The-great-and-terrible-Phred Reviews

Countdown (1967)

If you know nothing about science, this is the movie you would make

[3/10 · 1 June 2024]

The movie is made on a shoestring budget and it shows. It's a pity they didn't bother spending at least a few Pennies on a science advisor.

A couple years before this film there was one called Robinson Crusoe on Mars. That film was an example of what could be done with a limited budget to maximum effect.

This film is an exercise in cutting corners. And it shows. It shows all over the place. Can't afford a lot of visual effects so make the plot dialogue heavy and Laden with false drama foisted in for no real logical storytelling purpose.

This film was released the year before America landed on the moon. By the time it hit the theaters it was pretty clear to everyone that America was solidly in the lead in the space race. As such this film kind of hits the ground being dated by its portrayal of the Russians still in the lead.

Perhaps the high point in the film is seeing Ted Knight from Mary Tyler Moore portrayed as a completely straight and credible role. It's a little like the early days when Leslie Nielsen didn't do comedy.

You know maybe if they made this a comedy it would have worked. Certainly doesn't work as a drama.

Fallout (2024– )

Watching someone else play a video game isn't particularly entertaining

[3/10 · 18 April 2024]

I tried. Really I tried. I watched the first two episodes. I fell asleep in the middle of each one. That does not bode well for the compelling nature of the show.

I can see that they've spent a huge amount of money on very complicated sets. It's certainly a lavish production.

But I never played the game. I mean I could see where certain elements were obviously storyboarded right off of a video game. And the NPC nature of a number of characters is clear enough. But am I supposed to care about an NPC? I don't know if I really care about these characters. This girl this naive girl who has incestuous relations with her cousin, is this who I'm supposed to root for? And then this Cowboy ghost/zombie whatever, am I supposed to care about him? I don't identify with any of these characters. I don't care about any of these characters.

Look it starts they've been in a bomb shelter a long time. Okay. Radiation bad. Okay. And they decide they're going to trade marriages with the adjacent Enclave. Okay. Everybody seems to have Geiger counters on their wrists yet when the door opens up to the adjacent Enclave no one checks. I mean in a world filled with radiation you would think that would be the number one thing you do when you open the door. This doesn't seem very smart. This doesn't make anyone in this Enclave seem intelligent. It makes them seem like idiots. And they die like idiots.

Do they think I'm going to identify with idiots and root for them? If so they are sorely mistaken.

And then this naive girl decides she's going to go out all alone in the big bad and I don't know find Lassie or her father or whatever.

I really don't care.

When I watched Spider-Man, Tobey Maguire's character was similarly naive. But he was also smart. He made some intelligent moves. He made some blunders and he learned from them but the character seemed to grow.

In this show I have a real sense of here's character a. Here is character b. Character B will say something to character a. Character B will now leave. Character a will now go to character C and say something. And on and on it goes. Girl loses her eye. Is this necessary to the plot? Would the story be any different if she never lost the eye? Guy loses his foot. Is this necessary to the plot? With the story be any different if he never lost his foot? So why am I seeing this.

Continuing the Spider-Man comparison, when Peter Parker made a bad selfish call, he paid with the life of his uncle ben. This made a difference to the character to the story. From there on in you see him consciously making efforts to make better choices.

I didn't get a sense of that with this show.

Here's a guy. He's going to steal a Iron Man suit from another guy. He can't fly it very well. The flying looks very much like a man on wires. At one point the CGI slipped and I actually saw the wires a little bit. That wasn't good. With all the money they spent on sets here I'm surprised they went cheap on the flying effects. Robert Downey did it very well in iron man. If you're not going to meet that standard then don't show him flying.

There's a difference between playing a video game and watching a movie. Maybe you haven't noticed but your friends aren't terribly entertained by watching you play a video game. Making a movie which is essentially the same as watching someone play a video game is not a good path.

Anyhow. Two episodes was enough for me. I won't be back.

It's not a bad production. If anything it's quite lavish in terms of sets. But if you want characters emotions things to identify with, the normal elements of the successful show, you won't find that here.

Until Branches Bend (2022)

Made me want to get a big can of raid

[1/10 · 17 March 2024]

This is one of those introspective deep feeling pieces about the plight of women as applied to peaches and June bugs.

On Star Trek there were these pipes on the ship labeled gndn. That stood for goes nowhere does nothing. This movie is 100% gndn.

Now there are times in your life where you may wish to go nowhere and do nothing. And perhaps you just want to blow off the better part of 2 hours and not be entertained in any meaningful fashion. For example if you've gone to the dentist and had some freezing done and you need to sit for a couple of hours well it wears off then this may very well be the movie for you.

I'm sure there are some people to whom this movie will appeal.

I'm also sure that those people are not in the majority. Not even close.

In summary there's a girl there's some peaches and there's some bugs. In the end the girl goes and stands in the swarm of June bugs and then they go tailgating and eat some peaches. I'm not kidding.

Save yourself.

Becky (II) (2020)

She gets the job done

[8/10 · 9 November 2023]

I'll admit I was skeptical. But I left entertained.

This is a B Movie. No Academy Awards here. But as B movies go it is quite serviceable.

Home Alone was a movie with cartoon violence from 1956.

Becky is a movie with cartoon violence from 2020. I mean as far as blood letting goes it's right up there with Spartacus or Rick and Morty.

And I didn't think I could shift my brain into neutral to enjoy this but somehow it managed to persuade me. There's something bizarrely satisfying about watching this teeny tiny female David mulch a bunch of goliaths with an improbable mix of Blade weapons and automatic machinery.

It's kind of like if you took Drew Barrymore from the set of ET and crossed her with Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th. Absolutely over the top. And quite entertaining. If you're looking for subtlety or substance or hidden meaning then this isn't for you. But if you can laugh and say oh my gosh I can't believe she did that. You just might have a good time.

No One Will Save You (2023)

What? What? What are you doing?

[5/10 · 12 October 2023]

This is a high concept artsy War of the World style film blended with self-actualization and stuff.

I don't think it's going to be for all tastes. Certainly not mine. The Crux of the movie is that a girl has unresolved issues from the past which will be worked out against the backdrop of alien invasion.

If you've ever watched a musical then you know you come for the songs not for the story. This is similar in that you come for the girl working out her past not for the alien invasion.

And I hope that's what you do because how they handle this invasion is well not good.

The girl makes a series of bizarre decisions handling the situation. Most notably even though the Martians are attacking she doesn't feel the need to carry any kind of a weapon around with her whatsoever.

Maybe at the start she's shocked and unprepared. But once it all starts to happen you would think that for sure she would grab a kitchen night or hammer or a gun or any Implement of Destruction whatsoever.

Instead she spends a significant portion of the movie staring stupidly at aliens who spend a significant portion of the movie staring stupidly back at her. Apparently on Mars the method of communication is a modified burp combined with some kind of semaphore variation of Madonna's Vogue dance.

Anyway by the end of the movie The World Is overthrown by the lizard Martian overlords and there's no going back and we're supposed to be happy that Becky here has learned to live with the mistakes of her past even though nothing she will ever do will ever matter again.

And I'm left looking at the screen saying what?

This movie has some nice visuals and some nice effects. But the big question is does it go anywhere does it do anything and does any of it matter. And the answer is no to all three of those.

Oh and there's no dialogue in the entire film. It's effectively a silent movie. Does that make you love it even more? It does not.

An interesting albeit failed experiment.

Tales of the Wizard of Oz (1961– )

I remember watching this in my pajamas

[8/10 · 5 October 2023]

I must have watched this around 1970. Even back then I remember that the tapes had been played so often that the recording was scratchy. But my child brain loved it. It was an excellent show for children with short spans of attention. Because it seemed like you could pop in and out at any point.

Happy times.

I must have watched this around 1970. Even back then I remember that the tapes had been played so often that the recording was scratchy. But my child brain loved it. It was an excellent show for children with short spans of attention. Because it seemed like you could pop in and out at any point.

Happy times.

Private Sales (2016– )

Acting lessons NEEDED

[18 May 2020]

I'm trying to enjoy this. Really I am. But I'm continually distracted by the abysmal acting abilities of the entire cast. Not since my grade school play have I seen such amateur unpolished clunky stilted wooden acting. Everyone in this show makes William Shatner look like the finest actor alive. Other than that the story is moderately engaging and the characters moderately interesting. But I just can't get over the notion that this was written directed and produced and by a nine year old on Adderall. None the less I feel compelled to watch episode 2. Make of that what you will.