thecoloroftea Reviews

Mean Girls (2004)

It's a movie about mean girls.

[3/10 · 19 February 2015]

This is a movie starring Lindsay Lohan, who must deal with stereotypes in a high school. These stereotypes include the popular girls who are mean (as the title suggests), a handsome boy who has seemingly no flaws and exists solely to be a crush to Lindsay Lohan, and the outcasts who consist of a quasi-goth and a man who's personality, as I assume was written in the script, is: he's gay.

What I find interesting about this movie is that the only characters I enjoy watching are the ones I'm not supposed to like. These characters are the mean girls themselves, of which the outcasts do not like one bit. Lindsay Lohan befriends these outcasts, and the quasi-goth tells Lindsay never to associate with the mean girls. This is of course followed immediately by Lindsay associating with the mean girls. Lindsay's friendship with the outcasts ends after this. Really, that's it. The rest of the movie is Lindsay getting to know the mean girls, and 'discovering' herself. As it turns out, she's just as bad as they are, but she can mask it better.

The audience is supposed to believe that the outcasts are good, and the mean girls are, well, not. But that's my gripe: Lindsay actually has a better friendship with the mean girls than with the outcasts. Sure the mean girls may be mean, but Lindsay changes and evolves with them over the course of the movie, all the while uncovering her own inner demons, as well as theirs, and actually getting to know each other. And yes, Lindsay may go her own way in the end, but she had an actual relationship with these girls. Compare that to her relationship with the outcasts:

Quasi-goth: "You're our new friend."

Lindsay: "Cool."

Gay guy: "I'm gay."

Lindsay: "I'm gonna go over there" (goes to hangout with the mean girls. Doesn't come back until the end of the movie)

-at the end of the movie-

Lindsay: Hey, so we're still friends, right?

Quasi-goth: Yes.

Gay guy: *does stereotypical gay thing*

Whew, glad she's back with her real friends, right? Remember all those hardships they overcame? Like when they greeted each other? Or when Lindsay confessed her feelings for the handsome boy? Oh wait, no, that last one she did with the mean girls. Along with everything else in the movie.

It's not like I expect literary greatness from a movie like this, but I'd prefer it if the movie stuck to the 'love to hate these guys' thing instead of pushing its confused morals on us. Who are we supposed to be rooting for? Lindsay's just as big of a jerk as the mean girls, and so are the outcasts. At least the mean girls are supposed to be hated, which brings about a certain satisfaction, but I can't stand the outcasts either. In fact, I hate them even more because they're the ones who come out on top in the end, I think. All that aside though, this movie's pretty good for a laugh at the sheer corniness, if you're into that sort of thing.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

All I can expect and hope from TMNT!

[8/10 · 11 August 2014]

If I judged this film on story, or character development, or even acting, I'd have to remind myself what the title is: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. This is not a film that requires any of the aforementioned traits that good movies are usually known for. This film requires mutants, ninjas, action and excitement, and this film delivers just that.

That said, the story is odd even for TMNT standards. Here are a few examples:

-April knew the turtles before they were mutants, and even owned them as pets many years ago. Then she forgot about all that until she met them as full-grown mutants. -Master Splinter learned Ninjitsu from a book he found in the sewer. -Shredder doesn't even seem to have an inherent rivalry with him. -The love interest for April is...Vernon.

The last one I have to give special attention to: In other adaptations, the only person who April ever had much of a love interest in was Casey Jones. Casey was a crime-fighting vigilante who wore a hockey mask and shouted "Goongala!" Vernon on the other hand, was always just a dorky middle aged reporter used for comic relief. In this movie he's...a dorky middle aged reporter used for comic relief AND a slap-on love interest for April. These oddities mean nothing to me however, because in the end I'm not watching TMNT to make sense of things. I mean, does a group of mutant ninjas being trained by a rat make sense in the first place?

April seems more manic than usual in this movie. I'm not a reporter or anything, but why would you show your boss obsessive amounts of convoluted nonsense in a deranged tone, knowing you don't have any evidence? Actually, she DID have evidence (sort of) but didn't show it to her boss (why, I have no idea). What would you expect to gain from all this? It doesn't matter, she gets fired and hunts the turtles down herself with the help of Vernon, and he has no reason to do this other than that he has a crush on her. She gets help from someone who two-times her by planting a tracking device on her so that he can know the whereabouts of the turtles when she finds them. This man is working for the Shredder. April finds the turtles, ergo so does the Shredder, etc. then there are action scenes galore. In fact, the entire second half of the movie is basically just action scenes, and they're really well done. They're done so well in fact, I'm judging this movie almost entirely on them alone. If you do watch this movie, watch it for that! It's fun, exciting, and doesn't make you think too much. What more could you want out of a TMNT move?

T.U.F.F. Puppy (2010–2015)

Not a good show!

[1/10 · 22 September 2013]

This is a show about a dog who works as a secret agent. His name is Dudley, and he seems to be more of a risk to the company he's working for than most of the villains. By this I mean, he's literally blown-up headquarters multiple times, all the while screaming random phrases at the top of his lungs.

If this seems annoying, just remember he is the main character and has more air-time than anybody else on this show. None of them are interesting either, but the only one who seems to come close to Dudley's obnoxiousness is public enemy number one: SnapTrap. He's a rat with a lisp who's crimes range anywhere from petty larceny to crimes against humanity.

This is what a typical episode looks like:

Dudley- "I FOUND A SHOE!" (bounces up and down, then whips the shoe around in his mouth. Shoe hits a computer. It breaks.)

Chief- "Dudley! We just spent half the company's yearly budget on that computer!"

Dudley- "BUT I HAVE DOUGHNUTS! I LOOOVE DOUGHNUTS!!!!" (eats doughnuts and smashes a lamp)

(another computer screen turns on. It's Snap-trap on the other line.) SnapTrap- "GREETINGS! IT IS I, SNAPTRAP!" (bounces around, with his tongue coming out of his mouth) "I JUST BAKED CUPCAKES THAT WILL CAUSE THE POLAR CAPS TO MELT!!!!"

Dudley- "CUPCAAAAAKES!!!!" (takes the company's car without asking, and drives away, smashing out of the garage without lifting the door up)

(Moments later, Dudley can be seen on the computer screen with SnapTrap, eating the cupcakes) SnapTrap- "Well, that was easy."

Chief- "THE POLAR CAPS!!!"

Dudley- "CUPCAAAAAKES!!!!"

(Gorilla pops up out of nowhere and starts dancing with the chief)

etc.

If I were the chief, I would fire Dudley. In fact, I would stop the secret agent business altogether, because living a life like that day in and day out is something I would consider a living hell. Each episode is an 11 minute viewing of that hell, so feel free to watch it if you're a glutton for punishment or something like that.

First Winter (2012)

Saw it...puked...then died a little on the inside.

[2/10 · 19 November 2012]

I think this movie came out at a good time: right after hurricane sandy. The main difference between the two disasters is that hurricane sandy was actually devastating because people lost their homes and some lost their lives. This one though is basically just a bunch of kids who don't have power. And its cold. Didn't the pilgrims have to go through the same thing? Only without a house to stay in or drugs?

Yes all of the kids here do drugs. But they also have sex and do yoga, and thats about the extent of their collective character. In fact i don't even remember the names of any of them, but there were about 7 main ones. There were 4 guys: Big Beard Guy, Short Beard Guy with Long Hair, Short Beard Guy with Short Hair, and Mustached Guy. Then there were three girls: Asian Girl with Bangs, Blonde Girl and Other Blonde Girl. There might have been another one too but i think she died.

You are introduced to these characters with an annoyingly close-up yoga scene. And after this you'd expect the camera would get a little less close up but it doesn't. The whole movie is pretty much shot in close-up. I read some other reviews that said this makes the viewer feel they are right there in the "action", but don't be fooled by this because there is no action. In fact, not much happens after the yoga scene besides long silent pauses. The characters lose power and complain that its cold. Well duh, its winter. The main character, Big Beard Guy, pulls out an iphone at this point. Right here their dilemma seems much less dire to me because couldn't he just, you know...call for help?

Or they could all drive away, like the few who did and ditched them (these were not main characters). Annoying? Yes. Much like the main characters beard. There were several scenes where he was holding a candle and i was praying to god he would accidentally set fire to it, but no. He and his beard have sex with all of the ladies in the house and is met with much disdain by Short Beard Short Hair, who likes heroin.

So there's some...drama(?) between the two. Then Big Beard gets what he deserves by getting poisoned after selfishly eating some of the little food they had with one of the ladies he has sex with. She dies, unlike him for some reason. Despite his selfishness, Asian Bangs Girl adores Big Beard and wants to be only with him instead of having threesomes. But this feeling is not mutual. So at this point everyone besides Asian Bangs decides Big Beard is a menace, and Short Beard Long Hair tries to shoot him. He does not though.

If these characters don't sound very interesting, they will after you remember there are three other characters who do absolutely nothing: Mustached Guy, Blonde Girl and Other Blonde Girl. Between scenes (still close-ups mind you), you may catch glimpses of them and say, "oh yeah! they're in the movie." then instantly forget, and question yourself after the movie is over if they were ever there at all. I for one cant really do this because i left the movie before it was over. The reason being i lost power during hurricane sandy and was stuck for several days being bored out of my skull, and this movie just made me re-live it all over again. To me, that was about as entertaining as Formica, so i left. But if you like watching people who have run out of things to talk about and starve and do things that make you go, "huh?", then this movie just might be up your alley. If it is, i assume your alley is on Bedford Avenue.