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ATM (2012)
Quite possibly the best movie ever made
ATM is, without a doubt, one of the most fantastic movies ever made. To call it a modern masterpiece would be an understatement. This film dwarfs all other movies in terms of its script, scope, scale, acting, visuals effects, sound design, cinematography, and sheer majesty.
Josh Peck is a triumph. He brings countless years of expertise to his role of Corey. On the surface, Corey at first appears like a typical jerk by forcing his coworker to stop at an ATM on the side of the road late at night. But as the film progresses, the layers of Corey's character begin to peel back, and you start to realize that there is much more to Corey than meets the eye. Alice Eve and Brian Geraghty are no less mesmerizing as a pair of coworkers turned lovers who, along with, Corey, are in for a wild ride at a seemingly ordinary ATM stop.
But the actor who steals the show is Mike O'Brian, playing Man. Man is, in a word, bone-chilling. His posture and blank, ominous stare are the makings of sheer terror that you will not be able to shake for weeks. His graceful yet harrowing movements make every second of ATM a hair-raising experience. Not to give anything away, but the final moments of ATM left me bone dry. Many modern film critics cite one of the greatest Oscar snubs of the 20th century as Jack Nicholson's performance in The Shining. I predict that critics will look back on O'Brian's performance as Man as the biggest Oscar snub of this century. My jaw literally hit the floor when I saw that he was not nominated in 2012.
The winner of this film however is director David Brooks. From the first frame of ATM, I was sitting on the edge of my seat. David Brooks and his esteemed cinematographer, Bengt Jonsson, guide the camera with the skill and grace of a modern day Francis Ford Coppola and Gordon Willis. The extended and sometimes horrifying shots of the ATM and parking lot tingle the spine and boggle the mind. The fact that Brooks is not getting paid millions of dollars to direct Marvel films is an atrocity.
ATM is modern filmmaking at its finest. I have purchased several Blu-Ray copies of ATM in case any get scratched, as I plan to re-watch the film roughly once a day for the rest of my life. Do yourself a favor and check out this movie.
Prom Night (2008)
As bad as horror movies get
There should be no shred of humor in what I am about to say: reading the plot description on Wikipedia will give you more chills than the actual viewing of the film. That's what I couldn't help but ponder halfway through 'Prom Night', a poor excuse for a movie that is supposed to instill fear into the viewer. Instead, it instills boredom, disdain, and sheer anger that time and possibly money were spent watching this garbage.
While the premise of 'Prom Night' is not the formula for a masterpiece, it actually had the potential to be somewhat scary and even a decent movie. A teacher becomes obsessed with a female student, murders her family, gets locked away, and escapes years later to return to terrorize her on her prom night. Unfortunately, the director, screenwriters, and actors appeared to make it their mission to throw away any hope of making something memorable. The killer is not menacing, the scares are poorly built up, and the actors are too bored to put in any effort.
'Prom Night' is, to put it plainly, a mess. It's predictable, implausible, clichéd, and mind-numbingly dumb. This is the horror genre at its worst, and, for that matter, American cinema at its worst.
House of the Dead (2003)
Worse than anything you could possibly imagine
If there were a movie that deserved a 0 out of 10, this would be it. 'House of the Dead' redefines the term "bad movie". Other bad movies, such as 'When A Stranger Calls' or 'Premonition', will actually look much better when compared to 'House of the Dead'. The basic "plot" of House of the Dead is a group of twenty-somethings travel to a remote island to attend the "rave of the century". When they get there, they only find some tents, a bar, a stage, and some bloody t-shirts. They decide to stay anyway, and they are soon attacked by zombies.
There is absolutely nothing redeeming about this movie. It is not entertaining. Instead, it is painful to watch because of how terrible it is. The acting is unbelievably bad. In a DVD interview, one of the actors claimed that Uwe Boll, the director, is not afraid to tell someone when they are doing a good job or a bad job in a scene. This is a blatant lie. The script appears to have been written by an 11-year-old, who decided to include a scene of someone throwing up on a girl's chest and to include the hilarious line, "it smells like someone farted out here." The characters have no personality or depth and they do some of the most moronic things ever seen in a horror movie. Somewhere along the way, the characters also magically transform into a SWAT team to take down the zombies. It's like they don't even have to aim their guns and they automatically shoot the zombies in the head.
The scariest thing by far about this movie is the directing. There is something wrong with Uwe Boll. Boll's camera work is astonishingly disjointed. His pans to zombies running through the forest are more silly than menacing. Worse yet, Boll actually thought it would be a good idea to include small bits of footage from the House of the Dead video game into the movie. Quite often, and at the most random times, you will suddenly see an animated zombie getting shot. It makes no sense. No one in their right mind would think that was a good idea. It's like Boll wants to remind us repeatedly that this movie is supposed to be based on the video game. Uwe Boll also decided it would be cool to include slow motion 360 degree rotating shots during the action scenes, a la 'The Matrix'. Unfortunately, he does it way too often and each shot is nauseating. The soundtrack to this movie also boggles the mind. Most action scenes are accompanied by loud rap track. This also adds to the ensuing headaches caused by the atrocious 'House of the Dead'.
'House of the Dead' isn't bad because it's based on a video game. In fact, it has very little to do with the video game. It also does not fit into the category of 'so bad that it's good'. It does however fit into the category of 'so bad that it's painful'. This movie just plain sucks. Uwe Boll should never be let anywhere near another movie set. Even his presence will curse a production. To all the directors out there: whenever one of your movies gets a bad review, all you have to do is remember that you didn't make 'House of the Dead' and you will feel much better. I will never get those 90 minutes of my life back. To sum it up, words really cannot describe just how bad this movie is. Everyone involved in the production of this film, especially Uwe Boll, should be ashamed of themselves. Although what I have said may make 'House of the Dead' sound funny, it really isn't. Nothing about it is funny. Avoid this at all costs.
Kung Fu Panda (2008)
A new take on an otherwise generic plot
Call it generic, but 'Kung Fu Panda' is one of the most enjoyable films I have seen in years. Jack Black voices a lovable overweight panda named Po, living in China selling noodles in a family business. Po has developed an interest in the ancient art of Kung Fu, but accepts that this interest can only be a dream and nothing else. This changes however, when he crashes a Kung Fu ceremony and is named the Dragon Emperor. Although the other Kung Fu students protest, their master proclaims 'there are no accidents'. Simultaneously, a Kung Fu master named Tai Lung, who was previously denied the title of the Dragon Emperor and became evil, has just escaped from prison and seeks revenge. It is up to the unlikely hero, Po, to become a master and stop him.
While the ending is predictable, what separates 'Kung Fu Panda' from other animated films is how damn funny it is. 'Kung Fu Panda' is a mere 92 minutes, which is perfect because it never feels dragged out and it never gets boring. The animation is visually stunning, which is especially apparent in IMAX. The martial arts fight scenes represent a breakthrough in computer animation. Each character perfectly matches the personalities of the actors who gave their voices to them. Jack Black is perfect as the lazy Po, and Angelina Jolie is equally convincing as the fearless and powerful tiger Tigress. 'Kung Fu Panda' is guaranteed to entertain people of all ages, and leave them laughing even after they leave the theater.
Hitman (2007)
A flaming bag of crap
'Hitman' confirms that decent video game adaptations are not possible. The action, though at times mildly entertaining, is extremely brainless and unimaginative. The camera looks as though it was handled by a six-year-old. We often get shots from the ground while people are talking when we should have close up head shots. The plot is very confusing and it is doubtful that even the writers knew what was going on. The acting is extremely wooden, as if the actors read their lines from cue cards. Even Timothy Olyphant, as the bald and sleek assassin only known as Agent 47, is awful, which is surprising given his above average performances in 'Live Free or Die Hard' and 'The Girl Next Door'. Hopefully he can bounce back from this. He might as well leave it out of his resume.
Iron Man (2008)
Iron Man a thrill
'Iron Man' is separated from the generic crop of superhero movies in all the best ways possible. 'Iron Man' maintains a tremendous energy throughout its running time and the action scenes are eye-popping. Iron Man's suit literally shines as he zooms across continents and dodges jets. It features an excellent ensemble cast, including Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges, and Terrence Howard. But the person who truly distinguishes 'Iron Man' is Robert Downey Jr., who stars as our fearless hero as Tony Stark who builds the suit from scratch. There is not a single disappointing or slow scene in this movie. This is easily one of the best superhero movies of all time, arguably even the best. Welcome to the fraternity of superheroes, Robert. Expect to stay for quite some time, as 'Iron Man' will inevitably spawn a sequel, if not a trilogy.
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
A disgrace to sequels everywhere
This film should be paired along with Speed 2: Cruise Control for being one of the worst sequels ever made. At times while watching this monstrosity, I could hardly believe what I was seeing. Everything, the acting, directing, editing, "scares", just all awful. In between the awful dialogue and random sex scenes, you will be subjected to gory and unimaginative killings. Good thing you won't feel anything while watching this other than sick to your stomach, because there is zero character development. Each character is given a name, a few lines, probably has sex, then dies. I don't know who to blame more for this flaming bag of crap. Probably not the actors, since they're not really given much to work with. While the first Friday the 13th wasn't exactly a work of art, trust me, this one makes it looks like Citizen Kane. Avoid this at all costs.
Click (2006)
A funny and touching crowd pleaser
At this point in his career, Adam Sandler has proved to the American audience that he can star in films without his character being mentally challenged or handicapped in some way, as in Little Nicky or The Waterboy. Had this been realized earlier, we may not have been subjected to those flaming bags of trash.
But 'Click' is quite possibly the most pleasant surprise of 2006. The premise is not particularly inspiring. Sandler is Michael, a hard-working man who is trying to get promoted to a partner position in his architectural company. This is much to the dismay of his wife (Kate Beckinsale) and his two children, who believe Michael no longer have time for them. In search of a universal remote control for his TV, stereo, fan, etc., Michael wanders into the 'Beyond' section of a Bed, Bath, and Beyond store. He finds Morty, played by the always entertaining Christopher Walken, who gives him a universal remote control. After taking it home, Michael soon discovers that it is literally a 'universal' remote control. He can pause moments in his life, fast forward through the fights and work, and relive past memories.
With this premise in mind, most people would surely think this film will be funny occasionally, but in the end it will be predictable and sappy, and lessons will be forced on us that we've already heard a million times before. 'Click' is often very funny, even hilarious. But the last thing 'Click' should be referred to is predictable.
'Click' often bounces back and forth between funny and moving, which is not always a bad thing. In this case, it creates a very good balance that will keep you entertained for the duration of the film. It is sure to tickle your senses the way 'It's A Wonderful Life' did, the film 'Click' is loosely based off of. Being touched by an Adam Sandler film is a brand new experience, but nevertheless, it is more than welcome.
Cloverfield (2008)
Entertaining, tense thriller
When I saw the first Cloverfield trailer during Transformers, I was in awe. It was unlike any trailer I had ever seen before, having no title, been shot with a hand-held digital camera, and having zero recognizable stars. I ran home after the movie to find out more about the film. For six months, me and millions of other moviegoers turned the internet upside down looking for answers, getting only random inexplicable photos on 1-18-08.com and fake additional trailers. And on January 18th, our prayers were answered, and we flocked to our nearest movie theater to end our guesses and speculation.
It's difficult to imagine anything being worth the wait. No film could have surpassed the excitement of a clip of a massive explosion in the middle of New York, and the statue of liberty's head being hurled at unsuspecting citizens. But if you can lower your expectations slightly and keep in mind that it will not change cinema, you will find that "Cloverfield" is quite enjoyable.
The first fifteen or so minutes of the film introduce our heroes, who are throwing a good-bye party for their friend Rob Hawkins, who is moving to Japan for a job. The subplot is set up at the party, conveniently all within earshot of the cameraman, who has been told to "document" the night. This opening is just short enough and has just enough humor to keep the viewer from shouting at the screen to demand that the monster appear.
And soon enough, the monster comes with full force. Like you all have seen in the trailer, it begins its tirade by setting off an explosion in downtown Manhattan and tearing off the head of the statue of liberty. To make matters worse, the larger monster is accompanied by smaller monsters, which are also hostile and deadly. For the next hour, our heroes travel through the streets and underground tunnels to find a missing friend and get to safety.
The characters of the film are not particularly deep, and there is hardly any development. But there's just enough to make the viewer care about them, and hope that they can all escape safely. The film is shot entirely by a hand-held camera, much like in "The Blair Witch Project", which at times can make the shots seem quite shaky. Though I did not experience this, a common complaint about "Cloverfield" is that you feel dizzy at times. But the cameraman manages to hold the camera steady for the parts that matter, especially those that are heavy on the special effects.
What is most remarkable about "Cloverfield" is the budget. For just $25 million, we get to see special effects that are comparable to those of "The Day After Tomorrow" and "Godzilla", both of which had budgets of at least 5 times that of "Cloverfield". The setting looks like New York, and the explosions look real. It would not have been surprising to hear the budget costing as much as $150 million. I guess it goes to show you that well-known actors and large production teams really can jack up the price.
The film runs quite short, a crisp 84 minutes. The viewer will most likely be left with a desire for more. But there's an old saying, and that's take what you can get, and what you get is a very entertaining show.
Night at the Museum (2006)
Entertaining, but limited
I have always admired Ben Stiller, for his ability to make me laugh at the awkward situations he so often gets into. His performances in Meet The Parents and Starsky and Hutch were especially funny.
When I rented Night at the Museum, I kept an open mind, even though it got mediocre reviews from the critics. Some of my friends had seen it and talked about how funny it was. After watching the film, I saw that both my friends and the critics were right. Night at the Museum, a heartwarming tale of a museum's artifacts that come to life at night, is very entertaining throughout and at times very funny, especially the ongoing quarrel between Stiller's character and a mischievous monkey, Dexter. The special effects are excellent even by today's standards.
But the problem with Night at the Museum is that it is a children's movie. Although it is able to keep people of all age groups entertained, it greatly limits Stiller's abilities. What made Meet the Parents so funny was the fact that Stiller could basically say and do whatever he wanted to make the viewer laugh because the film had a PG-13 rating. With Night at the Museum's PG rating, Stiller cannot scream nearly as many obscenities or get into the funny, awkward situations he is best at. Because it is a children's movie, the ending is sappy and makes the viewer's insides squirm Without giving anything away, there are one or two scenes that could have been cut to avoid cheese.
I do not, however, want to discourage you from seeing Night at the Museum. Stiller still manages to be funny, and the supporting characters are all excellent, especially Owen Wilson. The walking T-Rex, Rexy, who Stiller must play fetch with in order to not get eaten, is the best special effect. And the sub-plots, although some of them sappy, are welcome. A good form of entertainment for the whole family.
Robots (2005)
All around awful movie
A movie with excellent animation about a robot who doesn't have modern parts and must use hand-me-downs. He makes friends, gets his love interest, and defeats the villain. Sounds like it might be fun, right? WRONG The script feels like it was written by four year olds. Every single cliché is here, and some parts of the script just seem lazy. For example, the major city in the movie where our hero wants to go is called Robot City. Robot City. Why couldn't the writers have thought of something a little bit less dumb? All of the jokes are lame, especially the robot that begins dancing to a Britney Spears song.
The story is not at all compelling, and you will probably find yourself bored and/or furious. I was both when I actually paid money to see this trash. The characters are complete idiots, and do not have any depth whatsoever. Do not see this movie. It is a waste of good animation on a 15 cent script. The producers knew it would make money because they had good voices, like Halle Berry and Ewan McGregor.
Please save yourselves. Avoid this movie. Go stare at a wall or hit yourself in the face. Both will be more productive then watching this.
The O.C.: The Night Moves (2007)
Good, not great
I have been a fan of the OC since it was first aired and I own every available season on DVD, so I like most of the episodes. Although this episode was extremely enjoyable, there were some flaws that bugged me. First off, there is an earthquake in Orange County. Yes, it is possible and it was a cliffhanger at the end of the last episode, but from the wise words of Seth Cohen, this is "proof pudding" that the OC has truly run out of ideas. Another problem is the scene in the ice cream shop when Caitlin gives the boy faking the asthma attack "CPR". Apart from her performing CPR incorrectly, anyone with common sense knows you never ever perform CPR on a person having an asthma attack. That was just a dumb addition, they could have made Caitlin and Julie aware of this kid's feelings in some other way. Despite these flaws, this episode is definitely worth a viewing. It is charming and heartwarming, and I couldn't help but laugh when Veronica Townshend was walking with crutches.
The Departed (2006)
Scorsese does it again
Leonardo DiCaprio, Matt Damon, Jack Nicholson, and Mark Whalberg are among an all-star in one of the best gangster flicks in years. The preview is at times confusing, especially because in the quick shots Damon and Dicaprio almost look like the same person. Dicaprio is Billy Costigan, a trainee cop who is approached by two cops (Martin Sheen and Mark Whalberg in his first Oscar nominated performance) with an offer. He will go undercover in the gang of Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson) to infiltrate and bring him down once and for all. At the same, one of Frank Costello's men, Colin Sullivan (Matt Damon) is infiltrating the police and has just become a detective.
Each scene is as entertaining, thorough, and well-written as the next, and you can tell Scorsese really pushed himself here to really engage the viewer. There is a good balance of dialogue and violence, and when the violent scenes come they are truly eye-popping. The language is rough at times, but needed and welcome.
The only reason why I do not give this movie a straight A is the ending. Without giving anything the way, it is quite abrupt and almost cartoonish.
Overall, this is worth at least two viewings, and possibly worth being in your DVD collection. It is also worthy of multiple Oscars.
Stay Alive (2006)
Review of the Director's Cut
A group of people, in their 20s and 30s, are into video games and they come across the horror game Stay Alive, not yet released to the public. After reading the prayer in the beginning of the game, they unleash the Blood Countess, who kills you in the way you die in the game.
First off, I am always vulnerable to scary movies, even stupid ones. Stay Alive falls under the category of a stupid horror movie, but it had its frightening moments. My eyes often play tricks on me, so after the movie I felt like I kept seeing stuff. Scary. Other than that, the film was mostly dull. The characters for the most part were shallow, especially Sophia Bush as October. Scary movies often have bad acting though so that's to be expected. I was reading the reviews of other people who saw this movie who saw the PG-13 version. The director's cut is what the movie should have been in theaters. Unlimited use of f*** and gory killings. I don't feel as though the film did better in the box office because of the PG-13 rating.
If you can get past the bad acting and some terrible one-liners, Stay Alive is quite entertaining. Although it is predictable, the film is fun to watch if you're with friends and if you're into cool effects. Also, the film's opening sequence is quite frightening. Too bad the rest of the film isn't as creative.
Overall, Stay Alive is an entertaining yet stupid horror film. Watch it with your friends who like to talk, otherwise, you will be bored. And definitely get the director's cut. None of that PG-13 bullsh**.