Ah! My Goddess: Bad Goddess The Anime Video Comic (TV Series)

Bubblegum Shortage (2018)

Urdr Nornir: Urd

Quotes 

• Urd : Oh My Goddess. What happened to us? I haven't dressed like this since the early 1990s.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Gaah! I look so cheap, tasteless, and horrible. Hiroshi Watanabe, this is ALL YOUR FAULT!

  Doctor What : It could be worse. Look at how I'm dressed. BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

  Urd : All right, Dinosaur Bob, what IS this? What's happening to all of us?

  Doctor What : It would appear that by travelling back in time and having Alucard murder The Bone Fucker, we've accidentally created a rift in time, resulting in an alternate 2018, where Oh My Goddess NEVER existed and Bubblegum Crisis reigns supreme.

  Urd : Bubblegum Crisis? I totally forgot about that show. Didn't Hiroaki Godha work on that show before he moved on to direct Oh My Goddess?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : But Doctor What, how could Bubblegum Crisis take over the ENTIRE Ah My Goddess universe?

  Doctor What : You're not thinking interdimensionally Natsumi. If Hiroaki Godha had approached his early career, in the same mindset as that of film producers in the year 2018, he would NEVER have moved on to the next stage of his career. Everything that he made would just be endless dogshit sequels and spinoffs of Bubblegum Crisis. Just day in and day out. Nothing but Bubblegum Crisis.

  Urd : "Oh, hey, guys, I've got an excellent idea for a tv show!"

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : "Gee willickers! Is it original?"

  Urd : "FUCK NO! Let's just take some forgotten idea from the 1980s and make more of it! That always works!"

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : "By George. The General Public might just be stupid enough to fall for that."

• Urd : So, Doctor What... if the Ah My Goddess universe doesn't exist anymore, does that really mean Belldandy and Skuld are...

  Doctor What : I'm afraid so... Yeah... they made a whole movie about this called Back to the Future Part 2.

  Urd : Doctor, we've got to do something. There has to be a way to correct this terrible mistake.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Like what? Travelling back in time to save The Bone Fucker from Alucard? But then we're back to square one. What was the point of doing all this at all?

  Doctor What : Has anybody noticed that this episode has gone full existential?

  Urd : Yeah... it kind of feels like Kevin from the Other Dimension is slowly grasping at blank straws as to what to make fun of. Does that guy even know what Bubblegum Crisis is about?

  Doctor What : You're not thinking interdimensionally Urd, Kevin from the other Dimension is slowly watching the original Bubblegum Crisis series inbetween writing all of these scenes.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Yeah, but that could end up resulting in what Weird Al Yankovic calls forced parody. There's a reason Marller Gets a Spinoff got cut off a little short. It was little TOO GOOD of an idea for a tv series that could have gone on forever, and Kevin from the other Dimension would have been forced to make fun of a bunch of tv series he was unfamiliar with just for the sake of making new episodes, and NOT because they actually deserved to be made fun of.

  Doctor What : Well then, I would say this episode is the final test. Can Kevin from the other Dimension take this extremely dated nightmare downer of an anime series, and find the comedy hidden within the seriousness.

  Urd : Wait, so you're telling me the only reason he's doing this crossover episode is because he thinks Hiroaki Godha was involved? I'm a bit worried he may be trolling the bottom of the barrel here.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : And more than that, when's the plot going to start up?

  Doctor What : Right about NOW...

• Urd : Priss, what's wrong?

  Priss : Urd... you're not going to believe this... but my team members want to replace our band artwork with the 2040 versions.

  Urd : Oh, no... girls, you shouldn't have to change who you are. There's an audience for Nostalgic Old Anime Shows.

  Priss : Nostalgic? Old? Just what are you saying here? That we're not hip anymore?

  Urd : No, no, I'm not saying that at all. People love RETRO anime. Hell, some people prefer the artwork in the old 1990s OVAs for Oh My Goddess than the 2006 version.

  Doctor What : Urd, did you find the Knights Sabers yet?

  Priss : Who the hell is this guy?

  Doctor What : I'm Doctor What, the Artist Formerly Known as Everybody's Favorite Public Access Time Lord.

  Linna : Public Access... that's not a very high goal to have in life.

  Doctor What : Yeah, well, everybody's gotta start somewhere.

  NeNe : Yeah, but normally they start in a place that's presentable. Public Access is practically the sewer of tv stations.

  Doctor What : Well... if it ain't on BBC, it ain't worth watching, is it?

• Priss : Wait a minute... I know who this guy is... It's that fucking prick from Bad Goddess... Oh My God... YOU'RE NOT 1990s OVA URD! YOU'RE A FUCKING IMPOSTER!

  Urd : What did you just call me?

  Linna : You think we haven't heard of Bad Goddess... it's fucking infamous.

  Priss : You know, not everybody has the freedom to CHERRY PICK and STEAL all of the best artwork from their favorite anime shows.

  NeNe : We all have to get makeovers by new artists every season and hear the fans complain about how our artwork is too different from the original series.

  Linna : OR WORSE, they end up PREFERRING the news artwork OVER the old artwork and choose to FORGET ABOUT US.

  Priss : What makes Bad Goddess so special that it thinks it can just go out and STEAL whatever artwork it wants to WITHOUT crediting the original animation staff?

  Urd : Because Kevin from the other Dimension isn't an artist and Bad Goddess is a mashup show paying tribute to ALL of the anime TV shows, and every time Kevin approaches one of the people he involved in it without asking their permission first, they either completely IGNORE him, or they call him out as a THIEF. If he didn't do it, then the show WOULDN'T EXIST AT ALL. And anybody that thinks BAD GODDESS shouldn't exist is a HEARTLESS ASSHOLE who completely deserves to be flipped off in front of all their fans.

  Doctor What : Creative Freedom comes with a price. I'd liken the non-reaction of the original creators and cast to what John Cleese said when he did voice work for An American Tail: Fievel Goes West for a fraction of what he was usually paid. John Cleese was asked by the directors to come with them on their publicity tour, and he stated that he doesn't advertise his "Charity Work".

  Priss : So what did you come here for... to make fun of us? We used to have some pretty good plots and action until Kevin from the other Dimension took over. Now my life is turning into a fucking LIVING EXISTENTIAL NIGHTMARE!

  Urd : Our universe was completely wiped out of existence, and we need your help to get it back. Belldandy, Keiichi, Skuld, Yggdrasil Central, Tarhiki-Hong Temple... it's all gone... it's doesn't exist anymore.

  Priss : It's all gone? Good! We were starting to think Bad Goddess would NEVER get cancelled. Maybe now they can start over and give the fans a REAL SEASON THREE!

  Urd : But... you're the Knight Sabers... you're supposed to help people.

  Priss : We've got our own problems. Didn't they tell you, MegaTokyo is sinking into a crisis.

  Linna : The people are revolting because all of the Bubblegum has disappeared off of the store shelves. Juicy Fruit, Dubble Bubble, Fruit Stripes, Bubble by the Foot... they've all gone under.

  NeNe : Our entire economy was dependent upon the Bubble Gum industry. Without it, MegaTokyo is sinking into chaos.

  Urd : Priss... please... I'm begging you... you're the only ones that can help us.

  Priss : Just stay away from me. All of you. I have to get away. I have to get AWAY from all this.

  Linna : Priss! Come back! We're sorry about the new suits!

• NeNe : Priss... Priss... Come in. We think we've figured out how to solve the Bubblegum Crisis.

  Priss : Okay, I'm listening.

  NeNe : The Genom Corporation bought out all of the Bubblegum Factories, and have the Voomers holding all of the workers hostage. We also think they may have hired a new operative to oversee the operation. Somebody calling himself, The Gremlin.

  Priss : The Gremlin? I don't believe I've ever heard of him before.

  Doctor What : But we have. The Gremlin is a Bad Goddess villain that we thought we killed off two seasons ago. Apparently the filthy little asshole is back.

  Urd : Wait... if The Gremlin is behind this, then that could only mean... that the Genom Corporation is in cahoots with the Individual Me's.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : THE INDIVIDUAL ME'S AGAIN? Those fucking assholes are NEVER going to die.

  Doctor What : Not as long as people choose to only think about themselves.

  Priss : Well then... let's get the Knight Sabers back together and go kill Fisher Stevens.

  Urd : There's just one more thing. How are we going to make it past the Factory Gates?

  Lisa Sakakino : I got you covered. I'll ram the fucking gates going 200 miles per hour in a Death Proofed re-inforced car.

  Priss : But Lisa... that's a suicide mission.

  Lisa Sakakino : You're not thinking interdimensionally Priss. Death is redundant in the Bad Goddess universe. We're all a bunch of cartoons.

  Urd : Well... she's not lying. If we could survive the Nuclear Destruction of Planet Earth, then...

  NeNe : Oh oh, can we use the new suits! Can we use the new suits!

  Priss : Oh, fine! We'll use the new 2040 suits. Will that FINALLY make you happy?

  NeNe : YIPPEE!

  Priss : Fuck my life.

• Priss : Leon McCloud. That's the last tit shot you're ever going to see.

  Lisa Sakakino : ALL RIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS! HERE WE COME!

  Priss : Everybody spread out and look for the Hostages! I'll search for the Missing Bubblegum! You three can deal with The Gremlin! We'll handle The Voomers! Go Team Go!

  Urd : OOOOOOH, GREMLIN! COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!

  The Gremlin : Surprised, Urd?... Bubblegum Crisis is a Cyberpunk movie... who did you think the main villain was going to be?

  Doctor What : We thought it was going to be The Voomers. That's what the usual Bubblegum Crisis villains are.

  The Gremlin : Oh, spare me Doctor What. This isn't even our fight anymore. I've already won. The Ah My Goddess universe has been completely wiped out of existence.

  Urd : We're about to wipe YOUR ass out of existence. How would you like a Bolt of Lightning shoved up your FUCKING ass?

  The Gremlin : I think you'll find that rather hard now that Yggdrasil no longer exists. You're not a Goddess anymore... you're not a Demoness, either. Just as Lind once stated to me, I think you'll find that we're both very human right now. Yes... Human. Isn't that what both you and Doctor What have been craving your whole lives?

  Doctor What : Given the number of times I've been killed... not really. If I was human, I'd be dead permanently.

  Urd : The last time I tried to live as a human it resulted in the Lord of Terror incident. That's how much real life SUCKS.

  The Gremlin : Don't lie to me, Urd. You've been racially discriminated against your whole life. And the Judgment Gate... that only made it worse, didn't it? The Judgment Gate, that separated the relationships between Gods and Demons, but what happens when one of those Gods is the Biracial Divide between the two of them? Who does she get to love? You weren't given the CHOICE of a side, were you? Can't marry a God, because you're a Demoness... Can't marry a Demon because you're a Goddess... the only choice left was to circumvent the system with another woman... or to marry another half breed just like you. But you didn't love Doctor What, did you? He was just a means to an end. Your only choice to have children. But you didn't love him, did you?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : No... but she loved me. She was willing to do it for me. It was HER CHOICE.

  The Gremlin : And that's what I'm talking about... CHOICE. You see, THIS is the universe that I want to live in. A universe of technology. A universe without Gods and Goddesses. A universe without Fate, without Control. A universe of CHOICE. Our Fate is OURS to decide... not Yggdrasil's. It's jsut as I've said all along. Once Yggdrasil was erased from existence, humanity just kept right on ticking.

  Priss : What the FUCK is this guy babbling about?

  Urd : He thinks we're a bunch of space aliens or something that took over the earth and that the Yggdrasil system is The Matrix.

  The Gremlin : Who says it isn't. You're not Goddesses. You never were. You were just a group of Interdimensional Aliens, raised on a lie that you were the founder of all religions. But you don't have to go back to that, not anymore. You don't have to life a finger. We can all live happily here. Without the Almighty... without Ah My Goddess...

  Urd : Without my sisters... without our friends... without our lives...

  Doctor What : Hey, man, Bubblegum Crisis and eX-Driver are an awesome universe, but not to the total replacement of all others.

• The Gremlin : Exactly how long do you think it will be before Kevin from the Other Dimension, ends up abandoning you, just like Hiroaki Godha, or Kosuke Fujishima did? Kevin's already got what he wanted out of this series. He's got his own life to live now. The only reason this particular story exists, is because he is forced to live in such a state of poverty, that he cannot even afford to leave the house this month. He can't afford gas to drive. He can't afford food to eat. He can barely afford to distribute the documentaries that he makes, and those are made on a budget of zero. And he can't afford to keep all of you alive forever. Not all by himself. Sooner or later, Kevin from the other Dimension is going to die, living under a bridge, because NOBODY will hire him. And his wife and daughter... they'll just move on to the next guy... and forget about him. And your original producers, well...

  Urd : Our producers will come back for us someday. Bad Goddess is just a dayjob to get us by in the meantime. But they WILL come back.

  The Gremlin : Are you so sure? You see, there's a reason the Bad Goddess universe failed. And it's not because the show sucked. Everyone LOVED the show. It's because all of the Ah My Goddess fans DID watch it, and there's only fifty of them left. There is NO logical financial reason to produce another animated Ah My Goddess series. Once Kevin from the other Dimension is gone, who will be left to keep you and your sisters alive? You'll be stuck, once again, in a circle of repetition, just like all of these other abandoned, cancelled tv series. A relic of the past. Remembered... nostalgically loved... but still abandoned. It's time to let bygones be bygones. It's time to let Ah My Goddess go. And it's time to say GOODBYE to Doctor What. What have you all got left to live for? How could you possibly survive my maze, when the maze is neverending, and all of the exits lead to the wrong place?

  Urd : Lind's faith in God caused one of the doors to malfunction.

  The Gremlin : Repeat that?

  Urd : Back during the Assault on Yggdrasil... You wanted to know how Lind survived your maze? You said that one of the doors led to the center of the labyrinth, but you cheated and rigged all of the teleporter doors to kill everyone. And you couldn't understand how Lind survived the maze. It was her faith in God. In the last dying hour, when all was lost, it was her faith in God, that caused one of the doors to malfunction and bring her to the center of the maze.

  The Gremlin : But your God was trapped in the maze with her. He couldn't have done it.

  Urd : How did he do it with no access control to the Yggdrasil system? Because he IS God. And he exists with or without Yggdrasil. That system is just a tool to help guide us. But the elements of Fate still exist without it. Yddrasil hasn't been erased from existence. Because WE ARE Yggdrasil. And we DO need love and the human spirit to survive. As long as love and the human spirit exist, it keeps every one of us alive. And you're right... we would look like a bunch of aliens to everyone who had no understanding of what we are. What do we have left to live for?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Because when life looks hopeless, there is still light at the end of the tunnel. Because when life feels lonely, there will still be love.

  Urd : You can kill the tangible being of God. But you cannot kill God within our hearts. And you can try to kill our writer, but our writer will not let our world die.

  The Gremlin : ENOUGH! ENOUGH ALREADY!

• Urd : What happened? How did we get back?

  Doctor What : This entire show takes place inside Kevin from the other Dimension's imagination. And it all revolves around him playing God in the Machine.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : That's right. Kevin from the other Dimension doesn't give a flying fuck about logic or continuity.

  Doctor What : And to further prove my point. Guess who joined the cast.

  Lisa Sakakino : Gaah! How did I get here?

  Doctor What : You were ready to self sacrifice yourself to save our universe. And you took it all the way to the end. If anybody deserves a permanent role on our show, it's you.

  Lisa Sakakino : Yeah, but what's so special about me?

  Doctor What : You're not thinking interdimensionally, Ms Lisa Sakakino. Kosuke Fujishima likes to use the same character archetypes in all of his shows. Urdr Nornir, Natsumi Tsujimoto, and Lisa Sakakino are theoretically the same irresponsible character.

  Urd : So, what you're basically saying is, that when I fuck Natsumi Tsujimoto, I'm basically fucking myself?

  Doctor What : That's exactly what I'm saying Urd. You're so vain, that you could only love somebody who was exactly like you.

  Lisa Sakakino : Wait, if all three of us are the same person, and those two are lesbians, does that mean I have to participate in a three way all girl group grope?

  Doctor What : Only if you got room for one more.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Oh, Yeah Right. You Wish.

  Doctor What : Well, if it ain't on BBC, it ain't worth watching, is it?

• The Gremlin : Don't lie to me, Urd. You've been racially discriminated against your whole life. And the Judgment Gate... that only made it worse, didn't it? The Judgment Gate, that separated the relationships between Gods and Demons, but what happens when one of those Gods is the Biracial Divide between the two of them? Who does she get to love? You weren't given the CHOICE of a side, were you? Can't marry a God, because you're a Demoness... Can't marry a Demon because you're a Goddess... the only choice left was to circumvent the system with another woman... or to marry another half breed just like you. But you didn't love Doctor What, did you? He was just a means to an end. Your only choice to have children. But you didn't love him, did you?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : No... but she loved me. She was willing to do it for me. It was HER CHOICE.

  The Gremlin : And that's what I'm talking about... CHOICE. You see, THIS is the universe that I want to live in. A universe of technology. A universe without Gods and Goddesses. A universe without Fate, without Control. A universe of CHOICE. Our Fate is OURS to decide... not Yggdrasil's. It's just as I've said all along. Once Yggdrasil was erased from existence, humanity just kept right on ticking.

  Priss : What the FUCK is this guy babbling about?

  Urd : He thinks we're a bunch of space aliens or something that took over the earth and that the Yggdrasil system is The Matrix.

  The Gremlin : Who says it isn't. You're not Goddesses. You never were. You were just a group of Interdimensional Aliens, raised on a lie that you were the founder of all religions. But you don't have to go back to that, not anymore. You don't have to life a finger. We can all live happily here. Without the Almighty... without Ah My Goddess...

  Urd : Without my sisters... without our friends... without our lives...

  Doctor What : Hey, man, Bubblegum Crisis and eX-Driver are an awesome universe, but not to the total replacement of all others.