parbjorkman-92443 Reviews

Fallout (2024– )

Did Amazon just buy Disney?

[1/10 · 3 May 2024]

There are several, not so subtle little nuances that will make you think just that.

Amazon has just bought Disney and then have them make them a TV-series made from the ideas of a computer game.

Since other games were already taken - or discarded a being impossible to make a cinematic adaption of - the victim of this hypothetical monstrosity, was the epic war-strategy-game Fallout.

Ok, now how do we come to the conclusion that Disney is involved? Well, quite simple. In less than 20 minutes, we had a so-called "6-scene" .. that immediately turned into a musical act (and a one that even Bollywood would be ashamed of) and lost all kind of sensuality.

To this, ad a very tired and uninspired Kyle McLachlan, with a range of expresions only slightly above that of a piece of granit rock.

It took me less than 22min of this show to realize .. you will never get those minutes back, so why waste them on this peak of ridiculousness?

No, save yourself the pain and let your brain not have to suffer an aneurysm from trying to drown itself to end the torment.

Breach (IV) (2020)

Avoid if you like Bruce

[1/10 · 7 March 2024]

This is an honest opinion and recommendation to anyone that holds Bruce Willis high in their minds.

This movie will make your eyes tear up and you will regret forever that you let yourself get sucked into watching another action movie with Bruce Willis, in hope of getting some John McLane magic in a space environment.

Sadly this is anything but a watchable movie for anyone, except the deaf-blind.

The plot is as much a steal from any other space-traveling-repopulation movie that has ever been made, but without any kind of script that has an interest in making you understand anything other than; Monsters bad - good guys try to shoot monsters with bullets - monsters are like zombies and don't care - monsters infect more - good guys get infected - monsters transform into something else - good guys feel the need to escape ....

Well you get the picture.

Halo (2022– )

Please do not drop the quality from Season 1

[6/10 · 25 February 2024]

Now that we have gotten a pre taste of the Halo universe in a non animated tv-series, I just wish from the bottom of my cineastic heart that they don't drop the quality of the script or special effects more than they already has in Season 2.

When Season 1 streamed, I was not expecting much .. or rather, I was expecting something quite bland and minimalistic. I was positivly surprised. But now when Season 2 has started, I am in fear that the first 4 episodes had shown signs of the will-be-cancelled sickness.

There's simply not enough good quality scripting that makes people wanna watch.

I do hope that they can recover in the second half of this season and make the 117 story follow the game-storyline with less low-budget "lets-talk-about-feelings" scenes.

So far, the animated movie adaptations have outmatched the second season in quality.

The Marvels (2023)

Not the worst Marvel movie .. but not much more.

[5/10 · 25 February 2024]

As we already have been dosed with low script quality with Thor Love and Thunder - which single handed managed to sing the entire franchise down into a quicksand hole that there is no escape from - there could not be another low mark.

But almost ...

The all female main cast is by no mean making this movie less worth the MCU heritage, quite the opposite.

I was hoping for some rejuvenation and some story that was not based upon only big muscles, unlimited powers and junvenile comments from males in spandex suits.

Sadly even here the MCU has lost a lot of it's good script writers, which can be seen in the actors performances as they strugle to make sense of their very limited number of lines.

I am pretty sure that even if the audience expected for this movie was girls between 12-17, they are not to be insulted with low quality scripts when portraying female role models.

MCU - this is the last movie that I let the love of the world that Stan Lee left us with, influence my rating to the positive side.

If I would have watche this in the cinema, I would have requested a refund so that I could have watched the latest DC movie instead.

My Spy (2020)

Seems overrated by many

[3/10 · 25 February 2024]

In the beginning there was Arnold and his Kindergarten Cop.

Then there was a number of similar movies with the emphasis on secret agents/law enforcement meets little kids that for some undisclosed reason are entrusted with some big secrets that are worth killing for.

If you watched Guardians of the Galaxy or Bladerunner 2049.and expecting mr Bautista to deliver just as solid performance, I am afraid you will be disappointed. Maybe not entirely due to his own fault but rather a very bad script and a very overrated co-star female comedian (who's fame is a role in a now forgotten post apocalyptic tv-series) that makes slapstick from the 1920s seem new and fresh in comparison.

No, you will not find this to be a 6star rating worth movie. Will it entertain you for an hour or so .. yes, but not more than that.

The Big Sick (2017)

Overrated comedians only big role

[2/10 · 25 February 2024]

This movie would have been interesting to watch, if only the cast would have been some serious actor that could make a believable character as the male main.

Sadly this movie was doomed from the start when they chose to cast a very overrated comedian, in order to fill cinemas first week (as this was released the same year as this K N had his fifteen minutes of short fame after being hyped by talk-show appearances and bored media cultural reviewers, that no longer found rude brits or rednecks with sleevless shirts amusing.

Is there nothing good about this movie?

Oh yes, Zoe K is lifting this movie up with her almost naive and next door girl (who's not the love of any marvel superhero) that does her best to make K N not ruin the story in every scene.

Oh yes, the.

Vendetta (I) (2022)

Not a digified ending for Willis

[1/10 · 20 January 2024]

This movie has to take responsible for giving one of the most productive action actors, an in-dignifying ending to his career.

Not only with the already mentioned plot-glitches and goofs (the attack at the motel in daylight, followed by the adjacent car chase in the middle of the night all of a sudden. I mean, sure the sun can set quite fast around the Equator ... but not in 30 seconds.

Then we have the back-to-the-80s-action movies big goof with unlimited-ammo-guns. I estimated one single guy firing over 50 bullets just sitting in the car.

No, if you really like Bruce Willis .. then you should avoid this movie .. or even better, become a conspiracy theorist and hope that they used CGI to ad BW's face upon another actor, as this is such a low-mark that it should be sued for irreparable damage to the Willis heritage.

Artemis Fowl (2020)

Artemis Fail

[4/10 · 8 November 2023]

Reading the books of Artemis Fowl is a young teenagers dream of making a difference in the world.

The story itself might not be as heavy in characters, but at least. Eoin Colfer did try to develop some personalities and background.

In this very stressed and cramped Disney-adaptation, there are absolutely no room for character development. All you get is short hints about past events, but very randomly and they feel more thrown in as a filler to not have the actors having to do much talking.

Not even with the distinguished Dame Judy Dench did they manage to write a script that this quality actor could work her magic with.

The two characters that are worth watching is Holy Short and Mulch Diggins. They are also the only actors that I think should be in any kind of sequel .. if we will ever see another adaptation from this series.

Maybe we could hope Zack Snyder could make his version of this movie as he did with Justice League, and ad one more hour of material that would have this movie make much more sense.

If You Were the Last (2023)

No Anthony .. just no.

[2/10 · 2 November 2023]

As an "actor", Anthony Mackie might fill the suit of the slightly cocky and selfassured Falcon in the MCU.

Ok, this movie is by no means a high budget one, quite the opposite. It's a low-budget project that most likely was written by someone in their early teens and now finally realized as a full length movie.

In my opinion, it should have stayed as a short story since the entire synopsis makes for less than 30min of any kind of scripting.

Add to that a very predictable ending and some very ... VERY uninspired support roles, and the best I would say about this movie, is that the other main character at least is a fresh and believable character ... worth fast-forwarding and watch the movie for just to say "I saw here before she became famous".

The Meg (2018)

Mega-doh!

[2/10 · 16 August 2023]

The synopsis - Big high tech exploration encounters giant shark from the deep .. but it's not alone.

There, a complete storyline in less than 40 words, and it's all you need to know when chosing to spend or not spend time watching this low-point of Jason Stathams career.

The budget for this movie is shared between salary for Jason and other half for special effects. Zero money was then left for the script, retakes to get the other actors to not sound like they read from a telepromter.

Surprisingly, the only one to do good acting, is the young girl playing the daughter to the main family.

Sadly this movie can't get anything but a 2 star rating, and the 2 stars only come for some nice under-water scenes (the few ones that weren't CGI).

You will be less disappointed if you rewatch Jaws.

The Meg is probably the worst movie that Jason have done - even including Expendables series and Cranked.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

Effects, effects and .. where's the story?

[3/10 · 9 July 2023]

No matter if you are a fan of the SMB game series or not, you have no doubt heard of the game in some matter.

You are familliar with the main caracters Mario and Luigi and probably even know that they are plumbers.

With this knowledge, you can start watching the movie, cause this is also the only thought through part of the story.

The rest of the script for this movie could have been made up by a 9 year old kid or a completely under-the-influence group of modern hippies.

Maybe the most enjoyable part of the movie is the Rocky-influenced training sequence, where you get to see the only game-related scenes.

For the rest of the movie to make any sense, you should probably stay up at least 23hours playing the whole series, drinking only non-diet-sodas and eating tripple-cheeze pizzas.

CGI seekers will get their needs fullfilled, but that's also the only thing that's good about the movie.

2 hours better spent watching the original movie.

Cats (2019)

Painful to both listen and watch

[1/10 · 9 July 2023]

I am amazed that music talents like Taylor and Jennifer would sink this low in their carears as to join in with a complete tone-deaf cast of misc actors, just to be in a "musical" on screen?

Doint the same roles at Broadway would have been much more logical and carear smart (imho).

But if you like to watch a vulgar Rebel spread her legs wide and lick her tail, you will get your fetishes all fullfilled.

It is more painfull to watch the CGI effects in this movie, than even rewatch old episodes of Star Trek from the 80s or 90s.

It is a compliment to give this film a 1 star ranking, but 0 is not possible to give.

Ad Astra (2019)

Turkey space opera flower power

[3/10 · 20 May 2023]

If you were expecting this to be a masterpiece ... you were not alone. And for some parts of the movie, the potential is there, with some interesting scientific fiction ideas.

But then there was someone bringing some weed to a production meeting and managed to get some really stupid laserguns in, together with some space virus affected monkey, just to top it off with some moving escalators in a gigantic concrete hall .. in a moon base?!

It is as if this movie was directed by at least 4 different directors and then just cut together in a way that almost get you the feeling of chronological movement.

An uninspired main character is surpassed by his supporting actors performances and you never really get the feeling that he has any interest in the mission that we are to believe he is driven by.

If you have nothing to chose from a friday night, sure you can watch this ... but then again, you could also watch 3-5 short movies on Youtube and get even more quality content out of your time.

ETs Among Us Presents: Alaska's Secret Pyramid and Worldwide Alien Archaeology (2023)

Unscientific conspiracy wackos.

[1/10 · 30 March 2023]

This movie has the same content as the scientology theorys. It starts out a bit vague and just a bit odd, but then at half point it turns on the full out of this world wierdness and conspiracy nutcase pontential.

There is just as little scientific value in this movie as in any episode of X-files or the 60s series of Star Trek.

If you are into this for pure laughs, there is much to laugh about I can assure you. Without giving away too much spoiler, you can look forward to hearing about how we all could have totally free energy, just by building some 4 sided pyramid at the center of each major city of the world. =D.

The Batman (2022)

Stay for the scenery and just smudge out Pattison

[2/10 · 3 January 2023]

The idea with this movie was to reinvent the Batman universe. And for sure, this is a whole new kind of story to Batman.

Is it better? Worse?

Cant really tell or judge.

Mostly has this to do with the poor choice of main actor to portrait Batman.

If I am to be less harsh, Pattison is just booring and less espressive than Nic Cage. And we all know how little you can read out of that mans face, in or out of character.

Also, the sad use of CGI for both Catwoman and Batman fight scenes (it's just animated scenes from a game, but with a bit heavier budget.

If you expect to see a movie and gain a new love for the DC universe .... this movie - in my opinion - should NOT be a part of you time.

I give this a 2 star rating ONLY thanks to some good enviroment, camera and scene ideas (sadly many ruined by a horrible uninspired Robert P staggering across as if he wore a medieval iron armour that had rusted in it's hinges.

And the attempts to make Batman accepted by the law .. by opening interacting with police, federal agents and alike, without anyone noticing - very much - just makes this story a laugingstock for the true Batman-fan. The dark vigilante should NOT be a masked Sherlock Holmes with the romantic or emotional expression as a Baobab nut.

Other actors gets very little chance to show off their acting, and mostly I suspect they just do their best to ignore the facts that they are not just rehearsing but really doing the scenes for the movie.

Captain Black (2017)

Are people this desperate for non-mainstream?

[1/10 · 20 December 2022]

I must start by saying that I do encourage indie or low-budget movies just as much as high cost, special effects rich products .. or even more sometimes.

But just because it's "Indie" or low-budget .. doesn't make it good or worth such high-praise as many reviewers paint this production up to be.

In my opinion this is a movie made from a concept from some group of writers that between themselves think they are "soo different" that everything they make is special and viewable.

I fail to see the value of this movie as anything else than a very VERY limited aduience piece. It's a pretentious and without-a-point script that maybe funny and different for the actors and writers to make. But for the general viewer, this is more a sleeping-pill than any ASMR-video you can find.... that is if you can press MUTE and dim the light down to a minimum, imagine this is a silent relationship-drama without any explaining text.

Sorry, but I agree with the majority and give this a 1/10 .... just because it's just too pretentious to even have any creative value.

Dragon Age: Absolution (2022– )

Potential that sadly falls a bit short

[5/10 · 14 December 2022]

Since this franchise has some lineage to lean back on for backstory, environment and character evolvement, I had quite high hopes for this short animated series.

At least I hoped it would be in the same league as Vox Machina and such animated series of late, but I felt robbed of the quality experience.

There is some attempts into developing the characters, but it feels like it's just minimal input compared to the prolonged fight-scenes with ridiculous gravity defying stunts (even for an animated fantasy story).

The obvious development and attempts to twist the plot, also feels a bit rushed and could have been scripted much better for maximum uncertainty.

Also there are parts of the animation that feels almost just slightly trimmed off the scetch story-board that I assumed the budget was cut a bit short or the money ran out before the ink.

Still, it's a few hours of enjoyment and some little glimpses of fun. But be aware that this is more of an animated manga rather than a western animated story. Imho.

Dragon Fury (2021)

Not even a B-movie ... or C ... or D.

[1/10 · 14 December 2022]

Spoiler - but how do you manage to make a movie this horredously bad .. even when stealing rendered 3d animations from other movies/game ... for instance when horses are not even twitching an ear when the dragons roar just nearby?

And how can you NOT find actors that could be more credible than a fourth grader in first class of drama school?

This is ONE of those movies you should NEVER EVER waste your time watching, and absolutely NOT spending any money on buying or renting.

All of us that did the mistake to give it a go - in order to make a review - should be paid for psychological damage and time wasted.

Sorry, but this movie is not even worth one rotten tomatoe. The tomatoe has more talent than this entire movie.

Slayers (2022)

Actors should have read the script before ..

[1/10 · 11 December 2022]

The essence and moral of the story is - if something looks to good to be true, it's often just tthat.

Both Malin A and Abigail B should have known better than to join this rotten apple of a movie.

The scenes, make-up and "special effects" are even worse than from a high-school movie club project.

I really hope for their careers that this movie will be forgotten by the unlucky few - like me - that wasted their time and brain power to watch this to the end.

I mean, to have a guy seemingly spilling the guts and eat from it, just to then jump away .. and low and behold .. the dress of the girl isn't even blood stained?!?

I mean .... even a HIGH SCHOOL acting class would have made the special effects in this movie 100 times better.

I hate to rate a movie with Malin Akerman at a 1, cause I really like her, but in this case, without her the movie would have been given a -10 rating instead.

Guardians of Time (2022)

B Movies are 100 times better.

[1/10 · 29 November 2022]

Watching the first 5min of this movie will make your brain melt and demand being replaced by either a cooked cabbage or some semi-dry straw.

This is probably the Worst waste of good quality cameras, stunning scenery and locations.

This because of the editing and "special effects" unit ... that most likely forgot about anything they had googled on Youtube, and instead grabbed a sloppy joe pizza and a sixpack jolt cola after they created some dark smoke from a gap in a door.

If you have ever had any expectations for a movie with the words "Guardians" and "Time" ... do yourself a favor and forget them all, IF you still chose to spend a part of your life making your eyes endure this abomination.

For those that still want to know what it's about .. think of a Narnia-rippoff ... with 4 girls, very desperate links to all mythological features you can think of; King Arthur, Avalon, Atlantis, Greek mythology etc.

Spoiler: The absolute low-point .. is the blunt STEAL of the dragon Smaug from Bilbo! It's not even just a little similar .. it's stolen right out of the source code from the rendering. It's like what dj's did to music in the 80s with sampling. Not borroing some notes but whole segments from other creations.

• 10 stars ... if I could!!!

Dune (2021)

Dune - the sloppy cliffhanger

[5/10 · 18 November 2022]

Looking forward to this adaptation of the phenomenal story of Dune, has been years of waiting.

Expectations of mine was high and for all reasons.

The cast would rival any box office success by the MCU or J. K. R.

The debate about wheather Dune is Sci-Fi or Fantasy, could be discussed (just as with Star Wars) but the biggest issue about this film should rather be on what it is not. And in my opinion that is a well-scripted movie ... or well cut rather.

It is seldom you see the differnce between 1st and 2nd unit filming, but in this movie it's very obvious and at many occations it gets so confusing and frustrating to watch the obvious intentional choice to NOT use any similar scenes as in the 80s movie Dune.

Sure, the training scene with the personal shields could not be removed - as it is so crucial to the story - but other parts are just plainly ignored only because the earlier movie had focused to much on those parts.

Therefore the true backstory is ignored, about what Spice is and what it is used for. This would be equal to not telling the story about why Harry Potter had a scar in his forehead.

I do enjoy parts of the movie, but for most I am utterly disappointed with this rendition. It feels to pretentious and too much focused on !make it different than the earlier movie".

But the biggest disappointment comes in the end .. with the almost abrupt cliff hanger, that makes the audience almost wake up from a trance from a snap of the fingers. It's so abrupt and in the middle of a scene that becomes sadly unfinished and lacks all logic.

If other movies that were split into several parts - in order to make more revenue for the investors - there has for most parts been an event or a scene that did not just end in the middle of a take or almost mid-sentence.

Do still enjoy Dune, but be aware if you have wwatched the earlier renditions ... this is NOT similar. It's more of a chaotic mix of different intentions .. with no structure or artistic context that you can expect to follow.

Monster (2022– )

Time to stop glorifying Murderers

[1/10 · 29 October 2022]

There has to be something more usefull and meaningfull to spend money on making movies about, than making criminals and murderers into some kind of cinemagraphic heroes (or anti-heroes).

It's not good making movies about war's or other vile behaviors, but lately it has been somewhat of a trend in portraying criminals and murderers in particular.

Is it really the only way that an actor of today can do some method-acting, then I am feeling very sorry for the future of the whole industry.

This movie is not worth even giving a rating, but sadly 1 is the lowest that is available. I would hope we don't get to see this on the Oscars or I would say that the industry have sunken lower than even the real Titanic managed to do.

The Dead Don't Die (2019)

Low-point for former hollywood stars

[1/10 · 28 October 2022]

If this was made during the Covid-pandemic, I could have understood that some stars needed money from any kind of work.

Sadly, this was made before, so it is hard to understand how actors like Bill Murray, Danny Glover or Steve Buchemi would lower themselves to this sad example of failed genre parody mashup.

That Iggy Pop was a Zombie, we already knew. What we also knew is that Tilda Swinton can't swing a katana sword properly, but this again is no news.

This movie should never have been produced past a short story.

And if you happen to fall asleep after 20min .. you are not missing out on anything important.