Poolie Reviews

All Light, Everywhere (2021)

A 2 hour infomercial for the company that makes Tasers & Body-Cams

[1/10 · 8 March 2024]

This waste of time disguising as a documentary is really a 90 minutes infomercial for the company that makes Tasers & Body-Cams, peppered with 20 more minutes of random facts about the history of Photography. The movie has no point of view, is incoherent at best and tries way too hard to appear smart.

It does not leave the viewer with any discovery other than realizing how rich the owner of the Taser/Bodycam company must be (with 89% of the market) and how amazing it is that he got this free publicity from this blatant informercial disguised as a pseudo-documentary. No bad consequences, side-effects or negative effects on humanity or on society are even presented.

The only time I thought this movie was FINALLY going to get somewhere was late in the film when a few members of a community (in Baltimore i believe) are voicing their concerns about possibly being spied on by an airplane surveillance camera taking pictures of their neighborhood 24-7. But then, next scene, the City of Baltimore Police do chose to go ahead (A pilot test they say) with this intrusive surveillance system anyway, so who cares what the concerns of community folks.

After Stonewall (1999)

Should called Feminist Movement since the 70s

[3/10 · 18 September 2021]

Should called Feminist Movement since the 70s since its 95% about the feminist movement and lesbian and barely about male gays. Which is fine, the ladies deserve their own docs as well but this is basically only about them and by them so the title is very misleading.

Wilson (I) (2017)

Worse acting ever

[1/10 · 9 December 2017]

I just watched this pathetic movie, Its suppose to be a comedy but nothing is ever funny. The writing and direction are really bad but what totally destroys any chance this movie had to be bearable is the absolutely atrocious overacting by Woody Harrelson who plays Wilson as someone with the mental acuity, voice and facial expression of an annoying 5 year old child.

Obviously the director had zero control as someone should have told Woody this was the single worst acting performance since....I cant even think of a worse performance in my decades of movie watching

Cloudburst (2011)

Over The Top Highjinks ruin this movie

[3/10 · 21 June 2013]

This movie tries to be too many things and it ruins it. For most of the movie, the writer-director goes for blatant over-the-top "really bad TV sitcom" humour. Most of the attempted humour is extremely lame, over the top and not realistic whatsoever. It tries to so hard to be vulgar and shocking (especially the Dukakis character)that even someone who usually appreciates salty and vulgar humour was left dumbfounded by 95% of the attempted jokes in this movie.

The more serious/sentimental parts were much better and well done but after portraying the 3 main characters as idiotic buffoons for 70 minutes, we found ourselves unable to care for them as real human being for the sweeter parts, because of it.

The 3 main actors also do much better in the few serious parts of the movie than in the over-the-top slapstick that is so poorly written that you can't really tell if their acting was terrible. I suspect it was the material and direction more than the acting, as Dukakis and Fricker are such solid pros.

The Perfect Roommate (2011 TV Movie)

Awful and unintentionally campy, but I could not stop watching

[2/10 · 22 July 2011]

The Perfect Roommate is a typical cheap and cheesy "made for Canadian Pay TV movie" like the several new movies each month that pollute The Movie Network" and exist for the sole reason than to help the network fulfill the mandatory, but unfortunately mostly pathetic, Canadian content required so they can keep their broadcast license.

What separates this movie from other similar awful "Made for Canadian Pay TV" crap fests is that level of atrociousness in this one reaches such a new low (or height?) that I could not stop watching it, the same way you can't take your eyes off a car crash. The most ridiculous and unintentionally hilarious parts all relate to Boti Bliss in the main role. Firstly, the character is suppose to be this irresistible vixen, aka the "most beautiful woman I have ever seen" says naive billionaire and all around female connoisseur William R Moses. While Mrs. Bliss is not entirely repulsive, per say, she is way too freaky looking (bug-eyed, weird head and hair, bad plastic surgery everywhere and shockingly wide derrière which she tries to wide with bad teenage girl type loose clothes)to play that role.

And then there is her acting. It is priceless in the worst, but most hilarious, way. Her robotic bad acting is classic and will make the day of any lover of "so bad its good" type movies and acting. She alone was the reason I was glued to the screen the whole time and its gets worse (or better?) as the movie progresses.

I gave it 2 instead of 1, for the reasonable (with that awful script) acting job done by the veteran of this type of movies that is Mr. Moses and by the quite decent young actress who plays his daughter. Those 2 actors should get nominated for Genies if only for demonstrating the ability to keep a straight face while delivering their lines in their scenes opposite the mess that is Boti Bliss in this movie.

That Beautiful Somewhere (2006)

Most boring movie in history

[1/10 · 17 December 2007]

"That Beautiful Somewhere" is a movie that is very well shot but that's all it has going for it. Unless great cinematography is all you want in a movie or unless you are passionate about half-baked aboriginal myths, forget about this one.

You might as well just look at a pretty picture of a swamp for over an hour and half and it will be as exciting as this movie is.

The plot is absolutely idiotic bus mostly "That Beautiful Somewhere" is the slowest, most boring I can remember ever seeing. Even the acting, Roy Dupuis excepted, is amateurish. The leading lady's acting is particularly awful and robotic.

A total waste of nearly 2 hours of my life!

Jack & Ella (2002)

One of the worse movies ever.

[1/10 · 4 January 2005]

This movie is a total mess. For the record, I love smart original off-beat independent movies. This one tries to be that but instead is a huge disaster in trying to be too artsy. The writing and directing both suck big time. None of it makes any sense. The director tries way too hard to be creative and over the top, but instead the scenes all come off as invented on the spot. Only positive point: the 3 main actors are likable despite it all. The rest of the cast is totally incompetent and over-acts badly. Even as a really bad film school project, I would still give it an "F".

STAY AWAY FROM THIS WASTE OF TIME!

Sonny (2002)

Awful directing

[3/10 · 15 May 2004]

Everything bad about this movie was directly caused by one of the most awful directing by Nicolas Cage. He directs the actors to overact too often (as Cage does way too often himself)and it makes those scenes ridiculous when they should/could have been poignant instead. Also he tries too many have "artsy" shots lighting and instead it looks amateurish and goofy. The scene with Acid Yellow is one of the worse directed scene in the hostory of cinema. It could have been a great scene but the goofy lighting/camera angles/fuzz that Cage used to try to show off just made the scene cartoonish and ridiculous.

NOt all actors can direct. Obviously Cage had no clue what he was doing, unlike his talented uncle and cousin, and should stick to his annoying over-acting roles.

Franco is a stud but Cage took so much out what this movie could have been that even Franco's performance gets buried in Cage's mess. I bet the talented 3 lead actors are embarrassed when they watch their performances in this movie but they can blame Cage who had them act in the same way he does. And that is definitely NOT a good thing...

OH one thing that is also awful and is apparently not Cage's fault: the script.

I still gave this movie a generous 3/10, but one of those marks is for Franco acting (when not too Cage-d) and the other one is cuz we got to see his body and ass a lot, which is pretty much the only thing that kept me watching. I commend Cage at least for that.

Soul Survivors (2001)

Sucks beyond belief

[1/10 · 17 October 2002]

This movie sucks big time. The plot is ridiculous. We spent the movie looking at each other in amazement about how stupid it was. The acting is atrocious for all main actors especially the female lead. The silly ending semi-justifies the idiocy of the 80 minutes of your life you just lost, but still does not justify for anyone else to rent that turkey.