Ah! My Goddess: Bad Goddess The Anime Video Comic (TV Series)

Oh Brother (2017)

Alan Smithee: Doctor What

Quotes 

• Narrator : One ordinary day in May, three magical Goddesses of Fate, found themselves on the doorstep of a loveable college student named Keiichi Morisato. They had joy and laughter and many adventures together. And everyone was happy. Soon after their college days had ended, the Goddesses sold out and became an anime pop culture phenomenon, the was shortly killed off two seasons later by the Evangelion movies. But now there was a new series to pick up the torch. A bold series. A daring series. A series to end all series. That is... if the damn writer can ever get his act together. This is that story.

  Belldandy : Doctor What! Doctor What!

  Doctor What : What is it Belldandy?

  Belldandy : I need your help. I need you to take me on another one of your Super Happy Fun Time Magical Sci Fi Adventures.

  Doctor What : You really mean it this time? You and Keiichi want to meet me halfway and live a life of danger and excitement beyond your wildest dreams?

  Urd : Wildest Nightmares is more like it.

  Keiichi Morisato : Doctor What. We have a very special secret mission for you. One that only you can assist us with.

  Doctor What : Oh, wow, this is getting exciting! What is it? What is it? No, wait, don't tell me... you saw Gods of Egypt and it sucked so bad you have to go out and live the real thing, right?

  Keiichi Morisato : No!

  Doctor What : It's Star Wars, isn't it? Ever since Rogue One came out, you've been wanting to take a magical trip into the world of Message from Space and Starship Troopers, haven't you?

  Belldandy : Not even close!

  Doctor What : Christfuck! I can't take this anymore! I'm about to fucking explode! Tell me! Tell me!

  Keiichi Morisato : We want you to take us to Super Target on Black Friday.

  Doctor What : Please tell me that this Super Target is located somewhere far into the future of technology or deep into the past.

  Keiichi Morisato : Even better, it's a five minute walk around the corner.

  Doctor What : Keiichi, you don't need a Tardis to go to Super Target on Black Friday.

  Belldandy : Yes we do! Yes we do!

  Doctor What : Dude, the Almighty just gave humanity all of this free shit like flying cars and spaceships! We're practically living in the era of Blade Runner! Are you seriously telling me you can't make a five minute trip to Super Target without my assistance?

  Keiichi Morisato : Well, yeah, but this'll be going to Super Target in style! It's the Black Friday Adventure of a lifetime!

  Doctor What : Oh Brother. I wonder if David Tennant's wife ever gives him shit like this.

  Belldandy : You're goddamn fucking right she does! Let's go!

• Titles : STEPHEN GEOFFREYS and THE GODDESSES in DOCTOR WHAT. EPISODE: LET'S GO SHOPPING ON BLACK FRIDAY. WRITTEN BY KEVIN FROM THE OTHER DIMENSION

  Doctor What : Couldn't you have at least let me park the Tardis in the back stockroom or something? I'm freezing my balls off out here!

  Skuld : But Doctor What... half the fun of Black Friday is waiting in line so we can be herded in like a bunch of cattle for useless shit that we don't really need...

  Urd : On payment plans that we can't afford that'll put us into debt for the entire year!

  Belldandy : There's nothing more exciting than Black Friday!

  Doctor What : Except Thanksgiving Dinner with your loved ones.

  Keiichi Morisato : Thanksgiving? I forgot that even existed. I thought the holidays were Halloween, Black Friday, and straight on till Christmas.

  Doctor What : Dude, you're married to one of the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future; and you're talking materialistic like Ebenezer Scrooge.

  Keiichi Morisato : Bah, Humbug!

  Belldandy : Oh look! The doors are opening!

• Doctor What : Kevin, you asshole. You told me I was going to be kicking some serious ass this season. What happened to the Individual Me's? It's too goddamn peaceful and serene here.

  Skuld : Doctor What doesn't fight the Daleks. Doctor What fights real life, and believe me, that's enough.

  Doctor What : Skuld. Even I can't fight the madness and stupidity of Black Friday. Nobody can. How the fuck did that ever survive the Nuclear Holocaust?

  Skuld : But Doctor, we don't come here to buy things. We come here to window shop and watch all of the insanely stupid fights that break out. Black Friday is the most entertaining spectacle since Monday Night Wrestling.

  Doctor What : God, if I could only time travel all of these fucking assholes back to the Great Depression. That'll give them an eye opening experience.

  Skuld : But Doctor What, if we didn't have Black Friday, people wouldn't get their work hours in, and all of the lower class retail workers would have a shitty holiday season.

  Doctor What : Oh sure, it gives them money, but the holiday shopping season also steals their souls and their sanity. If the Whos down in Whoville can learn to make due, then so can the rest of the fucking human race.

  Belldandy : So, do you think Doctor What's caught on yet?

  Keiichi Morisato : I know... he actually thinks we support Black Friday. What a maroon!

• Doctor What : YAAAAAAAWWWWNNNNNN! I can feel it. Today is the day I get to take names and kick some ass.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Doctor What! I need you to take me on a Super Happy Fun Time Magical Sci Fi Adventure!

  Doctor What : This early? What happened?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : The Individual Me's are robbing the Capital One Bank downtown! I need you to teleport me in there so I can take those creeps down!

  Doctor What : What? Fuck Capital One! Capital One can Suck My Dick!

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Capital One can Suck Everybody's Dick, but we're going in there all the same!

  Doctor What : Are there Aliens involved?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Yes, Doctor! YOU'RE THE ALIEN! NOW MOVE IT!

• Titles : STEPHEN GEOFFREYS and NATSUMI TSUJIMOTO in DOCTOR WHAT. EPISODE: CAPITAL ONE CAN SUCK MY DICK. WRITTEN BY KEVIN FROM THE OTHER DIMENSION

  Doctor What : This place seems a little empty... Where's the goddamn robbery?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : That's because we're at the wrong bank, you idiot.

  Doctor What : Well, look on the bright side... at least you can balance your checkbook.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : No, not even that. They're closed.

  Doctor What : Oh, who gives a flying fuck. Capital One can suck my dick.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : No, Doctor. CAPITAL ONE CAN SUCK MY DICK!

  Doctor What : YOU DON'T HAVE A DICK!

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : I've got a strap-on... does that count?

  Doctor What : You're not using that on me. Shit, where's the Bank Manager when you need him?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : He's probably out sucking dick at this very moment.

  Doctor What : Well, can't we just hop in my time machine, travel back in time, and fix this?

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Why bother? You're so incompetent, you'll probably set off the Butterfly Effect again. Remember Casa De La Skuld?

  Doctor What : Hey, I did not know Skuld was going to turn Chuck E Cheese into a Benihanas Pole Dancing Club! Nobody could've seen that coming!

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : And while we're on the subject, you are the cheapest, lousiest Doctor Who I've ever met!

  Doctor What : Naah, man! I'm better than Doctor Who! I'm Everybody's Favorite Public Access Time Lord!

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : Christ Fuck Almighty. It's like we asked the producers for David Tennant, but they settled for whatever they could get from the 99 cents store.

  Doctor What : Kodansha Entertainment... the Mark of Quality.

  Natsumi Tsujimoto : [sighs]  Just take me home.

• Doctor What : You know, that's the one thing I admire about David Tennant. At least his companions want to explore the universe with him.

  Skuld : But Doctor, haven't you already been everywhere in the universe?

  Doctor What : What's the point of going on a trip if you have no one to share it with? What's the point of having phenomenal cosmic knowledge of the universe and the way it works when all everyone wants to watch are cat videos on youtube? If it ain't on BBC, it ain't worth watching, is it?

  Urd : Doctor, we've already lived through the past, and we're currently living in the future. For once in your life, you're stuck in the right time and the right place, and now that the conflict is over, what left is there to do?

  Doctor What : Oh, the conflict isn't over. The Individual Me's are out there somewhere. Waiting.

  Urd : Are they? It seems like they disappeared overnight, like they were a rotten fad that used up their fifteen minutes of fame, and disappeared into the nothingness.

  Doctor What : Oh, we haven't heard the last of them. That's how they operate. Once you think they're gone, they secretly take you over like a virus.

  Megumi Morisato : Doctor What! Doctor What!

  Doctor What : What the hell? Where did you come from?

  Megumi Morisato : I need you to take me on a Super Happy Fun Time Magical Sci Fi Adventure immediately! Please! It's an Emergency!

  Skuld : Sounds like you've got an important mission, Doctor.

  Urd : It may be the one you've been waiting for.

  Doctor What : Doctor What is on the case! What's going down?

  Megumi Morisato : The Rivers of Blood are flowing and they're going to drown and wipe out and destroy everyone in their path! Only you can stop it, Doctor What!

  Doctor What : Rivers of Blood?

• Titles : STEPHEN GEOFFREYS and MEGUMI MORISATO in DOCTOR WHAT. EPISODE: MEGUMI'S MIDNIGHT TAMPON RUN. WRITTEN BY KEVIN FROM THE OTHER DIMENSION

  Cashier on Overhead : I need a price check on Kotex Sleek Tampons. Once again... price check on Kotex Sleek Tampons. Hello? Can you hear me?

  Doctor What : Oh Brother. Somebody please put me out of my fucking misery once and for all.

  Megumi Morisato : Oh thank you, Doctor What. You're my hero.

  Doctor What : I wonder if David Tennant ever has days like this?

  Belldandy : Keiichi? Urd thinks Doctor What is having a midlife crisis. What do you think we should do about it?

  Keiichi Morisato : He think HE'S having a midlife crisis. What about me? He doesn't HAVE to hang out around here. He can travel the universe anytime that he wants.

  Belldandy : You know, our Wedding Anniversary is coming up soon. I think if we just met Doctor What halfway, and went into his world. He could show us something really special. Something memorable.

  Keiichi Morisato : Well, what's the one thing that every Anime Motorcycle enthusiast dreams about doing?

• Keiichi Morisato : Doctor What?

  Doctor What : What is it this time? No, wait, let me guess, you need a ride to the corner gas station.

  Belldandy : Doctor, we were thinking. We've all been taking advantage of your kindness lately, over trivial things that we could easily do ourselves. And we would love for you to show us something special in your world. Not a frivolous trip, but something really special. Something only you could do.

  Doctor What : But what can I do?

  Keiichi Morisato : You could jump us into the cinematic anime world of Akira, and go racing with us around Neo Tokyo for our Wedding Anniversary.

  Doctor What : That's- that's- my god, that actually sounds kind of cool. Even I would want to do that.

  Belldandy : What do you think, Doctor? Can you take us on one more Super Happy Fun Time Magical Sci Fi Adventure... for old time's sake?

  Belldandy : So what do you think Doctor? Is it everything you hope and dreamed for?

  Doctor What : What do I think? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK! I LOVE MY LIFE!