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bjornjonsson-78953
Reviews
Midsommar (2019)
Weird mish mash of fake lore and gore
The film seemed at first to promise a look into Swedens deeply rooted midsummer traditions.
Instead it has the viewers step inside a sickening fantasy from the writers head.
Lots of famous swedish actors are involved which is in some way impressive, as they are there but don't speak and have no real roles to play.
The gore is... well.. g o r e, not much unlike any other film in this genre.
And, by the way, what would we call this genre?
Lore Gore?
Or Lore Gore S n o r e
There is nothing new or original here, there is just the idea of exoticism, lots and lots of weird stuff, made up - as it seems- on the spot.
Because nothing in the film seems really planned, it's more like the general idea:
"Strangers come like lambs to the slaughter and carnage will follow"
We weren't scared once, and we weren't emotionally invested in any of the roles.
Everyone acted despicably from the start.
We got no answer to why her family died, no background.
At no point did the relationship between her and Mark seem real, he was completely detached and didn't want her.
And, arriving at the first place, everyone was directly okay with smoking or ingesting unknown substances they knew to be drugs. Really?
Drug and alcohol use always seem for everyone in films. I'm 57 and have never even encountered drugs once. Statistics on Sweden show that substance abuse is declining.
Nevermind that, in Sweden..
S w e d e n?
Film was shot in Hungary, nothing of what was seen has anything to do with Sweden or swedish traditions except for the Maypole, Hårga as a place and the word Ättestupa.
( the latter also debunked by historians as pure fiction)
As a whole, the film is slowly claustrophobic at best, but as you do not invest in, it feel for any of the characters, you hardly flinched as they are killed off one by one.
Infinity Pool (2023)
No horror, just boredom and disgust
Whenever there is a new horror film, we are on!
This film started out okay, albeit very slow for a horror movie. But at the first incident, we thought we saw what was coming. The "I know what you did last summer" theme we thought.
As this would have been a bit of a let down,it was nothing as terrible as what really happened.
Some sort of allegory about rich people behaving badly cause they CAN? There was no real fright, no horror, no possession, just pretentious "look at me I'm artsy" drivel. We disliked it thoroughly and only finished it hoping it would get better, but alas.
Artsy and pretentious never made a good horror movie. This isn't even a thriller, as nothing seemed real at any point.
For us, it's down with the worst films we ever saw.
V/H/S/94 (2021)
Avoid avoid avoid!!!!!
Anthology of horror scenes.
The only star from me is rewarded for the depiction of American survivalists/extremists showing pretty accurately the intelligence of these groups.
The rest is bad action, bad footage, worse directing and script, with effects that must have cost more than hundred bucks...wow... so worthless!!!
Anthology of horror scenes.
The only star from me is rewarded for the depiction of American survivalists/extremists showing pretty accurately the intelligence of these groups.
The rest is bad action, bad footage, worse directing and script, with effects that must have cost more than hundred bucks...wow... so worthless!!!
The Bunker Game (2022)
Unbelievable crap
Who came up with this weird idea?
We didn't understand anything of this mess.
People act strangely without reason, the premises of the story are far fetched and stupid.
The plot is really weird..why pretending the nazis won the war? It has absolutely no point for the story. Why do people speak English in Italy when they are nazi descendants. Suddenly, the trapped people could just be let out when there was danger.
The Nazis have a popular black man in a wheelchair??
Seems to be no script at all, just a collection of badly acted scenes. One guy disappears. So what? Who wrote this? Who read the script and approved it? Who offered to direct ?
This will be a black mark upon the actors, the directors and writers resumees. " Oh, you were in THAT production..."
And WHO put this film in the Horror genre?
There is nothing scary, no horror, no suspense.
Had it been made 50 years ago, the celluloid film could at least have worked as a fire starter.
A W F U L!
Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities (2022)
Very uneven quality, from great to oure BS
Collection of scary stories half of which are tributes to the Twilight Zone the TV show.
Only two of eight passed our Scary Story test, with good acting, good script and good directing.
The Peter Weller story was the worst, at least 30 mins too long, boring talk, bad script, the notion that everyone would do drugs, scenography worthy of a high school project from the 70:s.
Some ideas were interesting, some actor made really good performances
Throughout some really bad ideas: fake accents..brits trying to speak American accents, Americans posing as English or German, or Hispanics for absolutely NO reason. Most were really crap at it. And why, since it had NO point in the storylines where anyone came from.
Well, 2 out of 8 aint bad, hence my high rating.
The Northman (2022)
Every episode of Vikings is ten times better. Avoid!
Good scenography!! Some historic names and places are correct!
Only:
Dialogue is terrible. Teach the cast a Norse language properly or just use English. Every actor has their own take on what accent a viking would use...sounds like a farce. In viking age, right, and still cast Botox Kidman? Seriously???
Embarrassing
We're halfway through the film and so far it's been laughably bad. ONE episode of Vikings is ten times better, and they made SEASONS of the stuff.
Would have fit the video store shelf named B-movies perfectly.
The only brilliant actor, Dafoe, was given one minute. Says that none had an eye for quality.
Bad directing, bad research, bad dialogue,
Possessor (2020)
Want horror? Keep looking!
Cronenberg all you like, this was terrible.
There were NO scares in the entire movie, although rated as horror. Gore does NOT constitute horror!
- we didn't feel anything for the characters
- the plot was only mildly interesting but all information that could have explained an underlying meaning were missing.
-why the gore? Missions to shoot people dead end in bucketfulls of blood and prolonged slaughterhouse MO:S -Some vaping company has played a lot to have this ridiculous habit displayed in most scenes.
I thought we had seen the end of product placements like that. Embarrassing.
Very disappointed.