Reviews
Tenet (2020)
Immensely disappointing
The line near the beginning that the female scientist gives, that you shouldn't worry if it doesn't make sense should be the tagline. But then, it renders so much of the film pointless.
Gimmicky and terribly disappointing despite a great cast and talented director.
Immortals (2011)
It's like slowly having your eyes pulled out through your nose...
Now I'm not one to sniff at filmmaking. OK I am. But I do appreciate the hard work that must go into making a film. There's the set design, the costumes, the graphics and special effects, and the hours that Henry Cavill has clearly spent in the gym.
But I do wonder why they didn't spend some time on a script that created a narrative that grabbed attention, or some direction with pace to it rather than creating shot after shot of m**turbatory aids under the guise of cinema.
I won't go on, unlike Immortals. It's everything that 300 was not. It lacks humour, charm, personality and most surprising, it lacks good action. It's tired and uninspiring and if I'd paid to see I'd be thoroughly annoyed.
It shan't be getting my vote academy. iamidiotcentral.com
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
best of a bad bunch
I think it's fair to say, if George Lucas had messed up this one he would have well and truly been considered a bigger muppet than Miss Piggy.
Well he didn't, he couldn't really. He has a classic tale at his disposal with the massive advantage of a transformation into one of the best known villains of the 20th Century.
There are some dodgy bits, but we're kind of used to them now and also, nothing as bad as the love story in Clones or Jar Jar in Phantom.
I don't feel the need to go into the ins and outs of the story as there are plenty of you who will doubtless pour over "significance" and whathaveyou. All I will say is thank the maker he came up trumps this time or I would be setting fire to all my Star Wars toys in the back garden.
The Wild Geese (1978)
am i in the minority here?
I recently purchased "the Geese" on DVD for £3.99 (HMV if you're wondering – marvellous value). It's always been a favourite of my friends, and mine not for its "realistic portrayals" or anything so profound, merely because it's an absolute riot.
The last time I posted on this thread I received a lambasting at the hands of a chap from Alabama who claimed it WAS a realistic portrayal etc.
Well, I don't want to go over old ground here, but on reviewing this treasured piece of old tat, it has reinforced my belief that this film has one of the worst scripts ever put to paper, including some truly appalling dialogue, a plot with holes a-go-go, and sadly (considering the potential acting firepower) some incredibly dodgy performances.
That said; don't confuse this as a dressing down. If this was released today and I reviewed it, I would state that it's complete rubbish, but desperately entertaining rubbish. There's nothing wrong with that.
I'm not one to jump on this "so bad it's good" thing, which is just not true. I think the Geese is bad AND good. It's a romp, it's ridiculous, but it always makes me smile.
On reading that some of you would like a remake of it starring George Clooney etc. Blasphemers I say! If they tried to "slick it up" and give it some credibility, where would we be? No more Witty and his 1970s homosexuality nonsense, no more of that ludicrously quick serendipitous moment for Pieter Coetze and Limbani ("You know what, you may have a point there" so dashes 50 years of his apartheid-fuelled prejudice).
No, leave the Geese alone. It's rubbish, but it's our rubbish. IAmIdiotCentral.com
Alexander (2004)
And you thought Troy was bad...
After going through an experience like Alexander's three hours of ineptitude, a kind of mutual appreciation for surviving such rubbish. one does at least feel a kinship and bond with your fellow viewers. The most overwhelming emotion felt as the end credits run was like that of a trapped animal suddenly released into freedom. While Stone may seriously consider himself a dramatic historian with a gift for exploring avenues and angles on stories never considered, he is in fact more like a child who can't be bothered to read up on the subject and instead simply make the film he wants no matter what. Of course, this is all forgivable if the film were in any way entertaining or well acted. This is neither. It lurches lazily from one dire scene to the next like a badly rehearsed pantomime. Farrel is woefully miscast, Jolie's accent (one of the better ones!) is bizarre, and Tony Hopkins turns up for a quick earner at the beginning and end.
The most pathetic of all aspects though is the end. After all this dramatic recreation of possible events, Tony Hopkins character says something along the lines of "of course, this could all be a load of tummyrubbish". Oh nice one Tony, thanks!
If you thought Troy was bad (and you were right) then this will amaze you. It is in fact worse. From the Doors to Alexander. Stay away from history Oliver.