gurumaggie Reviews

The Gullspång Miracle (2023)

Gullspång miracle

[5/10 · 26 May 2024]

Wow where doing start, two religious sisters look at a flat and the owner looks like their dead sister.

They take DNA tests bingo they are sisters, end of story but wait there's more, it turns out the sister may have been hidden from the Nazis because she's a twin, her birth and baptism certificates make her five years younger.

The dead sister supposedly committed suicide or did she?

This is an absolute rollercoaster of a ride, the director comes across as a bit annoying putting words in people's mouths and yelling you told me you had a story, which I found strange

The family fall out because the new sister is overlooked by the happy clappers and they try to make over in their image of the dead sister.

There are many more twists and turns I recommend this documentary highly.

Memories of Murder (2003)

Memories of murder

[3/10 · 19 May 2024]

I didn't like the film it was rough and painful to watch, I thought the script wasn't strong enough and good actors didn't have much to do.

The fact that it was based on a real crime was disheartening and depressing. It was slow to the point of nothing happening in other places it was a throwback to 1970's cop shows but not as good.

I admire the director and his other work, this felt like a misfire for me.

I recognise some of the actors from Train to Busan and my kdrama viewing it was a depressing film and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, watch Drug Lord or something like that instead of this.

The Ashley Madison Affair (2023)

Ashley Madison Hacked

[3/10 · 16 May 2024]

Where to begin hmm the beginning, a poorly dressed oaf fusses over sunglasses and acts like an oaf.

Sam and Nia seem fake to me, if a man stole urine to check if I was pregnant I'd go a bit drama queen to be honest her reaction seems totally fake to me, but her smile doesn't reach her eyes, this is only my opinion.

Most participants seem to work for Ashley Madison and seem to not care about the families of the people who cheated, we aren't judging as long as we make money, and we'll lie to you on the phone because it suits us.

I'm sure there is a story to be told but Netflix gave money to the wrong people to make it.

There's Something About Miriam (2004)

Horror show

[1/10 · 11 May 2024]

To take a vulnerable person and display them and their challenges for entertainment purposes is akin to Georgian pay per view Asylums and is repellent.

Not all the views displayed are balanced or based in fact and this programme has hurt the memory of Miriam more than it's helped it.

I am disgusted by channel 4 airing this show and I can't quite believe some of the contributions are frankly scared, I wish they had asked people who watched at the time how they felt and not had 'celebrity' contributions.

My sympathy for all concerned is unbounded and I hope they can heal and move forward from this point now.

Slyth: The Hunt Saga (2023)

Slyth on outta here

[2/10 · 9 May 2024]

It starts off with a promising premise a sort of Dr Who smog episode rip off with traditional car crash involving a small child or adult with issues type of thing.

It rips off Tron, Ready player one, Scooby Doo, Cyborg, Power Rangers and many others.

It fails to deliver on any of these rip offs and has a storyline written by either :

A) a drama student Or B) a failed drama student consumed with bitter jealousy

C) The special effects are quite good but the acting is dreadful and the writing is interestingly bad.

I liked it up to the point where it became children's TV.

This had so much potential and it literally dissolved before our eyes.

City Hunter (2024)

A little too pervy

[2/10 · 6 May 2024]

Why are females treated like they can barely tie their shoelaces in some films?

I was enjoying this until the meow meow cosplay madness started, the women have a lower I. Q. than a Pikachu plushy from a claw machine, and it's getting boring.

I got to a point where I want to shake the women awake, gently, to ask why they are acting like schoolgirls when one of them looks well into her 30's I think the smart actor was the guy who got offed in the first half hour.

This had a lot of promise it's a shame it's so poorly done, I love a good Japanese film, but not this it is pretty awful, even Nic Cage would have refused a role in this.

Files of the Unexplained (2024– )

Why they made this the biggest mystery

[1/10 · 19 April 2024]

Boring stories told by a world weary or simply lacklustre narrator, I've watched some real rubbish on netflix but this takes the biscuit and tramples it into the ground.

There are dozens of this type of show but they are well made and interesting this isn't I fell asleep during the first episode and struggled to keep.y eyes open during the second, I suppose it might be good for insomniacs it certainly helped me sleep.

Decent shows get sidelined while rubbish like this exists, why?

I pray they won't have a second season of this mindnumbingly boring hogwash, it's an insult to the men who passed away in the minibus R. I. P.

Traces (2019–2022)

Traces of bad writing....

[4/10 · 1 April 2024]

Season one is stretching credulity with dialogue no actual human being would say, season 2 all the acting is stilted and a good cast wasted on a lackluster poorly written plodding drama.

A one night stand turns out to be the son of the guy who might have killed her mum eh unlikely at best in season 2 spoilers ahead.

She's now pregnant to the guy who's dad might have killed your mum???

It stretches credulity to the outer limits of ones ability to be entertained.

I hope there isn't a season 3 unless it brings in old characters from Corrie or Dr Who because this just doesn't work, I wanted to like it tried really hard.

Lost in Perfection (2023)

Lost in admiration

[10/10 · 9 March 2024]

A fairly typical did this femme fatale bump off some older men after rinsing them of their cash via apps and her charming persona?

All signs point to yes apparently but there's more, a TV newswoman finds her father is seeing this woman and guess what....he married her, gasp!

He married her in secret..and it doesn't come out until the case heads to court, a dashing prosecutor, the bad boy in light the night Rhydian Vaughan sweeps her off her feet and into his boudoir, dumping 110 pounds of useless flesh, her fiance, she uses the dashing Rhydian to get the new wife prosecuted, her dad doesn't give up god love him, after this there are smashing little twists and turns that make this a good watch, I recommend it highly.

Pandore (2022– )

Box full of creaky secrets

[5/10 · 2 March 2024]

It's a really good start for this show but it's clouded by too many plots and sub plots.

The lead male actor was in the Break a cracking show better than this to be honest, about a cop who has a breakdown and a young daughter he is a fine actor, they all are but the middle drags.

The last few episodes are just too unbelievably scripted for my liking.

The frankly ludicrous plot involves a judge ruining every serious relationship in her life getting demoted to a cupboard as a workspace.

Spoilers ahead

The ending was weaker than a day old puppy and made as much sense, it was disappointing to say the least.

Sequía (2022)

A drought of original ideas

[2/10 · 21 February 2024]

The drought on channel 4 in the UK, it has all the clichés, a cop with a backstory, she's serious because she wears black vests and jackets in 100 degree heat, and her hair is in a ponytail.

Apparently if you want to spot a criminal type in Portugal just look for a guy in a black vest, and unlikely backstory for cop no 2 is his crippled child was helped by a rich lady so he has to go to spain to check out a dead body.

Like lockdown sourdough bread all the ingredients are here but for me the dough doesn't rise, there is no unique element, the lady cops mum looks younger than she does.

Some of the cast members of ministerio del tiempo are here which gave a glimmer of hope which sadly died a death as this incredibly boring show trundled on.

Walter presents has lost its charm, before we die another earth shatteringly dull show in scandi or UK format, Gold-diggers was excellent and Astrid in Paris, the rest are duds pull up your socks channel 4.

The Heist Before Christmas (2023)

No ho ho ho here

[3/10 · 29 December 2023]

The standard mum in a tracksuit tied back hair poverty images that are so cliché are rife here, the popular badly behaved kid runs amuck while mum struggles on bravely.

The initial charm wears thin when the one dimensional baddies v goodies showdown happens, the horrendous accent of Tim Spall grates eventually, James Nesbit has an actual ball to himself being mean and bad and funny, he's the best thing in it.

It reminds me of a Korean drama where if someone actually spoke to you like that you would probably slap them( I'm not condoning violence it's a metaphorical slap) there was no happy ending no resolution and hee haw joy in this and I'm disappointed.

Hell Camp: Teen Nightmare (2023)

Camp hell no!

[7/10 · 28 December 2023]

The views if I can call them that of Cartisanos family are despicable and should be removed from the show, his gaslit or simply removed from reality wife, child and co abuser have no place here, his wife didn't know about the money and the absolute lack of compassion and empathy toward other people's children, yet she can cry for a man who's methods killed a child, how does she sleep at night.

I was vaguely aware of these camps from Leeza and Geraldo Rivera at the time. I don't think anyone suspected it was like this, I'm shocked to my soul that he just brazenly grifted and packed up and moved on when the heat was on.

I was utterly delighted that his lawyer didn't get paid, he was an absolute lesson for anyone wishing to become a lawyer, I don't mind admitting I cried at this show.

The Famous Five (2023– )

Five go fun in 2023

[5/10 · 25 December 2023]

The acting is hammy, the dog is the only one not miscast. Five couldn't spot a fake priest, we ave ze Allo Allo school of accents and that's just for starters.

Jack Gleeson sporting the worst moustache since a dude called Adolf and a mullet Billy Ray Cyrus has a photo of on his bedroom wall, is wasted here, he struggles on with his mother fixation and bad writing. His wardrobe is from life on mars. He needs some mustard for all the ham during his glorious I am ze baddy scene. Kirrin Island is one feels a health and safety nightmare, dogs falling down holes, skint knees, getting swept out to sea.

George's mother feels more wooden than the boat.

It all falls together like a blancmange of daftness and fun with tongues firmly in cheeks and I had a lot of fun watching.

Believer 2 (2023)

Non believer 2

[5/10 · 9 December 2023]

Holding your head to one side, swaggering and having the old man from up's glasses is not acting! Big Knife is a bit blunt tbh, I kept thinking her dreadful wig was in Ringu.

The inclusion of non verbal and non hearing characters was good.

The trope about the dad with a sick kid was a cliché like three days to retirement and the cop gets shot. I like the villains and the cops, the first film is superior and I'm going to watch it tomorrow night.

I like some of the locations and I am a fan of Korean films, food and drink.

I was very disappointed in the film big knifes fake laugh is really getting on my nerves, must do better.

V for Vengeance (2022)

V for Very bad

[2/10 · 1 December 2023]

Hallmark level acting and clichés at every turn of the 'plot' I've seen better scripts in school nativity plays.

Ugh slap ugh is not fight choreography it's just dancing poorly. The lead actress is supposed to be 29, are you kidding me?. I always wonder why poor actors don't invest some of their wages in acting lessons.

Why is there no explanation of why these vamps are daywalkers? The flashbacks are laughable. This is like a spoof but it isn't funny enough or bad enough to be good. The look the hotel receptionist has is pretty much the look I had throughout this mess of a film, I think they wanted to start a franchise but this is just Poundland Twilight.

Creature (2023)

Poor creature feature.

[2/10 · 21 November 2023]

One of the actors seems to act with only his eyeballs and it's quite disturbing.

It's not very well written or acted and I did stick with it but, it's more funny than a classic well retold.

Some of the scenes are so outrageous that they ruin any good parts. The acting is like a bad pantomime, this could have been so good instead it's just boring and disjointed, I haven't watched many Turkish programmes and this really won't encourage me to do so, I don't mind subtitles and I watch other non English speaking films and shows. I was very disappointed in this and I was hoping it would be something we could watch at Halloween.

Cigarette Girl (2023– )

Cigarette Girl

[4/10 · 12 November 2023]

There is way too much glamorisation of smoking in this series, that aside it's quite interesting and romantic.

The leads are attractive and engaging, lots of innocent people get trampled by bad men, specifically men.

The women are just beautiful and silent for the most part, slow moving and dignified, hiding their true feelings and battling on with life, as it not as they would like it to be.

When it came down to it, raja was willing to sacrifice his wife and kids when it suited him, a faithful loving mother of his children, but not brave enough to walk out of his wedding.

Fixing everything means his family will suffer, admitting he stole her recipe meant his family would suffer, which seems pretty selfish tbh it's his father in law that's the baddy.

Sleeping Dog (2023– )

Sleeping dud

[2/10 · 10 November 2023]

There are many problems with this show :

1) lawyers need qualifications to pass the bar exam or study to, Jule is allegedly smart enough to hide an affair with a guy older than her grandparents but couldn't manage a door with a key card? She also tells anyone who shows her any interest the entire investigation and everything she's found because she is that dumb and trusting.

2) a child of a policeman/ woman wouldn't get in a car with a stranger, it's an insult to the girls intelligence and ours

3) if Jule was any dumber she wouldn't be able to tie her own shoelaces, she didn't realise that the guy she met in the park 20 stone 6ft odds wasn't the slim guy about 5ft 10in a black leather jacket running away from the detectives flat but a guy breaking in?

4) a private detective with years of experience isn't stupid, but Jule the jinx gets him offed as well, I feel at some point she's going to get kidnapped and she probably typed her own ransom note.

The Uncanny Counter (2020–2023)

Season 1 is spectacular, season 2 is not even average.

[10/10 · 6 October 2023]

Season 1 of the uncanny counter was amazing, an unlikely band of noodle shop workers are actually demon hunters who help the needy and solve crimes along the way.

Helping souls get to Yung/heaven is a nice sentimental side story.

Bullied teens, abandoned children and domestic abuse are also featured.

I loved this show and when souls ascended I cried out loud, it was lovely.

Then came season 2, pathetic attempts at comedy as the poor cow farmer attempts to become a counter, the cringe factor was higher than the stars could leap, I'm embarrassed for the actors, I'd rather wait longer and have better scripts, I'm on episode 2 and it's just dreadful, it's worse than G. O. T. Season 8, I can't even fast forward through the bad bits. I'm so disappointed.

A Life Too Short: The Isabella Nardoni Case (2023)

It's a difficult case.

[3/10 · 24 August 2023]

I felt there was more to be discovered here, the uproar and the hate did not help, in any way to tell us what actually happened, I think proper forensics and mayhaps investigating the father of the child would have been useful.

The mother trusted this young new wife, does that imply she didn't trust the dad? I could understand a young woman with post natal depression and three children under six being the burden that made her snap, but cutting the net requires pre meditation.

Sadly none of this brings back an enchanting and much loved child, I hope it brings solace to the family, it was a difficult watch that I couldn't repeat. R. I. P. Isabella.

Raven (2018–2022)

Raving?

[2/10 · 18 August 2023]

From a deeply miserable start featuring a creepy poem read by a child, prior to a murder committed by a child, to the dismal bathroom where the detective bangs his head off the shower unit, I knew this wasn't for me.

A drug addict cop has hallucinations of a violent and dismal nature, I couldn't get through the first episode, for the love of god buy a lamp or some candles!

His miserable wife is pregnant and he's going away for a month, (enough time for b&q trips and a new shower curtain mayhaps?) I found this show deeply depressing and annoying, I could only give my honest opinion and this is it.

The Green River Killer: Hunting the Monster (2021)

Hunting repetitively

[3/10 · 11 August 2023]

It's well researched, informative and interesting.

However it repeats itself constantly and half of the episode is a replay of the last episode, I ended up switching it off because it repeats itself to such a stage where I shouted at the TV.

I hate it when TV shows do this stretching the material by repeating especially when it's such a serious subject, these poor women deserve more than this.

If you can stand the format it might be worth watching to the end, I however dear reader could not and switched off in episode two.

On Netflix you can skip recaps they should think about that on channel fours iPlayer.

Soulcatcher (2023)

Soul catcher 2023

[1/10 · 3 August 2023]

The 70's called they want their plotline back! A film so bad Steven Segal wouldn't be in it.

A team the Expendables wouldn't touch with a bargepole take on an evil scientist (also from the 70's) who has a soul sucking device, as they land somewhere, I was too bored to care where, a child in a black dress looking like a historical figure with a tattoo on her head leads our intrepid nitwits to a village of zombies, she disappears, they all shoot at each other. People die it's very boring, plot holes you could drive a hummer through, cardboard cutout villains you can spot with your back to them, they threw money at this when they should have thrown a script and some decent actors.

Where have all the good films gone?

Scooby-Doo: Return to Zombie Island (2019 Video)

Return to sender

[1/10 · 14 June 2023]

One of the worst scooby doo animations I have ever had the misfortune to watch.

Remake or improve this does neither, it's an insult to zombie island and it's director and writer.

Please don't watch this it's poor in construction and execution I feel sorry for the actors who are talented but bogged down by a script scooby doo could have typed with his paws and it would have made more sense.

We love scooby in our family but this is like so insulting to a far superior production, with actual talent having fun.

I wish I hadn't watched it now, the story makes no sense and follows neither rhyme nor rhythm from the original.