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Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)
RestInPeace Evil: Welcome to Baboon City
Yeah, lots of baboons, like a subintelligent Moroccan baboon Leon who wouldn't wake up to the thundering shock wave from the helicopter explosion right outside his precinct, a Hispanic and very unattractive Claire, plus a very plain looking Ada Wong at the end of the movie... The only character who really seems to kick ass is Claire and she has an impressive bottom, even Chris is just a forgettable grunt. Well, not to forget the usual clown acts of other baboon NPCs that make you cringe (e.g. Chopper guy Vickers playing mini game on his Nokia phone during the operation, really?), just painful to watch.
Infini (2015)
Infini Boredom
If you don't have decent monster(s) in a sci-fi horror action movie like this, search and rescue theme? Like Doom? Don't bother, fuhgeddaboudit. Anyway, I decided to stop watching after the black captain was slain like a sitting duck by the infected guy coming through the door, I mean, those highly trained spec ops were just pointing their BFG assault rifles at the entrance, what the hell? I literally laughed out loud. It was a good decision.
Martyrs (2008)
Martyrs? Who? Oh, I get it, the viewers
I'd be generous and objective, 3 stars up front, purely for the production. But wait.
The story? Oh, is there actually one? Forget about Lucie and all that happen in the first half, they are just filler to extend the time for the sake of a feature film. The shock value, yet unimpressive, serves nothing at all to the finale which is as stupid as it gets. So minus 3 stars for the pretentiously serious and completely nonsensical plot, this stupid movie gets ZERO star.
Alien: Covenant (2017)
Just disconnect it from the Alien series
Alien: Covenant plays out like a high-production-value teenage slasher horror movie, the usual stupid decisions, laughable acts, and all that jazz which lead to their own demise, you know the drill. All good and entertaining if you watch it as such, just be sure to disconnect it from the Alien series and forget about it being a prequel of Alien (1979), or you will most likely give it one or two stars because you see, it is an insult.
Just don't pretend to be deep by asking that tiresome question "If you made me, who made you?" without any intelligent inquiry, let alone insight, Director Scott, you really need a great script writer like the one in Alien (1979) but unfortunately he is long gone.
The 16th Episode (2018)
16 times
I dozed off at least 16 times while watching this youtube movie, tried so hard to stay awake. There are some ludicrous moments that manage to pull me out of my doze, like the old French woman oneshot her servant sitting next to her with a small axe while she is driving, a bored fat truck driver shows up for no reason just to drive the sound man to "Booya" (an old slaughterhouse btw) with a weird smile, and then she is oneshot by this sound man with a crowbar while calling on her deformed son in "Booya" at the end, all pretty hilarious. For these, one more star is granted.
Encounter (2021)
Encounter of lunacy
If you hate someone and that person happens to like sci-fi movies, this is the best revenge movie to recommend. There ain't no freaking aliens, it is just a boring story about a mentally unstable and deluded parent kidnapping his own kids, and at the end this clown who believes aliens are chasing him is captured and sent back to asylum. These lunatics are a dime a dozen on the national news, especially in the states where hard drugs are now legalized.
Death Valley (2021)
Had Potential
The production is outstanding with a small budget, the whole team is capable. However, within 20 minutes into the movie, it is a bad sign to see the weapons of two male leads completely stripped off. If it had obtained a larger budget for producing more intense gun fight and actions, the movie could easily have been a really good sci-fi horror action movie. Now it just feels half baked.
Day of the Dead: Bloodline (2017)
Day of the Disgust: Poopline
Disgusting and unlikable characters whom you do not care for at all, such as the female lead Zoe, you just want to see them eliminated by the rotters. Too many nonsensical plots but, anyway you just don't care, a total disgust as a remake of the original movie Day of the Dead (1985). One star if you watch it as a parody.
Prometheus (2012)
PoopMehThus
Apart from the unintelligent scientists and amateurish space travelers, the most nonsensical is the basic theme of the story, that is:
If the human civilization is wicked and thus disappointing enough to be destroyed by the creators, the engineers, why would the creators do so by creating a whole new level of wicked beasts that are substantially far more dangerous, uncontrollable, in turn capable of overpowering and destroying the creators themselves? Even the inferior humans have nuclear bombs being able to wipe out the planet earth in no time?
So you see, the director was actually not the sole reason for making Alien (1979) great, this prequel just proved that because the original script writer passed away long time ago.
4 stars for the production value, minus 3 stars for the nonsensical flaws. A nonsensical prequel that ultimately ruined the whole movie series, simply a disgrace.
The Humans (2021)
Huh
Pretentious and meaningless dialogs, basically a bunch of oddballs walking around and babbling in the apartment for an iPhone shooting session. Nonetheless, obviously Oscar material in today's world, be warned.
Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin (2021)
Abnormal Activity: Next to Kindergarten
There is no paranormal activity here, just bunch of abnormal people pretending to be actors doing weird things to trick you to watch some girl jumping into a deep mine beneath a church on a whim, the minimal budget found footage thing is nothing but a scam.
Dýrið (2021)
Lamb chop preferred
Sucks big time. I fast forwarded the whole movie, nothing actually happened, it is just a stupid story. Simply remove the masks from the lamb kid and the hybrid lamb man, it is just a story about a couple fostering an estranged baby and eventually get 'rewarded' by being shot by the baby's lowlife dad in the end, that's about it.
1 of 2 stars is for the nice scenery, be warned.
Dune: Part One (2021)
Questionable Casting
Very questionable casting for Prince Paul Atreides and his wife Chani, this issue alone ultimately dims the interest in enjoying the movie. Both actors absolutely do not fit the appearance of these key characters at all, they only appear kids next door with personal issues and zero charisma. Well, how can you top the Sean Young in 1984? Not to mention Kyle MacLachlan, who went on to participate in other David Lynch's classic movies such as Blue Velvet and Twin Peeks.
Three stars, purely for the movie production.
The Night House (2020)
The Nightmare
OK, here's the voodoo: a 'loving' husband loves his wife so much that he ventures into voodoo mumble jumble, has sex with and murders lots of chicks to trick a demon who wants to kill his wife???
WTF???
3 stars for the movie production, zero star for the story.
The Mutation (2021)
The Mutton
Basically it is a TV show of a Donnie Darko wannabe wearing a modified bunny costume. Bravo.
Old (2021)
Old fart should be cured too
There are far more people having piles than those diseases, you can see that from the observation guy up on the hill (played by the director), the kind of staff due to the agitation who couldn't stay on his task for more than 2 min to make sure no one escape from the coral. They should feature this observation guy who is seemingly suffering from this wide spread hemorrhoid problem in the accelerated testing program in Old 2.
Zone 414 (2021)
Twilight zone
Here's the scenario, Jane a sex-slave android is in great fear that a psycho killer is targeting her in a highly secured Zone 414, we see that it is impossible to catch the killer because even David, the ex-cop and ex-marine, is easily knocked down as the killer possesses cloaking as well as superhuman-lightning fast maneuvering abilities. Turns out that, at the end of the movie, for whatever unknown reason the killer is suddenly defenseless, overpowered and pounded to near death by Jane the sex slave, while David the hero is still rushing to the scene to 'rescue' her, or is it in fact the other way around? This got to be one of the greatest anti-climatic endings. Who wrote the script? Maybe that person should be sent to Zone 414.
The Lighthouse (2019)
The Doghouse
Not 4 years or even 4 months, just 4 weeks. Lads going insane just because they need to work at a lighthouse for 4 weeks? Some kind of degenerates in the late 19th century? Alright, these two lads still hadn't faced the Spanish flu which broke out during WWI, fast forward to this day, since 2020 so many of us had or still have been locked down because of the pandemic, now go figure. I thought most of us would have gone insane.
One star for the acting, one star for cinematography, the last one for the naked mermaid. No star for the pretentiously deep but in fact shallow story, lad.
Jurassic Hunt (2021)
Jurassic Horror
This movie looks like a well produced TV show, the CGI is on par with the video games some twenty years ago. And the actors are those you usually see in Oscar, yeah, those hired to clap hands.
Haunted (1995)
Ha Ha Ha
Totally watchable, but there are several problems, and a major one at the end of this post. The time is suggested to be 1928 but the Broadway song "But Not For Me" played during the dance between David and Christina was not even released until 1930. Moreover, the music David's mother and Christina play on the piano sounds too much like contemporary pop, it doesn't sound like music people play in that era. The sex scene is also very unprofessional, doubles are clearly seen and so is the red physical coverage over Christina's breasts during the scene. Last but not least, how in the world would the nanny still be in the mansion for years since it has long been vacant and defunct after the great fire in 1923, and more importantly she is indeed the one who sets fire to kill all the children?
Air Force One (1997)
An entertaining sci-fi action movie
I can't remember how long Hollyward has been making this kind of movies, just that Ford has been replaced with marvel superhero characters played by forgettable actors, actresses, or trans-actoids, supercharged with CGI, done.
Prince of Darkness (1987)
Prince of Dorkiness
While the movie is watchable, it is pretty boring if you ask me. Not much tension, it's basically just people trapped in the church being attacked by water gun shooting from the mouth, the effect is in fact quite hilarious. Even worse, it absolutely makes zero sense for all these smart scientists and, more importantly, the priest who truly understands the meaning of it all not doing a damn thing to isolate the satanic cylinder of utmost danger. People are encouraged to stand right in front of it and waiting to be showered by the swirling greenish liquid coming off the satanic cylinder, hello? Carpenter's The Thing remains his top sci-fi horror movie.
Jason X (2001)
Jason SucX
Subintelligent characters, idiotic conversations and behaviors, atrocious acting and CGI, boring soundtrack, a movie production seemingly made for TV in the 90s. I think I saw a 20th century rifle scope on their futuristic BFG in 25th century, just wow. Said to have a big budget, really? Truly pathetic, I just stopped watching cos this Jason sucks big freaking ass.
Aftermath (2021)
Aftermath of watching this movie
...is you are gonna waste nearly two hours in life to see the ending that there ain't nobody but a brain-damaged freak hiding in the closet coming out to pull pranks cleverly (???) at will. And funny he was never found out even the house as a previous crime scene of horrific murders was professionally and thoroughly cleaned up. It is unfortunate that the movie is actually well produced, it would have been so much better and makes far more sense if it really goes supernatural toward the end, be warned.
Sleepwalkers (1992)
Sleeper not
The movie is so much better in the first half and really had potential to grow into a memorable movie, unfortunately plots that have built up are just falling apart or it feels like a different person is directing the movie after Charles turns into a manic killer in the graveyard. One star for the theme song Sleepwalk.