I defy anyone to make it through this direct to video disaster in one sitting. I know I couldn't. There is nothing, NOTHING even remotely redeemable about this mess. Zero production values, a canned and looped music score that would be far more fitting for interrogations of enemies of the state, painful performances from has been's (WTF how desperate were Kristine DeBell and Johnny Whittaker in order for them to debase themselves like this?!) along with a talentless cast of young up and comers, and -the coup de gras- the most unbelievable "talking cat" effect you will ever see. This entire video (I refuse to call it a movie) is an endurance test for only the most brave of souls. Your rage will set in after the first fifteen minutes, and from there on out it's a battle of wills to see who will emerge victorious. Many have tried. All have perished. Consider this your only warning.
57 Reviews
This film makes The Emoji Movie look like The Breakfast Club!
AlsExGal2 December 2018
Warning: Spoilers
This is truly one of the worst films I have ever seen. Other reviewers' inspired rants motivated me to watch it. Some said it was good for authoring your own Rifftrax while intoxicated. Another said it should be used as a method of interrogating dangerous criminals. I think the latter suggestion would be considered inhumane by the UN or anybody else for that matter. The film does not have a bad idea - have a wandering cat with magical powers come into the lives of two families who are unaware of the existence of one another but where each member of one family could help a member of the other. The problem was in the execution.
First there is the cat, as in the voice of the cat - Eric Roberts. How far he has fallen since "Runaway Train". But that seems to be a curse with that movie. After all, Jon Voight is responsible for the "Baby Geniuses" movies. Eric's voice sounds like that of a drunk aged hippie, and it just does not jive with the voice of a cute little animal in a family film. Then there is the acting. Except for Johnny Whitaker, the cast is anonymous, and their acting will keep them that way. But then there is the writing, which isn't exactly Shakespeare and mainly just consists of filler phrases.
The editing is truly puzzling. The plot is so thin that scenes of nature - that I assumed were close to the households involved - heavily pad the film. The location of this film seems to be the Pacific Northwest or maybe the canyons of California, yet some of the padding scenes seem to be a tropical lagoon complete with palm trees! Even the trees outside of one household keep changing type and season. One time the trees are deciduous and leafless, the next time they are palm trees (to match the lagoon?) and then there are NO trees! Finally, there is the score, which mainly consists of one goofy little tune that is just repeated throughout the film. But at one point, when the adult members of the household meet for the first time, for some reason the score transitions to "La Cucaracha". It is very distracting.
There is one LOL moment in the entire film, and the only reason I have a spoiler warning. There is what is supposed to be a poignant moment towards the end where the two families unite over the cat being hit by a car and what might be his imminent demise. We are told that the vet has been there and done what he can for the cat. The families enter a bedroom and there is the cat, just laying unattended on the bed, looking completely fine and normal except a bandage has been tied around his head to make him look like he is Whistler's Mother! It completely detracts from what is supposed to be a serious moment and makes you wonder why the characters do not track down this so-called vet and find out if he studied veterinary medicine by correspondence.
Too late to make a long review short, this is just a sloppy effort that results in a film that is too dull for kids and too inane for adults. Avoid at all costs.
First there is the cat, as in the voice of the cat - Eric Roberts. How far he has fallen since "Runaway Train". But that seems to be a curse with that movie. After all, Jon Voight is responsible for the "Baby Geniuses" movies. Eric's voice sounds like that of a drunk aged hippie, and it just does not jive with the voice of a cute little animal in a family film. Then there is the acting. Except for Johnny Whitaker, the cast is anonymous, and their acting will keep them that way. But then there is the writing, which isn't exactly Shakespeare and mainly just consists of filler phrases.
The editing is truly puzzling. The plot is so thin that scenes of nature - that I assumed were close to the households involved - heavily pad the film. The location of this film seems to be the Pacific Northwest or maybe the canyons of California, yet some of the padding scenes seem to be a tropical lagoon complete with palm trees! Even the trees outside of one household keep changing type and season. One time the trees are deciduous and leafless, the next time they are palm trees (to match the lagoon?) and then there are NO trees! Finally, there is the score, which mainly consists of one goofy little tune that is just repeated throughout the film. But at one point, when the adult members of the household meet for the first time, for some reason the score transitions to "La Cucaracha". It is very distracting.
There is one LOL moment in the entire film, and the only reason I have a spoiler warning. There is what is supposed to be a poignant moment towards the end where the two families unite over the cat being hit by a car and what might be his imminent demise. We are told that the vet has been there and done what he can for the cat. The families enter a bedroom and there is the cat, just laying unattended on the bed, looking completely fine and normal except a bandage has been tied around his head to make him look like he is Whistler's Mother! It completely detracts from what is supposed to be a serious moment and makes you wonder why the characters do not track down this so-called vet and find out if he studied veterinary medicine by correspondence.
Too late to make a long review short, this is just a sloppy effort that results in a film that is too dull for kids and too inane for adults. Avoid at all costs.
Among the Greatest of Bad Movies
johncbar20 November 2018
This movie takes place in a total of two locations: A mansion and smaller house. Yet it features no less than 59 establishing shots, most of them being the same three shots of a forest stream, some trees, and an ocean with palm trees visible over and over and over again.
After watching all 59 of these establishing shots, I'm still not quite sure where this film took place. Could be the Pacific Northwest or it could be Florida. I just don't know.
And that is only the beginning of the magic this movie has to offer. It is a true masterpiece of badness.
After watching all 59 of these establishing shots, I'm still not quite sure where this film took place. Could be the Pacific Northwest or it could be Florida. I just don't know.
And that is only the beginning of the magic this movie has to offer. It is a true masterpiece of badness.
All you need to know about this "movie"
Xenomaster16 January 2014
I recently watched this "film" for my podcast, where we solely review awful movies. I painstakingly sat through it twice with a stopwatch and timed all of the runtime of the movie spent on establishing shots (there are FIFTY-SEVEN OF THEM), credits, and shots of the cat lying or waddling around. This sums up the movie better than anything:
Between the credits, establishing shots, and shots of the cat, those all take up THIRTY PERCENT OF THE 83-MINUTE RUNTIME. I have never seen a movie that so blatantly pads its runtime with scenery. And what's scarier than that is that there are literally dozens of instances (that I didn't time with the stopwatch) where the human characters are shown doing nothing but sitting and looking at things for several minutes at a time, or walking up stairs, or standing and looking at random objects. It is pathetic how poorly edited and shot this movie is.
Literally nothing happens in this movie. If you don't believe me, go see it. You'll go cross-eyed before you ever find anything resembling a plot. If this thing was competently made just from a sheer editing standpoint, it would be 4 minutes long...if that.
Between the credits, establishing shots, and shots of the cat, those all take up THIRTY PERCENT OF THE 83-MINUTE RUNTIME. I have never seen a movie that so blatantly pads its runtime with scenery. And what's scarier than that is that there are literally dozens of instances (that I didn't time with the stopwatch) where the human characters are shown doing nothing but sitting and looking at things for several minutes at a time, or walking up stairs, or standing and looking at random objects. It is pathetic how poorly edited and shot this movie is.
Literally nothing happens in this movie. If you don't believe me, go see it. You'll go cross-eyed before you ever find anything resembling a plot. If this thing was competently made just from a sheer editing standpoint, it would be 4 minutes long...if that.
This move makes my soul hurt.
michaelndubois14 September 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Turned it on for the kids. Left it on for the same reason that you can't turn away from a train-wreck. I'm seriously not sure if the homoerotic undertones were intentional due to the director's past experience, or because he cast two gay kids to pretend to be straight boys interested in girls. The unconvincing acting coupled with the painfully shitty lines makes me want to stab myself repeatedly. The faux phone conversations are equally impressive as well. The two old people's cohesion after the "car scene" is also mind-blowing. I particularly like when the "mom" pulls the cheese puffs out of the oven with her bare hands then hands them to the old guy and he drops them cause they're too hot. I seriously think this whole cast was speed-balling the entire movie... If you just have nothing left to do before you die then maybe, MAYBE watch this just to convince yourself that it is time to go.
Bizarro Soft Porn sets mixed with home computer special effects
KayMack2314 April 2013
Wasn't sure whether to give it one star out of ten, or ten stars for the films pure lack of any sort of slot to fit it in to. For one thing- the soft porn style sets are not your imagination, the director, David DeCoteau not only makes gay porn- he also directs CHILDREN'S films. And uses the same sets.. makes me uncomfortable knowing children's films are also done by this same guy, under an alias company name "1313" on IMDb. Thanks Nathan Rabin, I KNEW it. You just confirmed my fears.
Soft porn music, lighting, sets... the crappiest special effects for the talking cat ever. Picture a photo shopped-style moving black "mouth shape" for the poor cats mouth- and a drunken sounding Eric Roberts as the cat's voice. The cat is neither cute, nor cuddly- the film does not use the cat pictured on the film's ad poster.
The film totally reminded me of "The Room" in it's weirdly quiet way. I was waiting for a character to waltz in and casually mention "didn't you hear? I have cancer.. Bye!" A million dollar budget?? Why? How? I wonder if some of their budget went to "hush money" to the child actors' parents. Wouldn't surprise me! This is one of those "you've GOT to WATCH this" films.
Soft porn music, lighting, sets... the crappiest special effects for the talking cat ever. Picture a photo shopped-style moving black "mouth shape" for the poor cats mouth- and a drunken sounding Eric Roberts as the cat's voice. The cat is neither cute, nor cuddly- the film does not use the cat pictured on the film's ad poster.
The film totally reminded me of "The Room" in it's weirdly quiet way. I was waiting for a character to waltz in and casually mention "didn't you hear? I have cancer.. Bye!" A million dollar budget?? Why? How? I wonder if some of their budget went to "hush money" to the child actors' parents. Wouldn't surprise me! This is one of those "you've GOT to WATCH this" films.
Someone thought this was a good idea for a movie!?!
Aaron13751 August 2020
This film was shot in much the same fashion as Santa's Summerhome as it was made by the same people. This one does feature more locations than that film and has more establishing shots than probably any other movie in existence. It also features a cat that does not talk too much, but when it does it sounds like Eric Roberts who was doing the voice was in a box inside a bathroom and they were recording him just outside the door. Just a lot of pointless stuff going on as the plot is not really there and the characters are not really likable or distinct other than great value brand Rodney Dangerfield.
The story has a cat that roams outside and wants to help humans for some reason and talks like the most disinterested and most inebriated person ever. I guess that statement can be totally accurate as it is Eric Roberts. A father who looks well into his 60's and his teenage son are hanging out at their mansion. Poor father just retired and seems hopelessly lost while the son is a dork who cannot swim despite having a luxurious pool at the mansion. He is also tutoring a girl who stops short of taking her panties off and giving them to the boy, but he so awkward. Then there is a mother who is trying to secure a contract for something, was not sure what she was doing, but she made cheesepuffs and her two children are insufferable and I didn't realize that her daughter and the girl the boy were tutoring were two different people till the end of the film. Oh, the cat tries to get everyone together or something.
The film is abysmal to the highest degree. It constantly pads the film with shots of the beach, the woods and the sky. Then it will show a car driving through multiple scenes and then back to a shot of the beach then outside the house, it is very irritating! Why show a shot of the beach, when it is not going to be used in any scenes with the characters interacting?
So, not a good film and you will be grateful when the credits roll, only the movie doesn't stop, it keeps showing you scenes even after we should be done and getting on with our lives. Not sure which one is worse though, this or Santa's Summer Home. I am kind of leaning towards this one because at least we didn't have Eric Roberts do drunken line reads in Summer Home and we got a few actors of note in that one, not good actors mind you, but you knew who they were. The best they could do her was a voice over. And what a lifeless voice over it is too!
The story has a cat that roams outside and wants to help humans for some reason and talks like the most disinterested and most inebriated person ever. I guess that statement can be totally accurate as it is Eric Roberts. A father who looks well into his 60's and his teenage son are hanging out at their mansion. Poor father just retired and seems hopelessly lost while the son is a dork who cannot swim despite having a luxurious pool at the mansion. He is also tutoring a girl who stops short of taking her panties off and giving them to the boy, but he so awkward. Then there is a mother who is trying to secure a contract for something, was not sure what she was doing, but she made cheesepuffs and her two children are insufferable and I didn't realize that her daughter and the girl the boy were tutoring were two different people till the end of the film. Oh, the cat tries to get everyone together or something.
The film is abysmal to the highest degree. It constantly pads the film with shots of the beach, the woods and the sky. Then it will show a car driving through multiple scenes and then back to a shot of the beach then outside the house, it is very irritating! Why show a shot of the beach, when it is not going to be used in any scenes with the characters interacting?
So, not a good film and you will be grateful when the credits roll, only the movie doesn't stop, it keeps showing you scenes even after we should be done and getting on with our lives. Not sure which one is worse though, this or Santa's Summer Home. I am kind of leaning towards this one because at least we didn't have Eric Roberts do drunken line reads in Summer Home and we got a few actors of note in that one, not good actors mind you, but you knew who they were. The best they could do her was a voice over. And what a lifeless voice over it is too!
Oh, it was bad alright...
paul_haakonsen14 December 2020
Well, sure, I didn't really have much of any high hopes for this 2013 movie titled "A Talking Cat!?!". Why? Well, the movie's synopsis didn't really sell the movie all that well, and it seemed to be a questionable movie at best, and truth be told, having Eric Roberts as the voice of the talking cat wasn't really selling the movie.
But still, as I hadn't already seen the movie, I sat down to watch the 2013 movie from writer Andrew Helm and director David DeCoteau (credited as Mary Crawford!).
And this movie was bad alright, mark my words.
First of all, the storyline seemed like something that was written by a middle school student for a class act to be performed in front of an auditorium full of hopeful parents. Yeah, the storyline wasn't exactly riveting, nor particularly entertaining.
And to make matters worse, the cat shown on the movie's cover wasn't even the cat that was in the movie. The cat on the movie's cover/poster is an adorable and cute kitten, while the cat in the actual movie was more of a chunky adult cat - still cute though, as it is a cat. And to top it all off, Eric Roberts delivered the lines for Duffy the cat with as much gusto and enthusiasm as an inmate on Death Row. I was imagining Eric Roberts at the microphone with a 12 pack of beer in one hand and the script in the other. For all the people that they could have picked from, they chose that guy?
Well, the horror doesn't end there. And by that I mean the atrociously bad animated mouth they put on the cat when it delivered Eric Roberts' flat and monotonous dialogue. It was so fake and seemed like something taken out of a "South Park" episode. It was horrible to witness and such an eyesore.
"A Talking Cat!?!" is a movie that you shouldn't bother spending your time or effort on. Some of us suffered through the ordeal so you don't have to. Believe you me.
My rating of this 2013 abysmal movie settles on a generous two out of ten stars.
But still, as I hadn't already seen the movie, I sat down to watch the 2013 movie from writer Andrew Helm and director David DeCoteau (credited as Mary Crawford!).
And this movie was bad alright, mark my words.
First of all, the storyline seemed like something that was written by a middle school student for a class act to be performed in front of an auditorium full of hopeful parents. Yeah, the storyline wasn't exactly riveting, nor particularly entertaining.
And to make matters worse, the cat shown on the movie's cover wasn't even the cat that was in the movie. The cat on the movie's cover/poster is an adorable and cute kitten, while the cat in the actual movie was more of a chunky adult cat - still cute though, as it is a cat. And to top it all off, Eric Roberts delivered the lines for Duffy the cat with as much gusto and enthusiasm as an inmate on Death Row. I was imagining Eric Roberts at the microphone with a 12 pack of beer in one hand and the script in the other. For all the people that they could have picked from, they chose that guy?
Well, the horror doesn't end there. And by that I mean the atrociously bad animated mouth they put on the cat when it delivered Eric Roberts' flat and monotonous dialogue. It was so fake and seemed like something taken out of a "South Park" episode. It was horrible to witness and such an eyesore.
"A Talking Cat!?!" is a movie that you shouldn't bother spending your time or effort on. Some of us suffered through the ordeal so you don't have to. Believe you me.
My rating of this 2013 abysmal movie settles on a generous two out of ten stars.
please end my suffering
whdhdfhfhfh28 April 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I showed this movie to my family at Thanksgiving, 2 months later my uncle was diagnosed with liver cancer and passed after another 3 weeks. His last words were 'please find that cat and euthanise it.' This movie makes me wish I had followed him into the sweet arms of the reaper. Wrap myself in his embrace and pass onto the other side where nothing hurts and everything is euphoria. Forgetting about this movie and forgetting about my ex- wife. I've rated this film 1 out 10, the value of the 1 only exists because it won't let me rate 0. The only thing I enjoyed about this movie is when the cat got run over and the audience thought he died. Only then did this movie grant me a shred of hope in this awful world. This film has ruined my life and has given my aunt PTSD because of my uncles devastating death.
I am genuinely confused
arhanandic30 May 2021
What
Script level-0.
Acting level-0 Effort level-0 Production value level-0
-This movie was- Goddamn I can't think of anything to say.
And the fact that this is getting good reviews... I literally curled up to the darkest corner of my room, cried and continuesly asked myself what the heck is wrong with humanity and what could have we possibly done to anger God to the point of punishing us with this visual and audial hell.
I'm scared.
I need a vacation.
Acting level-0 Effort level-0 Production value level-0
-This movie was- Goddamn I can't think of anything to say.
And the fact that this is getting good reviews... I literally curled up to the darkest corner of my room, cried and continuesly asked myself what the heck is wrong with humanity and what could have we possibly done to anger God to the point of punishing us with this visual and audial hell.
I'm scared.
I need a vacation.
What?!
galaxychoco23 September 2013
OK this has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Firstly the actors are pure rubbish, the special effects are also rubbish and they don't even us the cat pictured on the poster for the movie. This movie is a total waste of time the kids didn't even like this movie and I personally lost interest after 10 minutes into it. Seriously don't watch this movie unless you want to waste your time all my family agree that this movie was rubbish and im sure a lot of people would say the same thing. I would not recommend this movie to anyone not even young kids. I rate this movie a 1 out of 10 because as I have already said its awful, unwatchable and a complete waste of time I actually have a hard time believing that someone would want to make this movie. The only good decision they made with this movie was putting it straight to DVD if I went to see this in the cinema I would be asking for a refund.
The cat on the poster isn't the cat in the movie
edibley28 March 2013
The cat on the movie poster is not the same as the cat in the movie, but otherwise this movie is perfect. I would have given it a perfect 10 stars but I don't like that the poster shows a cat that is cute and young in an awkward pose but the cat in the movie is never really very awkward and is older, but it is still a cute cat so don't worry you won't be subjected to an ugly cat just one that is different from the one in the movie.
Eric Roberts demonstrates a broad range of emotions, from being annoyed by "beeping machines" to seriously loving on some food, but when I rented this movie I was expecting to hear his voice attached to the cat on the poster, and when it was instead a different cat with Eric Roberts' voice, I felt a little bit thrown off.
Watch this movie a lot of times. Also, I'm working on a poster that is more representative of the cat from the actual movie and when it's ready I'll update my review and post it here.
BE WARNED: THE CAT IS CUTE, BUT NOT THE CAT ON THE POSTER!!!?!!!
Eric Roberts demonstrates a broad range of emotions, from being annoyed by "beeping machines" to seriously loving on some food, but when I rented this movie I was expecting to hear his voice attached to the cat on the poster, and when it was instead a different cat with Eric Roberts' voice, I felt a little bit thrown off.
Watch this movie a lot of times. Also, I'm working on a poster that is more representative of the cat from the actual movie and when it's ready I'll update my review and post it here.
BE WARNED: THE CAT IS CUTE, BUT NOT THE CAT ON THE POSTER!!!?!!!
Took me to a realm I will never forget
Stay_away_from_the_Metropol17 February 2019
I received this as a gift a few years ago and didn't get to watching it until last night. I have to say, I liked it a lot more than I expected.
From the first shot following the opening credits, I knew I recognized the place. When I saw the obscure tree stump with the red heels on it, it clicked for me. I've fornicated in this house before multiple times, in front of a camera. It's the same house I had the shoot I refer back to most frequently (referenced in my novel Warship Satan, available on Amazon - you can read far more about it in there), the one where the new starlet started crying mid scene because the shoot took a lot longer than she was expecting and now she was missing her recently deceased grandfather's funeral. This was most certainly that same XXX shoot house.
That detail aside, it was impossible to ignore the (possibly subconsciously placed?) sexual tension in every single dialogue exchange. Literally every conversation felt like it was about to lead to a crossfade into someone either orally copulating another person or taking another from behind. It felt so undeniably like a cheap adult film in which the sex was simply replaced with shots of a talking cat. Therefore, it was not so shocking to discover afterwards that the director was actually a gay porn director directing family films under another pseudonym (also obvious through his choice of casting for the sons and the way he directs them and holds certain shots on them - you'll see what I mean - Daniel Dannas holds some ICONIC facial expressions!). It not only validated my feelings but gave the whole movie a very specific characteristic that actually added to it's potential legendary status.
Another element I rather enjoyed was the fact that Eric Roberts' (LOL) voiceover for the cat's voice was SO low quality... it sounded as if he recorded it in a small bathroom on a microphone that was somehow of worse quality than the on-board microphones that come on most contemporary laptops, after a few cocktails. I picture him lying down in a bathrobe, putting in zero effort. It's great.
The cast cohesively had a certain charm in their complete lack of talent. They worked well together in the sense that they were all equivalent and never even came close to making a single conversation believable in any sense. This, of course, can be equally accredited to the absurd writing.
The cherry on top was the endless bookend shots between literally every single scene, comparable to the shots of the Golden Gate Bridge and San Francisco landscapes used in The Room. In this case, they were rather pretty shots of I assume Latigo Canyon on the outskirts of Malibu (which is where the house is), and then a couple random ones of a large creek and what appears to be an island somewhere? I honestly loved this element of the film. It was a needed breath of air after each brain-bending dose of dialogue and acting from another planet. It was the yin to this film's yang.
This is a one-of-a-kind experience that is CLEARLY not for everyone, but for those who are open to it, will take you to another realm which you will not soon forget. Yes, it's in a category with some of the worst films I have ever seen, and that's why it's fantastic in it's own special way. I would most certainly do screenings if I owned a theater.
From the first shot following the opening credits, I knew I recognized the place. When I saw the obscure tree stump with the red heels on it, it clicked for me. I've fornicated in this house before multiple times, in front of a camera. It's the same house I had the shoot I refer back to most frequently (referenced in my novel Warship Satan, available on Amazon - you can read far more about it in there), the one where the new starlet started crying mid scene because the shoot took a lot longer than she was expecting and now she was missing her recently deceased grandfather's funeral. This was most certainly that same XXX shoot house.
That detail aside, it was impossible to ignore the (possibly subconsciously placed?) sexual tension in every single dialogue exchange. Literally every conversation felt like it was about to lead to a crossfade into someone either orally copulating another person or taking another from behind. It felt so undeniably like a cheap adult film in which the sex was simply replaced with shots of a talking cat. Therefore, it was not so shocking to discover afterwards that the director was actually a gay porn director directing family films under another pseudonym (also obvious through his choice of casting for the sons and the way he directs them and holds certain shots on them - you'll see what I mean - Daniel Dannas holds some ICONIC facial expressions!). It not only validated my feelings but gave the whole movie a very specific characteristic that actually added to it's potential legendary status.
Another element I rather enjoyed was the fact that Eric Roberts' (LOL) voiceover for the cat's voice was SO low quality... it sounded as if he recorded it in a small bathroom on a microphone that was somehow of worse quality than the on-board microphones that come on most contemporary laptops, after a few cocktails. I picture him lying down in a bathrobe, putting in zero effort. It's great.
The cast cohesively had a certain charm in their complete lack of talent. They worked well together in the sense that they were all equivalent and never even came close to making a single conversation believable in any sense. This, of course, can be equally accredited to the absurd writing.
The cherry on top was the endless bookend shots between literally every single scene, comparable to the shots of the Golden Gate Bridge and San Francisco landscapes used in The Room. In this case, they were rather pretty shots of I assume Latigo Canyon on the outskirts of Malibu (which is where the house is), and then a couple random ones of a large creek and what appears to be an island somewhere? I honestly loved this element of the film. It was a needed breath of air after each brain-bending dose of dialogue and acting from another planet. It was the yin to this film's yang.
This is a one-of-a-kind experience that is CLEARLY not for everyone, but for those who are open to it, will take you to another realm which you will not soon forget. Yes, it's in a category with some of the worst films I have ever seen, and that's why it's fantastic in it's own special way. I would most certainly do screenings if I owned a theater.
This movie is a miracle
brailsford28 February 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I mean movies this bad don't just happen they have to be forged in disinterests, recorded with apathy, filmed in boredom. It is super hard to appreciate just how bad this film without viewing it. The movie begins with us seeing a cat (not the one on the cover, a different cat) The story follows two families who are having mundane and stupid problems that even they seem to be having a hard time conveying emotions about. The first family features a fat slob who lives in a house that has so many tacky ornaments it makes peewee's play house look classy. He seems to be reaching out to his son who , rejects him? by responding to him passive aggressively. Eventually the cat shows up and neither immediately react to the cat other then acknowledging it is there . The boy we find out is an English major which he clearly demonstrated his mastery of the language to a girl he is interested in? by using some very witty words. After this we meet the next family... which had a mother who selfishly deprives her daughter encouragement with her career instead being more obsessed with her own job. She encourages her son despite his lack of faith in himself (or the movie I hope) . Some more stuff happens with both families, the daughter it turns out is looking at a website by the guy from the beginning. After all the back story is set up the cat begins talking to each one of them explaining he can only talk to them once (because why not?) and gives them the one thing they need to do in his plan to unite the families. Eventually the families meet and they seem to be moving forward (I guess, it looks more to me like they missed the part about showing emotion or being believable, I mean if the pod people were this bland... the invasion would never have gotten anywhere). The girl begins realizing that this creepy older guy can help her career so that ambition about college won't be needed (cause who doesn't want to work for a creepy guy you just met?) She goes off with him to make cheese puffs for her mom (which her mom demanded she do and grounded her for not making them) While away her mother abandons her business meeting to go look for her and her son who went over to the house and met creepy web guys son and they went "swimming together" The mother proceeds to make a huge scene... the cat realizes this stuff is getting bad so he decides to step in again... only to get hit by a car... the two families then come together "The cat talked to you?! Are you all crazy? "Yes" to get his old collar and put it on him and a magic dander orb flies off his fur after it begins illuminating a bright gold color. "What happened?" "We did something"... immortal words. At the end we get credits and see the actors who all appeared in some scenes of them (I'm sure they all wished the audience wasn't reminded of them or given their actual names) finally we get to the end and find that the cat who was name Duffy in the movie was actually named squeaky... I don't want to complain to much about this but if you're going to change the cats name.... why Duffy?
Anyway there are a lot of problems with the movie.... it for instance could be a 1/3 the length and have a more coherent and easy to follow story. 2.... rules like "The cat can only have one conversation with the person are kind constricting... almost limiting anything interesting transpiring (actually after watching it it absolutely limits it here as nothing interesting happens) Another fun thing in the film is the fact that the movie goes out of its ways to show just how stupid the writers are... as they know about as much about computers, fine arts, theater, and Humphrey Bogart as an actual cat does... but in the actual cats defense, it doesn't care. This coupled with horrible background music, establishing shots they probably got from a selection of stock footage make for something so bizarre and uninteresting it need to be seen to be believed. I watched this movie and honestly I have no idea what in the world happened. I don't know who thought this movie needed to be made, but I'm glad they did... cause it beautifully illustrates almost every mistake one can make making a low budget direct to video movie.
Anyway there are a lot of problems with the movie.... it for instance could be a 1/3 the length and have a more coherent and easy to follow story. 2.... rules like "The cat can only have one conversation with the person are kind constricting... almost limiting anything interesting transpiring (actually after watching it it absolutely limits it here as nothing interesting happens) Another fun thing in the film is the fact that the movie goes out of its ways to show just how stupid the writers are... as they know about as much about computers, fine arts, theater, and Humphrey Bogart as an actual cat does... but in the actual cats defense, it doesn't care. This coupled with horrible background music, establishing shots they probably got from a selection of stock footage make for something so bizarre and uninteresting it need to be seen to be believed. I watched this movie and honestly I have no idea what in the world happened. I don't know who thought this movie needed to be made, but I'm glad they did... cause it beautifully illustrates almost every mistake one can make making a low budget direct to video movie.
Just . . *sigh . .
arihoptman9 February 2015
Yep, that about sums it up.
I'm writing this review mostly because I feel compassion for Johnnie Whitaker, who deserved something better. I also feel it for the relatively inexperienced teenage actors, because they did, too. And Eric Roberts, well, I sincerely hope he got paid a lot for his literally phoned-in performance. Just a whole lot of money.
So, this "movie" (as it's been categorized). Awkward conversations that don't advance the plot, an endless series of establishing shots, and the longest and most pointless closing credit sequence ever cut together are the things you will find here. And very little else, it turns out.
Well, maybe that's wrong: there's an inadvertently gay subtext. Oh and, yes, as another reviewer observed, there is indeed a talking cat that is a key part of the story somehow.
I'm writing this review mostly because I feel compassion for Johnnie Whitaker, who deserved something better. I also feel it for the relatively inexperienced teenage actors, because they did, too. And Eric Roberts, well, I sincerely hope he got paid a lot for his literally phoned-in performance. Just a whole lot of money.
So, this "movie" (as it's been categorized). Awkward conversations that don't advance the plot, an endless series of establishing shots, and the longest and most pointless closing credit sequence ever cut together are the things you will find here. And very little else, it turns out.
Well, maybe that's wrong: there's an inadvertently gay subtext. Oh and, yes, as another reviewer observed, there is indeed a talking cat that is a key part of the story somehow.
Complete trash. Burn the movie and never see it again.
medicpengu18 March 2016
Much like Orpheus walked into the dark depths of Hades, I myself peered into
the fiery brimstone and ashen realm of Hell to find a movie so bad, so detestable, that it
makes everything else ever produced in this world look like The Godfather. A movie so
utterly terrible that even Michael Bay would cringe at the mere sight of it. I am, of
course, talking about A Talking Cat!?! By David DeCoteau.
Yes, I did not add those punctuation marks. The legitimate title of this movie is: A
Talking Cat!?! It seems even the film itself is confused to how anybody allowed it to be
produced.
This movie was created in 2013. Unsurprisingly, it was a Direct-To- DVD release.
That means that this abomination was not shown off in theaters, which is a relief, as the
poor children who watched it would have had their eyeballs burned to oblivion.
The only redeemable quality in this film is how laughably bad it is. It makes for
good entertainment if you just want to lie around, feel like absolute garbage, and riff a
children's movie about a talking cat who speaks with his lips MS- Painted on. No, really,
that's how the beast talks. His mouth is digitally painted black to represent an open
mouth, but instead resembles an unending void of chaos and despair, hoping to leech
away at this mortal coil.
Before we discuss the plot, let's talk about production. This movie had a budget
of one-million dollars. One. Million. Dollars. I can only assume that a hundred bucks
went into the actual movie, and the rest of the money went into all the crazy drugs they
used while creating this flick. You know what else had a budget of one million dollars?
Rocky. Rocky was a pretty good film. That proves that it was not the budget that
decided the quality of this movie. The reason A Talking Cat!?! is so bad is because Mr.
DeCoteau was probably too busy tripping to be worried about, oh, I don't know, how
good his film is!
But I digress. The film revolves around a .wait for it .talking cat. What a shock.
He is voiced by Eric Roberts. Do you know who that is? Neither do I. The gruff-voice for
the tiny cat is pretty surprising, but even more surprising then that is that Roberts spent
15 minutes recording dialogue for this film in his living room. Only 15 minutes. For a
professional voice actor, and the main character, that is not enough time.
The cat protagonist, named Duffy, is a magical talking cat. Okay. I can believe
that. But what I can't believe is that this talking is limited so that he can only speak to a
person once, and just once. What kind of a lame power is that? If you're only going to
have one line for each character in the movie (note: 6 characters in the movie) then why
call this movie A Talking Cat!?! if said talking cat barely even talks?
We get to see how the cat helps people with their problems. Specifically, a father
named Phil, played by Johnny Whitaker, who is like if that one scientist from Jurassic
Park became twice as eccentric and three times as obnoxious. Who are the other
characters, you ask? Who cares? They barely deserve any recognition. I looked up the
four other actors, and it says a lot that their most prominent work is A Talking Cat!?!
This movie is like a plague. If you are in any way involved in it, you've dug your own
grave.
Let's get into the conflict of the movie. Phil's son, WhatsHisFace, is mean to his
father. Why? I don't even know. The father, even though he decorates the inside of his
house with trees and weird statues, doesn't seem like a bad guy. So why's the son
hostile to him? To drive the plot. That's all this movie is. An awful talking cat and a
bunch of things that only exist to drive the plot.
The rest of the story is just nonsense. Half of it's not even story. At least a third of
the movie are establishing shots of forests and characters slowly walking up stairs or
empty hallways.
This movie makes me physically ill to watch. It's almost as if somebody crafted
this piece just to torture me for all of eternity. If you get to buy one DVD this year, don't
buy A Talking Cat!?! Wait, no. Better idea. Buy the DVD and then burn it. Burn it to the
ground. The satisfaction that you will get from destroying this film will be worth the
money.
the fiery brimstone and ashen realm of Hell to find a movie so bad, so detestable, that it
makes everything else ever produced in this world look like The Godfather. A movie so
utterly terrible that even Michael Bay would cringe at the mere sight of it. I am, of
course, talking about A Talking Cat!?! By David DeCoteau.
Yes, I did not add those punctuation marks. The legitimate title of this movie is: A
Talking Cat!?! It seems even the film itself is confused to how anybody allowed it to be
produced.
This movie was created in 2013. Unsurprisingly, it was a Direct-To- DVD release.
That means that this abomination was not shown off in theaters, which is a relief, as the
poor children who watched it would have had their eyeballs burned to oblivion.
The only redeemable quality in this film is how laughably bad it is. It makes for
good entertainment if you just want to lie around, feel like absolute garbage, and riff a
children's movie about a talking cat who speaks with his lips MS- Painted on. No, really,
that's how the beast talks. His mouth is digitally painted black to represent an open
mouth, but instead resembles an unending void of chaos and despair, hoping to leech
away at this mortal coil.
Before we discuss the plot, let's talk about production. This movie had a budget
of one-million dollars. One. Million. Dollars. I can only assume that a hundred bucks
went into the actual movie, and the rest of the money went into all the crazy drugs they
used while creating this flick. You know what else had a budget of one million dollars?
Rocky. Rocky was a pretty good film. That proves that it was not the budget that
decided the quality of this movie. The reason A Talking Cat!?! is so bad is because Mr.
DeCoteau was probably too busy tripping to be worried about, oh, I don't know, how
good his film is!
But I digress. The film revolves around a .wait for it .talking cat. What a shock.
He is voiced by Eric Roberts. Do you know who that is? Neither do I. The gruff-voice for
the tiny cat is pretty surprising, but even more surprising then that is that Roberts spent
15 minutes recording dialogue for this film in his living room. Only 15 minutes. For a
professional voice actor, and the main character, that is not enough time.
The cat protagonist, named Duffy, is a magical talking cat. Okay. I can believe
that. But what I can't believe is that this talking is limited so that he can only speak to a
person once, and just once. What kind of a lame power is that? If you're only going to
have one line for each character in the movie (note: 6 characters in the movie) then why
call this movie A Talking Cat!?! if said talking cat barely even talks?
We get to see how the cat helps people with their problems. Specifically, a father
named Phil, played by Johnny Whitaker, who is like if that one scientist from Jurassic
Park became twice as eccentric and three times as obnoxious. Who are the other
characters, you ask? Who cares? They barely deserve any recognition. I looked up the
four other actors, and it says a lot that their most prominent work is A Talking Cat!?!
This movie is like a plague. If you are in any way involved in it, you've dug your own
grave.
Let's get into the conflict of the movie. Phil's son, WhatsHisFace, is mean to his
father. Why? I don't even know. The father, even though he decorates the inside of his
house with trees and weird statues, doesn't seem like a bad guy. So why's the son
hostile to him? To drive the plot. That's all this movie is. An awful talking cat and a
bunch of things that only exist to drive the plot.
The rest of the story is just nonsense. Half of it's not even story. At least a third of
the movie are establishing shots of forests and characters slowly walking up stairs or
empty hallways.
This movie makes me physically ill to watch. It's almost as if somebody crafted
this piece just to torture me for all of eternity. If you get to buy one DVD this year, don't
buy A Talking Cat!?! Wait, no. Better idea. Buy the DVD and then burn it. Burn it to the
ground. The satisfaction that you will get from destroying this film will be worth the
money.
Your brain cannot imagine how bad this is
tomkingj19 October 2020
Inept beyond words. It makes the goofy Stakelander look lile "Shape of Water" . Music fit for a clown dance including honks and slide whistle. Bizarrely odd gesticulation worse than a small-town high school play. The talking-cat effect was done by a first grader. There was a baffling transition involving five consecutive shots of a car driving that lasted 75 seconds; just driving! The credits are in a class of their own. The cast does not seem to be high, but the production crew certainly was. The soundtrack included "la cucaracha" and "itsy bitsy spider", not joking. Monumentally, spectacularly inept.
The cinematic equivalent to a hairball
Woodyanders30 August 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Boy, did this so-called "movie" prove to be a total stinker. For starters, director David DeCoteau makes ridiculously excessive overuse of establishing shots in order to pad out the running time to a reasonable feature length. The drawn-out ending credits further compound the severity of this particular issue. Worse yet, both the characters and their assorted silly antics comes across as tiresome and annoying instead of funny and enjoyable. Moreover, it's especially grim and depressing to see faded names Johnny Whitaker and Kristine DeBell goof their way through this dopey mess. As for the voice of the titular cat provided by Eric Roberts, well it sounds like Roberts was recorded on a portable phone while sitting in a closet, plus Roberts puts zero emotion into his line readings. The supremely irritating and mechanically bouncy music doesn't help matters any in the least. Ditto the primitive (far from) special effects that were done to make it look like the cat's lips are moving whenever it talks to someone. Oh well, at least Squeaky the cat was fairly cute. A real chore to endure.
Hilarious garbage and sinister manipulation
kylethesonicexevictim24 October 2016
Warning: Spoilers
I thought this movie was hilarious. Unfortunately, on further research, I found this movie was one of many made by David DeCoteau, a Canadian-American director whose only principle seems to be to make films as cheaply and quickly as possible, making a wide variety of films, from slasher flicks, to PORN, to made-for-TV kid's films. However, he's clearly aware that he's a scumbag because he often uses a pseudonym. That's right- Mary Crawford is not even a woman.
So you have a film made by a person who only cares about what sells, and knows how much of a scumbag he is by hiding behind a mask.
This movie is hilarious, but out of principle, I can't recommend it.
So you have a film made by a person who only cares about what sells, and knows how much of a scumbag he is by hiding behind a mask.
This movie is hilarious, but out of principle, I can't recommend it.
I fell asleep
LordNuggets29 January 2014
Warning: Spoilers
No, the title is not a joke. I literally fell asleep. I wish I was joking here. It has never happened to me before, not even when I was a little kid, but it happened; I fell asleep. This movie is so boring, it has absolutely nothing going for it. The mouth animation that shows us the cat is speaking is dumb, because it only shows us... a moving mouth that is black inside with no tongue, teeth or anything. I'm serious here. I could literally do better than that and I am very bad in movie editing.
The constant reuse of scenes and music is horrendous We see some exact same scenes be used a dozen times throughout the story, even the movements of characters like the cat! And the pacing is awful. A third of the entire screen time is just the movie setting up a scene. There is even a scene where the fat guy drives with his car which takes a minute for him to get to his destination with nothing happening! (That's the part where I fell asleep by the way) The long scenes with very little development also really don't help here. The movie could've been 15 minutes and still have the exact same story.
And the constant noise of the same cheery music, even while that doesn't fit the tone most of the time doesn't work either.
And the story? It is all based around one gimmick; a cat that can talk once to a person and that cat uses that to help those around him. Now this can be amazing, but we got absolutely nothing. We don't even see the cat do things, like poking people to get them to do something. The only thing he did was hanging around here and there and then give a few half-assed hints. Some didn't even make sense, like the girl having to look on her computer that suddenly showed an article that would help her out, even though the cat remarked he doesn't understand anything of computers and we didn't see him open that page. What?
And other than that, the story got nothing going for it. The characters are one-dimensional, they almost only use clichéd lines, there are no jokes and even entire plot threads get forgotten; for instance, in one plot thread there is this girl who wants to go to college because she is smart and good at programming but her mother is too poor. But then the mother gets something that potentially would make them rich enough to move to a bigger house... but not to spend it on her daughter's college. The daughter doesn't even remark it. She never even tell about it anymore. It was just dropped and forgotten, even after the rich guy offered her a job and thus could potentially pay for her studies.
On a side note, even the programming stuff didn't make any sense. First she said she made a source engine. Okay, cool. But later the rich guy said that the girl made an application. Uh... there is a difference between a source engine and an application, they're not entirely the same... at all. Great. And programming is normally done through iteration. She could probably only test on her own wardrobe, so it is very unlikely that it would work anywhere else so iteration by testing with dozens if not hundreds of wardrobes is necessary. But nope, not even the genius programmers cannot think of that.
And the conclusion of the story? Don't worry kids, your parents remarrying isn't a big deal. O, and that cat without owners is staying and not leaving... because. Heh, maybe those Abrams-flares really did manipulate him.
In short; stay away from this thing. It will only hurt you and damage your brain.
The constant reuse of scenes and music is horrendous We see some exact same scenes be used a dozen times throughout the story, even the movements of characters like the cat! And the pacing is awful. A third of the entire screen time is just the movie setting up a scene. There is even a scene where the fat guy drives with his car which takes a minute for him to get to his destination with nothing happening! (That's the part where I fell asleep by the way) The long scenes with very little development also really don't help here. The movie could've been 15 minutes and still have the exact same story.
And the constant noise of the same cheery music, even while that doesn't fit the tone most of the time doesn't work either.
And the story? It is all based around one gimmick; a cat that can talk once to a person and that cat uses that to help those around him. Now this can be amazing, but we got absolutely nothing. We don't even see the cat do things, like poking people to get them to do something. The only thing he did was hanging around here and there and then give a few half-assed hints. Some didn't even make sense, like the girl having to look on her computer that suddenly showed an article that would help her out, even though the cat remarked he doesn't understand anything of computers and we didn't see him open that page. What?
And other than that, the story got nothing going for it. The characters are one-dimensional, they almost only use clichéd lines, there are no jokes and even entire plot threads get forgotten; for instance, in one plot thread there is this girl who wants to go to college because she is smart and good at programming but her mother is too poor. But then the mother gets something that potentially would make them rich enough to move to a bigger house... but not to spend it on her daughter's college. The daughter doesn't even remark it. She never even tell about it anymore. It was just dropped and forgotten, even after the rich guy offered her a job and thus could potentially pay for her studies.
On a side note, even the programming stuff didn't make any sense. First she said she made a source engine. Okay, cool. But later the rich guy said that the girl made an application. Uh... there is a difference between a source engine and an application, they're not entirely the same... at all. Great. And programming is normally done through iteration. She could probably only test on her own wardrobe, so it is very unlikely that it would work anywhere else so iteration by testing with dozens if not hundreds of wardrobes is necessary. But nope, not even the genius programmers cannot think of that.
And the conclusion of the story? Don't worry kids, your parents remarrying isn't a big deal. O, and that cat without owners is staying and not leaving... because. Heh, maybe those Abrams-flares really did manipulate him.
In short; stay away from this thing. It will only hurt you and damage your brain.
It was made 3 years ago? With current technology?
backup-5036226 February 2016
So this was for real made in 2013? When I was in my early teens in the 90's I was able to produce more realistic visual effects with no skills whatsoever.
I mean, really, in this day and age it takes literally zero skill to buy CrazyTalk or similar software to easily make your cat "talk" and not embarrass yourself and all the people involved in this... uh... movie...
Why in the world do people with no movie knowledge and skills whatsoever chose to do movies? Find something you're GOOD at, and do that.
And no, I don't recommend watching this because only just a few scenes are joyfully laughable, because they're utterly ridiculous, the rest is boring and makes no sense. Just watch the JonTron review of the movie for the highlights or something.
The fact that "movies" like this actually exist is fascinating. It shows that we failed as a species.
I mean, really, in this day and age it takes literally zero skill to buy CrazyTalk or similar software to easily make your cat "talk" and not embarrass yourself and all the people involved in this... uh... movie...
Why in the world do people with no movie knowledge and skills whatsoever chose to do movies? Find something you're GOOD at, and do that.
And no, I don't recommend watching this because only just a few scenes are joyfully laughable, because they're utterly ridiculous, the rest is boring and makes no sense. Just watch the JonTron review of the movie for the highlights or something.
The fact that "movies" like this actually exist is fascinating. It shows that we failed as a species.
A beautiful example of modern art.
akfhksaf26 February 2013
This film was an inspiration to me. I was in tears throughout the whole film. This cat goes through so much in it's struggles and I wish I could tell you, but that would ruin the moving atmosphere.
The acting is delivered flawlessly without any error. For a film which truly sticks to it's roots, carrying none of the 'multi million dollar company' vibe many films now show, please, I implore you to seek 'A Talking Cat?!?' for that one perfect moment in your life.
Watching this film was like reliving the days of nostalgic childhood once more and I am certain that this will apply to any viewer, young or old. 'A Talking Cat?!?' is a film truly suited to the whole family.
Masterpiece.
The acting is delivered flawlessly without any error. For a film which truly sticks to it's roots, carrying none of the 'multi million dollar company' vibe many films now show, please, I implore you to seek 'A Talking Cat?!?' for that one perfect moment in your life.
Watching this film was like reliving the days of nostalgic childhood once more and I am certain that this will apply to any viewer, young or old. 'A Talking Cat?!?' is a film truly suited to the whole family.
Masterpiece.
An Incredible Story!?!
davidsommers0612 December 2014
Warning: Spoilers
When I think of A Talking Cat!?! I think of the days long passed, I remember one solitary vignette God put us on this earth to watch this film. What some may not realize is that the Dad, Dusty "American Dream" Rhodes, was driving the entire story. He was the man behind all of it. SPOILER ALERT, NOT A TALKING CAT!?! A CRAZY OLD MAN!? This Dad was the only one to see that magical mangy cat. At the end of the film you will notice only he is the one that sees the magical floating orb that resurrects our broken puss. Therefore, and this is the only logical conclusion, he was the only one to perceive the cat as Talking!?! or even Living!?! So what does this mean for the rest of the film!?! Well first off it means watch it twice, make sure you don't miss anything (like that Talking Cat!?!), because this film is dense with allegory and symbolism. In reality after further review the boys are homosexual swimmers destined to live in Dusty's house and cum in each other butts. The women also gay, I don't know what the gay bitches do doe. Also I need to remind you that this is a real mental undertaking, and you must silence your cell phone and more importantly silence those hater judgments, you haters!?!
A chore to watch...
alastairwatt12 September 2020
i'm genuinely upset
hattielake-121187 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I didn't watch the second half of this movie i'll be honest. it sucked so bad. but im also incredibly curious as to how it ended. like i'm both invested and also never want to sit through another minute of it again. it frustrates me that i may never know if the family gets together, or if they hire a new interior decorator, or why the cat showed up, what did that add to the story guys? i just i wasn't so attatched to these characters.
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