Change Your Image
Franco_Zed
30-ish, Male-ish
I am a Buffyboarder. The people on the Buffyboards are messed up. Really demented. I like ’em! I think most of them have suffered massive head injuries. When I first came to the Buffyboards, I said to myself, &This is good. I share a kinship and some cranial scarring with these people.&
My interests include literature, movies, TV, ice hockey (playing and watching), tennis (playing and watching), writing, hiking, Science, Math, Psychology, spoonerisms, palindromes
My Favourite Stuff:
Star Wars (OT)
Schindler’s List
Forrest Gump
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Firefly
Angel
Babylon 5
Scrubs
The Office
Spider Pig
The Vancouver Canucks (NHL Hockey)
Fall on Your Knees (Novel by Ann-Marie MacDonald)
The Children of the Star (Trilogy of novels by Sylvia Louise Engdahl)
The Pillars of the Earth (Novel by Ken Follet)
Spider Robinson (Sci-fi writer)
Harry Potter Novels
Les Mis, Phantom
Rachel Weisz
U2, Great Big Sea, Matthew Good, Crystal Method
Sarah McLachlan, Joss Stone when she does a cover
Book Recs
Fall on Your Knees (by Ann-Marie MacDonald)
This book is like a nightmare you might have after reading Little Women. It’s hard to describe. It takes place in Nova Scotia (eastern Canada) in the early part of this century. It’s about a family with 4 sisters and how they are the best things in each other’s lives and the worst things in each other’s lives. The father fights in WW1, but the story mostly focuses on the 4 daughters. They love each other intensely, but they can’t really survive their circumstances without almost destroying each other. It’s one of those stories where we get to see the entire lives of several characters. For some reason I just identified with these characters in a very deep way that I can’t explain. I’ve never read another story that was so horrible and so beautiful at the same time.
The Children of the Star (by Sylvia Louise Engdahl)
Mind-expanding. Passionate, inventive Sci-Fi/Fantasy hybrid that is really about the origin and ethics of a religion and a political system; themes of self-sacrifice and faith (religious and other-wise); very densely packed with ideas about science, government, religion, and the psychology of the characters; the protagonist’s personal journey from beginning to end is amazing.
The Pillars of the Earth (by Ken Follet)
This is all about collapsing cathedrals, swordplay, heartbreak, and some other good stuff: Medieval Epic, Historical Fiction: England in the 1100's during a civil war; there's a variety of types of characters: builders, monks, outlaws, tradesmen, sellers, knights, barons, monarchs; some of them are trying to build a cathedral. Full-blooded, violent, with some action and some great romantic subplots.
Spider Robinson (Sci-fi writer): His stuff is kind of like Robert Heinlein on laughing gas and with a sassy sense of humour.
Poems
As some of you know, everybody’s favourite semi-troll, Reba Ellerson, sometimes posts on my IMDb account. She wrote this poem about it.
DAT FAT FANCO ZED I MESS HIM UP
A POME BI REBA ELLERSON
DIS IZ REBA IN DA HOWSE
YA IN DA HOWSE OF FANCO ZED
I IZ SITTIN ON HIZ HED!!
WONT LET HIM AT DA KEYS OR MOUSE
Haikus about Haikus
five syllables here
seven here and five below
this is a haiku
&Hi haiku,& I coo,
&Hi haiku, how cool are you?&
Haiku coo ca-choo.
Below is my original post from June 8 with spoof names for over 50 Buffyboarders.
Hey everybody! I’ve decided to pick a fun, creative new name. I’ve got lots of ideas, but i could use some input. What do you guys think of these? I’ve put them in small suitable groups to make them easier to read.
Zeddy_Bear FrazZled Frank_Oz Frank_Oozed Funky_Zeit I_ZED_IT_I_MENT_IT VaginiZed (okay, this is silly becuz Vagini really is my sister’s name)
Dances_With_MILFs (MILVES?) IBonedATroll USmellLikeFruiTROLLups OMG_SMG_OMG Fluffy_inthebush feel_my_Faith_in_the_Buff mangoyogurt_inmypants
Extra_Phlegmy SlayerMommaThe Angel_Anne_Jealous You’reShirty
WiniThePooDiver1981 RyeTheVampireSandwich1982 ColdBloodyJollyTurnip Bitcantankerous43 4everOnMyNirves
sour_kennedy_14 jossymankindisdoomed Buff_Buff_Buff SatinDayKnightFever LoyalRex’sNads
DUN_EVIN_GET_ME_STURTED BeerBad_Ellerson tree_saw_me_so_me_saw_tree Chocolate_means_never_needing_to_say_your_sorry
MiisaJarJarBinks BlingBangFlingBong mistressappletorture Let_it_Brown_slightly_before_adding_the_spices
BitcaDitka YourPanties Win_a_1981_Chrysler_Reliant Extra_Fire_Insurance
SlayerComeOutOfTheComa Angel_Angelus_Maya_Angelou Ham&VampireLayersOnRye PoeDroveAway
I hope you all don’t mind that I’ve … uh … … asked for your help. I’m not sure about these last 2, but I think I better include them:
Zed’s_Dead_Baby ColdBloodedJelly_Don’tHurtMe
Which of these names do you think I should pick? Please let me know what you think.
I got a positive response from the first list, particularly from SlayerGummyGoo and SatinYourLapLastKnight. Here is my second list.
Okay here goes. This is another list of possible names that I am considering changing to.Could anyone help me to get rid of the breaks in some of the longer names?Sappho’d_08 PrettyAngryBlondeButStillInJail Starskysea_And_Hutchsea enuf_already FromTheEdgeOfTheDeepGreenSewer
Liam1773 madman_vlad fallen_grouse19 BeMused NeverFaithLift
HiTemperatureFluffy Mutant_Enemy_Grill crazydazynamegoesonforever SpiffyFreak_AKA_TheJudge wild_rose_orchid_tulip_daffodil
Faith_Kicks_Assassins Buff_Buffy_Buffier_Buffiest super_anne7731 xx_angelsangelseverywhere_xx Secret_pooch
godlust8034 VodkaAnyaRocks Faith’s_Ass_Watcher CrayonBreakyWindow ScaryVeinyPillow
This_Years_Gay This_Years_Goo Fruitpunch_Mouth FrontPooch_Ben Francpunch_Zen
Fran_Cozy Jaw_Seaman ReUmbrellerson Stinknight
Weenie1981-2007 Wino1981-2007 *sniff* (mmm, that wine and weiner smelled good)
DryTheVampire’sLair1982 (spilled some of that wine) WritheVampireSlayer1982 outforawalk_bitca-1 the_buffy_botca-1
Wolfram-And-Hairnet Wolfram-And-Harpy Wolfram-And-Tungsten (if you don’t get it, look it up.) Wolf-Ram-And-Ewe Wolverine-Fart
PoeDriveyness OhGoPoeGo Taras_Lovers_Cousins_Former_Roommate Taras_Lather
Royal_Xanadu Loyal_Dranex NirveEndingFever NirvanA4President2008 TheNirvanA4everEndingStory
ColdBloodedJellyBelly ColdBloodedBuggerOffYouBrolly SlayerCommaSemiColonRightParenthesis SlayerCommaDuh TheCommaSlayer_SheAloneCanFightTheForcesOfPunctuation
Butt_Butt Duff_Stuff Extra_Flamey_Extra_Drippy Extra_Crispy_Mayor_Meat Extra_Phlegmy_inmypants
It’s_a_thing_inmypants That’s_not_a_horn_inmypants ThePenisMightierThanTheSword CharmingMentalPatient NIPPY
I_love_being_in_the_buff BoardNow u_made_me_spew_on_my_kbrd SMG_WearingNothingButCombatBoots I_had_Faith_in_the_Buff HeyYou!_Haiku_575
EDIT: More spoof names based on Usernames:
Hollandaise_Matters Staking_Steve WeeBandOfRubber chris_&More_Glarghk_Guhl_Kashmas'nik&_morganuk
JmdforSmeg awfulAngina-4000 cannot_toboggan Tiddle-Poop
Friendless_Wig_Store Wolf_Rammin'_Ass Pippy_Long_Toodle SlayerGummyGoo SatinYourLapLastKnight
ifeelweird_100 weedfire_100stoned (maybe this is a newspaper headline) filed_wire_100 fire_wide_100
If you don’t see yourself here, it means that your name is already funny, and/or I don’t know you very well, and/or your name is hard to play around with, and/or you are a recent arrival. These posts are from over 2 months ago, originally. My apologies to the elimination game players in particular. I don’t know some of you. *** If you would like your spoof name(s) removed, just let me know.
Links:
My Top 100 Movies:
http://imdb.com/mymovies/list?l=24177019
The Original Thread with Parodies of 50 + Buffyboarders’ user-names!:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118276/board/nest/76454349?p=1
There should be a link to my Movie Comments (reviews) below this.
If you’ve read all the way to here, why not say hi?
I like Private Massages.
&You think you know, what you are, what's to come,
U DUN EVIN GOT STURTED.&
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againReviews
2 Days in the Valley (1996)
Really entertaining in a handful of ways.
Funny, sexy, exciting, warm-hearted, tragic, thoughtful, and really interesting.
I saw it when it first came out, which was 2 years after Pulp Fiction.
I remember thinking of it as Pulp Fiction but more warm and fuzzy, laid back, sunny (literally and figuratively), and moral or just (characters tend to get what's coming to them).
But it's got a real edge to it too: Some really interesting and varied characters. Some intense action. A lot of humour. Some really sexy scenes with Charlize Theron.
It's probably got something for everyone.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997)
Like many blonds, Buffy is way smarter than it looks
Buffy the Vampire Slice of Life (My Love Letter to the Skeptics)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer is about a teenage girl with super powers. We see her and her friends grow up and fight monsters.
Okay, so what is all the fuss about? Why does this show have hardcore adult fans 4 years after ending? What is BtVS really about? I'll try to explain. Here goes.
CONTENT: I think I can guarantee that Buffy is unlike anything you've ever seen elsewhere.
It's got comedy, drama, stunts, special FX, supernatural stuff, and love stories. It gives all these things approximately equal priority. Think about that for a second. It's juggling all these different types of entertainment all at once. Lots of shows do this. But in equal parts? It's got just as many laughs as stunts. It's got just as many moments of heartbreak as monsters. If you cried when you watched Party of 5 or Grey's Anatomy, then you will probably also cry at Buffy. But with Buffy you also get rocket launchers and gigantic snakes.
It's a cheesy show. The title alone is ridiculous. The characters are very emotional. Sometimes the monsters are silly. But it's fun. And there is so much more going on.
Buffy combines fantasy with real life.
The two aspects are both depicted with respect and humour. Half the story is about a bunch of young adults using supernatural powers to fight the forces of darkness. The other half of the story does an excellent job of depicting the maturation of a girl/woman through 7 years of her life. She and her friends battle everyday problems like homework, heartbreak, unrequited love from both perspectives, family problems and responsibilities, alcohol and drugs, sexuality, losing someone you love, going to college, employment, abandonment
Buffy is 15 in Season 1 and 22 in Season 7. Do you remember how much you changed from 15 to 22? Compare the lives of your average 15 year old and your average 22 year old. In this period of our lives we go from "I hate my math teacher. And why doesn't that boy/girl notice me?" to "What the heck am I gonna do with my life? And why are my family and romantic relationships such a mess?" BtVS does a really good job of depicting this pivotal period of life in a very intimate way. It sneaks in an enormous amount of real life issues in between battles with the forces of evil. The pain of high school and the pain of young adulthood.
Buffy's duality allows it to explore themes about loss, redemption, gender, heroism etc. in unique ways. Things are rarely black and white on Buffy. The thematic content of Buffy is almost as complex, messy, and varied as life itself.
The show is occasionally extremely dark and intense. Some of the experiences of the characters are simply horrific. Either everyday life experiences like relationship breakups or the loss of a family member, or experiences of the fictional, death-defying nature. Some of the characters go into some extremely dismal frames of mind and stay there for an entire season.
NARRATIVE STRUCTURE: Each season covers a year in the life of the characters. Each season tells a story that lasts all season and is resolved at the end of the season. Every season feels very different from the others. Every season is a complete story and together they depict a 7 year journey through life.
ORIGINALITY AND MISCELLANEOUS GOOD STUFF: There's that bizarre, wacky Buffy dialogue. Buffy also has a variety of great music, both in terms of orchestral score and pop/rock. There are always about 5 8 main characters and they are very different from each other.
When watching movies and television, we're all familiar with the feeling that the story is, well, familiar. "Oh, I've seen this type of story before." My friend (a new convert) says that he never gets that feeling from Buffy. He's a very knowledgeable film and television viewer and he feels that Buffy never really retreads any stories, ever. Amost every situation on Buffy has a unique twist on it.
I think the Buffy writers just worked their butts off to make every single episode as entertaining as possible. I think the actors were amazing, but it's the writing that really makes this show special.
SO, TO RECAP: What are the chief factors that make people Buffy fans?
Seasonal narrative structure; Humour (especially the dialogue); Characters and relationships; An attractive cast; A mixture of several genres; Classic themes; There is simply nothing else like it: Creativity at every turn.
If you're not willing to give it a chance, then at least admit that you can't possibly really know whether you would like it or not. Time and time again people discover this show and finally realize that Buffy fans enjoy Buffy for reasons other than our deficit in sanity. They say things like the following:
"I had no idea there was so much going on in this show. I had no idea how much I would end up liking the characters. I had no idea how funny it was. I had no idea how insightful it was. I had no idea how dark it was. I had no idea how much i would enjoy the season-long story arcs. I had no idea that I would one day become a Buffy fan."
YOU might be one of these people. If you want to watch Friends clones and CSI for the rest of your life, go ahead. If you want to see something that is unique and fresh, you could try Buffy.
It is a true original.
A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004)
Jim Carrey fails to ruin this Charmer
MY BIASES: I had not read any of the books. I am a very big J. Carrey fan, but a couple of his characters seriously get on my nerves. His version of the Grinch was one. Count Olaf is another.
I watched Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (LSASOUE) on a whim with low expectations. The lukewarm reception from critics lowered my expectations. So, I was surprised how much I enjoyed it. The Cream of the Crop of Critics on Rottentomatoes.com gave LSASOUE an average score of 6.5/10. It was recommended by 58% of them. Both of these numbers seem too low to me. Anyway, on to the movie itself
Despite his best efforts, Jim Carrey failed to ruin this movie. He was overpowered by the low-key charm of Snicket and the Baudelaires. For those of you who haven't been exposed to these kids yet, the Baudelaires are 3 orphans, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire who are 14, 12, and 1 years old, respectively. They come from Lemony Snicket's series of books, A Series of Unfortunate Events. I don't know how these characters and young actors could possibly be more charming. Violet is an inventor, or more accurately, a McGuyver, Klaus is a bookworm and fountain of knowledge, and Sunny is an extremely capable baby who can do amazing things with her teeth. A nice quirk is that Violet always ties her hair up when she needs to think and work on solving a physical problem. The two older kids are very sensible and relatively calm in the face of calamity. They constantly cooperate to look after their baby sister and to get themselves out of trouble. One of the two older kids is frequently carrying Sunny around.
Lemony Snicket is the narrator, who is clearly emotionally invested in these kids and it feels like he may actually have been more involved in this story than he's letting on. He's played by Jude Law and he reminds you at regular intervals that maybe you should go watch some other, nicer movie. He constantly apologizes for the grimness of the lives of the poor Baudelaires.
The wealthy parents of the Baudelaire Orphans died in a fire and so the banker, Mr. Poe, has to find new guardians for them, but the gimmick of the ASOUE stories is that none of the guardians work out. So Mr. Poe is constantly ferrying the Baudelaire Orphans from one inappropriate guardian to another. The guardians are usually stupid, or evil, or get killed, or some combination of the three things.
Jim Carrey plays the first guardian, Count Olaf. I loved Ace Ventura, The Mask, and all of Carrey's more serious roles, but movies like the Grinch, Liar Liar, Cable Guy, and Me, Myself & Irene just got on my nerves. Count Olaf is in the "got on my nerves" department. Count Olaf appears in disguise playing other characters and fortunately, one of these characters I did like. Jim Carrey is in full-on thunderous over-acting mode here, and I guess that can go very right or very wrong. Count Olaf is constantly trying to kill, maim, or marry one of the Baudelaires in order to get access to the Baudelaire fortune. Two other guardians are played with wacky enthusiasm by Billy Connolly and Meryl Streep, of all people.
LSASOUE has things in common with Harry Potter, Moulin Rouge, and the Princess Bride. All 4 films have some insane adult villains in period-like costumes. They all have a lot of humour, but an edge of seriousness, lurking behind the jokes. They all throw reality out the window in favour of fable-style story telling. They all have an extremely colourful cast of bizarre characters. They all have passionate protagonists who are highly principled and function as heroes. But LSASOUE has a gloomy, low-key quality that I really enjoyed. It has a fresh, very specific tone or feeling that I have not seen before. I think LSASOUE is worth watching because, at very least, you will see something you haven't seen before.
I think this sense of originality also means that other people's opinions of this movie may not be a good predictor of your opinion. If your brother says Die Hard 3 is bad (or good) and you like the same films, then maybe you should trust his opinion. But if a movie is a little farther out of the mainstream, your opinions may not match up as well as they usually do. Basically the more unusual a movie is, the less predictable the audience response will be. Don't you think?
I feel like this review needs editing. Perhaps I should be a little like Lemony Snicket and try to persuade you not to read it. Anyway, take a look at LSASOUE if you feel like watching a kids' film that is a little unusual and less frenetic than most similar films.
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
I don't know who should kill me for liking this
but I thought it was a very interesting story.
SHORT REVIEW: Gruesome, gratuitously sexual, interesting story, well acted.
MY BIASES: I rarely watch horror movies. I never, ever watch gruesome horror movies like "Saw" and its ilk. I was really in the mood for a horror movie and LL in a more adult role. UPSHOT: I might be marking a little easy. Maybe. Or maybe not.
I felt that the story, characters, and actors were all plenty good enough to entertain me for 2 hours. I suspect that the critics and other people who are dumping on this movie are somewhat reactionary against the fact that it definitely has some gratuitous violence and gratuitous sexuality.
I will not spoil any more than the trailers do. Briefly, the story begins with an artistic girl named Aubrey Fleming. A girl at her school goes missing and her dead body turns up with some amputation. Everyone fears a serial killer, particularly when Aubrey disappears. I girl is brought in to the hospital who looks exactly like Aubrey. Everyone thinks she's Aubrey, but when she wakes up, she claims to be a stripper named Dakota Moss. Here we have a problem. This girl is either Aubrey or Dakota. If she's Aubrey, then why is her delusion that she is Dakota so convincing? If she's Aubrey, then is there really a Dakota? If the girl in the hospital is Dakota, then where the hell is Aubrey, and why do these 2 women look identical? It's a fun set-up and I felt that the end result was satisfying and revealed effectively.
There were at least 3 scenes that were so gruesome and horrifying that I couldn't watch. I did the old "cover most of the screen with your hand" trick.
In playing a character who has a drug problem and has an identity issue, I couldn't help wondering if LL was trying to exorcise some demons with this movie. Or possibly she was rebelling against her career which has composed of playing many good girls in movies with more general appeal. I have to admit that some of her fans will see this movie just to see her and will really wish they hadn't seen it. If you're expecting "Mean Girls" or "Herbie Fully Loaded", you will need some therapy to recover from this one.
I should mention that while there is no Lindsay Lohan nudity per se, there are some extremely raunchy scenes involving close shots of various body parts of Dakota's while she is wearing next to nothing and writhing around a stripper dance pole. Just in the interests of full disclosure.
In a side-note about cinematography, this movie is very blue, in the literal, colour sense. It's fun to watch just how hog-wild they went with all the blue. I started watching for blue objects and there were many: bright blue lights, clothing, ribbons, glass, eyes, gloves, etc. Not to mention that every shot seems to have a blue tint.
So consider yourself fairly warned and enjoy the twists and turns of this movie, if you choose to give it a shot.