I don't know why I would have expected anything different.
The first thought I had as I began watching, noting the excruciating heavy-handed gaucheness on display, was to wonder if this was a film from The Asylum. There is no effort to attain the slightest measure of authenticity. "Newspaper clippings" are obviously Microsoft Word documents printed on standard 8.5" by 11" paper. Performances are either direly over the top, with much chewing of scenery - or utterly bored and disinterested, clearly not at all invested in the schlock that is providing the actors' paychecks. There is no middle ground. There is no subtlety to be found at any point, least of all as the screenplay makes astounding leaps across a veritable multiverse of hodgepodge plot ideas that make no sense. If there are connective threads between scenes, characters, or story beats, then they are invisible and intangible.
Then I noted the utterly terrible production values with lighting and image quality so glaring as to nearly be painful to the eyes. And with that, the second thought I had as I began watching was that this is clearly too low-budget, too poorly conceived, and too thoughtlessly rendered to be an Asylum feature. I take one glance at the other pictures with which "Justice for All Productions" has been involved, and I recognize garbage so foul that cockroaches would abstain, and other titles with a premise so plainly dubious that I'm given no reason to think they're any less rotten. Dialogue is tortuous to behold as a viewer, and characters are as thin as split hairs and strain credulity beyond all comprehension. Scene writing and the overall narrative are abhorrent - disjointed, nonsensical, written and executed with no care or mindfulness at all, and obliterating suspension of disbelief. Direction, editing, effects, camerawork, music - nothing here is spared from what may well be the very worst storytelling and film-making I've ever seen.
I wish I could say I were exaggerating. But the third thought I had as I began watching was that the "miracle" we actually need is for this film to be erased from existence - to have never been in the first place. It is wholly putrid, bereft of worth or value. It's the sort of production that makes Eric Roberts seem like a paragon of acting expertise compared to his co-stars, or even compared to the apparent equivalent skill level of the crew, the writers, or the director. It's the sort of production that makes one wish all contributors would be blacklisted and genuinely forbidden from ever having a hand in cinema ever again.
And I had all these thoughts within only the first 10 minutes. It only ever got worse.
To call 'A karate Christmas miracle' an abomination is probably a disservice to other miscellanea that may share the word or its derivatives in their name (e.g. 'The abominable Dr. Phibes,' "the Abominable Snowman," or Bill Nighy's delivery of the word "abomination" in the 2003 action-horror film 'Underworld'). I can think of no pejoratives with which to describe this title that wouldn't in the same breath, by association, insult something else described with the same word. I've seen too many movies that quickly impressed as below the bottom of the barrel of cinematic putrescence, and still this somehow manages to dig deeper still. There is no reason to watch this - there never has been, and there never will be.
Anyone who makes the unfortunate mistake of watching 'A karate Christmas miracle' should be generously compensated for the arduous labor of the experience. The fact that such a transaction will never happen certainly cements the fact that this should never be viewed by anyone.
The first thought I had as I began watching, noting the excruciating heavy-handed gaucheness on display, was to wonder if this was a film from The Asylum. There is no effort to attain the slightest measure of authenticity. "Newspaper clippings" are obviously Microsoft Word documents printed on standard 8.5" by 11" paper. Performances are either direly over the top, with much chewing of scenery - or utterly bored and disinterested, clearly not at all invested in the schlock that is providing the actors' paychecks. There is no middle ground. There is no subtlety to be found at any point, least of all as the screenplay makes astounding leaps across a veritable multiverse of hodgepodge plot ideas that make no sense. If there are connective threads between scenes, characters, or story beats, then they are invisible and intangible.
Then I noted the utterly terrible production values with lighting and image quality so glaring as to nearly be painful to the eyes. And with that, the second thought I had as I began watching was that this is clearly too low-budget, too poorly conceived, and too thoughtlessly rendered to be an Asylum feature. I take one glance at the other pictures with which "Justice for All Productions" has been involved, and I recognize garbage so foul that cockroaches would abstain, and other titles with a premise so plainly dubious that I'm given no reason to think they're any less rotten. Dialogue is tortuous to behold as a viewer, and characters are as thin as split hairs and strain credulity beyond all comprehension. Scene writing and the overall narrative are abhorrent - disjointed, nonsensical, written and executed with no care or mindfulness at all, and obliterating suspension of disbelief. Direction, editing, effects, camerawork, music - nothing here is spared from what may well be the very worst storytelling and film-making I've ever seen.
I wish I could say I were exaggerating. But the third thought I had as I began watching was that the "miracle" we actually need is for this film to be erased from existence - to have never been in the first place. It is wholly putrid, bereft of worth or value. It's the sort of production that makes Eric Roberts seem like a paragon of acting expertise compared to his co-stars, or even compared to the apparent equivalent skill level of the crew, the writers, or the director. It's the sort of production that makes one wish all contributors would be blacklisted and genuinely forbidden from ever having a hand in cinema ever again.
And I had all these thoughts within only the first 10 minutes. It only ever got worse.
To call 'A karate Christmas miracle' an abomination is probably a disservice to other miscellanea that may share the word or its derivatives in their name (e.g. 'The abominable Dr. Phibes,' "the Abominable Snowman," or Bill Nighy's delivery of the word "abomination" in the 2003 action-horror film 'Underworld'). I can think of no pejoratives with which to describe this title that wouldn't in the same breath, by association, insult something else described with the same word. I've seen too many movies that quickly impressed as below the bottom of the barrel of cinematic putrescence, and still this somehow manages to dig deeper still. There is no reason to watch this - there never has been, and there never will be.
Anyone who makes the unfortunate mistake of watching 'A karate Christmas miracle' should be generously compensated for the arduous labor of the experience. The fact that such a transaction will never happen certainly cements the fact that this should never be viewed by anyone.
