apelqvistante Reviews

Madame Web (2024)

Pure garbage.

[1/10 · 16 February 2024]

Dissecting the Disappointment of Madame Web: A Blatant Failure in Superhero Filmmaking

As a self-proclaimed superhero movie aficionado, I had eagerly anticipated the release of Madame Web with bated breath. However, my excitement was quickly shattered as I sat through what can only be described as a colossal disappointment, leaving me yearning for the wasted hours back. Regrettably, Madame Web proves to be an exemplification of everything that can go wrong in the superhero genre.

First and foremost, the film suffers from an abysmally weak and poorly crafted narrative. It fails to establish a coherent and engaging storyline, leaving viewers perplexed and detached from the characters' plights. The lackluster script seems more like a feeble attempt to join random dots rather than a thought-through plot, further exacerbating the shallowness of the overall film.

One of the most glaring issues in Madame Web lies in its squandered potential for character development. With a fascinating protagonist boasting a unique and intriguing backstory, one would expect depth and complexity. Unfortunately, the filmmakers neglected to explore the depths of the titular character, leaving her largely two-dimensional and devoid of the emotional resonance required for a compelling superhero tale.

Moreover, the film's pacing is reminiscent of a slumber-inducing snail. Instead of leveraging action sequences and injecting adrenaline into the story, Madame Web becomes an exercise in patience. The movie drags on with a plodding tempo, causing disinterest and ultimately disengagement from the audience.

On the technical front, the special effects are embarrassingly underwhelming. In today's age of advanced CGI and stunning visuals, Madame Web falls egregiously short. The lack of attention to detail is apparent, and the visual effects seem outdated and unimpressive, detracting from any potential for visual spectacle that could have captivated viewers.

In addition, the film suffers from incompetent direction and subpar acting performances. The cast appears disengaged and uninspired, failing to evoke any genuine emotion or connection. The characters' dialogue often feels forced and devoid of authenticity, amplifying the overall artificiality of the movie.

To add insult to injury, the film's marketing campaign created unrealistic expectations that Madame Web would deliver an enthralling and immersive superhero experience. Sadly, it fails to live up to even the most forgiving of expectations, leaving audiences disheartened and questioning the mainstream superhero genre's diminishing creativity.

In conclusion, Madame Web undoubtedly falls into the category of abstaining superhero movies to be avoided. Its abysmal narrative, shallow character development, sluggish pacing, subpar visual effects, and lackluster performances combine to create an overall underwhelming film experience. For devoted superhero enthusiasts and casual viewers alike, I strongly advise staying away from this cinematic travesty and investing your time more wisely elsewhere.

Robyn Hood (2023– )

The worst.

[1/10 · 15 October 2023]

Rob Hood is unquestionably the worst I have ever subjected myself. From insipid plot to theysmal acting, this fails on almost every level imaginable It is a shame that a legendary character like Robin Hood been reduced to this embarrassing.

Firstly, the storyline an absolute disaster. It a misguided attempt at a modern adaptation of the classic tale but it lacks any semblance coherence or originality. The writers seem to have understanding of the spirit of Hood, as they lazily throw together a hodgepodge of clichés and half-baked ideas. The result is a convoluted mess that fails to engage the audience or develop the characters in any meaningful way.

To make matters worse, the acting in Robyn Hood is simply atrocious. The performers lack even the most basic acting skills, delivering wooden and unconvincing performances throughout. It feels as though the cast was pulled off the street without any auditions or training, resulting in a painful viewing experience. The lack of chemistry among the actors further exacerbates the issue, leaving the audience with no emotional investment in any of the characters.

Moreover, the production values in Robyn Hood are absolutely abysmal. The set design and costumes look cheap and hastily put together, with no attention to detail or authenticity. It feels like a grade school play rather than a professional production. The special effects, if they can even be called that, are laughable and fail to create any sense of wonder or immersion.

Finally, the show's attempt at humor is cringe-worthy at best. The jokes fall flat, relying heavily on tired and overused tropes. It seems the writers were trying too hard to be funny, resulting in forced and awkward moments that only serve to further highlight the incompetence of the overall production.

In conclusion, Robyn Hood is a complete train wreck of a show. From its incoherent storyline and terrible acting to its lackluster production values and unfunny humor, it fails to deliver on every front. It is an insult to the timeless character of Robin Hood and should be avoided at all costs.

Queen Cleopatra (2023)

Its trash!

[1/10 · 14 August 2023]

There are several reasons why the show "Queen Cleopatra" is widely considered one of the worst shows ever produced. Firstly, the show's writing and storyline are extremely poor. The dialogue is often dull, lacking depth, and fails to engage the viewers. The plot feels disjointed and lacks direction, making it difficult for viewers to stay invested in the story.

Secondly, the acting in "Queen Cleopatra" is consistently subpar. The cast members deliver their lines with little emotion or conviction, resulting in performances that feel stiff and unconvincing. The characters often lack depth and nuance, leaving the audience feeling disconnected from their struggles and triumphs.

Furthermore, the production quality of the show is abysmal. The set designs are amateurish and unimpressive, failing to transport viewers to the ancient Egyptian world. The costumes and makeup lack authenticity, often appearing cheap and poorly executed. These shortcomings greatly undermine the show's credibility and fail to create a believable and immersive viewing experience.

Additionally, "Queen Cleopatra" suffers from poor pacing and editing. Episodes often drag on with unnecessary scenes or repetitive dialogue, making it a tedious viewing experience. The choppy editing further hampers the flow of the narrative, leaving viewers confused and frustrated.

Furthermore, the show fails to do justice to its historical backdrop. It overlooks or distorts significant historical events and characters, sacrificing accuracy for sensationalism. This lack of attention to historical detail further erodes the show's credibility and fails to satisfy viewers seeking an authentic portrayal of Cleopatra's life.

Ultimately, "Queen Cleopatra" lacks the qualities that make a show enjoyable and memorable. Its weak writing, subpar acting, poor production quality, and disregard for historical accuracy all contribute to its status as one of the worst shows ever. Consequently, it fails to resonate with viewers and leaves a lasting impression as a disappointing and forgettable production.

Velma (2023– )

Really really bad.

[1/10 · 14 August 2023]

Velma is, hands down, one of the worst shows I have ever had the displeasure of watching. From the very first episode, it became quite apparent that this series was nothing more than a poor attempt at capitalizing on the success of the Scooby-Doo franchise. Despite its promising premise, the execution falls flat in every possible way.

One of the biggest issues with Velma is its complete disregard for the beloved characters and their personalities. Velma Dinkley, who is typically portrayed as a highly intelligent and resourceful member of the Mystery Inc. Gang, is reduced to a mere shell of her former self. She is portrayed as angsty, irritable, and self-absorbed, which is not only completely out of character but also incredibly uninteresting to watch.

Not only does the characterization of Velma miss the mark entirely, but the supporting cast is equally disappointing. The other members of Mystery Inc. Are reduced to cardboard cutouts with no depth or purpose other than to simply orbit around Velma's self-centered life. The chemistry and camaraderie that were a trademark of the original series are completely nonexistent in this iteration, making for an incredibly dull and uninspiring watch.

Furthermore, the plot of Velma is convoluted and poorly constructed. It tries to take a more serious and mature tone, but instead comes across as forced and contrived. The mysteries themselves lack any real suspense or cleverness, and the attempts at adding depth and complexity to the storytelling fall flat. It feels like the writers were trying too hard to deviate from the classic Scooby-Doo formula, resulting in a messy and unenjoyable narrative.

Another major drawback of Velma is its animation. The art style is bland and lacks the charm and vibrancy that fans of the original series have come to expect. The characters' designs are unappealing and lack the distinctiveness that made them so iconic. It is apparent that little effort was put into creating visually compelling and engaging visuals, further contributing to the overall underwhelming nature of the show.

In conclusion, Velma is a prime example of a failed attempt to resurrect a beloved franchise. From its poorly written characters to its lackluster storytelling and uninspiring animation, there is very little redeeming about this show. Fans of Scooby-Doo will be sorely disappointed with this lackluster spin-off, and any potential new viewers should steer clear if they are looking for quality entertainment. Velma deserves to be forgotten and buried in the annals of television history.

Tom Swift (2022)

Pure garbage.

[1/10 · 1 July 2022]

This show is pure garbage. Its so bad and so few watch it so CW canceled the garbage after only 1 season. Then you know its bad, really bad. Its too bad, I kinda liked Tom in Nancy Drew and was looking forward to this. That was a big mistake. Good that CW realised their mistake and Swiftly canceled their worst show ever (of the ones Ive watched at least).

Third Degree Burn (1989 TV Movie)

Descent thriller, standout performance.

[6/10 · 23 March 2022]

Its a descent thriller. Treat Williams, Virginia Madsen and Richard Masur are ok in this :). It has a standout performance by David Paul Cutler, aka D Justin Cole. He was really, really bad as the rental car rep. Im glad to see that this is his only movie. Phew! Dont trust the reviews made by his friends/relatives.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)

Really bad.

[1/10 · 18 February 2022]

Im not gonna lie. Its really bad. I understand the reactions during the test screenings. Please dont make any more TCM movies, let this franchise die.

Strays (2021–2022)

Bad.

[1/10 · 20 September 2021]

This is a bad spinoff from the great Kim's Convenience. Stay away from this and watch/rewatch Kim´s instead.