I'm not sure if I need to enable the spoilers for this movies as very few people will ever see this film or even care that I may have spoiled it.
Pierce Brosnan sporting a musketeers mustache and some kind of mullet reprises his role from Death Train, and so does Alexandra Paul who died of cancer in Baywatch. (Death Train is better than this movie) The opening sequence features some kind of South American looking Soldiers chasing Pierce and his commando partner across a beach whilst they rescue some children, for some reason that currently escapes me, or the scriptwriters for that matter. These guys could not hit a cows arse with a banjo. They fire away aimlessly at some very static looking actors. Pierces partner get shot and dies. Pierce rescues the kids. The death of his partner affects Pierce in way many us will never be able to comprehend, but he does his best to at least make us feel his pain through the medium of acting.
Next we learn that something known as 'Nightwatch' has been stolen, It could see stuff in old paintings the human eye was unable to perceive, schoolboy penises and stick women with boobs under the top layer of Renaissance art, the kind of thing Rembrandt always had to cover with paint after his art school mates had tried to ruin his canvass.
So the director of some UN style organisation remembers how good Pierce and Baywatch were on Death Train and decides to get the old gang back together.
Pierce is given a watch with a TV screen in it, he can use this to talk to his boss. There is no earpieces so whenever his boss calls him up everything he says is clearly audible to everyone around Pierce at the time, Pierce just talks into the watch in response. He looks mental whilst doing this.
After this we head to Amsterdam where a man Baywatch 'Just wants to talk to' runs through town and decides to start shooting at Baywatch. He takes out a few civvies before escaping on a boat and crashing said boat into a barrel of oil? and erupts in a fiery explosion. Pierce has row with a big bloke after breaking into his house boat, and then they continue there quest to recover 'Nightwatch' in Hong Kong.
All of this makes no sense.
In the end I'm sure Pierce and Baywatch win.
The action scenes are cheap, the gunmen can't shoot and I'm not really sure what Alistair McClean has done to deserve so many of his books made into bad movies.
This film is bad.
Pierce Brosnan sporting a musketeers mustache and some kind of mullet reprises his role from Death Train, and so does Alexandra Paul who died of cancer in Baywatch. (Death Train is better than this movie) The opening sequence features some kind of South American looking Soldiers chasing Pierce and his commando partner across a beach whilst they rescue some children, for some reason that currently escapes me, or the scriptwriters for that matter. These guys could not hit a cows arse with a banjo. They fire away aimlessly at some very static looking actors. Pierces partner get shot and dies. Pierce rescues the kids. The death of his partner affects Pierce in way many us will never be able to comprehend, but he does his best to at least make us feel his pain through the medium of acting.
Next we learn that something known as 'Nightwatch' has been stolen, It could see stuff in old paintings the human eye was unable to perceive, schoolboy penises and stick women with boobs under the top layer of Renaissance art, the kind of thing Rembrandt always had to cover with paint after his art school mates had tried to ruin his canvass.
So the director of some UN style organisation remembers how good Pierce and Baywatch were on Death Train and decides to get the old gang back together.
Pierce is given a watch with a TV screen in it, he can use this to talk to his boss. There is no earpieces so whenever his boss calls him up everything he says is clearly audible to everyone around Pierce at the time, Pierce just talks into the watch in response. He looks mental whilst doing this.
After this we head to Amsterdam where a man Baywatch 'Just wants to talk to' runs through town and decides to start shooting at Baywatch. He takes out a few civvies before escaping on a boat and crashing said boat into a barrel of oil? and erupts in a fiery explosion. Pierce has row with a big bloke after breaking into his house boat, and then they continue there quest to recover 'Nightwatch' in Hong Kong.
All of this makes no sense.
In the end I'm sure Pierce and Baywatch win.
The action scenes are cheap, the gunmen can't shoot and I'm not really sure what Alistair McClean has done to deserve so many of his books made into bad movies.
This film is bad.
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