DieselJester-1 Reviews

Jungle Cruise (2021)

A fun adventure/comedy worthy of the likes of Indiana Jones

[9/10 · 1 August 2021]

If you took The Mummy, Indiana Jones, and Pirates of the Caribbean, this movie would be the result of it. It has the action and the adventure to keep a good pace throughout the movie with jokes and puns spaced in between to keep it lighthearted enough for kids and adults. While Disney has been hit and miss with movies based off of their attractions and rides (Pirates = Good, Haunted Mansion = Bad), Jungle Cruise delivers.

Would definitely recommend as this movie is going into my family's normal rotation of movies to watch.

The Cavern (III) (2005)

Good Attempt, but not good enough.

[4/10 · 25 December 2006]

After watching "The Cave" and seeing the previews for "The Descent", "The Cavern" seemed like a decent movie at first glance. I should've stopped there.

The Cavern starts out with an excellent background and even excellent acting. Even better than what you'd expect from your typical B-Rated Film. So my viewing began on a really high note. Then it got into the thick of things and kept on going strong. I could even forgive some of the early filmtography errors of what looked like streaks on the lenses of the cameras (for the outdoor camping scenes). When the characters finally get into the cave to go exploring, the lighting is a bit poor, but it did give the realistic feel to it. No problem.

But as characters start dying, the acting gets worse. I was hoping for more background on some of the characters and more information of what had happened two years ago when the leader of the group lost his fiancé' during a previous spelunking experience. The filmtography also gets worse as the camera is being jostled around during the rapid moving sequences. Long pauses in the dark where all you hear is panicked breathing made some areas seem to drag on and on.

When four of the surviving characters lay a trap for the "Monster", I think that is where the writing department took a nosedive on the budget as well for things started to get a little unbelievable. For example when the "Monster" gets shot, you'd expect the thing to bleed a little bit. Even wearing heavy furs, bullets can and will penetrate from a good shot.

After all of the men are dead and the two women are abducted, stripped and find themselves waking up in the thing's lair, you'd think that you'd get more out of it. The film, in my opinion, should've just ended with a cliffhanger when the women (Who are the last two survivors) are drug back into the darkness. Instead, we get a glimpse at what the so-called monster really is; a boy who crash landed there with his parents 10 years ago. One gets killed, the other gets raped and that is the end of the movie. Very abrupt leaving you with many questions as to how the boy survived in this cave for a decade among other things.

Serenity (2005)

Excellent Thrill Ride

[10/10 · 1 October 2005]

***WARNING, CONTAINS Spoilers***

Joss Wheton does it again and makes a masterful work of art in the movie to follow up the Firefly series. OK, so let's ignore the fact for now that a couple of the characters die (and leaves you wondering how in the world a sequel can be made) and focus on the movie itself. Fans of the series will get many of the inside jokes and interplay between the crew which will leave you laughing for hours afterward. The special effects were awesome as usual and Wheton does an excellent job of keeping with the series norm in that there is no sound in space. Granted, the climatic space battle near the end has multiple sounds in space, but that can be explained away if you stretch the imagination a bit.

Also many questions are answered but more do come up. I think the trade-off is well worth in that regard. We do find out why the Alliance is hell bent on finding the Tams and we find out the origins of the dreaded Reavers. Some of the questions that pop up in its place include the past of Shepard Book and who exactly the Operative is.

Overall, I think that fans of the series will be greatly pleased with the movie. A message to Joss Wheton: BRING ON THE Sequel!!!

Alone in the Dark (2005)

Really could have been better.

[3/10 · 30 January 2005]

**Spoiler Warning** Christen Slater plays private investigator Edward Carnby who is searching for the truth about his past that is somehow connected to some ancient Indian relics. Slater's performance was superb as usual but unfortunately could not carry the movie by itself. The movie had plot holes big enough to drive a mack truck through. For example, what exactly was in the gold box, what was in the package that was sent to the museum, and was the doorway/portal opened or closed? And most importantly: How the hell do you clear out a major metropolitan city overnight? A subtitle says it was evacuated, but Slater's voice over says that it was something similar to what happened to the Indians featured. So which is it.

As much as I liked the movie, they could've done a better job with the script.

I, Robot (2004)

Will Smith saves the world... again...

[7/10 · 15 December 2004]

OK, Ignoring the fact that the movie had absolutely NOTHING to do with Asimov's book whatsoever with the exception of the title, the 3 robotic laws, and Dr. Susan Calvin, it was a pretty decent movie.

A Chicago Homicide Detective (Smith) investigates an apparent suicide at U.S. Robotics. His investigation leads him to suspect that a robot actually did the unthinkable and killed a human being. He's assisted in his investigation by the robot shrink, Dr. Calvin.

Pretty decent considering that it follows the same sort of Will Smith Summer Movie formula of him saving the world against a menace once again.

Voyeur.com (2000)

Bad Porn/Horror Movie gone even worse.

[1/10 · 13 August 2003]

Take a bad 'B' Rated horror movie plus 1 part cheezy Porn Flick. Toss in bad acting, unrealistic situations, shoddy acting, and pathetic plot. Add a dash of bad actors. Mix well until audience is sick. Cover with promise of sex and nudity and disappoint anyone who reads the back cover of video. Complete with Plot Holes big enough to drive a Mack Truck through.

The St. Francisville Experiment (2000)

Oh the pain...

[5/10 · 29 June 2003]

*Possible Spoiler*

It has its moments in the movie, but all in all the plot needed a little more work. This was obviously a child of the Blair Witch Project but at least the actors could hold on to the cameras still. They build up to this "Clensing" of the house and then everything just falls apart at the end with people all of a sudden falling through floors that were sturdy in the first place and ghosts attacking the participants in the dark. I think, given another 30-45 miniutes of film time, they could've built up to a halfway deacent ending instead of cutting it short like they did. The acting was no better than Blair Witch and the emotions didn't seem all that real. The direcors could've done a better job with the situations that they put the actors in. Although I must admit that the manicles dropping out of the chimney after talking to one of the "Slave Ghosts" was a nice touch.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Excellent movie that will leave you hanging.

[10/10 · 18 May 2003]

I'd rather not spoil the movie for those who have not seen it yet, But i will say this. Matrix: Reloaded will not disappoint fans of the first movie. The action sequences will blow you away, the acting is in great form and the plot will leave you begging for more.

Max Payne (2001 Video Game)

The absolute best game EVER!

[10/10 · 26 March 2002]

Max Payne has it all: Catchy title, excellent graphics and sound, a killer plotline, and the ability to keep its players begging for more. The 'bullet time' feature allows you to move slow-mo and shoot/dodge at the same time, giving you the feel like you're in "The Matrix". The computer AI in this game is outstanding in its way to adjust itself to your own level of gameplay. A must have game for the serious computer gamer!