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Reviews
Halloween Kills (2021)
The gloves are off !
Holy crepes! Michael Myers at his most brutal ! People are pissed ! No more subtlety! No more suggested nothing ! "Hinted" my scrawny little butt ! Micheal turned into some sort of John Wick from hell and I loved every minute of it ! The flashbacks are glorious ! The MUSIC is OFF the charts guys! A soundtrack to listen on repeat ! Visually stunning ! The reconstruction of Donald Pleasance is glorious ! It really works and I usually don't like that kind of cgi stuff ... the killings are awesome , brutal stuff ! No poor innocent Haddonfield resident is safe ! Michael guys in this movie ...he IS pure evil! The there's dumb stuff that somehow it seems can't be avoided. Smart people make dumb choices .... A cop walks into the Myers house looking for Michael and what does he do ? He lowers his weapon to stare at the window and talk to himself about how nothing ever happens in Haddonfield ... Or the forced mob actions ... or that end where everything is confusing and again people lower they guard for no apparent reason .... Still all the good stuff make in my opinion for the best Halloween since the 1981 sequel.
The Godfather (2006)
After 14 years, still rocks!
Wow what a game. The genius of this game is how it allows you to play.
When you begin the game you are an "outsider" a small time crook so to speak, and you can climb your way up to "Don of New York" (i thought that was Michael but who cares!)
BUT! The game allows you to do whatever you want almost literally.
See, the game starts with a couple of training missions and then let's you roam free.
After extorting the first business following the orders of enforcer Luca Brasi you can then go ahead and proceed to take the whole city! This will take you days no matter how fast you try to go.
Doing so will grant you several experience points, the first 15/20 you achieve quite soon in the game.
By the time you take the whole city you have robbed banks and you got payed your percentages of the weekly count, you can then upgrade your weapons, to the extent of some pretty much over the top powerful hand cannons like the street sweeper!
When you return to little Italy to continue the story you'd be pretty much unstoppable.
Feels like cheating? It isn't ! It's part of the game and the choice is completely yours.
Or mix it , take over some business from the weakest families and then play a bit of the story... I wouldn't recommend going to much ahead with the story without having at least 6 "health" points... those Cuneo and Barzini are pretty deadly!
But again, you can, and if you are careful enough you can make it. That's the beauty of this game . I've must have played it 10 times by now, i play it in a very challenging but entertaining way. I play it trying never to get "iced" never arrested and never starting a Mob War. Oh and without ever bribing a police officer! It's trick it, but if you are clever and patient you can do it! Once again that's the great thing about this game. I could write for hours so i'm gonna stop here.
A great game that after all this time is still immensely engaging.
Mafia III (2016)
Black Rambo VS The Godfather
The mob double crosses muscle bound African American Vietnam veteran Lincoln Clay and executes him with a show in the head. Fate dictates that he would not die in that violent act and a one man army bloody revenge on the powerful city Kingpin and his gangs ensues.
I love action movies almost as no other genre, well with the exception of horror.
if you ever wondered having been Rambo a product of the 60's how the Blaxploitation Cinema era would have treated the subject, well this game is the best possible answer to that.
There was Blackenstein and Blackula, the wonderful Shaft Movies with Richard Roundtree were an answer to the tough white rogue cop. The black Bullitt.
I'm gonna digress a lot in this review because i love this game so much since it touches a lot of passions of mine not only in video games but specially in movies.
So as i was saying, the 70's where awesome for genre action and crime movies like The Godfather, the aforementioned Bullitt or Dirty Harry but also their over the top B versions like everything Italy churned out as homages/exploitation of those movies: stuff like Live Like a Cop, Die Like A Man (1976) or Wipeout! (1973) Rome Armed to the Teeth (|1976) Holy Crap! If you haven't seen those movies you can't begin to imagine how much kickassery is contained in their duration time!
Those movies where the reaction of exploitative producers to the USA movie hits, but with all the subtlety left out. "Yeah yeah , great cinematography, character development and dialogue man but let's cut to the goons being blown apart by shotguns blasts already!"
And THAT is what this game is about!
Sure, there's a lot of characters, and plenty (skippable) dialogue scenes and they are very well written and the cgi characters even show uncannily subtle expressions! But what you gonna love if you are anything like me is just sneaking through gangsters or white supremacist territory all over "New Bordeaux" and shoot them down like the rage of God! All while playing it as a huge black MoFo dressed exactly like Stallone at the beginning of First Blood!
This is Boss N*gger (1975) meets Massacre Mafia Style (1975) in a video game- Hadn't had this much fun sin GTA San Andreas or Manhunt, i'm loving every minute of it and i can't recommend it vehemently enough!
The Descent: Part 2 (2009)
Over the top glorious sequel
I loved almost every bit of this movie, the producers/director either got it right consciously or by mere luck. As a lover of horror movies for a lifetime, this delightful almost parody of the first movie is a guilty pleasure like few other of mine. I love a good camp movie and i loved this movie because it's so cool about it. The gore and violence are enhanced to almost the levels of an early Peter Jackson movie or an Italian 80's gore fest. In fact i couldn't help thinking about how it felt like when the Italian trying to exploit an American hit would make movies like their "Terminator 2", "Alien 2" or "Zombie 2" (Dawn of the dead was called simply "Zombie" in Italy. But this flick is more than that, it has a good solid plot and the actors are believable and play it straight and that's what blew my mind, specially in this era of over serious approach to absurd premises. This movie understands it's preposterous origins and does what it has to do, not a simple continuation of the first one but a fun exaggerated barely tongue in cheek proposal of the original material. I've seen it more than The Descent and will probably do it again in the future.
Torrente 5: Operación Eurovegas (2014)
Godawful "movie"
Godawful dumbifying movie.Whatever possessed Alec Baldwin to be part of this is beyond me, watching him having to go along with the gross stupid humorless jokes was painful, kind of like De Niro making "fun" of Taxi Driver in Rocky and Bullwinkle. No joke ever work, editing looks rushed, poor choices everywhere, actors have no comedy timing , specially lead actor Segura.
This is much worst than that movie. This is bad, idiotic, terrible movie making. There is nothing else to say. Avoid like Ebola.
The dumb obligation to write at least 10 lines of text forces me to add this.
Hercules (2014)
Great Heroic-Adventure movie!
Visually impressive adventure movie. Those claiming it awful have no idea. The plot is solid, always entertaining, the battles and fights are great to watch, perfectly choreographed and shot. The great appeal comes from director of cinematography Dante Spinotti, who makes it gorgeous to look at, handling colors and lights like a true artist. Reminded me of the great Italian peplums of the 60's all the time. What can i say, even the cgi beasts looked good! And those i usually hate... Lot's of set, always beautiful looking an lit... i'm repeating myself but the visuals are the winners in this very good adventure flick that will entertain the hell out of you!
Dredd (2012)
the sentence is: guilty, the punishment is : DREDD
Well , someone, somewhere, in a world of pg 13 action blockbusters like the Nolan Batman trilogy or the Bourne saga, actually, in this age of phony politically correct nonsense, someone i was saying, managed to put a good movie adaptation of a tricky comic book like Judge Dredd in the friking screens , with a decent budget and a worldwide release.
That, is something i wouldn't believe if promised, nowadays.
The movie looks like John Carpenter in his prime with a tad of Robocop (2 especially) trowed in.
Robocop is one of the greatest action movies ever, and captures the irony ,the satire of 2000 AD comic books perfectly.
This movie eases up on the over the top social satire of the comic books, to perhaps appeal at a larger audience, and if you are a die hard 2000 AD fan, that may turn you off.
Dredd is a very though human being in this movie, but he has a heart down there. So when in the comic books two teenagers firing at judged would have instantly have their torsos separated from their hips, here they get "stunned".
There are many examples of that "softening" but to press on them would be completely unfair to those responsible of making this movie. Because they clearly cared loved and respected the source material, and in my consideration the sacrifices made to achieve this adaptation as it is, were worthy.
This unfortunately , didn't break any box office record or nothing close to that, it's not the 80's anymore fellas... So i guess we can forget about a sequel, or a trend of action movies in this tone and style.
But i guess this movie will be instantly considered of cult status, and may that be a reward to the intentions of the director and his crew.
We are here guys, we appreciate what you've done, we are grateful, we know that this is how you adapt a though comic book icon, and how you shoot an action movie, don't worry , is not only Nolan/PG 13 action lover kids out there. We are here, thanks, sincerely.
Degueyo (1966)
Less than mediocre.
This is a 3 star movie to say the most. Dan Vadis as a great villain? Picture a body builder with the acting skills of Schwarzenegger with the most ridiculous hat ever to resemble a Mexican... Jesus the guy looked like he had a chandelier on his head.
The action (when the movie doest deadly drag on with lame dialog and bad attempts at humor) is terrible, the complete lack of any blood squib makes every shot out ridiculous. You understand when somebody got shot because the actor/actress will grab his/her perfectly white clean shirt while making a pain face... the most silly part of the shootouts come when Ramon shoots at point blank one of the good guys, watching a gun firing inches away from an intact perfect jacket gives you a really hard time to believe what goes on.
At the end Ramon the villain comes to town and wipes every one out like a terminator and would have killed the lead guy too if it wasn't for a kid that explained early that he could shoot. That's a pretty ballsy resolution and that's why i give 3 stars to this movie, of course every one of the killings is made a joke since nobody receives any gun wound not even Ramon at the end even when he's shotgunned like 4 times.
The New Batman Adventures: Growing Pains (1998)
The Youkai Ningen Bemu influence reaches its peak.
Im gonna try to keep it short. I grew up in Italy, in the 80's this country bought like every single Japanese cartoon ever made since the early 60's translated this and showed them all in different channels and hours, so because of this if you talk to an Italian that grew up in the 80's they will tell you that their childhood was marked by some of the greatest Japanese cartoons aver made.
My absolute favorite was Youkai Ningen Bemu or like they called it in Italy, Bem the Human Monster.
It was like the coolest thing ever specially to watch when you are like 7 years old and your fantasy its fervid. It is a straight horror show for kids, if you think about it there is nothing like that, there never was the moods the sounds the backgrounds the characters made it look like a nightmarish horror version of Speed Racer, and it was just awesome.
When The Batman animated series came out i spotted the influence right on, the red backgrounds the way to paint skies, buildings and some of the very animation were just like the Bem show. Now i knew they were heavily influenced by the 40's Superman Fleischer cartoons... but hell the way in the beginning of the 2 first opening of the shows even the pan up that shows Batman first and then Batman Robin and Bat girl on the roof of the building looked just like the Bem show...
The this episode came out and it was the confirmation of all of my suspicions, because it is directly taken from an episode of the Bem Show called in Italy The Eye Hunter or The Wish to See. In this show Bero the monster kid makes friend with a girl that ends up non existing and being a projection of a which hiding in the sewers.
Its amazing how Batman here works exactly as Bem and Robin as Bero.
Well then since this show takes so much from such an obscure great cartoon it speak volumes about how really much the makers of The Batman animated series know about the history of animation! Good work.
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
The best horror movie of all times.
The Texas chainsaw massacre is, in my opinion, the best horror movie ever and I'd like to see if I can tell why in few words and a foreign language. What did Tobe Hooper do to achieve such a perfect movie it's what i often wonder. I'm sure the realistic look the film has it's the base of it all, the photography is truly natural, no lights are positioned to give an image of threat nor there are creepy sound-tracks warning you that something bad is going to happen. The day, afternoon and night are not stormy, there are not eerie lightning , the house of the Sawyer family it's quite a regular country house ,of course inside they already redecorated it whit them particular taste, but that's totally believable because it is the doing of mad men. In fact there is a reason on why the house decoration and the character of Leather-face strike as totally original and believable and that is because they where conceived by maybe one of the most deranged man of all times, the psycho supreme, the Plainfield Wisconsin butcher, Mr. Ed Gein. For those unfamiliar whit the name he was the famous serial killer whose "work" inspired Robert Bloch writer of the novel "Psycho" and Tomas Harris creator of the Hannibal Lecter trilogy "Red Dragon" "Silence of the lambs" and of course "Hannibal". Yes ,one man alone. So even the most horrible facts of the movie are based on true events. Plus the actors that played the young victims did an outstanding job in the movie. The academy owes actress Marilyn Burns an Oscar for her performance, she screams and cry in such a way that the horror she is feeling is contagious. She makes you feel the madness she witness whit those screams, she and the other victims where surely a big part in making the movie as realistic as possible. The movie in resume was filmed in a way that showed pretty much how would it look if any of us had the dubious honor of being invited at dinner by the Sawyer family. The unreal it's a factor that may seem ideal to help a movie being scary but it has to be carefully dosed or the thing would seem unlikely to actually happen. That is something that Hooper knew by instinct. He mastered those limits. Well i think it's enough since i am having a headache trying to express my feelings in a language i do not know to well, so I'll try not to give you one by reading more of this pour English. Though i hope i have made my point clear even if i feel i could never explain in words how much i love this movie.
Patterson-Gimlin Film (1967)
A nice fake that does generate intrigue.
But a fake of course, there is no Bigfoot, there never was. Still i understand all this comments about being true because i do like to fantasize about stuff, much like when you play a role game, so it's OK of course for people to believe this. I wish it was true bear in mind! I'd love it if such a thing existed, of course it doesn't. With today technology there is no way a civilization of ape like humanoid could keep hidden, it would have being discovered long ago. The fact that there are no clear footage of the creature but is always a crummy disturbed image proves that Bigfoot doesn't exit. But i repeat , it's OK for you to believe in whatever you like so no harm done.
Cui hua kuang mo (1993)
"Everybody was Kung Fu fighting" The best Bad Movie Ever.
The Psychiastist, the cops, the common citizen, everyone knows martial arts in the world of this crazy movie!
Now, if your reading this it is probably because you, like me hunt the web for entertaining bad movies. Man, you have struck the mother load. There are thousands of movies in this site that are reviewed as "so bad its good" movies, the problem is that mostly even when a movie has funny cheesy dialog, bad acting, hilariously bad scripts, sometimes the whole experience is dimmed because most of this flicks are boring, or have very long boring parts. And that's where Undefeatable stands tall, because this movie just won't take a break! There is a fight or a rape or a violent murder every five minutes at least! like if it was a rule the makers self imposed!
So if you are a bad movie lover, i assure that you wont believe the rhythm this movie has, that plus incredible bad actors, plenty of cheesy greasy dialog but most important of all a script that kinda manges to tie all sub-plots! Which is the first rule of story structure!!! Of course, all the subplots are ridiculous...but they do convert!
So this movie is bad as they get and at the same time totally entertaining and that is what should urge you to see it, if you call yourself a bad movie hunter. The whole thing's on you tube which i am sure infringes right laws but if you hurry you may be able to catch it.
You'll be amazed, that much i can assure you.
South Park: More Crap (2007)
Actually one of the best episodes of the series
I've heard they teach TV writing using The Sopranos and Friends, well they have to re think that and use only South Park to teach how to write...well how to write PERIOD. A guy is proud because he thinks he took the biggest crap ever. Whit that premise is really hard to write something funny because it's a joke already, and if you don't measure the jokes on that joke properly you could end up with a kind of Rob Schneider script.The absolutely not funny crappy script.
This guys pull it off because thy know very well how not to over do the jokes.They master that equilibrium.
I give it a 9 just because Bono is part of the thing, and even if you are a South Park writer you just can't make anything good at all out of him.