Change Your Image
Kaare Jensen
Reviews
Unnaturally Born Killers (1996)
What a video camera and lack of talent can do
This movie sucks so badly. Its an obvious low budget effort, but thats no excuse to have no idea's, no plot, no actors and zero originality. A makeup artist starts freaking out, and starts killing girls for real.. This lame pretext is a sorry excuse for the directors friends to jump around, trying to look menacing or mysterious. As several scenes have nothing to do with anything, there are plenty of "dream sequences".. Utter waste of time. Try and watch Scooter McCrae's movies instead, if you want to see how zero budget film-making can be done. You have to have IDEA's Mr. Carstensen. Just a plain boring and poorly made home movie. I picked up a copy with a pretty bloody cover, but lo an behold, there was no gore whatsoever in the movie. Awoid at all cost.. Luckily, this is not a widely available movie, so that's at least something.
Idioterne (1998)
Pretentious beyond belief
This really is pretentious stuff. A bunch of bored 30 somethings, gather in a house an behaves like retards.. And thats it. Another movie about neurotic 30 year olds, who are unable to take responsebility for their own lives and the fact that they have grown up. Poor beyond belief. Poorly lit, filmed and directed (in following with the dogma tradition) but also poorly acted by some very unatractive people, including half professionel actors, pornmodels and denmarks most unatractive nudemodel, Trine Michelsen. Miss this at any price.
Ginî piggu 2: Chiniku no hana (1985)
sickening, sordid and depraved tv-show
This is one of the brutal Guinea Pig movies that came out of Japan several years ago. They seem to fill a void in the marked of extreme entertainment, for those who doesn't get their pot of grue fully stirred by rotten.com. The story is simple enough. A young woman is drugged, bound and dismembered by a creep in a samurai helmet. The whole point of this little movie is the willingness to show the viewer the most depraved images possible. The special effects are very good, and sickening. The film is also shot on video, giving the whole sordid mess a documentary feel. There were brief rumors that the guinea pig series were in fact snuff movies, "for real" in other words, when they first surfaced in the early 90's. Horrorwriter Chas. Balun was apparently visited by the FBI as he was one of the first westeners to write about these movies. A "making of" tape sorted the out Baluns predicament. Guinea Pig was first shown as a japanese tv-show, with weird interviews and live gags. The tape I watched ran about 95 min. Of which only about 45 min. was the abovementioned film, and the rest of the running time was the rest of the bizarre tv-show. The tape I watched might have been imported from Japan, as it was un-subtitled, but was in VHS-PAL and called "The Best of Guinea Pig 1." Not really recommended, but well made.
Guinea Pig: Ginî piggu - Akuma no jikken (1985)
Nihilism in its purest form
This is an installment in the notorious Guinea Pig series. A short lived japanese TV-show, that got cancelled after a psychopath admitted to being inspired in the killing of a young schoolgirl by the show. This short in the series is, like all the other films in the series, practically without any story. A group of guys have captured a young woman. They tie her down and proceeds to torturing her to death while videofilming her. They beat her, pour boiling oil over her, use pliers on her and finally, in "loving" closeup, push a needle through her eye. This is the most straightforward of all the Guinea Pig movies, and one of the first. It was probably this film, more than any of the others, that gave Guinea Pig the rumour of being snuff. They certainly gave inspiration to Nicolas Cage's movie "8 mm.". These movies have gotten quite popular in horror circles. They have progressed to more polished, but equally graphic movies like "Naked Blood". They probably fill the void left by the Mondo movies, that got slightly cleaned up and became reality TV. Not recommended, but will probably allure those who will see anything once, and wonder why afterwards, I know I did.
A Prisão (1980)
For WIP completeists only
The biggest surprise about this movie, is the fact it was not made by Jess Franco. This is infact a brazilian movie, and a standard women in prison one as well. Three bad girls are thrown in jail. Naturally, they are submitted to all kind of degredations. They escape, and are captured again. Even though they are the heroes of this movie, justice must be done, and the girls are thrown back behind bars. This "twist" is the only thing slightly surprising about the movie. The copy I have seen, contains several brief hardcore sexscenes, that seems to have been left in the movie by mistake. The scenes are, however, performed by the leads themselves, leading to the conclution, that this movie (like many Jess Franco movies that it resembles) also excists somewhere as a hardcore movie. The movie also, unwisely, combines humour and torturescenes. A bad movie alltogether. For WIP completeists only.
Shatter Dead (1994)
The world ends with a whimper, not a bang
A pitch black look at the end of the world. A young woman treks across america during the apocalypse. The dead has risen, not as carnivorous monsters, but as frightened pathetic corpses, trying to fit into a crumbling society. The world end with a whimper, not a bang. An obvious lowbudget effort by director McCrae, but filled with more ideas and vision than ten major studio fares. A nihilistic juggernaught, deliberatly paced and well acted. A real gem.
Sadomania - Hölle der Lust (1981)
Dumb, fun an reprehensible
This is the story of a young woman, kidnapped on her honeymoon, and send to a womens prison, somewhere in the latin world. Her husband spends the rest of the movie trying to save her. That, however is only an excuse for a story, as the real focus of the film are the scenes of degradation committed to the female inmates. This being a Jess Franco movie, you know you're in for a treat, if you're a badfilm fan. It is reprehensible, but most of all, this movie is just silly fun although in a seriously un-PC way. The film is astonishingly misogynistic, and that is unforgivable, but it is fun to see how cheaply this movie was made. A prisoner is eaten by a plastic crocodile, guards are armed with toyguns, the governors car is a beaten up Simca 2000 and the costumes are a riot. Jess Franco himself, however, has the most memorable scene in the movie as he is sodomised by a black youth in his role as a slavetrader. The role as the prisonwarden is played by the late american transsexual actress Ajita Wilson.
Psycho Beach Party (2000)
Most fun you can have without chemicals
This homage to the cheesy surfermovies of the 60's is an absolute riot. Young Chicklet (Lauren Ambrose)want's to hang out with the surfers, and learn to surf herself. The great Kanaka takes her under his wing. Unfortunately, Chicklet suffers from multiple personality disorder, and turns into a maneating dominatrix at the drop of a hat...Meanwhile, somebody is killing the local teens, a B-movie actress is hiding in a haunted house and perfect surferdude Nicholas Brendon just want to be loved. Set in the 60's squeeky cleanliness, PBP is infected with cops played by drags, homoerotic surferscenes, unmotivated dance sessions and a swede named Lars. Unlike anything you will have seen before, but you will have to approach this movie with the right attitute. Sort of like a cross between Rocky horror picture show and Hershell Gordon Lewis. The most fun you can have without chemicals.