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Gadlen
Reviews
Hulk (2003)
Move over Plan 9 from Outer Space
This was simply the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. Of every person associated with this film, I must now say, as Queen Bavmorda said to her daughter, "Now I must despise you!"
Awful characterizations. Poor acting. Implausible action scenes. Consistantly inappropriate character tension. Phenominally bad lines throughout. nausiating (literally) and pointless camera effects.
And it COULD have been GREAT! It took thousands of wildly bad errors on the parts of hundreds of persons to make this film. They must have gone in to work every day asking themselves, "How can we make this movie even worse and still go over budget?"
If I could give it 0 out of 10, I would. I could write more about this film but it would just be giving it unnessasary attention.
Star Trek: Insurrection (1998)
Plot holes to drive a starship through
Welcome to the 24th century, where the plot runs thin and predictability runs high. I'd like to suspend my disbelief that I spent $10 to see this.
If you like hoaky line set-ups, cardboard characters, implausible storylines and Patrick Stewart's accent, you'll love Star Trek: Insurrection.
PS. It is a stretch of the imagination and the definition of the word to say that anyone insurrects anyone else in this film.
Great Expectations (1998)
Gwyneth naked...
I can't fathom what any of these other reviewers see in this film. The storyline is choppy, the acting unremarkable (except for Gwyneth. See below). The film skims over the exciting parts (IE the kids growing up together, the crazy aunt, Finn's bad home) focuses on the nudity (namely Gwyneth), and labors on points that aren't explained (IE why Finn likes Estella, why he really dislikes his dad). But besides that, it's a perfectly good rental. I found that I got a lot of housework done while this was playing.
On Gwyneth:
Now, I haven't read Great Expectations. I know it was one of those books you are supposed to read in middle school. Well, I never got to it. But I can tell you that I am pretty darn sure that the book did not have 15 full minutes of Waif-Princess Gwyneth in full frontal nudity, posing in the cutest soft-porn poses imaginable on beds, chairs, desks, and in front of open windows. If you prefer -this- version of Great Expectations, I wholeheartedly recommend you go rent this blockbuster. If not, then you can join me in the Indie section. Where nudity happens (it happens in the real world too) but doesn't get the Cover-Girl treatment.
Psychos in Love (1987)
Perfectly awful. But perfect in its own way
It's awful, horrid, terrible.
I would recommend it to anyone I know.
It is just so perfectly awful. The soundtrack was obviously done on a $19.95 Casio by a one armed musician. This film's appeal can be compared to that of "Toxic Avenger", another New Jersey homespun tale.
Its caring details make it a caricature of itself and of horror films in general. It's funny. It's awful. It's awfully funny.
And if you groaned even a little at that last joke, see this film.... if you can find it.