acting, particularly from Hayden Christensen, adds to the pain. Watch it for completeness, but don't expect quality.
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1/10
Vikings on drugs
29 January 2004
This is easily the worst animation ever produced. Leif Erickson is a little boy in this film - OK, I could possibly accept that. But the story is so silly, so illogical, so painfully cheap that it is not even funny. On top of that, the drawings are unbelievably amateurish: when the Vikings are on their boat, it looks like they are standing next to it in the water. Really! When the villagers are rejoicing, they are jumping up and down. This is achieved by simply moving the drawings up and down, without anyone moving a muscle. Looks like they are on drugs.

Bah. What a load of youknowwhatImean. Wonder how this ever ended up in our local video store?
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