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Babydoll (1994)
Jenna's a star
Team of Fred Lincoln and wife Patti Rhodes fashioned this early starring role for Jenna Jameson, working for Sin City. It holds up pretty well thanks to its simplicity and a bit of style, on a low budget.
Patti's script follows a traditional Hollywood success story: Jenna is an aspiring model about to give up when her agent (Marc Wallice) convinces her to keep trying a couple more weeks. She almost gets a gig for photographer Michael J. Cox, but he has to give her spot to another buxom blonde (Jasper) to please her man Gerry Pike.
A happy ending is generated when JJ lands a contract on the basis of the photos Cox took, and she rewards Wallice sexually, after steadfastly avoiding the casting couch till then.
Lincoln skillfully stylizes the photo shoots of modeling, with white backdrop and everyone clad in white. Jenna and a strong femme supporting cast provide arousing XXX content.
Eterna Passione (1990)
Waste of big names
All sex, with annoying cross-cutting between two or more scenes (endlessly back and forth) is all you get in this Italian stinker.
Star Moana is plenty horny, either humping or watching others do the same. Jon Dough got a free trip to Europe to service her on a stairway and share her on a couch with Rocco Siffredi.
Director Mario Bianchi, one I considered reliable, louses up here.
Bad Girls Lesbian Addiction (2019)
We don't need no stinkin' script!
My tagline for this review represents director Herve Bodilis' state of mind when he made this all-girl Dorcel video: blessed with top superstars and beautiful young femmes, all sex was just the ticket for fans of the label's glamorous approach.
Most energetic performer here is Amirah Adara, lovely and unafraid to take on oversize dildos. Like the other gals, she manages to stay classy no matter how strong the gonzo action becomes.
I admired the way the Dorcel house style managed to make this content distinctive, even though high-end lesbian scenes of Sapphic Sex are currently flooding the market from specialized labels.
A standout is redhead beauty Red Fox, but it's a matter of take your pick given the abundance of talent on the payroll.
Pornstars Like It Big 19 (2014)
Time for Keiran to retire
I'm always amused to see Keiran Lee in Brit Porn, back when he was spelled Kieran and just another random stud hanging around with Stefan Hard and Andy Mann. But he will forever be remembered for his thousands olf Brazzers roles, four boring ones eating up most of the running time in this DVD.
Things start of with a bang by having four girls go at it: all working on Kieran's cock; yes, end credits spell it that way just this once.
Giving him a rest, Manuel Ferrara sidles up to Kim Kane and Emily Addison.
Oddball sequencing has Wicked Pictures grad Alektra Blue humping Keiran and then returning in a Bonus sequel making love to Keiran's partner Ferrara. Seems like Porno Central casting desperately needs some new male blood.
This Ain't ESPN XXX (2011)
Waste of time and footage
ESPN is an unlikely choice for porn-parody, a point Otto Bauer ignored when directing this usless Hustler video.
We watch anchors talk and athletes hump girls in the shower or backstage, ending with Brooklyn Lee cast as racer Danica Patrick, arguing with her Go-Daddy guy Bauer, then humping him.
It's completely pointless porn filler. End credits are quite garbled, with IMDb slavishly listing the erroneous info. For the record the two leading roles of anchors Sara Walsh and John Butchergrass are played by Britney Amber and Rocco Reed, with the listed players actually doing as follows: big-breasted McKenzie Lee is Shower Sl*t and Jack Napier humps her in the shower as a Player.
Peek a Boo Gang (1985)
Lousy
One of the few banned Traci Lord films still readily available, "Peek a Boo Gang" is a poorly made feature directed sloppily by Ron Jeremy.
Gina Valentino is the star, a girl who leaves her boyfriend (Greg Rome) to head to L.A. in pursuit of an acting career. Fellow jail-bait porn stars of the time Lords and Heather Wayne all live together and become involved with a crummy strip club, source of the video's title.
Lords is sexy as usual, and her big natural boobs a treat to behold, though she's upstaged by even bustier April Maye. Valentino's role is poorly written.
Jeremy tries to make fun of casting-couch auditions with tedious scenes of a theater director auditioning Gina and then Maye for a role in his new play, corny and stupid filler.
Cyrano (1991)
Weird, for starters
Paul Norman created the amazing "Edward Penishands", a ripoff of the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp film that memorably had its title character humping girls with his dildo-shaped hands.
At the same time he went a slight bit highbrow with this "Cyrano de Bergerac" takeoff, substituting the nose for the hand in terms of useful (for porn) phallic symbol.
So we have a period-piece costume feature with the famous balcony scene and Cyrano's prosthetic penis-shaped nose used by our hero for what would be called a nose-job (hands on), fellatio of the nose; nose in pussy action and even nose-ejaculations. All that's missing are gags concerning sneezing.
Central gimmick aside, the movie' showpiece is a very lengthy group sex scene of five lesbians, with Madison as main object. Low point is a lousy fight/action scene when Cyrano and his comrade played by Steve Drake are set upon by highwaymen led by E.Z. Ryder
Not Three's Company XXX (2009)
Crummy
Lose the laugh/applause track and you still would have a clunker. But with that "comical" crutch intact you have yet another unwatchable parody by Will Ryder aka Jeff Mullen and his partner in crime Scott David.
Scott is responsible for the dreadful wigs (oh how funny they look, hardy-har-har) worn by Tommy Gunn, Nina Hartley and in his usual unfunny cameo Ron Jeremy.
The poor performances fall on Ryder's plate, porn actors well aware of the flimsiness of the material. One suspects they would readily admit to doing gonzo instead.
Not quite a saving grace is the inclusion in the lead roles of jail-bait beauty Brynn Tyler and the reliably bubbly Penny Flame: they're worth watching.
Not the Wizard of Oz XXX (2013)
E for effort; R for ripoff
I suspect Ryder & David, the makers of this porn-parody, are proud of themselves for their imitative abilities, but as with their many other instances in this debased genre the faults outweigh all else.
In the "all else" column is principally Maddy O'Reilly's charming performance as Dorothy, no surprise as she was the best Adult actress of her generation.
But besides the central theft of intellectual property, the movie suffers from its cheap sets, weak FX, smug acting apart from Maddy's, and generic porn content. The musical numbers are insipid. And sloppiness is the name of the game in Wicked Witch Brandy Aniston's smeared green body makeup for her sex scene.
Fairy tale porn peaked in the 1970s with "Alice in Wonderland" and drive-in hits by the likes of Charles Band and Harry Hurwitz. Ryder & Mullen need not apply.
This Ain't Good Times (2009)
Embarrassing
This is the second porn-parody by former actor T.T. Boy I've seen that ripped off Black subjects (the other was a spoof of "Roots") and why he persists tastelessly specializing in same is a mystery. Perhaps he got tired of people on set calling him "Boy". No, I'm not interested in his take on Sanford & Son or Dave Chapelle.
This stinker isn't funny, just black on black sex with unknown actresses. Charlie Mac and Byron Long are on the payroll bringing their big dicks to the show. All in all, an insult rather than entertainment.
Private Lives (2013)
Phony baloney
Dana DeArmond hosts (with tongue firmly in cheek) this set of vignettes aiming at real-life sexual situations, real in some world where folks spend 3-dollar bills.
Adam & Eve director Nick Orleans throws in one novel scene, featuring content not usually allowed in major label releases. It has specialty artistes Jimmy Broadway and Dominik Kross giving each other blow jobs in a gym threesome starring young Alyssa Branch -the bisexual fetish genre.
Open Up and Say Ahhh (2003)
Stylish fetish vignettes
Title refers to medical themes for these vignettes featuring creative fetish elements, a specialty of auteur Nick Orleans.
So fans get to see latex, pantyhose and fetish red & white nurses' garb. Sex highlight is probably plus-size star Lisa Sparxxx taking on Byron Long's big dick in a segment titled "Nightcall Nurse".
One Way Ticket (1997)
Highly entertaining neo-noir
Cast and dialog excel in this sleeper, ostensibly just one of thousands of VHS releases cranked out to fill up the New Releases section of video stores back in the day, but actually holding one's interest.
Tabitha Stevens, with her attractive and very fake big boobs, is ideally cast as a Hollywood star who wants out of both her contract and marriage. The extremely cynical screenplay, especially expressed in frequent monologues by Kyle Stone as a sort of fixer working in Tabitha's interests,
The story has many twists and turns (leading to a suprise story climax, followed by final sex scene), involving Tabitha's no-good husband Billy Glide, a slimy agent Jonathan Morgan, gossip columnist Dave Hardman and an underhanded private eye Mickey G.
The gals are impressive: busty J.R. Carrington as a hooker who does special jobs for Mickey, Brooke Ashley as a waitress and aspiring actress, and Alex Dane as an industry power broker.
Director Jim Powers makes it look easy, but this feature is quite superior to the usual run-of-the-mill porno.
Naughty Nurses (2014)
Female doctors too
Just a grab-bag of leftovers from Brazzers' old "Doctor Adventures" series, offered up to Old School dvd fans.
Kennedy Leigh is the ringer, a sweet young thing not possessing the oversize mammaries one expects from this label. Making up for her normalcy, we get to gaze at the likes of well-fed Summer Brielle and fan fave Romi Rain, plus in a bonus scene the abudant Kiara Mia.
Big Wet Butts 9 (2013)
Disappointing all-sex edition
Besides he essential XXX content, Brazzers is known for its often comical and inventive set-up scenes. This compilation of anal scenes dispenses with story and dialogue altogether.
Instead each lady is tracked with the camera fixed on her posterior, then poses and has sex with one of three overworked studs. That's it.
Dorcel star Liza Del Sierra impresses and the closeup camera amplifies the apparent size of her butt. Of the other scenes, Brit Porn star Paige Turnah is the sexiest and most spirited.
Let Bygones Be Bygones (2019)
A motto worth repeating
Yes, the title of this Missa X porn video is repeated several times by the characters. The resulting reunion of Zac Wild and his adopted (foster) sister Lacy Lennon occurs without much fanfare and is satisfying sexually.
Chad White cameos as Zac's brother but has little to do. It's a nice one to watch though less creative than most, and not all that different than a Lacy Lennon gonzo POV video for the label Sisterbang.
The Au Pair Society (2019)
Variation of swap
Sweetheart Video has its Mother Lovers Society series and Girlfriends Films its Mother/Daughter Exchange Club, so Missa X turns a page and instead of swapping daughters poses stepmoms lending out their stepsons.
Initial gambit has the great MILF Ryan Keely sort of prepping for incest with her own kid by arranging for a society member to send over her college kid Nathan Bronson.
He's not very good at role-playing but tries to pretend he's Ryan's son, and they both cooperate at sex, with Keely enjoying being submissive. It's a strong sex scene and benefits from the novelty of the situation.
Wax on Whacks Off (2005)
Dated title for some okay Oriental porn snippets
Time has obscured the meaning of this odd title for an Adam & Eve compilation video, but the content mainly spotlighting Asian beauties is worth watching.
A good example is a scene of Mia Smiles, Jade and Aurora Snow, all 3 looking lovely in and of costume having IR group sex with Mr. Marcus and Billy Banks.
Porn's ultimate petite lady Kitty is quite appealing massaging Kurt Lockwood, and the dynamite combination of Ariana and Kobe Thai take on each other and Zack Thomas.
Doom Fighter 2 (2001)
Arousing VR porn adventure
Picking up exactly where Part 1 left off, we find La Venere Bianca as tough commando Sarah Clark in a Virtual Reality ice cave with a nun and a couple of bewigged beauties, having group lesbian sex. Part 1 ended with a lengthy flashback orgy featuring those wigged ladies in an 18th Century set orgy.
Sarah's adventures continue with an encounter with prisoner Zenza Raggi who humps Mandy Bright, followed by the story's evil lord (of VR) Christoph Clark also having sex with Mandy (as Zenza in chains is forced to watch), and Clark delivering two money shots in quick succession. No indication how that wonderful Euro star Mandy fared after this sexual onslaught.
An interesting scene follows as Christoph gives Sarah a VR museum tour, wherein Michelangelo's David statue and the famous Venus on the half shell painting come to life, cuing a hot threesome peopled by current French director Franck Vicomte and Alberto Rey.
It's a worthwhile watch, and a chance to discover a wonderful Euro babe, La Venere Bianca (a dead ringer minus the tattoos for American porn star of the '90, Ariana.
Doom Fighter (2000)
Surprisingly invigorating Italian sci-fi
Way better than average for cheap sci-fi sagas from The Boot, "Doom Fighter" was released (in the manner of many peak VHS era Adult features) in two parts and is worth wider distribution/rediscovery (it was never released in the U.S.).
La Venere Bianca is a powerful choice as tough leading lady, clearly modeled in imitation of Lara Croft. (She closely resembles a largely forgotten American porn star 1990s, Ariana, but without A's tattoos.) Playing Sarah Clark, she has adventures mainly in a Virtual Reality world, with chief antagonist being Christoph Clark, hammier than usual ruling that world.
Good (considering the low budget) animation and special effects punctuate the saga, which is understandably heavy on lengthy sex scenes. Given that it's an Italian production (shot in Hungary), fantasy sex scenes featuring a priest, and in Part 2 a nun, are no surprise.
Anal Assault 3 (2003)
The Brits have it
A couple of Brit Porn stars saved my bacon trying to watch the third edition of this lousy Sin City series, released by its crum-bum label Mayhem.
Layla Jade's beauty and personality save her segment taking it up the wazoo. She introduces the scene as "The English A Train", indicating it was likely shot for another useless Sin City series "A Train". Icon Angel Long shows up as a pole dancer who takes time out for anal sex.
Asian Mouth Club Volume 6 (2011)
Lucky to see Lucky
Lucky Starr is among my favorite Adult performers, who gave a fabulous performance for Nica Noelle in her moving drama "A Mother's Love 2".
But she has to pay the bills, so generally is only seen onscreen in uncredited bit parts or going gonzo as in this lousy series.
Her ebullient personality comes through in her interview introduction to her vignette, and then moves on to sensual blowjob action for the POV camera.
That disembodied cock is the format throughout, with talent ranging from the famous (Jessica Bangkok in corset and Max Mikita with a full head of hair) to obscuros (Celia Vi).
Result was quietly released by Adam & Eve.
School of Fuck (2015)
Evidence of ineptitude
Taking his usual "Axel Braun's" possessive credit, AB handed in an atrocious video to Wicked Pictures, one that most hacks would be ashamed to sign. But apparently sycophantic praise and a slew of phony industry awards went to his head long ago.
Watching these vignettes is a grueling experience, with the big-name talent encouraged to overact in the minimal "sex in the classroom" set-ups before the XXX action commences. I daresay that greats like Krissy Lynn and Britney Amber give the worst performances of their careers.
Teens Like It Big 10 (2011)
Okay elderly jail-bait action
Brazzers stretches the notion of teen jail-bait in this collection of six vignettes, marred by using the same old studs repeatedly: 3 guys for six scenes.
Best gal is saved for the Bonus scene, as cutie Tiffany Star as a party girl humping pick-up Keiran Lee.
Otherwise, stars like Lily LaBeau and Lily Carter are wasted in gonzo action, when they were doing great acting at the time for Couples labels like Sweet Sinner and GIrlfriends Films.
Strays 1 (2011)
Terrific lesbian feature, never followed up
Melissa Monet's "Strays Part 1" is a terrific achievement in Lesbian cinema. But Girlfriends Films has failed to release a Part 2, or get a series going with these characters, pure negligence.
Elexis Monroe stars as a very sympathetic figure, who saves a puppy she sees abandoned in a bag by a callous woman, and decides to start a local Thornhill Animal Rescue organization.
Aiding her are her hot girlfriend Natasha Nice, a newspaper reporter India Summer, a cute blond kid Jessie Andrews and others. After several arousing girl/girl sex scenes, she's also enlisted aid from the authorities, Tanya Tate and Celeste Star, officers of the Thornhill Animal Control unit.
The acting is wonderful, creating empathetic characters, and Monet's direction sets the story and those characters on track to an entertaining series, which never got greenlighted.
The video also includes as a bonus a number of heartfelt, moving testimonials by Monet and various actresses to the movie's theme - literally PSAs for fostering and adopting stray pets. MM's defense of the pitbull breed is educational and convincing, while other spokespersons like Julia Ann and camera operator Candi Girl's partner Heather (veternarian) also give impassioned pleas.