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The Diplomat: The Cinderella Thing (2023)
boring, dated, unfunny
Confused by the positive reviews after watching the pale, bloodless letdown of a first episode.
Keri Russell often stars in interesting stuff, so we thought we'd give this a go in a time when Netflix is being rather stale.
Turns out this was in fact the perfect example of this staleness. We barely made it to the end of the episode, hoping for a crumb, a little bit of spice, anything..
Sorry, there's no way I can say this diplomatically: this show has nothing. Nothing grabs you. The jokes are so limp they would've been better off left out entirely. None of the characters offer anything of substance. The whole episode was drab and pointless.
El inocente: Episode #1.2 (2021)
ridiculous and dated
Somehow even sillier than the first episode, this one is like some weird incel fever dream.
Also, the inspector looks ridiculous with her dyed blonde career hair. Can Spanish writers please stop pretending to be northern european? Embarassing.
Scream: The Deadfast Club (2019)
Written by out-of-touch old people
Weak, wimpy gay kid... "goth" girl... blonde jock bully...
What year is this?
Horribly written, horribly acted, zero tension. Both Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson would be embarassed by this garbage.
Do yourself a favour: watch Slashed instead.
La patota (2015)
Pointless
In the original piece, the woman decides against acting against her rapists and lapses into religious lunacy and self-flagellation.
That is rather stupid, but at least it makes for some kind of explanation.
The writer of this remake evidently felt shy about the original's out-dated religious aspects, so he simply left those out, only to replace them with... nothing. A blank space where hysterical catholic guilt used to be. Although it becomes clear towards the end, when we see Paulina's "martyr's walk", that the explanation is basically the same.
The only thing that never becomes clear is what the point of this movie is. If there is a message, then it's a terrible one. If there is no message, then it's the most boring piece of exploitation I've ever watched.
The acting is alright. The boys had the best of it. Paulina's character was irritating from the start, so it's a bit hard to rate that actress' job. A victim of poor writing.
Into the Woods (2014)
Well done, Disney! Stay on this track.
After Guardians Of The Galaxy (and even Frozen, to a lesser extent), Disney continues to ride a slightly sharper edge. The amount of outraged middle class zombie parents rating it 1 is testament to that. There's plenty of imagination-free, middle of the road bullshit out there to brainwash your children with already. More of this, please. Kids don't need to spend their life with their head stuck up a fairy's arse. They might actually learn something from stuff like this.
Anyway, it drags a little in some places, but the sung dialogue is very clever and there's plenty of double entendres to dig your wits into. Johnny Depp layed it on particularly thick. Dirtiest wolf ever! Bravo!
V for Vendetta (2005)
Tacky
Terribly clumsy and tacky piece of student propaganda. The rabid enthusiasm it has caused among ignorant Fight Club fanboys is a clear sign that young people are still easily influenced by sanctimonious demagogues (such as Mr "I'm not worthy to flick the switch that will destroy the Parliament. Ah!" V).
This blowing up of the Parliament was probably the coup de force of the movie and definitively showed its moronic message. The explosions were intercut with shots of V's army revealing themselves as... us, the PEOPLE!
I suppose the message is that any politically ignorant, XBox-playing television slave can go out into the streets and destroy public property. Last time that happened where I live, the old buildings ended up replaced by ugly blocks of concrete for the elderly to rot away in.
Thank you, Wachowski brothers.