Stills & Mills perpetrate "Sexual Fraud", a collection of crap from their newest website "Pretty Dirty". I get the drift of what they're attempting, but still wonder why?
At least when Mills conjures up the umpteenth episode of her ongoing Lesbian sagas she can feel confident she's made a blow on behalf of the LGBT community, however minor (and I do mean minor). But this new series of "naughty" vignettes play as if some hard-up pornographer went through a waste basket of crumpled up notes from a frustrated screenwriter, and decided the expedient thing to do would be just film them, as is.
First example is a ridiculous vignette "Open House" of young realtor Dillion Harper proud her designer put up a Christmas tree, just the thing to help sell the house she's working on. As in each segment, the token exposition is phoned in -Dillion reciting what she's up to on her phone and feeling bad that her last big house sale went south.
Lamest of lame comic relief has a series of crew members (I could identify several from cameos in previous junkers) doing cameos as reject buyers. Included is director Alan who takes one look at the Christmas tree and exclaims "But I'm Jewish!".
After this blows over Jean Val Jean shows up, the big-dicked French stud who I hadn't seen on the scene in several years but is currently making a comeback. He schmoozes and then tells Dillion he'll buy the place for the asking price in return for her humping him. Harper accedes to this request way too quickly (Alan and his producer/writer Bree care not one whit for credibility) and then Jean reneges on the deal after delivering his spunk to Dillion's kisser.
"Cum Robbery" is the unsubtle title of Vignette #2, an absurd two-hander that I would retitle "Time Killer". Mick Blue, his English improving but acting ability nonexistent, is a cat burglar caught by Kagney Linn Carter, who pulls a gun on him and forces him to hump her. I've seen stag movies with better plot lines, and I'm not kidding.
The following segment is infra dig: we watch a porn scene being shot starring Abella Danger and August Ames. Ames takes a hike after this cameo, and a lighting crew member played (yet again) by Jean Val Jean suddenly is all dressed up for a momentary James Bond takeoff, before pretending to be "Johnny Castle". He asks Abella to rehearse with him which means f*cking on a couch, and after his money shot the real actor Johnny Castle shows up. To quote Judi Dench, I never saw that coming!
Except that Johnny Castle is in fact on the payroll, so after this cameo he's back partnered with, you guessed it, Jean Val Jean. They are removalists, who go to big- spender Kendra Lust's home with an eviction notice, ready to cart away all her belongings. Looking like a million bucks (no one apparently informed her that she'd be working on a throwaway internet segment for Mills & Stills) Kendra immediately talks them into not taking her stuff in return for a three-way. I dig Kendra, but this was pure sex filler with the dumb punchline, "we'll be back in a week".
I skipped over the worst segment: a truly mean-spirited episode that is the most elaborate of the nearly 3-hour program. Michael Vegas plays an uppity fellow working for either Uber or Lyft -it isn't specified. His fare is an even more uppity woman poorly played by unknown Ashley Adams, an instantly forgettable wannabe. The filmmakers seem to have been in a bad mood, as what follows is just nasty and unpleasant without any redeeming qualities. Vegas ends up taking Ashley to a nonexistent address due to poor data supplied to her for a rendez-vous and then gets mad when her credit card flunks in paying a $429 ride fee (remind me never to take Uber or Lyft).
He threatens to leave her out in the middle of nowhere unless she'll hump him, so she does. BFD.
As that vignette suggests, Bree is stuck in a rotten groove, about as bad as her idiotic "Tricky Spa" series in which disgusting masseurs relentlessly bamboozle sweet young things into giving them blow jobs or else. I find all this garbage highly insulting, and I wish Bree & Alan would Cease & Desist.
At least when Mills conjures up the umpteenth episode of her ongoing Lesbian sagas she can feel confident she's made a blow on behalf of the LGBT community, however minor (and I do mean minor). But this new series of "naughty" vignettes play as if some hard-up pornographer went through a waste basket of crumpled up notes from a frustrated screenwriter, and decided the expedient thing to do would be just film them, as is.
First example is a ridiculous vignette "Open House" of young realtor Dillion Harper proud her designer put up a Christmas tree, just the thing to help sell the house she's working on. As in each segment, the token exposition is phoned in -Dillion reciting what she's up to on her phone and feeling bad that her last big house sale went south.
Lamest of lame comic relief has a series of crew members (I could identify several from cameos in previous junkers) doing cameos as reject buyers. Included is director Alan who takes one look at the Christmas tree and exclaims "But I'm Jewish!".
After this blows over Jean Val Jean shows up, the big-dicked French stud who I hadn't seen on the scene in several years but is currently making a comeback. He schmoozes and then tells Dillion he'll buy the place for the asking price in return for her humping him. Harper accedes to this request way too quickly (Alan and his producer/writer Bree care not one whit for credibility) and then Jean reneges on the deal after delivering his spunk to Dillion's kisser.
"Cum Robbery" is the unsubtle title of Vignette #2, an absurd two-hander that I would retitle "Time Killer". Mick Blue, his English improving but acting ability nonexistent, is a cat burglar caught by Kagney Linn Carter, who pulls a gun on him and forces him to hump her. I've seen stag movies with better plot lines, and I'm not kidding.
The following segment is infra dig: we watch a porn scene being shot starring Abella Danger and August Ames. Ames takes a hike after this cameo, and a lighting crew member played (yet again) by Jean Val Jean suddenly is all dressed up for a momentary James Bond takeoff, before pretending to be "Johnny Castle". He asks Abella to rehearse with him which means f*cking on a couch, and after his money shot the real actor Johnny Castle shows up. To quote Judi Dench, I never saw that coming!
Except that Johnny Castle is in fact on the payroll, so after this cameo he's back partnered with, you guessed it, Jean Val Jean. They are removalists, who go to big- spender Kendra Lust's home with an eviction notice, ready to cart away all her belongings. Looking like a million bucks (no one apparently informed her that she'd be working on a throwaway internet segment for Mills & Stills) Kendra immediately talks them into not taking her stuff in return for a three-way. I dig Kendra, but this was pure sex filler with the dumb punchline, "we'll be back in a week".
I skipped over the worst segment: a truly mean-spirited episode that is the most elaborate of the nearly 3-hour program. Michael Vegas plays an uppity fellow working for either Uber or Lyft -it isn't specified. His fare is an even more uppity woman poorly played by unknown Ashley Adams, an instantly forgettable wannabe. The filmmakers seem to have been in a bad mood, as what follows is just nasty and unpleasant without any redeeming qualities. Vegas ends up taking Ashley to a nonexistent address due to poor data supplied to her for a rendez-vous and then gets mad when her credit card flunks in paying a $429 ride fee (remind me never to take Uber or Lyft).
He threatens to leave her out in the middle of nowhere unless she'll hump him, so she does. BFD.
As that vignette suggests, Bree is stuck in a rotten groove, about as bad as her idiotic "Tricky Spa" series in which disgusting masseurs relentlessly bamboozle sweet young things into giving them blow jobs or else. I find all this garbage highly insulting, and I wish Bree & Alan would Cease & Desist.