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Joe-587
Reviews
Cheerleader Massacre (2003)
What a huge disappointment...
When Jim Wynorski first announced he would be doing a new sequel for my favorite series of all time, the "Slumber Party Massacre" series, I was ecstatic. I had been waiting for a new installment for literally years. So, production began and very small bits and pieces on the shoot and the actors involved were released until the shoot wrapped. Then, the announcement of a title change. No longer would this new sequel be titled "Slumber Party Massacre IV," but "Cheerleader Massacre" instead. I was a bit disappointed, but having a different title would be a very small price to pay for a film I had waited so long to happen. I was still extremely intrigued and on the edge of my seat to see it.
Maybe a month ago, some very advanced copies of the film were released to some extremely lucky viewers, who got to see the film months before its release date. A few reviews leaked on the net and judging by them, I began to become apprehensive on Jim Wynorski's "Cheerleader Massacre."
Tonight, I got to see the film for the first time in full length and I am still scratching my head. As I read in another review, "Cheerleader Massacre" is definitely NOT a new installment in the "Slumber Party Massacre" series, but a slasher flick all on its own. And a bad one at that.
Before I get into the specifics of the film, let me first state what an enormous fan of Jim Wynorski's films I am. I always thought him to be a true camp genius, with a winner almost every time. Yes, his movies are made on shoestring budgets and don't contain the most top-notch acting around, but they're fun nonetheless. They are what they are: campy movies you watch when you want to have a good time. From "Sorority House Massacre II," to "Hard to Die," to "Chopping Mall," Jim has produced the goods on more than one occasion. One of the reasons why I was excited that this film would be his latest project.
"Cheerleader Massacre" does not (in my opinion) reflect any of the films I had seen this director/writer create in the past. Firstly, the production was extremely inexpensive and the film was actually shot on videotape, something I had never seen Jim do before. The actors were mediocre, to say the least, and the story is almost laughable. The killer is also extremely stupid and reminds you more of your cuddly old grandpa, rather than an escaped lunatic.
Of course, the film is littered with female nudity. This is a Jim Wynorski movie we're talking about, folks. But some of the boob-shots seen here almost seem like they were done for time. There is an extremely long shower scene, containing the cheerleading coach, that seems to go on forever and it greatly reflects a shower scene in Jim's "Sorority House Massacre II." The girl even bathes herself almost in the exact same way.
"Cheerleader Massacre" is also extremely cliched, to say the least. The opening scene is literally something we've all seen in HUNDREDS of past slasher flicks. A guy and a girl making out, on the verge of consummating their relationship when...you guessed it. They're hacked to pieces.
Brinke Stevens, who I've never really considered to be a tremendous actress in the first place, also gives one of her stiffest and forced performances in her small cameo. We're talkin' possible cue cards here. She recalls some incidents her character endured by the killer seen here twenty years ago to the police, while footage of the original "Slumber Party Massacre" plays. Why was footage from the original film used if it was definitely not a new "SPM"? I have no idea. There is also two explosions seen in this movie that I am almost certain were recycled from other films.
Not only does this film recycle FOOTAGE from past films, but it also recycles the scores from other films as well. Some of the music used in "Humanoids from the Deep" (which was also recycled prior for "The Coroner") can be heard throughout the entire film. There are at least two more as well that I cannot identify, but am certain have been used before.
After sitting through this film's horrendous acting, ridiculous story, non-existent gore/special effects, and camcorder-like quality, I am having some serious concerns toward Mister Wynorski's career. Has the man who delighted audiences with films in the past finally lost his niche? Only time will tell. Oh, and let's not forget his newest film. A new installment in the "Sorority House Massacre" films, now titled "Final Exam." I think I'm seeing a pattern here...
Kathy Griffin: Hot Cup of Talk (1998)
Kathy's Second Hilarious HBO Special
Kathy Griffin brings her comedy to HBO once again for this hour-long special that contains several comical stories experienced by Kathy herself. From meeting Hanson, to her parents' odd fixation with .99 stores, to the stages of her vagina, to an embarassing first meeting with Bill Clinton, Kathy definitely delivers the goods with this special. In fact, her stories are so outlandish, that you find yourself wondering if they're really true or not. True, some portions are in bad taste, but as you will see, it's all in good fun when it comes to Kathy. Check it out. I guarantee you'll get a good, long chuckle out of this one.
Crossroads (2002)
Britney Spears - The Actress
I just saw Britney in her movie debut, "Crossroads" and must say I loved it 100%. I definitely think she pulled off her role extremely well and I'm praying the movie doesn't take the same ugly turn Mariah Carey's "Glitter" (blech). I especially don't think that teenage girls would only be the target audience for this film because it's in no way a teeny-bopper plotline. There is some serious subject matter, as well as many laughs. All of the characters are likable (well, except for maybe one) and everyone did a fantastic job. Congratulations, Britney! Well done!
Children of the Living Dead (2001)
What a pile of...
I just saw this new horror movie from Artisan and thought I'd give you a heads-up on it. First, I just wanted to warn you to avoid this movie at all costs. The acting is atrocious, the story could've been scribbled in fifteen minutes, the production is so incredibly cheap that it looks like it was filmed with a camcorder you could've bought at Wal-Mart, and some of the actors look like their voices have been dubbed. Which is weird because this was an American movie. The only thing that seemed to be appealing about this was that Tom Savini is part of the cast. As you all know, he has been a special effects wizard in horror for more then twenty years, so I thought that with him apart of this film, that it couldn't be that bad. I was wrong. He dies within the first twenty minutes, leaving nothing but crap to sit through for the remainder of the movie. I had heard this movie was bad from other sources before I picked it up, only God knows why I rented it anyhow. Oh, and also, on the trailers, it says that this film was done by the producers of "A Nightmare on Elm Street". Unfortunately, this does not help in the least. If you see this movie on the shelf the next time you take a trip to your local video store, keep on walking.
Promenons-nous dans les bois (2000)
What the...?
Just rented this new movie from Artisan and wish I could've given you a better review, but I could only take the first 25 minutes of this thing before I just had to reach for the "STOP/EJECT" button on my VCR. First of all, with all the footage of forests and trees, you could totally tell that the filmmakers were trying to borrow from "The Blair Witch Project". Second, I have no idea where it was made, but the dubbing was hideous. And the voices didn't even look right with the actors in the movie. Most of the time, I couldn't even figure out who the hell was supposed to be talking. As for the story, I think it was about a group of kids who want to put on a play and go to some old spooky mansion in the woods for some reason. I was barely paying attention. Maybe its one of those movies that gets better, you just have to sit through the crappy parts. But from what I saw, this one had zero potential. Thumbs down.
Bruiser (2000)
Very Disappointing...
After seeing George A. Romero's new horror movie, I must say that I was a bit disappointed. With the man's background, I think I was expecting a bit more. The story concerns a man who is constantly walked all over by his friends, wife, boss, and co-workers. At a party, a woman is making masks for the guests out of the molds of their faces. She does his. As the night draws to a close, he sees his wife cheating on him with his boss and she tells him nastily that she wants out of the marriage. After dropping him off home, she goes out for the night. The next morning, Henry (the main character) wakes up to find the mask from the party on his face and cannot be removed. With this mask on, he seems to change personalities. He is no longer the doormat and will not be taken advantage of. So, he proceeds to go after all the characters in the movie who have wronged him and pay them back. I thought this was pretty tame for a Romero movie. I mean, it's several minutes between the paybacks and their not even that impressive. With this film clocking in at about 90 minutes, it feels almost double that with the slow-pace the story moves in. I found myself anxious for it to just hurry up and conclude. The only thing that did catch me was the ending was pretty interesting. However, I really would not recommend this strange, but tame horror movie.
Cut (2000)
Worth Seeing
Filmed in Australia and starring one of my favorite 80's actresses, Molly Ringwald, this flick concerns a group of young college filmmakers who are trying to finish a horror movie that was never completed years before. One of the actors went crazy and murdered the director and then goes after Molly's character, who kills him first. Now, she returns to the same location all these years later to complete the film. Unfortunately, the incomplete film has a curse on it and anyone that views it, dies. The killer, wearing the same mask as the murderer in the film that's in production wears, does away with the cast and crew in grizzly ways. I was surprised at the gore content of this movie. Molly does a great job at portraying the bitchy spoiled B-movie star ("Where's my Coke?! I want my Coke in my hand the minute she yells 'wrap', understand?!"). The rest of the cast is mainly Australian and aside from a few who could've used a bit of extra acting classes, they're all pretty talented. And by no means do any of the bad apples ruin the movie at all. There are some creepy moments in this one and the killer's mask is pretty freaky! With the whole "killer on the movie set" thing, this kind of reminded me of the Troma film, "Terror Firmer". Anyway, before I make this review any longer and you begin to nod off, I do recommend picking this one up, even if it's only for Molly's amusing one-liners.
Kolobos (1999)
Creepy, Scary Horror Flick
I first saw this movie when it came out almost 3 years ago, but thought I'd review it anyway. This gory horror movie concerns Kyra, a schizophrantic artist who is found wandering the streets one night, bloody and sliced up pretty bad. While in a daze, she is struck by a car and brought to a hospital. There, all she can do speak one word: "Kolobos". Through flashback, we find out what happened to Kyra and how she came to wander that dark and rainy street. She is picked to star in a documentary film with some other people around her age in a snowy mountain resort. There, the director will film every move they make from the dozens of cameras set up around the house. Kyra isn't exactly liked by her fellow stars from the get-go, especially since one of them had to pick her up at a home for the mentally disturbed. She is awkward and doesn't seem to fit in with the group. On their first night, with Kyra upstairs, the group decide to watch a B-grade horror series that one of them was the star of. In the middle of the third installment, one of the girls is murdered by several mechanical devices when she goes to retrieve a can of soda from the kitchen. Hearing her screams, the others come to find her and also to find that there is no way out. The entire house is shelled in thick metal. As each member is picked off, fingers begin to point to Kyra. But, she swears that the person behind it is a disfigured man in black. Is she telling the truth or is Kyra really behind the killings? I thought this was a genuinely scary movie with a decent amount of gore and good performances all around. There is also a lot of suspense and some scenes really do keep you on the edge of your seat. Even better, there is a cameo from one of my all-time favorite Scream Queens, Linnea Quigley. The only flaw with this movie is that the ending is a bit hard to swallow. Myself as well as several others had no idea what it was supposed to be or mean, but don't let that stop you from enjoying the other 98% of the movie, which is well worth it. Heartily recommended.
I Saw What You Did (1988)
Really Great Movie...
For a movie that was made for television, this was really good. I loved it since the first time I saw it at like age 7 or 8. While babysitting for her little sister, Kim has her friend Lisa over. Out of boredom, they play Lisa's suggested game, titled "I Saw What You Did", where they pick a name in the phone book, call the number, and say the phrase "I saw what you did and I know who you are". They game goes well for a while until they call someone who has actually just murdered his girlfriend after she breaks up with him. Thinking he sounds interesting and attractive, the girls decide to pay him a little visit. This movie is very good and entertaining. It is also especially creepy, even though it was made for television. I really hope it gets put on video some day soon. If you happen to come across a copy of this movie, definitely check it out. It stars a very young Shawnee Smith from the television show "Becker" and also Tammy Lauren.
The Next Best Thing (2000)
The BEST Movie of 2000
I really don't understand people. Do you all have nothing better to do then write nasty review about this great movie? You can argue with me all day if you like, but Madonna CAN act. People who are not fans of her music just tend to take her acting ability with it, which is unfair. She was wonderful in this movie, as she is in everything she does. Along with "Body of Evidence" and "Evita", this movie shows what an incredible actress she really is and isn't even given any credit for it. For the people who are reading this for the plot of the movie, here it goes. Madonna plays Abbie, a forty-something woman who is single and desperate for a family of her own. One night, she and her gay best friend Robert have a little too much to drink, which leads to a roll in the sack. When Abbie discovers she is pregnant, she decides to keep the baby and have her family with the father (Rupert Everett). Along comes Ben (Benjamin Bratt), who is understandably taken with Abbie. The two form a relationship with causes conflicts in the family, especially with Abbie's son. What's so great about this movie is that it starts out as a light-hearted comedy and slowly turns into a drama. I would highly recommend this movie. It is definitely the best movie of 2000. Pay no mind to the Razzies and check this one out. If you're a Madonna fan, this movie is definitely for you. If you're not, lay off her acting ability. It's tired.
The Dead Come Home (1989)
See this movie!!!
This is one of the scariest movies I ever saw! I saw it when I was around 10 and am still scared of it today. It concerns a group of college kids fixing up an old mansion. They have no idea that the former owner is still in the house. Breaking her tombstone in the backyard causes her to awaken and she begins to kill them in grizzly ways. But, they don't stay dead. They soon turn into murdering zombies. Worst of all, there is no way at all out of the house. Be warned, there is a decent amount of gore. I know I closed my eyes when I first saw it at a few scenes and I NEVER do that with horror movies. Also, don't pay any attention to the Troma label on the tape. They had NOTHING to do with the actual production of the movie, it's just under their label. So this is nothing at all like the movies they usually make. If you're in the mood for a good scare, rent this movie immediately!
Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)
Almost as great as the first...
Sequel to the 1982 movie continues with one of the survivors of the first film having nightmares of what happened to her years before and what could be happening to her friends in the present. She dreams of The Driller Killer, a leather-clad rocker with a drill bit on the end of his red, spiky guitar. On a weekend trip with her fellow high school band members is when the nightmares get even more terrifying, leaving her completely frightened and paranoid. Of course, her friends think she is losing her mind. But, little do they know that her nightmare is about to cross over into reality when they will soon find out that the Driller Killer is real. Watch out for the birthday cake scene. Highly recommended. Due to it's originality, it's definitely worth a look. Check it out.
The Slumber Party Massacre (1982)
Great Movie
This is the first in my all-time favorite horror/slasher series, and definitely the scariest. Eighteen-year-old Trish is left home alone by her parents and decides to have a slumber party with her high school basketball teammates. None of them are aware of the fact that Russ Thorne (who has murdered five people in the area 13 years before), has just escaped and is armed with a portable electric drill. Of course, he will be making an appearance at the party. There isn't that much gore in this movie, if that's what you're looking for. However, there is a lot of female nudity. Hey, this is a HORROR movie we're talking about. Anyway, this movie offers a lot of suspense and is highly recommended. Be sure to check it out, along with the sequels. ***** out of 5.
Slumber Party Massacre III (1990)
The Greatest Movie EVER Made!!!!!
I LOVE this movie!!! It's been my favorite movie of all time since I first saw it when I was 14. I totally think I'm qualified to review it since I must have seen it over a hundred times. Jackie Cassidy's parents are away house-hunting, so she decides to have a slumber party with a bunch of friends. After some drinking and dancing, some guys come over, which leads to 2 of them making their way up to the bedroom. After, the girl is left alone and murdered by someone unknown. The killer remains incognito throughout the majority of the film. After one of the girls finds the dead body, the remainder of the party guests are picked off one at a time with a huge portable drill. I know a lot of people say actors in these kinds of films are bad, but they were very good in this one. Especially Maria Ford (who was amazing in her death scene) and Keely Christian. Check this one out if you want to see a truly great slasher flick!!!