granl Reviews

Tarzan and the Lost City (1998)

A good try that didn't quite make it

[3/10 · 19 May 1999]

Anyone who voted 1 for this must have missed the Bo Derek strip-a-thon "Tarzan the Ape Man". In Tarzan and the Lost City the producers made an attempt to give their story a sense of innocence - which is the very thing that made the Weismuller, Barker, Scott, etc. films work. The action scenes are decent but too often the makers fall back on special effects and magic to solve the hero's latest problem. I kept asking myself, with all the magic that the Medicine Man can do, why does he need Tarzan to take out these inept bozos? This film is a good alternative to the nightly dose of sit-coms and an OK selection if you went to the video store only to find that all the copies of Bug's Life are out.

Tarzan the Ape Man (1981)

Absolutely the worst Tarzan film ever made

[1/10 · 19 May 1999]

For that matter one of the worst FILMS ever made. Plot goes as follows. Slog through jungle looking areas for 10 minutes or so. Have Bo go somewhere and strip. Slog through the jungle some more. Give Bo another excuse to strip. Back to the jungle. Oh look! There's a Tarzan looking guy! Strip, Bo - strip. Kill the safari people. Tarzan looking guy has a fight scene. Saves Bo. Bo strips. Run credits. Run credits, run.

The Magnificent Seven Ride! (1972)

Second Best of the Series

[9/10 · 23 April 1999]

Of the four M7 films, I'd rate this number 2 - after the original, of course. It's also the hardest to find. I saw it in the theatre when it was released and caught it late night once. Chris is asked to do his usual bit of chasing off banditos but refuses. He's married and settled down now - not interested in adventure. But then his wife is killed. Chris heads south. "He did my job, now I'll do his." His helpers this time are a bunch of cut-throats he finds in the local prison. (Someone must have seen 'The Dirty Dozen' along the way.) Lots of good action shootouts. Lee Van Cleef is great playing his usual, 'Man with the Gunsight Eyes'.

Head Above Water (1996)

Perfect example of 'Author's Will'

[2/10 · 22 April 1999]

The next time you are at a party and someone asks, "The other day I heard the expression 'Author's will'. Does anyone know what it means?" Tell them to sit through 'Head Above Water'. The only way Diaz could possibly have survived this movie was by means of this literary device commonly used by bad writers. There are some comic scenes and you will have a few laughs. However the film does not stand up to the most minor logical analysis. Why does Keitel tie Diaz's hand in front of her instead of behind? Why so she can do the chainsaw gag of course. For me the best part of this movie was that I saw it on a cable channel instead of spending four bucks at the video shop.

The Guns of Navarone (1961)

The adventure film personified

[10/10 · 9 March 1999]

The story isn't believable, but who said it has to be? The assembly of a superb cast thrown up against impossible odds makes this one of the best adventure films ever made. Compared to today's action films there is no sex, no swearing, and surprisingly little screen violence. But the intensity of the story excels. I still get goose bumps when the ships at the end blow their whistles and the men aboard cheer. One of my favourite film lines (which I didn't type exactly) is delivered at the films conclusion: Niven: Frankly sir, I didn't think we could do it. Peck: Frankly, neither did I.