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The Boys: The Instant White-Hot Wild (2022)
How can something be this bad?
You're probably a fan of this show, you like shiny lasers and all, but please take a step back and think of what you have just watched, and ask yourself: how can something, anything, be this bad? How can the writing be this bad? How can the acting be this bad? What have we done to deserve this painful trash "experience"?
This is too embarrassing to waste my time further with. I understand Amazon it's not going to cancel this trash because they have their political agenda to shove down people's throat, but I really don't care about that, so... whatever suits you, you but I'm done.
(And please, for the love of God, stop pushing kids with no talent and no acting skills in movies; it's embarrassing for the... humankind, really.)
Actual rating: 0 (zero)
The Boys: Barbary Coast (2022)
Borderline unwatchable
It's bad, even for a filler; Antony Starr is the only watchable character in this mess of an episode. They film everything in one take, and the result isn't pretty. Gross scenes with vomit, eating food alive and other kiddie stuff plus rhe obligatory male nude takes - it seems the project of a madman with too much time on their hand, and no vision or talent whatsoever. If they want to make complex gay character look no further than David Fisher's Six Feet Under - but they don't want to. It's all a PC farce.
Next time an episode will be this poor I'll read a synopsis online and move to the next.
Stranger Things: Chapter Nine: The Piggyback (2022)
The MillieMillie Matrix Girl and the Angrykid band
So... what should we do with this finale, mr Duffer? Exactly what we did 3 times already, mr Duffer!
Eleven is obliterating the bad guy again ahem, this time the imaginary Vecna (but she takes her time, she doesn't want Max around too much next season, I mean the girl who plays Max makes MillieMillie a poor meme, so yeah, there's that) with the power of her pinkie, and the rest of the gang turns real Vecna to pieces. But oh now! Vecna only pretends to die! He runs away, fried as he is, like a Scary Movie character and luckily, away from the angry kids, he can finally start the destruction of the real world
Finally someone is dying. Oh, no! It's Max again! She's blind and has all the bones in her body broken. Poor kid. BUT NO! Eleven strikes again! Don't you know Eleven is Neo now? Yes she is! She can just reach Max's heart and... like our lord Jesus Christ... bring her back to life
OK, but we need to kill someone. I know! We kill... the new guy again! Woo-whoooo, brilliant, year, let's Kill Eddie. Eddie doesn't have to die, but if the screenwriters said so, let's kill him! YEAH! Let's keep the bunch of useless characters starting with Mike and finishing with the guy with meme hair all safe for the sake of... just being in the screen
Then we have some brilliant writing with everyone having something to say. It's probably improv and it's made in one take. No effort. Acting skills zero, but they're all so, so cute, I love them anyway
Eddie who? Two day later nobody could give a penny. Oh, but Reddit says Eddie was great. Oh well. He's gone, and the cast doesn't even know he exists
And this is folks the best Netflix has to flex his muscles with; no wonder millions of people are cutting them funding (including myself)
1883 (2021)
Brilliant acted story of a bunch of incompetent veterans
The good: the acting is solid and the cinematography beautiful. LaMonica Garrett is a fantastic actor, I'd love to hear his voice-over in a series written by him. McGraw and Elliot are on their highest level too. There's so much work, it almost bleed through the screen. Everything is filmed outside in remote places. At times it's like watching a beautiful documentary.
The story: Three incompetent farmers travel West with a group of European immigrants, and by the end of the journey, they manage to kill everyone (bar a one leg guy - that's the only one who survives besides the American cast, 1 dude from a hundred).
Largely, each and every vulnerable immigrant dies because of the stupidity of the aforementioned incompetents: first die a few women and children because they drink river water, while the heartless incompetents even encourage everyone to let them die "because they won't survive anyway".
Many people are dying while crossing a river. The Three Incompetents again could not care less to organize the passing so no one to die. Results in a tragiparody (and it's hard to believe in 2022 a writer can be so inept). They even let the immigrant to put all the food in a single wagon, after themselves emptying most wagons for being too heavy. (Beautiful writing, and the Emmy goes to...)
Further over ten people are being let to die in the middle of the prairie because of twenty kilos worth of grains. The older incompetent, a 75 year old crybaby, acknowledge they let innocent women and children die because "he had no choice".
The Three Incompetents seems to want to kill as many innocent people as possible (and they do). They mistakenly approach a tribe of Indians women and children dead, acknowledge that the men will come after them for letting footprints around the crime scene, but instead of waiting the Indians there to protect their women and children and to explain the Indians it's not their fault, they LET THEIR PEOPLE ALONE FOR THE INDIANS TO KILL, and go themselves to punish the criminals.
I'm not making stuff up. That's a 9 rated MTV show for you.
The few people who survive after the Indian onslaught are letting to die in the end anyway. The 3 Incompetents do not honor their end of the bargain and, having to travel alone, all the remaining survivors get killed by bandits the following day.
The only other things worth mentioning are: obnoxious voice-over (so outrageously bad that it was left out of the trailers to trick the audience), a love story which ends up quickly with the dead of a likable young man, only to make room to a woke meaningless "story" with an Indian dude (which awaits the dead girl in paradise even if he was actually alive), and that's pretty much it.
My rating - 3/10. I really think the story is that bad.
All the best!
Dave: Enlightened Dave (2021)
Pseudo-Intelectual bull
One of the most pretentious, self-indulgent, hard-to-digest bull* I've seen in years. Who gives these ratings, his real-life persona fans? This is bad man.
Friends: The Reunion (2021)
What a mess!
All six of them finally being filmed together in the same room is a joy but everyone else, jesus!
More than 1h has no justification for not being cut at montage.
And James Corden... he ruined it all didn't he?
Game of Thrones: Beyond the Wall (2017)
Realistically speaking, this is the point where all hope for a decent ending was lost
Behind all these 'Avengers'-like expensive FX the worst ending in the history of television is quietly being built through horrible writing and plot-armors that save everyone for the sake of fanboys.
9.0 huh? Well we deserve what's coming for us
The Gentlemen (2019)
Atrocious
Atrocious from start to finish; no subplot makes any sense; no antagonist, only a series of 'protagonist beat'em all up' and that's pretty much it; does it work as a satire? - no way. The Chinese are an organization of four or five; the Russians are three, four as well. It's like a movie written by a 17yo fan-fiction wannabe.
if someone else would have come with such a script, wouldn't have ever seen the lights of cinema, right? People are complaining it's 'too wordy', that's not a problem; if you like Tarkovsky, or Bergman, or so many other cinema giants, you know there's no such thing as 'too wordy'; but when the script is this poor that would not make it to straight2dvd - that's another issue entirely.
Mr. Ritchie has some great stuff in the past; who knows, maybe his next project will be a bit closer to his own potential.
Looks like this generation loves to live stuff just for the sake of loving them; nothing wrong with that.
Anyway.
Written by Mickey Mouse; for the Mickey Mouse generation.
When They See Us (2019)
Go see Wikipedia page regarding the case, not the uneducated 'youtubers'
This movie tells the TRUE story of 5 kids jailed for a crime the investigators must have known from the start they had nothing to do with it; I could agree with a one star rating for acting or direction (which is not the case) but to give it one because some nobody makes videos on YouTube about the 'truth' - give me a break; what's next, the Earth is flat? - because some uneducated folks are making videos about that too lol.
Shingeki no Kyojin: Hero (2019)
The best that anime has to offer so far - and a lot, lot more
Masterfully directed by Mr Koizuka and perfectly produced by Wit Studio (and based on the writing and illustration of Mr Isayama) - this is a piece of art in its own rights; it's not just 'the best that anime has to offer' but a lot, lot more than that; it's only comparable with Breaking Bad's 'Ozymandias', Mr Robot's 'Proxy Authentication Required' and maybe a couple more. Tens and tens of episodes of complex storytelling culminate here in fantastic fashion, while the animation effort itself must be hands down the most time consuming ever made so far in anime industry.
Ford v Ferrari (2019)
A tragic waste of time
Disrespectful towards Italians; the writing around Ferrari is just like about Super Mario tbh; poor, cheesy, childish; maybe Hollywood should keep its mediocre movies made exclusively for patriotic and nationalistic reasons, to Americans only. Also, I thought Bale was exquisite playing the mad boxer part a while back, which earned him an Oscar - he tries the same here, but soulless. Should have the option to give it zero.
Mr. Robot: Hello, Elliot (2019)
Domo arigato misuta robotto
Since the first (surreal) scene of Mr Robot, 'we' always had this strange, unsettling sensation that something didn't add up; I'm not saying that there were scenes that didn't make sense, this show always has been wonderful, it was just 'something', maybe insignificant, without contour, that was there in 'our' mind since the very beginning.
Now we know it wasn't a small thing; suddenly our safe worlds have collapsed, and now we're anxiously looking for answers - we know they are there, somewhere, hidden in a name of a small safe box, in a computer note, in a room full of puzzles; there's so much more to find out. What happened with X and Y, why Z did that, and so on, and so forth - everything was masterfully crafted, hidden in plain sight, and is 'there' to be uncovered.
Are you heartbroken too?
Are you ready to let this go...?
- because I'm not - and I won't be for a long, long time.
The Witcher (2019)
"Let's give it all 10 guys to combat the 'haters'"
...says one fantastic reviewer here.
Why give it a one because of the subpar acting, why give it a one for the horrendous direction, why give it a one for miscasting most of the actors, why give it a one for shamelessly throwing in our throats a mess of politically correctness which completely annihilates the lore of the books, why give it a one for the cheap locations, why give it a one for not even intending to put together various standalone short stories, why give it a one for making this mess feeling like playing double-downed Witcher 3 short stories, why give it a one for the cheesy script, why give it a one for the cheap monsters, why give it a one for gross technical inaccuracies in fighting, why give it a one for the poor cinematography, why give it a one for the mediocre lines-dialogues, why give it a one for the pretentious (sometimes out of place) music, why give it a one for the average montage (editing), why give it a one for the explosive yet subpar effects, why give it a one for the terrible character development, why give it a one for the cheap nudity just thrown there with absolutely no other reason but to 'entertain' a dubious class of viewers - when you can just give it a ten to fight the 'haters' (a very strange internet notion that has nothing to do with our good ol' 'real' hate, used by teenagers without really understanding its meaning)?
Why indeed.
Warrior (2019)
Hey, look, a great series! The Chinese talk... Chinese, but we hear... wait for it... English!
All good and well until camera did a trick and rap! all Chinese people were starting to talk in English! Five minutes later, I found myself watching a mediocre acted series made specifically for Americans with no respect for culture and language diversity; not really dubbed since the actors speak English, but feels just like that; like an old, dubbed cheap martial art movie - happy watching folks! I'm sure it's a wonderful series (aren't them all? Really, aren't every cheap new series fantastic and only the 'internet haters' are at fault for the poor ratings? Of course we are) - it's not this 'masterpiece' fault that I'm an old grumpy foreigner who can't waste his free time with it.
El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie (2019)
El Camino - a Breaking B movie
Besides the fan service cast (which is nice to see again) and Paul who's doing a tremendous work here, the acting is pretty mediocre; the story is weak, Todd (otherwise a brilliant actor) didn't age well and has some new peculiar look and... you would have probably gotten the same result within 20 minutes of movie and not 2 hours. Breaking Bad is by far a masterpiece of storytelling while El Camino looks like a cheap B movie and says a story everyone could have lived without, with new uninteresting characters, weak story, characters far too changed 5 years later, and overall mediocre and forgettable lines.
I know many have been prepared to crucify the GoT calamity of an ending by praising Gilligan for making the BB ending brilliant twice - but that's not the case; I honestly regret to watching this one, there's nothing that groundbreaking in Jesse's fate that I wouldn't already figured myself (alongside every other BB fan out there).
5 for the fan service stuff and for a couple of good scenes that remind us about the greatest show ever written.
Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
A movie made with a very very VERY young demographic in mind
My 11 yo daughter loved it very much (although she thought most of it was too 'childish'); the 'love stories' are aiming at those kissing for the first time. A movie made for very young people, 9-12yo, with a lot of cheap fan service, cheap effects and a nonexistent story. 1 from me, 8 from my kid, 5 overall.
Captain Marvel (2019)
If you de-age someone by 25 years...
He'll still move like a 71 old guy who barely could stay up his feet. Hilarious? Yes! This is the best accidental parody I've watched in a looong time.